Married To A Virgo Robot

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Dear Mystic,

I’m a Gemini married to a Virgo, so I’m sure you can imagine the difficulties we might have. I talk, he doesn’t. I multi-task, he dithers. I talk about my feelings, he doesn’t have any. Blah blah blah.

Anyway, I was diagnosed with a type of gastrointestinal disorder 3 years ago and I won’t go into detail, but it’s all been very Pluto. You know.

I have been very sick during this time, at more than one point looking like a ghoulish shadow of my former self. But instead of being a nurturing Virgo (like my Mother, also a Virgo, and selfless to a fault) the Virgo Robot seems to regard my illness with disdain and a kind of, “ick, can’t you just, not be sick around me?” factor.

Last night in one of our usual lying-in-bed unable-to-sleep rows (or shall I say, screaming monologue) he eventually cracked after 1.5 hours and revealed that he wishes I would just “stop talking” sometimes and that he finds my health condition “off-putting”.

I then proceeded to lose my sh*t during which at some point, he actually fell asleep.

What is it with Virgos? My ex-boyfriend was a Virgo and was exactly the same. Every time I began to show too much emotion, vulnerability or realness he would start blinking nervously like Phil Dunphy and slowly back away from me.

They also just don’t smell. They always either smell of nothing, or some delightful aftershave or something. It’s like they don’t even walk, they just glide. And obviously, they just poop rainbows. Ugh.

Would love to hear your thoughts xx 

Mrs Gemini 

Dear Mrs Gemini,

Actually it is hard for me to imagine the difficulties a Virgo and a Gemini might have – on the face of it – as you at at least both Mercurial, both Mutable.  Gemini-Virgo can be a super-erudite and cool coupling. And i also adore Virgo men, one in particular. So the robotic scenario you’re describing is not endemic to Virgos.

However, this seems like a zombie marriage. One of the both of you are already energetically outta there. If this relationship were an empire, this would be the stage where the barbarians are storming the gate, the city guards are already running out the back with as much loot as they can carry, the slaves are in open revolt and the emperor and empress are drunk in their quarters. Fin de siecle and all that.

Maybe it all came to some sort of a climax or moment of clarity with the recent Grand Cardinal Cross-Zap Zone intensification (mid-April to May, on again now) but if what you’re describing is for real, would it not be time to either (a) seek couples counseling or (b) devise an exit strategy?

Remember that the Zap Zone (on till next April) rewards authenticity and soul-driven enterprise or relationships but it is a hell of a punish for those lingering in stagnant circumstances.

What does everyone else think?

 

Image: Ellen De Meijer

136 thoughts on “Married To A Virgo Robot

  1. Hi Mrs. Gemini.. I am a Virgo Sun. I am very similar to your man. I am sorry to admit it. But I have to ask.. when he says “I wish you would stop talking”.. is he referring to you talking about your GI problem? If so, then I can totally understand. I use to be that way where I would talk about my condition constantly and people just didn’t want to be around me. I had to figure out what to do to make my condition get better or clear it up. It’s kinda of like beating a dead horse.

    I am sorry if this situation is causing your GI issue.

    I was in love with a Gemini.. well he is a Taurus / Gemini cusp. He was so safe, fun to be around and he just loved to relax. He would love telling me about his plans for his business. I honestly didn’t mind that he never let me take the spotlight. Maybe every once in a while but he did all the speaking.

    Good Luck!! xo!!

    • As a Virgo I cannot stand constant chatter. Maybe you should heed his request for some silence?

      • Well I’m a gemini and there is no way I would talk / conduct a monologue for an hour and a half whilst in bed.
        Pretty overwhelming for the other person.
        I understand that you are sick, but you are also spinning out of control. Understandable, of course.
        As for putting breadcrumbs in your food. Sounds like he is fairly suspicious. Would probably feel more comfortable with a broken arm than something as nebulous as digestive issues.
        Figure out why you are sick. Not, my gut is not working let me see a specialist, but why you are really sick.
        Also the gut has neurotransmitters, so unhappy gut equals unhappy mind. Good bacteria produce serotonin. Gut dysbiosis means that there ain’t much serotonin being made. Sounds like you could both do with a little more happy bacteria.

    • I’m starting to realize that there are Virgos out there that eventually get rundown from repetition of something. When the conversation is consistently one thing, it doesn’t stimulate the Virgo’s dynamic, so we end up growing more and more silent. And instead of risking social disharmony, we hold our tongue.

      ^ Although this approach is beneficial in many situations, one of the things that I feel is necessary for the well-being of self and others is that a Virgo needs to allow for some transparency. Not an utter betrayal of a habit in temperance, but show some humanity.

      I remember being in love with the Cusp of Energy (Taurus/Gemini). I felt the same as you, Ellie… but she was encountering a rut. By the time she was out of the rut, I was cast aside. I don’t know if you felt this way, but— I felt like my Cusp of Energy didn’t really get to know me, didn’t really ask about who I was. We’d talk for hours every day for years, but I knew more about her than she did about me. Weird times.

  2. A lot of Virgos I know are like this, actually. Especially with Venus in Leo or Libra. Narcissistic. It’s very subtle but a lotof Virgos have that streak. (I think my Mars-Rising in Pisces brings it out fast in them, hence why I notice it…)

    Gem, are you sure he called you, your illness, or your behavior “off-putting”? Either way, this does seem LZ afflicted. Guess it depends on how long you’ve been married, but anyone who claims to love you would never dismiss your problems. You can do better, girl.

  3. I have a Stellium in my third house, ruled by Gemini, and I am married to a Virgo/Taurus/Cancer, so I do understand a little of your pain.

    I have a chronic autoimmune endocrine disorder. When it first reared its ugly head, my darling said to me “I am sick of your problems, I just don’t want to hear about them”. I lost my shit. obviously. When I had calmed down, I told him this:

    “We married for better and for worse. This is worse. If you don’t stand by me and help me, when I need you to, then we don’t have a marriage. You have until the end of today to make a decision”.

