“I’m Leo – Burning My Wedding Dress On Sunday.”

Neil Krug

I’m Leo. Burning my wedding dress on Sunday yo.

There will be a bon fire. Maybe some dancing. Maybe some singing.

I met my (ex) husband 10 years ago. I’ve always had light and energy, the sort that freaks peeps out. A hardcore work ethic and the drive to do great things. What I lacked was the self esteem and belief I was a good person, probably due to some deep seeded psych crap that was confusing from my child hood.

Maybe just confusing and freaked out about my own place in the world and where I stood in it. We met at a time when I was in a stage of serious drug and alcohol abuse and loved to party. So did he. He called me names, he validated that I should have no self esteem and that I was a pretty shit person. So it seemed fitting that I should be with someone who agreed with it. Right? WRONG.

I got to a place 18 months into our relationship where I left because he was not a very nice person. I knew it, he knew it, I left. I left town and thought I’d never look back. After a break of 18 months (we still hooked up in this time when he would return from sea) I was once again at a shitty place in my psych. I was ridiculously unhappy with in myself. I still managed great jobs, great friends and had a cracking life but for some reason I just thought I deserved crap. I had a million great opportunities with fantastic lovely people but I just felt most comfortable being treated like a piece of poo.

After what felt like an eternity fighting someone to realize my worth and that I was a good person, I realized it was ME I was fighting. This man was just the physical form of what I used to think about myself. Yes he was a psychological parasite and an incredibly abusive man but I just had to bite the bullet and get the fuq out. I left the family home, with the kids and a few bits and pieces and made a stand. I think his new girlfriend (whom he was seeing before I’d even left) will hopefully reach the same point one day. He was the best worst thing that ever happened to me.

I’m not sure if it was my Saturn return (I’m turning 30 next month) or if it’s something I would have overcome anyway but you know what? I like me. I really fuqing like me. And I’m going to fail and fall and win and fall some more, and you know what? I’m going to keep going. Staying stuck and hiding my light did nothing for anyone. I want to send a clear message to my two daughters that old world beliefs that women are possessions and need to be controlled IS NOT OK. Humans are humans.

I’m launching another radical business, I am giving him and that old crap thinking the big fuqing middle finger and on Sunday on the New moon in Leo (not sure if I mentioned I’m a Leo, or if I needed too) I’m burning my big poofy wedding dress. At the beach. If only I had time to rig up a medieval floating bed thingy of debris. He also leaves town on that day to go to sea again. And then……my new life begins.

Well it already has begun but this is the moment I say Goodbye and Hello.

Lilith

I read this and was just oh-my-godding all over the place.  I was reading it thinking yes, Saturn Return, yes New Moon in Leo, yes Zap Zone but totally Lilith in Leo and then i saw the sign-off. Woah. Thoughts?

 

Image: Neil Krug

83 thoughts on ““I’m Leo – Burning My Wedding Dress On Sunday.”

  1. Be sure to check the material the dress is made from. Any synthetics in the mix (e.g. some lace, linings) will burn very quickly and in a hot, plasticky mess. Ensure your fiery burn-off has no blow-back! Xx

    This post is a great continuation of the previous comment themes. If we do not find what we are looking for within, we will never find it without, when it comes to love and fulfilment.

    X

  2. I’m 30, I’m a Leo sun (AND Moon in Leo too!) and I could have written your post myself …. with a few details changed. Seriously. Especially the bit about realising that “what I was fighting way myself… he was just the physical form of …”. Except I separated with my version of the “abusive ex” 5 years ago… picked up and made a new life with my son (who was only 3 years old at the time). I was smashed into little pieces at the time…. however I was only battling myself – and only putting the pieces of my SELF back together ever since. … 5 years of painstaking re-piecing – and guess what – life is BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS OF AWESOME now. Mars retro in Libra was the “final act” of re-balancing out the scales… I’m finally free. It is interesting that Mars heads into Scorpio shortly after the new Moon in Leo (same day! – and it’s TOMORROW!!!!). Because the Zap Zone re-united me with a soulmate in a WHAM-BAM walk-into-a-room-and-come-face-to-face-and-you-just-KNOW moment, a soul who has been waiting patiently (at a distance) for me to finish the re-balance. Who knows, maybe he is re-balancing too. Probably. HOWEVER… the good news is, every season has a beginning AND an end…… Relationships are only reflections of ourselves. Yes. My god, I wish you all the happiness in the world, fellow Leo. Burn!!!

