New Luna City

Filed in New Moons

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Happy New Moon – it’s super-powered by being in Cancer/Kataka, sign of the Moon Goddess AND in aspect to Eros + Neptune.

The Awareness Zone – the bit of your chart that’s all lit up with an eerie indigo light of surreal realizations is 5 degrees – especially of Cancer/Capricorn but also Aries and Capricorn. Five degrees of Pisces too.

Yes it is a New Moon so a start over moment – albeit one that may not be altogether visible or revealed yet. Neptune is a veil and Mercury IS still Retrograde.

It may also feel a bit like a Full Moon, thanks to the opposition from Eros in earthy, primal, striving lusty Capricorn with the more family and emotions oriented sign of Kataka/Cancer.

Cancerian New Moons always feel like something new bubbling up – like new Water, a new source of emotional sustenance, new magic, cleansed emotions and perceptions. Maybe even where you thought all was poisoned or arid. Insanely healing of course.

So how are you working your magic moonie wiles with this?

Image: Meera Lee Patel – Like A Halo

110 thoughts on “New Luna City

  1. Some 16 hours before the NM, I dropped a mental limit. Actually, I think it dropped on its own. I woke up, thought about the thought, it was nowhere to be found — Meditators will get my odd remark.

    One interesting development — and I am curious to hear from peeps with strong Neptune replacements — Lately all resolutions, solutions, ideas are arriving after a light afternoon nap. Not during the night sleep, in fact I haven’t been able to remember my dreams for sometime.

    Anyone else who also suspects a shift in brain waves?

    • Yes!! My brain waves have done a huge turn this last week. Dreaming (both at night and during naps (also new)) again for the first time in AGES.
      Congrats on the limit dropping! That’s awesome! :)

  2. I think I just refused to be emotionally manipulated. Energised. Partner left. Shocked. Doesn’t feel like the fab new moon of possibilities. Except of course. Freedom.

    • Blessings in disguise? One door closes another soon opens…Just don’t re-open the old door.

  3. I spent the last three hours decluttering, cleaning the house and smudged with a sage and rosemary stick made to order from a herbalist in Mount Helena WA. Set intentions to let in new positive energy, to reclaim myself, to have gratitude, no more negative talk to myself and to feel blessed with every breath I take. A big reset and head check basically…

  4. Well .. the New Moon vitamin pill just delivered a fresh set of ideas on how to organize my workroom (I’m an Aries with Cap-rising). So I dusted off an old desk and turned it into my ‘Neptunian’ work space, with paint brushes, rows of coloured inks, pencils, paints & beautiful paper. Turn right 90 degrees & I’ve got my (Uranus conjunct Pluto in the 9th house) reading desk, which is just a plank of white melamine straddling two ikea bookshelves. Heavy science to the left / awesome arts to the right. Computer/scanner setup on the (Libra MC) desk, & the narrow standup desk in front of the window with a treetop view is dedicated to my 12th house Moon in Sagg! I love birdwatching & my visual tree-hugs!

    It felt like a massive revelation at the time .. & somehow it’s resuscitated my love of my workroom (I’ve been hanging for this feeling to return .. hope it lasts!!)

  5. Been back sliding for days now. Means I will remain in this Clinic for longer than first suggested.
    A lonely isolated person in the real world is being encouraged to continue that here. I’d been stepping in and diffusing situations with other patients because things were escalating. So naturally I’ve crashed and burned. Is proactive nursing unreasonable? No. Some are here to pump you full of meds and wait for volcano eruptions.
    New Moon ritual was going to have me watch The Cats, how the signal is out. Kinda my metaphor for now “the signal is out.”

    • scrappy contest at the moment .. but Cats are in front, thanks to Tom Hawkins (12pts to 3)

      Go Bombers ;)

      • Thank you for the update.
        Feels like I am in a remote area with only ABC signal. So it’s Micro Monsters. #gocats

        • Bombers look gone! Cats 5:1 v Ess 1:3 1/4 time.
          Hope lm not being rude but what are you in for?

          • Complex PTSD, dissociation identity, anxiety, major depression and maybe the new vogue borderline personality. Basically I’ll be funding a lot of doctors and nurses for many years.