    We are still together. He made the right call. He still gets very twitchy when I am ill, but he knows better than to start making “euw” noises.

    Your DH is not supporting you. Make it very clear to him that if he doesn’t, you don’t have a marriage. This isn’t rocket science; I honestly don’t feel you have to spend hundreds of dollars on counselling.

    Don’t lose your shit – just very calmly give him 1 day to work out if he’s with you or not. If he is, then he is supportive, listens to you, and helps you out. Geminis talk. If he doesn’t like it, he needs a different wife, and you need a husband who likes chatty women.

    If he’s not with you, or tries to string out the decision making process (classic Virgo avoidance technique) then you have to take a deep breath and move on. you don’t have to put up with sub-optimal behaviour in the most important relationship in your life.

    Lastly, may or may not be relevant. I had a girlfriend with a nasty form of arthritis in her back. Her partner was an utter shit to her – refused to get her pain meds for her, taunted her about her weight etc etc. In the end, he walked out on her because “He was tired of being with someone who is always ill”. She was absolutely gutted and a complete mess for weeks and weeks; but oddly enough, her back started to get better, and then she started to lose weight. She told me, over a year later, that she couldn’t help but think that *HE* was the burden, not her…..

    …..Sounds to me like your partner is quite literally giving you the shits…..

    ….you deserve to be listed to, supported and adored… if you do find a new partner, choose one who isn’t a Virgo :D

    • Ahhhaaa!! Great post
      I completely agree

      This is how it is I am sick you either support me or it is over

      Over is such harsh word I think moving forward without each other sounds better

      Funny I had the similar situation with an ex
      It was a really effed relationship
      I had what I thought a pinched nerve in my neck it was extremely painful

      We eventually after 2 years of back and forth moved on properly

      The back pain so full on suddenly went away

      Lots of Saturn energy in our composite charts

      My moon Capricorn conjunction his Venus Capricorn

      Gross!

      Lesson learnt!

      • I had a similar situation with an ex. I had terrible rash on the palms of my hands, for years, off and on. We broke up, and within two weeks, the rash was gone. BTW, am now married to a Gemini, I’m a Virgo, and we often are that erudite cool couple Mystic describes.

        • Haha it’s funny how sometimes it really is the effect that person has on you that is causing you the pain
          You can’t figure out suddenly why your reacting in such a way
          But your body is screaming at you telling you “I’m going to hurt you until you let go of this ma f*kr

    • Ah… much as I was cringing a bit reading that DT, the experience of your friend very much mirrors mine. I was miserable, unhealthy, overweight, depressed… and putting all my energy into a waste of time relationship and a waste of time person who wouldn’t help me when I needed it. Finally (after several weeks of counselling) he just smashed the shit out of our relationship. It was pretty horrible, but after several months of painful emotional turmoil I feel fuqing GREAT, I’ve lost weight, gained muscle, am eating well, not drinking too much, and feel clear and confident in myself and things are flowing so well in basically all areas of my life. I’m just about grateful to the stupid bastard for hurting me as much as he did – it was probably the kick in the arse I needed to get my shit together.

      This little story may or may not be relevant to the topic at hand… nevertheless…

      • Well done for getting through all of that shit, Wildwood. It’s good that you can feel grateful for it all now.. hard lessons to have to live through. Onwards and upwards x

    • Love this post DT.

      My sister had similar situation. She had depression. Her husband could not understand why and was being one unsupportive asshole. Eventually they split, and it wasn’t long for my sister’s depression to lift. She is most vibrant post-divorce than she’s ever been. She is Aries Sun; he Cap Sun.

      I know I will cop a lot of flak for this, but if there’s one ‘golden rule’ for me re: astro and marriage (or long-term relationships), it’s that you should be sure that yr sun signs are compatible – e.g. if you are:

      Water sun sign: choose water or earth signs
      Earth sun sign: choose earth or water signs
      Fire sun sign: choose fire or air signs
      Air sun sign: choose air or fire signs

      There are few exceptions to the abovd (in my experience) who work long-term.

      Bottom line: Virgo sun (earth) and Gemini sun (air) is not a ‘match’.
      I know I know – astrology goes WAY deeper than this, BUT without harmonious sun signs, the relationship is off to a shaky start.

      • I agree with this. I think sun/sun synastry is important. I was thinking that when reading the Quadruple Taurus astro query about the Lower Leo.

      • I have stuck to this, though not on purpose. So yes, agree.
        But one successful Scorpio was followed by one horrid Scorpio, so other factors are so important.
        Now my love who I am so happy with is a Taurus. Love him beyond the moon.

    • Very beautifully put.

      I am sorry to hear you have a chronic condition also

      I serially have had chronic health that I have only just gotten out of but I also had some issues with much younger. My family were very unsupportive and very much like the above in almost allergic to my then very serious health problems

      When I have encountered partners that have had any issue with this, I turf them almost immediately as I could not bare to be with anyone who did not want to love me when I am sick, because I already know how shit that feels. It is a guilt I have carried for a long time though given the conditions of it all as I was growing up and I am quite amazed to hear that people on here have this commonly occurring in their relationships. In my naivety I have only associated this kind of abandon and awkward with someone you can’t dump, like your family.

      Dear Mrs Gemini, I think DT has nailed about everything that could be said and if you are up all night fighting like that, what kind of energy does your body have to recover when you are wasting it on feeling bad about feeling bad? Give him notice to change his tune or go, but don’t hate all virgo men, some of them are quite amazing care givers. Give him the opportunity to honour those vows or get a new Mr. Good luck

        • It’s on going maintenance but I seem to be passed the half way mark now. May I add, I had to walk on 2 potential relationships that were not supportive and spent a good part of a year with failing immunity, the following year crashing in and out of that, on my own. No support. I chose that space over being berated. With no money. In a foreign country. Yes, you can.