    • I’m Leo too .( Virgo moon!) I’ve recently seen how my toxic relationship was an exact reflection of how I treat myself… He always criticized my perceptions, second guessed my emotions, put me down, told me I was bad and wrong, I needed to change, be more like him, slow down blah blah blah. In the spirit of being open to everything, and of ego annihilation being ” a good thing” I allowed all of those things. No no no! No! I’m back to being me. Straight up me. Life has been showing me since that contrary to what he had me believe, my first perceptions are mostly spot on. If they are not, I’ll graciously learn from my mistake.

      • Woww! You wrote here precisely what I went through with a double Libran. Couldn’t have been more accurate in the way he treated me. But I’m so so happy and in such a good place now. Back to being me and more now! Yay us!

        Xxx

  3. oh hell yeah! I bet when Neptune got out of Aqua Leos everywhere roared in relief.

  4. Hmm. Funny this was posted just hours after the Sun conjuncted Jupiter in Leo. The New Moon seems auspicious, but check out this Pluto opposition Venus.

    http://planetwatcher.com/#1406529480

    I was thinking about her idea of the ritual incineration on a barge as it drifts out to sea. That doesn’t sound very Leonic. Maybe get a big helium balloon, tie the dress to it with a long rope, and let it burn as it flies aloft, into the Sun.

    • Ooo yes love the idea of it rising upwards, burning. Like those lovely paper lanterns they use in Asia, like mini-hot air balloons.

  5. Love a Viking funeral!! Pity it can’t be on a boat/raft/pyre that floats off into the waves…

    • Agree totally! Vikings – aahhh, inspirational for me, and my mother once told me she can trace the family name lineage back to the Vikings.
      A fab image of the burning boat funeral!

  6. 8O

    In-fuqing-credible! I felt so empowered reading this! Br

    Let Leo’s lead the the way!!!

  7. Oh mate, you are so on it!

    Last night my ex-boyfriend was in my bed…again….to see…..again…even though i have an amazing man os waiting for me…..why?…..to see…..

    and I couldn’t feel anything

    and this morning I thought ‘you (my ex) are a reflection of how I felt about myself for so long, and I don’t feel like that now and I couldn’t feel you last night….’

    it is what it is

    rock on!

  8. Wow I was listening to Tim Buckley’s (yes Jeff Buckley’s Dad) Goodbye and Hello whilst reading this! For those who dont know, Tim Buckley was one of LA’s great 60’s singer songwriters (the album Greatings from LA is a classic). But I reckon the song Goodbye Hello from the album of the same name should be the anthem of the Zap Zone!

    Have a listen Lilith I think its perfect for where you are at!

  9. Some things need to be pulled apart to find where your at.
    I don’t know how I’d feel burning a wedding dress, having never been married. Guess the power is in the process your giving back to yourself. Best of the burn to you both.

    • I’ve never been married either but I love the idea of burning :)

      Saggo moon square Uranus. Burn baby. Burn!!! N

      • When you fall in love you burn apart of you. Seems only fitting to burn in the end too.

      • Me neither. Never been married. But it appeals to the pyro in me.

  10. Yeah Lilith !!! You go girl! Photos!!!! It will be a spectacular display of burning lace and chiffon and whatever the fuq else they make those awful dresses from..All the constituent ingredients for.napalm I think :)

    High fives and hugs, friend I haven’t met this time around yet!

  11. Damn, i donated mine to charity but now wish i’d burned it and turned it into a short film. Go Lilith! I am loving all this Leo vibe!

  12. It’s only been a week of Jupes in Leo and interesting that there’s speculation that Bill Clinton (Leo) has a regular mistress. Code named “the energiser” because of how often she visits while Hilary is away. :shock:

    The story has been neither confirmed nor denied by either Clinton.

    I wonder if he has Jupiter in the 10th house?

    • Wouldn’t surprise me in the least. I can’t think of one political leader who is not a cad in their marriage. I want to say ‘male’ political leader but alas the female sample size is too small to know whether it’s power or gender that hollows or maybe just long marriages where one or both partners are nevah evah there. The Long View is the only view maybe

        • A marriage of convenience. A Leo and Scorp using their position to positon themselves for further positioning. Both venal in their own way yet much to admire about both. Coldness of their relationship is apparent by their lack of genuine warmth. Pretty obvious really. Their Venus / Mars would be revelatory.