            • Wow. My daughter had psy episode @ high sch. Major life event. Such an eye opener. She better now. Sounds like you are abit away fr Bris. Ppl on here like your spiels. Cats by 5goals half time

              • I need a real life support system. Even considered going to an AA meeting just to connect with people. I am sans addiction issues. Thank you for asking TOC.

                • Thats not gd you got no-one to visit you. I know how much support means in that situation.
                  Heppel cuttin Cats up bigtime. Now down by 4points. Selwood will step up with help fr Super J

          • game-over!
            89 – 80

            Cats by 9 points!!

            .. hope the win helps spark your spirits, we’re thinking of you!

            • You guys are so awesome! Game updates via astro blog… Hugs to TOC and ram -madam and not least, S herself. Hello S and hugs. Yes real people are good too. We’re real but we’re just not, like there, it’s different I get it xxx with you in spirit though.

            • Thanks for the score result. Just accepting that hospitalisation and sedative meds will be my future. No blame just this is the way now. Zombie life kills any dreams. Just got to go with the flow. Time to go radio silent and leave the MM space. Such kind people here and wish you all the very best. :)

  6. Well lm KatSun&Asc and it dont feel like Sun/Moon/Jup is in Kat (& 3 other water planets) much to me. More like Autobarging my way down Schiessenfest National Hwy 1!

  7. My natal Cancer moon 6 degrees, Aries sun 9 degrees, Jupiter in Pisces 5 degrees, and Pluto in Libra 5 degrees.

    Unexpectedly broke up with Libra fiance over Solstice as sun moved into Cancer. I realized I have some emotional work to do relating to parents. I plan to do some journaling and read a book relating to the issue. I’m definitely feeling the Mercury retrograde and Mars -Uranus opposition on this one. I’ve been dealing with my emotions over the breakup and I also plan to nurture myself.

  8. I have no idea why I just looked this up but the transits on the day of my marriage saw a Venus/Jupiter/NN conjunction at 5 Cancer, trining both my Sun and MC. You woulda predicted it was a good thing based on that I spose. No to be. Guessing this New Moon at the same point marks a new starting point. Roll on.

  9. Crazy dark moon – so on edge and flash anger which was so primal (picking up washing anger because the line was too high, door space too narrow and I hit it anger – I get are you looking at me anger)
    Today I attended a great workshop on becoming a professional presenter. I struggled getting there and about 5 pm the energy changed and I was chilled and I was in love with living again (slight weird crush on the presenter that I blame low neptune)
    Quantum leap in professional reality
    Why, why why the struggle before the growth???

    • Maybe the struggle is an energy surge that happens before a quantum leap?

      On Wednesday when Mars Uranus opposition was exact I really really lost it, smashed cups etc. I completely understand ‘picking up washing anger’ , ‘doorway too narrow anger’ I also get ‘why can I smell cigarette smoke anger’ and ‘who leaves their coffee cups out in the garden every time’ anger
      :)

      • Also look to your Mars Pluto placements.
        My mars tight conjunct Pluto, and Uranus.
        MM says Mars Pluto conjunctions can be indication of unpredictable fury a la Naomi Campbell.

        I can take a LOT of pressure for a long time, but eventually I do my block, like Princess of swords in Crowley tarot. clear the decks and sweep out the false prophets etc.

      • Definitely had it thought about it as an energy surge – will check when next I loose it;)
        Thanks for the “why can I smell cig smoke” and the laugh out loud about the coffee cups.
        So glad I am not on my own????

        • Oops I had not thought about it as energy – damn preemptive text (perhaps I should just turn it off????)

  10. This New Moon was tightly conjunct my IC. No major events have occurred so far, but I’m wondering if this is more an indication of what the next four weeks will bring me..

    Yesterday I moved into my friend’s house to watch her cat for the next couple weeks, so maybe this is part of the story?

    • I think IC matters are quite hidden and personal. Maybe see what happens when the moon reaches your MC in a few days? The journey upwards/into the light, sort of.