          • There were patches actually but nothing quite emotional. Didn’t mean this to sound victimized, rather even at life’s worst, we still have options to grow x

          • Wow, sounds like you have been so strong.. amazing Ms. And when you were ill too? Sheesh. I hear you with giving the marching orders to those who cannot support you when you are at your weakest. It totally shows their character up. No compassion, then no respect from me I’m afraid.

            Glad you are starting to get better too – yehah! Hope you have something good planned to look forward to when you feel well enough x

        • And thanks pea. I’m just starting to get my swing back. Good luck to everyone who is having health problems, and to those who lack compassion towards anothers health, this can happen to you and then what would you do?

    • I agree with this post. He may be the cause of your stress. Suggestions on this post is right on. Gemini would need to figure out what to do to make this less hard to separate. The Virgo just doesn’t care. It’s hard to acknowledge and accept that, but based on behaviors — it appears he truly doesn’t care. A virgo is very capable of caring and being supportive. This virgo is not, or at least not to you. Again, hard to accept. Good luck, and I hope you gain your inner strength to decide what’s best for you, without Virgo, as Virgo sounds like the cause of your heart ache and GI problems. You’re basically taking care of yourself, might as well do it peacefully on your own without him criticizing you for being sick. All the best.

        • Your tongue is the strongest muscle you have.. Use it wisely- not to pollute the air with nonsense noise. Gastro problems mean you have problems taking in and letting go of shit- but keep it to yourself– I personally listen to the things people say and think why are you even talking?

          • well, when it is one’s spouse or significant other, or a loved one, i think it is essential to need to have the opportunity to have a safe space to try to work out what is going on with your body.

            After all what happens to our body in a partnership, ultimately directly affects the partnership.

            Personally, for me, I have an aversion to sharing certain details about my health with someone close to me that would not be more productively discussed or analysed with a doctor e.g. when I was suffering from a late onset GI problem. Now that also describes my own then-unwillingness to share (awkward issue, difficult time in life outside this)) rather than my partner’s potential willingness to listen. Then again I am also the kind of person who would rather be left alone for a week with twice-daily food drops so I can get better alone, but I think that is because my cap moon is sensitive to being “a burden” (maybe).

            It would also be a worthy thing to do, if a partner was really struggling with their own capacity to involve themselves with their loved one’s illness, to confront that for themselves and man-up (woman-up whatever), because like Ms says there’s nothing worse than feeling like shit and reaching out for support that is not there.

            Mrs Gem, I just read below that you have been diagnosed as coeliac and his response is utterly shite. Life threatening if not managed properly. Wow. And it’s not even hard to work with once diagnosed. (I get there is more to it.)
            Yeah, basically, he does not sound like a very good person, hun. you can’t bully someone into wellness.
            xxx

    • @ DT Thank you for your story. Totally agree with you.
      All the negative relationships I’ve had have been with Air Sun Signs. When sicken was an issue, the relationship eroded. I was there for their illnesses but it was not reciprocated. Good learning curve.
      Generally speaking the Sun compatibility is a good indicator.

  4. I’m Gemini rising all over the place with sun in Aries. Shackled to Marvin the Paranoid Android (Mr Virgo) for 15 years.

    We never, never talk about anything biological (I’m kind of OK with that) and a strong disclosure might be along the lines of ‘I have an upset stomach’. He is fine to help so long as we don’t discuss details and I keep symptoms under wraps as much as possible. I am grafeful for the fact that he doesn’t regard farting spectator sport so it cuts both ways.

    So, yeah, this is the factory setting and you will have a dickens of a time changing it.

  5. Everyone, I’m really loving your responses and helpful suggestions.

    Just comparing our charts, I realised I’m Mars in Pisces and he’s Mars (and Neptune, and Uranus) in Sagittarius. He’s also Mercury in Virgo and Virgo rising. He has Venus in Libra and indeed when times are good he is extremely loving (it’s what attracted me to him initially) and selfless.

    But at the first sign of stress he’s literally “outta here” mentally. Avoidance is his number 1 stress-coping technique while mine is “muck in”.

    I’ve been told by many friends to leave him. It’s a challenge, and I do believe that he’s going to have to take me as I am, sickness and all. It all feels like a karmic lesson in self-respect and funnily enough, the more self-respect I have, the better he treats me.

    • A loved one should treat you well no matter how much self-respect you have. Period.

      Best of luck to you, Gem.

    • I used to get sick every time I saw my husband in the kitchen toward the end of our marriage as that was one of the few spots we saw each other by then. Feeling constantly judged by someone can make you sick. Really sick. Physical sick. You can’t earn love.. This isn’t even an astro question. It’s a question of when you’re going to deal with the fact you’re stuck in a shitty relationship and not be co-dependent mental airy-fairy about the obvious – time to jet. But – whatever – Venus in libra and blah blah blah. I get the mental.

      Xo, another neurotic Virgo

    • Mrs Gemini, you say he must take you as you are. OK, which one of you is the you he must take?

      • and if he must take you as you are then is this reciprocated? Doesn’t seem so.
        Don’t get me wring- it seems like he’s behaving like a brat. I’m a virgo and I can’t imagine being so cold and callus towards anyone who is suffering… but, thinking about this possible scenario… have you been leaning on him with this for a while? Are you taking care of it or are you just expecting him to man-up and help you fix it?
        I think it’s really easy to look to other people when things are going wrong (in any area- your marriage, your health etc) but at the end of the day WE have the power to choose how we react/respond and our actions are our own. It’s not fair to say Í feel like this b/c he did this’ etc. You feel things b/c you choose to… sounds like you should get out of there b/c you can’t accept the way he is… that’s YOUR stuff.

    • If he has Pisces DC, & you have Pisces Mars, I guess the quality of your vibrant, water Mars energy is what drew him in? This must be a challenge for him more than others then to see what he loved about you depleted?