          • Have to agree with you on the ice factor of that relationship Katman. It’s no Premier Can-Do and Lisa Newman.

          • Leo squares Scorp. Plus they’re both fixed. Not a good mix.

            I have never dated a Leo.

            • hey, I had this idea recently that because Leo is our Solar 10th those relationships can be enduring (the Cap flavour). I have dated a Leo and while the relationship – though long and serious – didn’t last the friendship has, as have all my Leo friendships. I have like 4 Leo besties, men and women, not even counting the ex.

              • Must be my Cap asc then because I don’t gel with Leos. Maybe because my sister is a Leo. It’s a love/hate relationship. I had a few Leo girlfriends in my 20’s but there was a falling out with all of them.

                My closest friends are earth and water signs (male and female) and a Libran guy too.

                I don’t understand the solar chart thing. Isn’t that what astrologers use to write a general horoscope? Natal chart more relevant.

                • lol, does that mean general horoscopes aren’t relevant? I watch both, and think both have meaning. Hasn’t it been EXCRUCIATING for Scorps to have Mars in Solar 12th so long? It isn’t that it’s my natal 5th that has given it such a grip, although I can see how it has worked on rels with children as well. I have Leo sis too – also love/hate. My 20s friendships were with Aries women – didn’t last, lol.

                  • I suppose you’re right. I guess I didn’t vibe with the whole Leo in solar 10th house.
                    What’s been excrutiating has been all the retros and the lengthy Mars in Libra transit… and Jupes in Cancer transiting my 7th. And I had Pluto in my 12th for aeons!!!

            • I think for a relationship there has to be at least one strong trine or a coupla gd sextiles in Suns &/or Moon/Mercs, Venus/Mars, Eros/Psyches, Saturns/Jupes, Nodes.

              That or have blue eyes and brown hair!

                  • As you’d know l am a newby who is juicing up on this. I found l got Psyche and Chiron in Aquarius and Eros in Virgo. Plus 5H cusp in Scorp/8H in Aqua. No wonder l feel more Uranian than MoonMeister

                    • astro is a healthy addiction. It’s all about growth and self-awareness. Unless you’re obsessively comparing charts with someone who’s unavailable. Haha.

                    • Dont accuse me of being that intelligent. Much to learn about myself without complicating things. Just making some tentative understandings about houses an d astteroids like eros/psyche etc. Plus trying to Reconcile being KatSun/Asc yet being so Urananian.

                    • Another thing is l am feeling Mars in Libra lifting from me. I’ve had the horriblus annus this year as a hs tch. 8 blue planets for 12 hours when Mars in the holiday shack.

      • I know a politicians wife who has a, would you say “mister”? No, she has a lover. Yeah, they’re apart a lot. Cuts both ways.

  13. Whoa. I just totally oh my Goddessed over this too. I loved reading it. And I loved the sign off and I love you Lilith.
    You rule!

  14. I’m crazy busy ATM with all the creative stuff going on in my life and feel stretched to the limit in so many ways but seeing ML last night really lifted me up. He always raises my Qi. I mentioned before that I had googled him and thought he was lying about his first name and was using his second with me. I was wrong.
    I saw the bill this morning. Nope. That is his name. Google gets stuff wrong sometimes. I know it’s unrelated to the topic but it just felt important to say that. Since I met this guy he has been straight up with me and although cagey about certain details not lied to my knowledge about anything. I realise how insane that must sound coming from “the other woman” but I’m actually listening to that song today and wondering WTF is so bad about spending one’s life a lo Ho hone” anyway? Would being married to Mr Cheats be optimal? Not for me anyway.
    This whole dichotomy is so patriarchal and it makes me angry in what I hope is a constructive way. I refuse to marry for security and I will not pretend I’m the wifey type either. On a bit of a Lana Del Rey bender. Haha! But it’s a dark moon in Cancer so it’s allowed right? Lol.
    ML tried at one point to tell me how conflicted he had felt about me. When I heard the word conflicted I just rolled my eyes and said “oh god here comes an avalanche of bullshit!”
    No way was I buying into or allowing any of that shite. He apologised and we laughed a lot. I admitted this morning that obviously I’d felt a teeny bit conflicted over him too. In a wtf are you doing with yourself HE’s MARRIED kind of way. But concluded that he just is a positive and constructive force in my life. Compared with all the other creeps I’ve known he’s far and away the nicest and hottest man I’ve ever known. I can’t help that. It’s just my truth. I did tell him about my encounter with the Brazilian dude. He applauded my audacity and was not the least surprised that the dude emailed me post google search to invite me to Brazil.
    I’m not going. Have way too much going on here and besides we just met so he can come see me if he wants…. But oh let me just get thru this Kataka dark moon and make it to Leo new moon and not turn into a LZ over ML. :-)
    I’m too busy to be a LZ anyway.
    Need to prep my flat and me for a shoot tomorrow. Lots of DIY and decluttering to do. Feeling inspired. X