  11. My fifth. Yes, I surely would like a new boyfriend or at least some new energy in that area. That said, with Neptune and Chiron on my Asc, I’m glad to see Saturn in my 8th and some Capricorn action highlighted in my 11th. I have a tight natal Moon/Neptune opposition and my dating motto has got to be “Strict Reality” or I will spend years watching my own soap bubbles pop.

    This time last year I was grappling with trust/intimacy stuff involving a partner; learning how to be open. By New Year’s, he was out of the picture and I was grappling with how I over-identify and define myself with my relationship status, and how much of that is me vs the other person or society in general. Coming to terms with where this relates to my childhood; taking responsibility for how that plays out in my life. Learning how to accept Saturn energy as supportive and correct rather than paternalistic and therefore hostile. I worked the living shit out of this grand water trine and definitely feel the results of my efforts now. It’s like the basement floor dropped out and I found six other basements buried beneath it.

    Now that I know they’re there, though… I could stand to go to a party or something. I think I’ll find one.

    • Oh man–that bit about the basements. Actually I can relate to your whole post. Just nailed my experience of the last seven months. Also harsh moon/neptune and the bringing forth of “real shit only”. Can’t take the messes any more!!

  12. wow mystic you hit the nail on the head with that description. that is exactly how i’ve been feeling! of course i’ve just had a baby as well but i guess that is totally cancerian to begin with, lol. i’m so looking forward to getting it on with these new vibes ;)

  13. Had to say goodbye to my Cancerian lover and fly 6,000 miles home after 7 heavenly weeks with him. Pretty sure this lunar energy only amped up the tragic goodbyes, so sad, who knows what happens next.

    • Ohhhh!! I am sorry! I hope there are beautiful surprises that will show up being 6,000 miles away!!

      Hang in there!! xo!

  14. Well.. I wish I could say “well with Mars in my xx house I started doing this” or “with Venus in my xx house I now see this”… I haven’t gotten to that level yet. Working on it… but

    I am staying positive with the current work project I am working on. Being a Virgo Sun I do want everything to be started yesterday. I have little patience and my negativity and paranoia starts. Things picked up yesterday with projects being assigned to me. Still work on my biz. STUCK on a biz name. I want it to be right or in Virgo terms “Perfect”.. ahhhhh….

    I do feel something bubbling up.. definitely with work but also with romance. Since the Pisces dude reconnected with me I am now in detective mode wondering “why”.. what is he up to. He is a more comfortable commenting on my FB posts. He was never like that before. I waiting to see some signs from the Toro/Gem… he was trying to start drama a couple of weeks ago. I removed him from most of my social media connections.

    Otherwise.. I got my buttocks into the gym. Did a free weight training session with my trainer on Wed and then last night hit the gym at 9:30.. oh yeah… I need to move my arse. The Chicken Wings aren’t sounding good when I move the arms. LOL!!

    FInances: FINALLY got my big check. Next week won’t be that much but it’s something.

    It HAS to be good what’s coming up.. It has to.

    I pinned to my vision board a beautiful office look. LUV it. I also pinned a post from “The Secret”

    Change your thinking to what you want, and shout to the Universe, “Life is so easy for me! Life is so good to me! Everything works out brilliantly for me every day!!”

    xo!!

  15. My Venus is at 4 deg kataka, and Saturn 5deg Pisces.

    The dark moon was swampy and I got drunk home alone last night. I’ve been looking forward to the new moon… Not feeling it yet but I feel hopeful and have been inspired and doing lots of painting in my new studio. New work assignment coming up next week to replenish the coffers. Yoga, laundry, chores tomorrow. Resetting my home and mental space. I’m sleeping better.

    • I’m loving the paintings you’ve been doing! Hopefully the reset will come soon for ya, sweetie. You’ve got good plans. xxxxx

  16. Things have been intense these last few days. During the dark moon I reflected on the “what drains my power + what empowers me” question and put pen to paper. Everything I wrote was pure gold…I guess that I *have* learned from Mars in Libra. Instead of it being about relationships (as you’d expect with libra) I realized that I empower myself by getting enough exercise, sleep, healthy eating, taking action and not thinking/analyzing too much. Also other people have been draining me lately, so I need to stay in my own energy and actively work on centering it. Or else stress takes over.