  6. 8O

    That’s a horrible situation & you certainly don’t need to feel anything other than being loved & cared for when going through the perils of a chronic condition. I sometimes wonder when a scenario such as this is introduced into a relationship that it’s like a test of faith & if the love between you both can be sustained. Without going into too much detail I was diagnosed with a serious condition a few years ago & my partner & I immediately went into auto pilot, work, treatment, work, treatment etc. There was so much uncertainty- when would I get better? will I ever get better? how do we manage the daily mechanics of life? I then mindlessly asked my partner one day: if you knew this would of happened when we first met would you have still wanted to be in relationship with me? The answer was no. I was stunned but then I sat back & thought about it for a bit & tried to put myself in their shoes. It’s hard for us as the person going through it because it’s our body that’s being battered. We’re sick & not very reliable, emotional & on this roller coaster ride. But for our partners it’s the uncertainty that comes with how this condition has already changed us, it challenges them. It changes our relationship. Btw I did get better & I have changed. My partner & I did grow together & we love each other very much but I grew so much more & it does scares them. But you have to acknowledge that & redefine the relationship, shake it up a bit to get it back on track.

    From a Virgo perspective, my brother is one & I know he dislikes anything to do with the bowels or digestive system, despite the fact he is a nurse. So perhaps your husband may just be a little sensitive to that subject. Virgos are pretty cool & you married him so there is obviously a deeper connection there. I find arguing is mindless & it’s just an explosion of fear. It’s hard what you’re going through but most of the time our partners seriously just won’t get it. Perhaps some counselling would help, it helped me. I found most of my fears were about how I was feeling about my condition & not about my relationship but my relationship was bearing the brunt of it. So I worked on changing that & it was good to have someone to talk to. Best of luck Mrs Gemini!

    • B-Gem you’re usually so brief, i was surprised…but every word is so on point, of course. Clarity here, folks!

    • AS a Virgo I get grossed out about bodily functions easily. It’s a major turn-off. :(
      I wish I wasn’t so sensitive to it but I am.

  7. Hmnn- Pisces Mars sounds familiar- very unmotivated to help others unless there’s lots of applause. My spouse has Mercury in Virgo- Moon Mars in Pisces and Venus in Kataka. He cooks- amazing food. That’s how he shows concern/love/appreciation. No overt concern for our immediate family re- illness. But gets all weepy over movies etc. Shows way more concern for friends, clients/distant peeps.

    Hope you heal, Mrs. Gem! Recommend Carolyn Myss and Byron Katie for healing/identifying stories and core issues.

    Kat

  8. All the male Virgoans/Virgonians l know are just as this delightful Gemini describes – so dull they dont even smell. Whatever theyre putting into our food and water supplies these days to keep us docile and controlled – the male Virgonians are taking double doses

  9. Dear Mrs Gemini,
    I support Mystic’s take re the ‘zombie marriage’ and see this behaviour (yours and his) being less about Gemini-Virgo than about two people unable to truly commune with each other.
    My Aquarian husband prefers to talk less and emote less than I do as a Gemini woman. He teaches me to listen more deeply and I encourage him to share his feelings with me. Each of us realising that we are not here to change the other, or to ‘make’ each other happy.
    Your body has been trying to tell you something for a long time. Are you listening?
    Do the work. On yourself. (Byron Katie is a great suggestion).
    And perhaps consider the extent to which you are able to accept your husband’s preferences (e.g. for less talking) to the extent that you clearly expect him to accept yours (e.g. for him to be nurturing).
    Happy healing. x

  10. P.S – and don’t get me wrong I do LOVE Virgos. I’m always instantly drawn to them. And my Virgo mother is a very pulled together woman but so loving and warm.

    I think it’s an opposites attract thing.

    Thanks for the support everyone.

    • Yes, I agree with that. It’s challenging for us! The opposite attraction thing. It helps us to understand something about ourselves more.

  11. I became very sick several years into my marriage. Watched my Sag husband turn and leave to go out with friends while I could barely get vertical. There was nothing in his eyes but disdain.
    It is a hard uphill road, but kindness and quiet touch can do much to diffuse anger and distance. Also, I should have sought therapy much sooner than I did, it might have helped right my personal situation before it collectively spiraled out of control. Since it is a Pisces moon, I offer this link, a really good indie flick about distance between a couple and working it out. Pictures are worth a thousand words, esp. moving pics. Best to you Mrs.Gem
    http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/touch

    • i was reading some horrible statistic about how a majority of men will abandon their wives when they get sick with cancer but women will stay with their sick husbands. so much for until death do u part.

      • I believe it.
        An old friend said of his wife’s troubles, “I didn’t sign up for this.”
        Excuse me, what ? Obviously you did having exchanged the vows. !?
        People grow and change, it’s just a question of daily commitment / working the terms of the treaty.
        Savvy MM quote, always loved that one…

      • Happened with my husband. I was sick and he didn’t know what to do so he avoided me as much as possible. He’s a Leo

      • obviously no one wants their partner to be ill but its like, well what if you were sick?? would you expect me to stay? of course you fucking would.

    • This is why I am afraid to get into a relationship. Can they handle my illness. When I had an insulin reaction while I was with the toro/gem, he handled it, but then he retreated. We still hung out together after that but looking back.. even though he is a cop, I don’t think he could handle it any further.

  12. wow. It’s funny because I actually think a lot of Virgo men smell bad even when I’m attracted to them. Ive got venus in virgo and have dated my share. Granted, they do bathe and their hygiene is good but the funk comes from their internal flora. To me. most Virgo men smell like yeast. But i guess a lot of people might think someone who smells like beer or yeast rolls smells “good”. not me tho. Men aren’t supposed to smell like a hygienic snatch. It’s just wrong.

    Virgo man doesnt want to compete with you on who suffers the most. basically you are “upstaging” him and he doesn’t like it. I also suspect your Virgo has a lot of Libra or Leo placements and is vibing low aspects of them.