  15. Just scrolled up and read rest of thread. On iPhone. Interesting. Bill & Hilary. Hmmm. I was thinking about marriage and how it feels like such a trap for me. The only way I could see a marriage working for me is to be really protective of my husband and take the “what he does when he’s not with me is none of my business and it’s certainly none of yours” attitude. For me marriage is a long term partnership and that’s team work over the long haul, raising kids, owning property. The type of partnership which even a whiff of jealousy or prohibition / owning the other person’s genitalia and heart by contract would just not work for me at all. But that’s just me. I need my freedom and also I want the person/ people I’m with to be really happy even if that means I struggle a bit at times with my own ego.
    I’m just wired that way I guess. I loathe obligations and dread a lover feeling any sense of it for me because I know how feeling stifled by anyone poisons my own feeling for that person …
    Sag moon in the 12th. Venus Neptune trine. In the 12th. And don’t get me started on Lilith in the 12th too lol

  16. It never occurred to me to burn my dresses… I guess when things were over, all was ash in my mind & nothing lingered = nothing left to burn. This post has made me remember tho that I still have my 2nd dress in my bedroom closet & that maybe it has been this dress that occasionally the Oracle has referred to as the left over love thing in my house that needs purged? (Whenever i’ve gotten that Oracle response, I’ve never been able to think of a leftover love thing under my roof.)

    I can’t burn clothes that are still in working order– goes against my grain– so instead I’ll pull it out, smudge it, & drop it off at charity this weekend. It can be part of my new moon ritual. What the hey, it can’t hurt.

  17. Hey…burning wedding dress Leo….I did very similar thing when my marriage of 10 years ended….got gloriously hammered on beautiful beach with my bestie…… made a funeral pyre out of origamied cardboard and gave my divorce papers a burrial al la Viking style at sea under the light under a full moon with blue ring around it..at midnight…cant tell me the universe/goddess was smiling on what we were up to…..we whooped..we sang…we cried tears from raucous laughter ….two women full of power….never looked back….must be a Leo thing…..me being a Leo too…;)….best wishes for the Burning….sometime one simply has to let that light out and go super nova….

    • Thank you for sharing, dear Lioness… Me being a Lioness too – never had a regular wedding dress (we decided to get married in 3 days), so i got myself a black plush dress and a super shiny vest… Just yesterday my godfather girlfriend asked me if she can get the vest in case I don’t wanna keep it anymore… And i don’t, because my marriage has ended. WOW! Amazing….. <3 Love you all guys! Thank you so much! I feel the Leo energy everywhere! We are all connected in this!

  18. I wore mine in the woods and set up a tripod so I could get a photo shoot of myself like I was a yeti or something, only wedding dress not furry body and big feet. Then I donated the dress to charity. Photos didn’t really come out as I liked, but it was still fun to be fancy and playfully not giving a shit at the same time.

    Off topic – how amazing is Mystic? Just got contacted by Pisces-Cap ex: so clearly following Mystic’s advice of “not letting f-wits make you feel mysteriously guilty because of their choices” Still nice to read it!

  19. Oh fuq yes – Leo New Moon squaring Mars in Scorpio and she’s going to BURN the effigy of her past self/life/relationship in dramatic fashion? You don’t say!

    Best wishes, dear Leo – hopefully with Jupiter’s entrance in your sign it re-affirims for you just how much you need positive, life-affirming influences in your life, and if this means literally burning off the shadow, my hat’s off to you! An even radder thing to be would be to engage in an energetic cord-cutting of sorts as the dress burns – just make sure you keep your Qi high and don’t come at this from a place of revenge/rage.