    I just did a tarot reading for the new moon and part of it is about a new project, building my career etc…but a shocking amount is about new romance. Ace of Cups, 10 of Cups, 2 of Cups, Knight of Cups, King of Cups, the descriptions are all about a possible lover…I can’t ignore this. I will keep my eyes open but I’m in an independence mode now so I don’t know how this can be. Also I’ve dated women in the past…I think I might be interested in dating men (indicated by knight and king), however there is no one. SO I’m stumped, haha. I did dream last night about this guy I liked last year but he lives on the other side of the country.

    Anyway, I’m loving the new moon vibe. I’m working on a new creative project today and I’m really excited about it.

  17. my new moon is in the 12th….square my natal 4H Scorpio Nep and Moon….Ive been home a lot lately, alone but not lonely. But today a friend is spending the day with me in the pool, with drinks! Then a cookout tonight with the hubbys….I think a good new moon day :)

  18. I have Neptune at 3 Cap. My Sun and Merc are at 0 Pisces, so probably not close enough to really count. I definitely feel…different. Ready for something. This past week has been really strange — my husband said something to me that was sort of small yet shockingly out of line — something that would have shattered me only a few years ago. Now, I’m able to see it more as his problem, and a problem in our relationship, not one with me, and I said as much. I realized my own power HAS grown, and it is kind of a wonderful feeling, in a way, to be able to see in yourself real, tangible change for the better, and growth. My husband realized, as soon as I reacted, how bad it was what he had said and has claimed temporary insanity, and has promised to never disappoint or betray my trust like that again. I won’t say that I’m glad it all happened, but I do think sometimes these things need to happen. My husband is a wonderful man, but is highly rational and he can be difficult to talk to about feelings and more Watery things, and has a tendency to be stubborn and set in his ways sometimes (Aries Sun, Toro-ascendant, Libra moon and stellium — only water in his chart is Venus at 2 deg Pisces, basically on my Sun and Merc, ha.) I think it was all a wake up call for him, to help him see how much our relationship matters to him. Despite a Leo-Asc, Aqua moon, and super strong Aries, being a Pisces, it can sometimes feel easier to just fold, or stew, or peacemake, and silently grumble while I punish myself, or let things slide in the short term until all my Aries rage comes pouring out and undermines my grievances by being too overthetop. Somehow, this whole incident served to help me get my power back.

  19. Sabian symbol: [Cancer 5: At a Railroad Crossing, an Automobile is Wrecked by a Train. This describes a situation where the individual's will is pitted against the will of the collective (or vice versa). From the Sabian Symbols as an Oracle "The individual's ideas will not survive in a collision with the more powerful collective. This is not a time for one to be insisting bravely that one should be considered. The collective has too much momentum and will not stop. If someone pits themselves and their energies against society, sooner or later they are going to lose...being prepared to sacrifice other individuals for the sake of larger gains"]

      • I love Sabian symbols and have been using a Sabian oracle for timing questions I have. Works like a charm every time!!! I learned about them from a Aquarian-Scorpy fellow who used to be on this forum but like disappeared or got booted. I sometimes miss his dramatic ways.

        • He was something, wasn’t he?! Everything was a conspiracy theory… yah I kinda miss him too.

        • I did like him too, he was very different in his ideas to anyone I have come across before.

          PLENTY of drama, but i suspect he had a heart in there somewhere…

    • I think the correct Sabian Symbol for this new moon is Cancer 6. You always go up one, because zero to one is Cancer 1, etc., so 5’37 is the 6th degree. Try “Game Birds Feathering Their Nest.” Much better!

    • EEL & VenusRules: yes to both of these symbols for me today! I have been both flattened by a train & given eagle feathers for my nest. I haven’t been able to laugh or cry yet but I’m sure both are in my near future. When the shock wears off.