    On a less related note, the last time a man said to me to “stop talking” was the day i decided to break up with him. Dismissive ness is not tolerated by me very well. You don’t have to worship me, but being full of disdain will get you nowhere. He was a Sagg. never once have i looked back and thought it was a mistake. Why give yourself to a man who doesn’t treasure you? Don’t let this guy use “negs” on you. Watch some pick up artist videos on how men use negs to control women.

    The most recent Aries Player was bragging about how many friends he’s got on Facebook to me and how i should be more social..rah rah bullshit. you know, advice i didn’t ask for… I said I have 5 REAL friends who would take a bullet for me. have any of your 500 friends said they’d do the same for you? *silence* I am rich beyond measure in this dept.
    Cultivate people who invest in you, be it friends or lovers or whatevers!

    I think Marilyn Monroe said if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best….paraphrased…butchered this quote…soz

  13. uh oh, Virgo here with the Gemini hubby. Yes I admit to the word fatigue regarding partner needing to debrief about their health issues. That’s why (in my case) AA has been a life saver!! Somewhere to go and have a geminian wordfest.

    We were in a similar Empire crumbling state once, we have had a very colourful and feisty journey, 22 years later we are sickeningly in love, can you believe it, after 4 kids, a simultaneous Uranus opposition and Saturn return, recovering now from a big bad party and loving the quiet life.

    A friend once said to me if there is still love there you should do everything you can to save it xx

  14. You poor lamb! Health issues can in any case really highlight quite painfully who is there to support us and which relationships have faultlines. I saw your scenario in these terms before any of the astro issues. Which immediately suggests to me that this is a relationship in crisis.

    Virgos also can be quick to point out where you personally contribute to your health issues, as it’s the first area they look to in fixing a problem. Annoying but essentially practical. Your partner cannot see a solution immediately apparent. And the your-problem-is-our-problem of a supportive partnership seems too overwhelming for him.

    Crisis points can be growth triggers. The person suffering ill health must learn and grow, by default, but the partner has the luxury of choice, if they wish. They can choose not to deal where the sick person cannot choose. Understanding illness is very hard for a healthy person, and i can confess that i did not get this myself until i suffered a chronic illness. Something obvious, yes, but chronic conditions that are not easily visible were more difficult to understand.

    Your Virgo man does need to come to some understanding, and that will require dialogue. But also you’ll need to learn how to communicate without losing your bottle, as that is certainly a block. Don’t get me wrong, i totally get your frustrations and i have plenty of fiery explosions when frustrated myself, but as justifiable as the feelings may be, they are expressions not communications. And he is not your past relationships, so don’t write him off by those, which will add deeper layers to your frustration.

    Similarly, when i’m emoting, i’m not listening, i’m putting myself out there and fq all the rest. Did you listen to your bod before this came to a health crisis? Did you notice any signs? And did you guys discuss this, really dialogue it, in the early stages or did it overwhelm you? His behaviour sounds immediately awful, but it’s a crisis point and how you both handle it will impact the relationship. You may not have energy for two, to help him come to grips, but then again neither may he. Or you can both find a way, and not forget that solid relationships often have outside support when things get tough.

    • Exactly… men generally are upset when a problem cannot be fixed, they feel deeply uncomfortable and don’t understand how simply talking through a problem and merely being there is enough. You can only talk to friends, family or a professional if you need to. Your loved one wants to see you happy and well and your problems are his problems. Sit down and say how you don’t expect him to fix your health issue but just a little understanding would go a long way.

      • Kind of but it’s a relationship and i don’t think saying “men do this, men don’t do that” is either true or useful because you have a relationship with an individual not a stereotype. If i can only really communicate with friends fam et al and not with my partner that is not a relationship. It’s babysitting.

        They both need to communicate better and differently.

        Either to manage the illness and its attendant issues within a relationship, or to dissolve the relationship and for her to start communicating with self and needs more clearly to find wellness.

      • What i’m saying is communication is essential. If i was crying during the grocery shopping and in the kitchen i would realise two things: (1) i need to get myself back on track and work out what is really going on and (2) i’m seriously lonely and not being listened to or helped in my hour of need (public crying is a cry for support and attention). I think Mrs Gemini is not really listening to herself either. She actually knows the answer but it is quite scary.

  15. Mrs Gemini,

    wow! Your story reminds me my ex-husband. Sorry to read what you have been through. My best friends are Virgos, but as a partner, I can’t get along with a Virgo *shudder at memories*

    I too had a serious health problem, unable to pick myself up and years later I found an entry in my journal “it has been three days since the diagnosis, and today he screamed at me “stop crying””

    I don’t know why a Virgo can behave like an insensitive jerk. But what I learned is when it comes to health problems, it is hard to mend broken hearts. Take care of your health first. As for your Virgo husband, when the time is right, the decision will be yours.

    xxx Gem Sun/Virgo DSC.

  16. Oh my…………….. this is hard for me to understand!
    Sun/Pluto in Virgo……… I NEVER shut up. Emotions? Wear them on my sleeve…… Plutoboy, are you there? Will you corroborate? ;-)

    • Yup. Plutogirl is a veritable fountain of brilliant verbosity, and with our Mercs conjunct, well, it works.
      No emotions? That’s my department, certainly not Ms. Virgo. I find them such a distraction sometimes, not feelings, but that violent emotional wind stuff, you know…….

      Feels like Mystic nailed it. I have no idea, really, don’t know these folks. But either you can support your partner and communicate effectively, or not. Fuck the sun sign, it’s in or out these days.

      • Maybe we should look more to Mr. Virgo Robot’s rising sign and/or moon? I’m definitely a Virgo sun, but have an embarrassingly dramatic Leo moon with Aqua rising…….

    • Yes I too am a virgo who wears my emotions on my sleeve…I have cancer rising which is undoubtably part of that. I usually associate lack of emotions with air. I think earthy types have emotions but can have trouble expressing them. I tend to keep things to myself but people can always tell how I feel by just…looking at my face, haha.