    Your Saturn Return (in Scorpio) has been all about working on your Inner Demons, and it looks like you’re doing well on the test. And it’s also been about looking at the parenting legacy you are setting for your children, so you are absolutely right to be showing them by example that enslavement is not an option in their life script. <3

  20. At first, I was hesitant to share this, but I’m not about to mess with serendipity. I wrote this story last year about a similar dress burning experience. For me, the flaming dress was a cathartic, fiery moment that ended a long, painful period. I hope your dress burning leaves you feeling cleansed and released from your past, Lilith. I was 29 when I did it, too. A good time to burn off old ghosts. xox
    http://www.xojane.com/relationships/i-burned-my-wedding-dress

  21. I love this idea! I probably would’ve smeared blood on it before burning it! LOL! (Sun, Moon, Mercury, and Venus in Leo; Ascendant is Scorpio.)

    BURN AND RISE. ;-)

  22. Love it! Love it! Love it! I’m Leo, too. If I had a wedding dress, I’d burn mine in solidarity with he! LOL. Do your thing. Release. Shine. Better things lie ahead. :) <3

  23. This lioness is totally keeping her wedding dress. Obviously one needs something to burn in the event of a divorce!

    Good luck Lilith.

  24. Unlike the majority of people who have voiced their approval, I find that whole burning of the wedding dress a pointless exercise. By Lilith’s own account, she met the ex when she was ay a stage of serious drug and alcohol abuse, Her then low opinion of herself was not caused by having married this man. By her own admission, her new life has already begun…so why the need to destroy something which in essence wasn’t the actual cause of her own self-loathing in the first place?
    Good on Lilith for getting her life together and validating her own self worth,,,that is worthy of praise. May she prosper for all the right reasons.
    But truly, what is the point of burning the dress now – if anything, it should have been done when the realisation of one being a good person was made. A symbolic act to accompany the epiphany.
    To do it now is hollow.

    • I think she can do her ritual when she feels like it.

      She is doing it for herself as she pointed out that her ex was mirroring her behaviour?

      • Well obviously she can do it when she feels like it.
        I’m not telling her when to do it.

  25. Wow, interesting. The only relic I possess from my marriage is my dress. I threw away photos, memorabilia, everything, but kept the dress. It was a very non-wedding dress, I absolutely loved (love) it. I keep it because of vanity – I looked fuquing sensational in it – and felt like a queen. Weirdly I don’t associate the dress with the man or with the day – it was all about me! (Leo rising. Hello Jupiter)

    I do still have the certificate that was given to us on the day. I kept it because I thought I’d need it for name-change and other official stuff. It turns out that nobody accepts it – it’s not a legal document! This made me laugh. It’s purely decorative, devoid of any real substance, and is not actually worth the paper it’s written on. I’ll be burning that worthless piece of paper once my financial settlement is in my bank account.

    • “It’s purely decorative, devoid of any real substance”

      Haha! My saggo moon square uranus loves that! :)

  26. Have a sweet little Leo nurse lady patient originally from Belfast Ireland. She just got engaged while vacationing in the Bahamas. She is in her sixties and so good on her for love.

  27. Just a quick follow up email re: The wedding dress burning.

    I just want to say this burning was not a spiteful hateful act at my marriage or my ex husband, rather a burning of an old outdated unhappy way of thinking and life.

    A good friend and I headed to the beach last night. To be honest we weren’t as prepared as we should’ve been. It was a new moon!!! No torch. Pitch black. The torch on my phone found us a spot and then the battery completely died. We were terrified of crocs. Then a bat flew through. We felt a bit naughty. In fact we were dressed like naughty people as well. Like we could be popping some graffiti tags or something.

    The actual wedding dress, my reception dress and a little jacket sat in a huge pile. A arse load of material in a big high heap. I finally got the lighter out (after running through what we would say we burned in the case we got arrested) and started to light one side. Complete non event. Probably should’ve rounded up some kindling and thought this through a bit better. We laughed and kept looking around for people. Then something amazing happened. It started to glow Mystic. A bit of paper which happened to be an old wedding invite had started a little burn in the middle of this huge cocoon of material. It was slow burning and the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. This huge mound of material burned down to an amazing liquid 1/8th of it’s size and then it’s liquid form moulded itself to the sand. Like little rivers. The tide was high. The waves were crashing. And as it burned the tide went out.

    Nothing is a as big once you burn it down. I needed to pull something a part to see how it worked so I could put it back together. The end result of burning that down was a rock hard structure that moulded itself to what felt right.

    Today and from here on in I will have only love for myself. And won’t accept any less from the people who I share my life with.

  28. Fabulous! Thanks for sharing what happened, tres cool.

    I am also scared of crocs :)