        • Hey Scorpi
          It may be no consolation but I’m feeling like shit too.
          Was phoenixing a few day ago, now just feel so sad and empty. Wish I’d seen FF now. I miss him so much. Stupid I know but truth.
          Also Jupiter only south node?
          What love?
          What sex?
          What money?
          pffff

          • Hmm it’s not stupid if you look at it like an addiction. You’re missing the high, so to speak. Remember the Neptunian energy at play in this astro weather, the haute & the low… x

      • Via the Oracle, Sun Tzu gave me a good talking to this a.m. Perspective & stamina restored, strategy refined, my armies are mobile again. “I feel just like a local god when I’m with the boys/we do what we want/yeah we do what we want.” 1990s Everclear, 190 poof :P

  20. Whoa- the dreams!!
    I dreamt I was being given the most amazing house ever, a crazy big house on a cliffside with a thousand-mile view, every floor more perfectly appointed than the one underneath. As my kids and I explored, squealing with delight, we came upon a door leading to a hidden safe-room complex, all in crumbling 1950s decor with a communications room, bedrooms, bathrooms, heavily barred windows and doors, whose floors swayed like a boat at sea.
    Later, we were playing in the woods and my friend’s daughter (whose astro we just did and have been tripping hard on- exact to the minute Saturn-Karma conjunction, and of the NN-Chiron-Neptune conjunct year) sounded the alarm that my little Leo had touched something in the trees. The uncle whose property it was said, “RUN!! Leave little Leo, she’s as good as gone,” and so we booked it (WITH her) to his adjoining house while being chased by the monster who lived beneath. Made it- this is what the safe rooms were for. I was last and didn’t see it, only bright violet goo coming, somewhere between playdough and ectoplasm. We huddled as it howled and shook the house. A dog we had rescued earlier yowled outside and we knew that it was lost… :(
    And then I was in a class, doing some kind of small group ritual, eating sushi and smudging with mugwort. I woke up, read this, and thought that of course I had already smudged, it was so vivid!!

    • Have had crazy long detailed dreams for hours every morning for the last week. I have been drinking far less, working tons, sleeping hard.

      Love my dream world and have missed it. It pulls me away from real life, sometimes too much. The dreamworld is just as real to me sometimes.

      • Totally! Gotta get that moon nourishment.
        Glad to hear you’re doing better. :).

    • I can see you in a crazy big cliffside house HDQ! Minus the monsters though I hope ;)

      • It was the most fantastic house ever. There was a room with 3 or 4 built-in turntables carved in midcentury walnut and the most amazing steel and glass and spring green kitchen that took up the entire 3rd floor. Yes, it would do. ;)

    • I’ve had sporadically recurring dreams all through my life of being in a new house (each time it is a different house) and there is one room that is truly terrifying, as I know there is something really evil in there. Type of dread that I don’t experience about anything in waking life.
      As yet have never entered the room and seen whatever it is, I just know that it is there.

      Also when I was in late teens I dreamt I knew there was a yeti coming to my parental home, and I had blocked up all the windows and entrances to make it safe, but as we were watching television it smashed a fist up through the wooden floor

      • I never ever remember my dreams, so I’ve been googling interps all afternoon and have found this:
        A hidden room in the house represents a hidden piece of the psyche, what we don’t want to see. I doubt many of us want to uncover the evil within, but how interesting that it is brought up to you time and time again. Fits with my courageous vision of you.
        A yeti (well, it said Bigfoot) is about the conflict between the wild and tame sides of the self. Rebellious teenage urges wanting to smash through the familial role?
        These feel shallow and simplistic. I know there are peeps here with much wisdom in these things- maybe they could chime in?
        I haven’t figured out what the hidden room being a saferoom means. Or what it means that the thing chasing us was violet! Avoiding something spiritual?

        • Yes, house =psyche/ self seems right, and houses in my dream do always seem to represent me.
          what you said about uncovering evil within resonated weirdly, it’s an uncomfortable thought. Funny if I walk into that haunted room one day, I don’t know what I would see.

          In your dream, the house and cliff seemed to represent a beautiful bright life of your deepest imaginings, in total detail (right down to the turntables) but there is some built-in peril, like the dragon in a fairy tale…

  21. 8th House Kataka/Scorp Rising/Sagg Moon-Saturn in 1st house (yes, she was born with the cord around her neck…that is a signature apparently (Saturn conjunct the Asc) and true in her case.