      If I had a partner who talked non-stop about a gastrointestinal disorder I’d kinda be put off too. I actually have digestive troubles (I think it’s kind of a virgo thing, isn’t virgo linked to digestion?) but I don’t like thinking or talking about it as it kind of grosses me out. I want to minimize it by not thinking of it. And I’d want a partner to be a little more positive…so idk. I sympathize with your partner I guess, would be curious to hear his side of the story.

  17. Dear Mrs Gemini,

    Until very recently I was in a live-in relationship with an Aries sun, Virgo rising. I recognise the lack of attention you’re describing here. (Also the smell. Everyone who visited remarked on how clean our flat smelt all the time, because the Virgo rising showered at least twice a day.)

    I wanted to slightly correct the advice of some people here. Do NOT do the Work on yourself to convince yourself to stay in a crap relationship that isn’t supporting you. If you’re sick, staying with someone who can’t care for you will rob you of the capacities to care for yourself by ending it & getting the treatment you need. When moving out yesterday I realised how many times I had done the Work on my thoughts about my bf, & how often that had blinded me to the reality that out relationship was past its best & wasn’t making either of us happy. I think you are extremely hurt by your husband’ s lack of care & what comes through in this message is, why did you ever get married in the first place?

    I think you need to look carefully at whether you still love each other, have good times together, & truly believe that this person is fulfilling the role of being your life partner in the way that you want. If the answer’s no, you know what you have to do.

    By the way, I know from experience that the Virgo will not be open to couple’s therapy – especially if he doesn’t talk – my Virgo rising ex even said “look what therapy’s done for YOU” when I was trying to convince him to consider it. For both these men they believe the other person has all the problems, they would rather distance themselves than take any responsibility.

    I too have a chronic illness & am looking forward to completing the last stage of my healing journey now, ALONE.

    Best of luck Mrs Gemini – let us know how/ where you are in 3 years time!

    xxx

    • Dear A-

      I find The Work helpful in peeling back layers on core beliefs- some of which are crucial to survival. The turnarounds- where you have the freedom to imagine different scenarios- can be very empowering. I agree that it can be used to justify tolerating lack of change.

      I don’t see it as inevitably leading to stuffing down true feelings and staying stuck no matter what. It can uncover lots of beliefs- re: worth, deserving, self-judgment. Used with kindness and brutal honesty, it can be a great Zap Zone guide.

      But you can’t put perfume on a pig- and think it’s a unicorn.

      Glad you are on your path and wishing you the awesome in friends and partner that you deserve!

      Pluto brings us face to face with power imbalance, sometimes in the form of slave/master top-down paradigms with controlling bastards and bullies. No amount of therapy fixes entitlement or narcissism.

      Wishing you Speed and Grace on the Journey!

      Kat

      • my exes Pluto on my SN – and it is exactly as you describe Kat. If I had only 4 words to describe him they would be entitled, controlling, narcissistic, bully. You are always so on song!

  18. Virgos seem to detest any show of emotion. They cannot abide criticism.They often think they are flawless, and are fantastic at taking problems and people to pieces, in a very cutting manner. They are great systems analysts. Gemini needs to talk as much as it needs air to breathe. The two of you sound energeticall y/chemically incompatible. What is holding you together? What good connections do you have ? Are your respective Moons able to live under the same roof? Do you actually like each other ? Sounds to me like you need to nurture yourself with activities and people you enjoy. Best of luck.

    • Wow, Virgos are getting a bad rep in this post…you must personally dislike some Virgos. Now I’m not saying I love every Virgo I meet but there are Hi and Lo versions of every sign.

      I get along well with most Geminis, I really enjoy their chatter, gives me stuff to work with. They observe, they notice, they come up with the raw material, bubbling over with ideas, and Virgos can take that chatter, refine it and distill it into something beautiful. The signs are so similar and go together because of their quick minds, and their mutual love of words, language, communication. I think Gemini and Virgo pair very nicely for the reasons Mystic said, both are mutable and very Mercurial.

  19. Am a bit surprised by the comments. I always find Virgos to be OCD perfectionist etc but as such earthy creatures, often good with um, the gooey humanity of the body. Like positively Germanic about checking their kid’s stool, or fiends for sex and a bit of domination play (control games). They aren’t like this with the general public of course (ick!) but I see it in close relationships.

    Well anyways, I think a bit of marriage or solo counselling would be great for Ms Gem. The bulk of a marriage counsellor’s work is apparently helping couples break up of course, but sometimes we need help to see the wood for the trees. And with perspective we might also see the trees aren’t so bad, maybe in need of a tree surgeon, but approaching quite good in fact. Good luck Mrs Gemini!

  20. Oh wow, that’s a rough situation – I’m sorry!

    On the face of it, there are a few things others have said that I am in agreement with – especially the ones who suggested looking carefully at the “He must take me as I am” statement and reflect back upon that to realize that you are not accepting his lack of nurturance just as much as he is not accepting your illness. It does cut both ways, unfortunately, and if you find yourselves trying to change core things about one another, it means that either your needs have changed OR that you didn’t have enough insight before you coupled to understand what your core needs really were in a partnership in the first place – kind of falls under the “UNconscious coupling” category, if you will.

    I would be curious to know where both of your Moons are, as this seems more germane to the issue at hand.

    The other thing I would like to inquire about – and please don’t misconstrue this as “blame the victim”, because that’s not at all where it comes from – is how active you have been in your own treatment and recovery? I ask because I was once partnered with someone who took very poor care of their own health and when illness struck, it was like they virtually gave up. I cheer-led, begged, yelled, cajoled, advocated, supported – you name it – to no avail in a futile attempt to help them find the motivation they needed to get well. It was enormously frustrating to be with someone who would not take such an important matter into their own hands, as the illness did very affect MY needs in the partnership and whether or not they were getting met. I stuck it out for quite some time, did counseling – the whole nine – and ultimately it got to be too much. I can do “for better or worse”, but when you couple you DO have a responsibility to the other party to help yourself as well. As much as I love, I cannot remain there holding us both up indefinitely – I am not Atlas.