    But when Kataka daughter was born (1986), and I left the hospital she had to stay for observation. There is no lonelier feeling than leaving the hospital without your babe. She was 9 lbs. I had her cold turkey, no meds. I cut her embilical (she may well by now say that it was my “embicle” cord :mrgreen: )

    The cord around the neck is like “I’m gonna try and kill myself before I even get there…”

    When she was younger she did have self destructive tendencies (as my 8th house Moon/Sun-Merc square Saturn has), but somehow between her Sagg and my Aries and Gem stuff et al, we’ve managed (in subtle ways) to save each other on many occassions.

    But daughter’s 28 birthday is the 17th.

    Had just been thinking about family a few days back and was just about to get on the “pity pot” and then, well, there was a text from her saying she would call this weekend and that she loves me.

    Again, that child has a way of saving me (okay, okay Prowlin’ and peeps tryin’ to save other peeps, we ~do~ do it differently at times… And sometimes I do need her way)..

    Yesterday looked at the calendar and saw a New Moon about. Tomorrow I am going on a new eating plan, doing an excercise group and some other things. I need group things. Do one on one in the office everyday and then the rest of my time is alone.

    Maybe 11th house Sun with trans Uranus is finally coming out again? We’ll see.

    When my ex and I had joint custody of the girls, one night I was asleep on the couch and Kataka daughter came to me in another dimension and stood there before me and said “I have a stomach ache”.

    She used to get mad and jealous when I spent too much time on the phone with my girlfriends.

    I loved it. :) x

    • Last weekend came in late and had had a few (last friday, when I’d mentioned the wine. )

      Kataka condo mate says the washing machine has the shits again. Repair man says his pocket change damaged some parts (and I had fished out like $3 bucks in change).

      I had a near hissy fit and the truth came out. Said “last time you overloaded (the damn) machine with your bedspread and I didn’t say anything. Gina (Libran landlord and me) chipped in a hundred bucks each.

      Try going to the laundromat when it’s going to be freakin’ 105f or so. I sweat easily and honey, it ain’t pretty.

      He’s lucky he gettin’ out alive :0

      No, with Cappy Moon/Aries Sun me, I will be so pee’d off I will just go silent.Which after my hissy of course I did this past week :mrgreen:

      Happy New Moon! Yay!

      Oh did I mention that yesterday, at work, I locked my keys in the car? Had just decided a couple of days ago that I needed to call AAA as membership had lapsed.

      Damn if I did not need to take the bus last night and it was windy/hot. Had to “wear my sunglasses at night”. My face felt like sandpaper and had sand/grit in my teeth. Was truly the shits…lol

      So this morning I gets up, dusts my selp off :mrgreen:
      and took the bus again and Mr. Pisces Chiro Doc used his AAA card and called in the service to open my door and get the damn car keys offa the seat. They were right there, in clear sight, along with my make-up bag. Jezus, I was down to only one black eye liner and it was IN THE CAR…

      Was was most scary of all was not knowing if I would see my beloved little cobalt blue Fit in the parking lot or if she’d been comprimised. Jezus god, she was a sight for sore eyes.

      Besides all of this mundane stuff, the other night in my sleep I saw the brilliant white light of my Soul in my 3rd eye and then the most beautiful golden light. I have yet to journal that or find words but later, I cried. x

      • Have been listening to Collective Soul in the car lately.

        So many of their songs are good but this is a fave.

        • Well, on playback this copy is crap and does not have the clarity I require for my muzik…It’s not what I thought I uploaded.

          Oh well, in any case if you get a fancy to drum it up on Youtube or such it really is lovely.

  22. Awareness Zone……cool. I have Venus at 6 Cap and Moon at 7 Pisces. Nice planets to have alignment with the new Moon, I think!

    Looking forward to new insights, expanded awareness, and maybe feeling more love and connection…….things have been pretty bleak lately…..

    • It’s hittin’ all my zones too chil’

      (Did you see that episode of Housewives of Atlanta…..Kandy is getting married but her Mama don’t like her fiancée and said his papa was a pimp and her mama a prostitute. Lord I laugh).

      Guess I’m bringing this up cuz Collective Soul is from Atlanta, my 5 degree Pisces MC vibes with your Pisces and my Cap Saturn @ 6 in 7th.

      Don’t ask, it’s Friday but no, no more bleakness for you doll. ;)

  23. The past few days leading up to this have been brutal. The muggles turned to Mean Girls. I was publicly shamed at work for a very human mistake, seemingly based on some other passive aggressive need to take me down a peg. I am in last stretch of a Masters and have been given some amazing support and opportunity from my manager to execute it my final project as part of my role. It feels like one of those life changing opportunities and I am excited, inspired and super grateful to have the opportunity. However, it seems like some of my colleagues are not so happy for me. Two in particular have stopped speaking to me (unless absolutely necessary) and won’t even make eye contact. My manager has been gone for a few weeks and I have been left with these two battering my psyche. I am really trying to put it out there ‘law of awesome’-style that these ladies get the f^ck over themselves and I grow a thicker skin because I know this project and all of trajectories that flow from it, are going to be huge (for me) and things are about to get amazing. We all know that in the end Regina George gets hit by a bus and calms the f^ck down, and I’d rather not go there.

  24. I’ve been feeling so much better overall but the last few days were more intense. I hadn’t spoken with my ex in awhile and an unexpected phone call with him last night left me rattled, made me remember all the shame and pain I’ve mostly moved on from and realize that the reason I don’t care about dating now is both that I am focusing on myself and my own life and healing (positive) but also that I am so hurt I cannot imagine ever trusting a lover again or giving myself to a partnership like I used to (negative). Luckily I’m so busy that I don’t have to deal with any of that yet…but I foresee a lot of issues in the future if I ever meet someone I am interested in.

    I have more commitments than I’ve ever taken on at once all of July and the first half of August and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’m going to have to be so organized and on top of it to stay afloat. But I’m driven, I can make it work somehow. If only I was one of those people who needs just a few hours of sleep and can still function!

    • Not sleeping enough is so over rated.
      I’ve been surviving on two or three a night for weeks and I feel and look totally burned out.
      It’s like really bad jet lag. Sorry to be negative.
      I know I did the right thing by not meeting up with FF and for the right reasons but my lower Neptunian urges have kicked in and I so desperately want to speak with him, or just be connected again. I was hoping for some awesome erotic experience this month since Jupiter is on my South node for June (exact the day FF) contacted me – well called me and stood outside my house saying her could not escape from me. I just threw more rock salt at my front door and threatened to publicly expose him if he ever tries to contact me again. Now I’m feeling bad about saying that. Although he is a married man who hurt me a lot and the top psychoanalyst in the country so it’s not as if he was ignorant to the ways of the human heart and my vulnerabilities. He DID lie about having a girl friend. He did ask me to wait while he sorted things out with her and ended things. He did ask me to marry him and then married her instead on my birthday plus the 27 times he said he’d show up and never did. I got angry. I was hurt. Maybe I said things I didn’t mean. I’m not a malicious person and would never publicly expose anyone – it’s just not in my nature.
      I got a text from him yesterday saying “you’re scaring me.” translation – I’m calling your bluff because I know you won’t.
      I am trying to edit photos from the shoot the other day and I just look so tired in them because I was! I don’t know how I got thru June actually 0 it was a really difficult month.
      I kept getting the two of cups in the 7th House and cards saying, you’re about to come into money and meet the love of your life and now I just feel 3 of hearts. Ugh.
      Burned out
      sad

      • This love triangle breaks my heart.
        I feel like I am going through something similar. There is the promise of a beautiful relationship, if only I had not made mistakes. I’ve had the equivalent of a mini bar melt down, and missed a ring exchange because of my own denial of my feelings. Worse of all, is over, this love was ripe in 2011, now he’s moved on, I’m still obsessing.
        This is my first and probably only “restraining order” type of love.
        Geez I wish I could have gone for what I wanted.
        I can’t help but feel like the grand water trine was there for me, to finally make it real. Still I flopped.
        I don’t know how to get over this. Its been a major learning experience, I do feel like I did my D wrong in a past life, now this.