    I’m not saying this is your circumstance at all, only reflecting upon my personal experience with this issue from the other side of the coin. I empathize with your position and it absolutely IS terrible to not be supported by the one person who is supposed to be there for you through thick and thin. My line of inquiry is simply more focused on looking at it from the angle of “How did it get to be this way?”

    • Hi Venus, just in answer to your question. I’m extremely active in my own healing. It’s a very long story, but for a long time, I was disregarded by doctors, who couldn’t diagnose me and refused to bother testing. Over the past 2.5 years I’ve spent thousands of dollars, hours and hours of personal research and time on my own recovery. I have a specific and difficult to treat illness. My treatment requires a few hours spent on it each day :-)

      Unfortunately Mr. Virgo didn’t believe that I was sick for a long time. At many points I’ve been sobbing while cooking / sobbing while grocery shopping, whatever, trembling from head to toe and he doesn’t help. That’s OK, I get it. He’s not supposed to be my caregiver.

      My first (one of many) diagnosis was coeliac disease. He actually didn’t believe me when I told him (after seeing a top allergy specialist and receiving an official diagnosis). He even secretly put breadcrumbs in my food to “test” me because he didn’t believe I was actually sick. Needless to say, I was actually really, really sick.

      Then when I said I had found a specialist who could help me, he tried to stop me going because of the cost. He said it was too expensive. Lucky I stood my ground and insisted I go, because that specialist has actually allowed me to recover.

      Anyway. Y’all don’t have the full story unfortunately, and it’s quite a saga. There has been bullying. And there has been neglect. We’ve done counselling. I’ve read all the books (but, ordering some Byron Katie right now). I try very hard to make this marriage work. And I have most certainly steeled myself and handled the majority of this recovery on my own. But while I save him the gory details, I regularly update him on my progress because I mistakenly thought it would be important to him to know whether his wife would live past 50 or be able to have children one day :-)

      • Dear Mrs Gemini, I have read this whole thread carefully. I have come back to your reply here again because what you say here makes it very clear you are not in an emotionally safe place. I am a therapist. I also have a (mild) chronic disorder and a supportive Scorp husband (a soft, gooey Scorp!). The comment earlier which suggested you should give him an ultimatum is right. Either he’s with you or he isn’t. Do you have other people in your life who are supportive? I know it’s hard to make big changes. Put the supportive structures in place before you do anything drastic. And good luck.

      • Omg Mrs Gemini: your medical “journey” over the last couple of years was mine over a few years; and once I *finally* found a doc who took the time to send me off for further testing & get to a right dx, I have had 4 surgeries over the past 18 months. What a nightmare to have docs not bother to test, the misdiagnoses, people thinking “it’s all in your head”, meanwhile you’re deteriorating & suffering Every Day.

        I have gone through it all alone, as a single mom, & while there have been times that being alone was rough, what you describe here from your partner is a thousand times worse! How awful, his treatment of you! What was the question, because I’m not seeing one. Sure, the two of you could be extremely happy together forever– so long as you *never* get sick again. Never get sick again for the rest of your life, & all will be well.

        :/

        • I’m all fired up now!

          If I had a sworn partner (aka husband or wife) who didnt want to “hear” about my Health, well, wtf?! Isn’t our health everything to do with whether we are alive or dead, & impacting every aspect of our lives alone & together? When my son proved to have aspergers, could I have said, “oh, I wanted to be a mom, but not of a special needs child”? Fuq no! Well, I suppose I could have: happens all the time, doesn’t it? But where’s the Love in that? Whether it’s your kid or your spouse, I mean, c’mon! Where’s the love, the humanity? How can Health be a condition of a familial relationship? Girl, if it was me, I’d be packing my last suitcase yesterday with or without his two cents! Which is about what his opinion would be worth to me: two sad, miserly cents.

          • No– I would have been packing *his* last suitcase yesterday: why the fuq should you shoulder the burden of moving?! There’s the door, don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out.

            • One last thought, promise:

              I treat my pets better than your husband has treated you. Really.

              You deserve so much more in a life partner, & just in general, you know? Strength, love & blessings to you, Mrs. x

              • Woo ! Never piss off a Scorp !

                Mrs Gem, my darling now that I have read the rest of what you have said, please get rid of this arsehole. There, I’m being blunt.

                You cannot be serious about having children with someone who “tests” your coeliacs with breadcrumbs because he thinks you’re a liar. This is far beyond making a marriage work – you need to be with someone who isn’t actively sabotaging you.

                I have two children with autism. Mr Triffid is all over it like a rash, bless him. What if you have a child with special needs ? will you put up with a husband who might spike your diabetic child’s food with sugar to see if they’re faking it ? If you can see how wrong that is, you must be able to see how wrong it is for him to do that to you.

                And saying a specialist is too expensive ?! Don’t get me going. I have a stellium in scorpio (in my third house !)- you’re going to have two boiling scorps shouting on your behalf here !

                he is NOT supporting you. He IS sabotaging you. You DESERVE better.

                Just an example, then I’ll shut up (heh heh, I’m a talker too !):

                Hashimotos means I can barely get out of bed in the mornings. Mr Triffid’s response to this ? An extra large cup of coffee, delivered to my bedside table, every morning. And a lie in on the weekends.

                • Mr Triffid is such a dreamboat, Dom! Goddess bless you both :)

                  And yeah, how warped is that sabotaging shit?! Our Scorp bits won’t have such disloyalty & frenemy crap. What of the sweet, vulnerable children? Exactly.

      • Well, darling, it sounds as if you have a real s#!thead on your hands, then. :-( Seems as if you know what you have to do (Hint: sticking around for more of the same doesn’t sound like an option) Your #1 priority is your health, and I don’t doubt that all this aggravation from him is only hindering your recovery.