        • Feel where your at Dark. Just very difficult to walk past families and children enjoying their time together.
          Knowing that’s not going to be apart of my future.
          I am about to sign a no self harm contract, to avoid hospital indemnity. Just like to know that upon discharge there will be support available. I’ve made this proactive step for my health but it’s not progressing in the way I’d envisaged. Also here to heal and accept a long standing heartbreak, has taken me many years to seek help for this wound. I can’t keep a holding pattern for that which will never be.
          I am looking at intensive therapy that will wipe out 6 months of my life. Totally freaked out at how messed up I am. But misguided love can cause you untold hurt.
          Good luck Dark.

          • S have you ever read SARK? She can seem annoying and lightweight but she’s not. If u send me a mailing address would be happy to send you a book. Take care of you and ask for support! I’m sure I speak for myself and others here when I say, I am here for you. Xx

        • Let go, it wasn’t meant to happen. It’s always the one who gets away that we obsess over, because it’s fantasy! Xx

      • Ouch! Had similar but not as bad affair with married CEO a few years back. I fell in love with him at work when I was 27. Didn’t act as he was married. Looked him up when I was 40, he was on to 2nd wife. Had an affair, I still love him but realised he is a workaholic and I don’t really want to be married to him either! We have a strong intellectual artistic connection and similar sense of humour. He ‘gets’ me. But he never said he would leave his wife or led me on. I did get to stay in some nice hotels and have great dinners!

    • you sound so clear about what’s on your agenda, rache.

      as you see yourself, you have changed from the state of mind you were in before – i bet that phone call was a blessing in disguise, was this guy the one who you always felt manipulated by?

      future r’ships, it takes some effort when in the throes of attraction etc to stay present for ourselves. but you can recognise the difference between the crap old feelings and the new feelings. that is the most important thing right now.

      i think after a phase of massive recalibration, to imagine what sort of person we might be attracted to [if any at all, lol] is difficult as we haven’t been in this good a relationship *with ourselves* before, let alone anyone else. so, there’s scope to consolidate me myself and i, as well as imagine how the new(er) version of ‘us’ might behave in / respond to a new version of lover. all in good time.

    • Rache I have every confidence in you. Just make sure you cancel unnecessary work stuff before you burn out! Take a rest from being type A once in a while! Xx

  25. Well this new moon in my 10th House -Kataka new “boss” (only other co-worker/best friends since high school friend of the owner) is going to be a handful – asked me to make some wooden hand painted thing for her nephew to carry at some wedding – I told her I don’t have any tools – it’s like “The Devil wears Prada” but with bad hair and clothes, already! The pregnant women I’m taking over from just says “consider it your “other duties” ” Seriously….dumps all her work on pregnant woman who tells me she didn’t think the quotes were her job when she started, owner dumps all her quotes on her too but figures that’s her right as owner mmmmm considering the workloads I have handled before I’m pretty sure I can do it and know I am learning heaps that will really help me when my sister and I launch our own thing so just more zap zone shizz

    Meanwhile this new moon will be smack banging my 5th house 5 deg Arian Chiron which I notice now was retro hmmmm it trines my neptune in scorpio but opp my mars in sag and my Libran stellium Uranus/Jupes/Merc which was retro

    • Libran stellium is actually in my natal 1st house 3-14 deg but as a Sun/Asc Virgo everything says it’s happening I’m my 2nd – which one is it? Feels more 2nd in a way

    • Wait this is activating my 7th 5 deg Chiron Aries which is also half Pisces house

      So healing around love and partnerships eh – just got divorced the other week and have been processing a lot of emo stuff and must say a bit daggy but watched “Eat Pray Love” the other night and had a couple of aha moments and wrote some stuff down re seeing everyone you meet as a teacher etc

      • popular self help is popular for a reason i guess! take what you need, eat pop-corn for the rest :)

  26. The word purge keeps going through my mind. Processing a lot of ancient angst that I didn’t know was still around… thanks to mars-Uranian bombs dropping on my natal Venus coupled with a dark to new moon on my 7th/8th cusp. Processing this through hard workouts and hot yoga. Go figure, look at my user name. The hardest pose in my bikram class last night was fuqing shavasana. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin everytime I was supposed to be still. Shit is just OOZING out of me… Ive quarantined myself at home today with only a brief interlude at the gym. Sleep rinse repeat