        When one goes through a major illness, sometimes our needs do shift, and it sounds like the lack of nurturance demonstrated by your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) husband laid his limitations as a person quite bare in the plain light of day. Maybe at one time the relationship was “enough”, however his reprehensible behavior when the chips were down tells you something about his core character that cannot be ignored. You deserve a lot better than this, and I’m appalled that he would undermine you by essentially *poisoning* you just to satisfy HIS lack of trust!

        Godspeed to you on your healing journey! As others have said, I would be willing to wager that once he’s out of the picture, it will only help your healing process. So if it’s a Pluto-like illness you’ve been dealing with, ask yourself what it is that needs to be purged from your life. Since it’s VIRGO that rules the intestines, there’s a good possibility that maybe, juuuust maybe, it’s the Virgo in your life!

      • well, I know we have limited insight here BUT, based on what we do have I would say get out before you DO have children with this guy. Things could definitely get worse, and imagining you sobbing while you grocery shop and cook for a child without a supportive partner (there or not) is just one way I can imagine that happening. In less emotional terms, I agree with all other comments on this post from the Librans and Scorp Inc.

        If you prefer to convince me why you should stay, i’m all ears.

      • wow. you are right. robot. if my spouse was breaking down in tears around the place, multi times, and the issue was an unknown quantity, i would freak out and get right on it. i mean, wow. I know men can be cocks (sorry men who are not cocks) about , like, normal human emotion -or health issue – that they cannot offer a one-line solution to, but fuq if you’re married to someone you kind of have to deal with this. (as in, he does).

  21. I am Virgo rising with venus conjunct. I also have an autoimmune disease. My capicorn moon ex hubby was like this as well, no virgo in his chart at all.

    I can deal with illness, maybe cause I have been so horribly sick at times. But I can’t deal with people who don’t try to find a solution, use their illness as a crutch, and want special favors despite their lack of taking care of themselves(my ex boyfriend ugh)
    Not saying you do that.

    Sounds horrible honey and we all deserve to be happy. Stress makes us sicker as well.

  22. As a Virgo ascendant I know we can go cold a bit when we want. Things can be very “technical” we just want to get to the point and no time to go on and on. I am also a Gemini Moon so I can very frequently be the one to go on and on.

    So the ex boyfriend was that way too ? well it sounds like a recurring issue presenting itself until it’s healed. Probably the wrong guy for her. It happens. You can’t change someone however you can get to the root and if he wants to work it out do so otherwise quit because life is too good to spend it miserable. Better to find someone well suited for you

  23. To add some double cap realness here – using astro to explain an emotionally neglectful and disengaged marriage is just more of the excuse making which probably got you into this mess – stop starving yourselves and either dig deep with mutual commited raw intense healing and discovery or cut the damn chains, your body is clearly telling you something!

  24. Hi everyone! I’ve been stalking around here for awhile, but have never commented….. until now! So, I’m a virgo and I’m hoping I can provide some insight as I’m both confused about this, but also kind of understand it IF I’m interpreting correctly. About the robot thing: I am accused of being a robot all the time by my family… but it’s only when they want something from me. I am actually deeply, deeply emotional and sensitive, I am just very select on who I show that to. I don’t show it to my family because they stress me the F out. Virgos (myself and the ones I know, at least) retreat from stress triggers, because it can sometimes feel like those around us only want us when they want to lean on us. This is incredibly draining. So we retreat to preserve our mental and emotional well-being.

    On the other hand, my family also tells me I’m loving, compassionate, a good listener, and always gives killer advice. They tell me this when I’m giving into them and letting them dump their stress on me. So when I’m giving them what they want of me: I’m awesome. When I’m retreating because I literally cannot handle it because it’s deeply stressing me out and shaking my world: I’m a robot. I often feel as if my loved ones only come around when they want something from me. Otherwise? I am never on the receiving end of “Hey, how are you? What’s going on with you lately?” texts. To be honest, I often feel extremely lonely.

    Now, this isn’t to say this is encompassing of all Virgos, of course, just my experience (and the Virgo friends I have). And of course, your husband should be supporting you and standing by your side. But I just wanted to explain my thoughts on it and see if maybe there’s any value in what I’ve said? I just know that I often feel so drained because I rarely am asked, how are you? how are you handling this? what’s going on in your life? is everything ok? and am more bombarded with ‘my life sucks! help me! fix it!’ and robot mode is strictly self-preservation.

    Also, I agree with catfish moon, I am very turned off by people who come to me for support without trying to come up with any solutions on their own. Now, of course, medical issues are something else entirely, but it is draining aka triggers zombie mode when someone is constantly throwing their problems on you without stepping up to the plate to deal with it themselves. I hope this isn’t insensitive and I’m not saying you do any of this, I just wanted to share why I do this, in case there’s similarities. I hope everything can work out for you!

    • Virgo, thanks for your insight. What you’re saying really makes sense and I think my husband is the same. When someone is “cold” it is not to say they are cold, on the contrary they probably feel things very deeply so, sometimes need to step back.

      Sometimes, it’s these people who actually need some love and support, but they are too selfless to ask. This might make them seem “withdrawn” when really they’re trying to do the right thing by everyone.

      I can only imagine how hard it must be to have a spouse who is unwell, or requires extra care. That’s why I’m trying to be considerate of his position, right now.

      • I just want to re-iterate that this is in no way ‘letting him off the hook’ or anything like that. On the contrary, my ability to withdraw from loved ones and not be there when they need me, I consider a huge flaw on my end. It is something I am really struggling to change. I just wanted to explain, in hopes that it would help bring a sense of understanding on what’s possibly going on with him right now on the inside.

        Spouses get sick, people lose jobs, things fall apart, that’s life. I want to be able to be there for people when these things happen, but it is often harder than it seems. I think it’s admirable that you are trying to understand his position and my best advice would be to be kind with each other, but also honest with yourself about a) what you can change on your end to help the situation and b) what you need in a spouse. I feel that your answer as to ‘what to do’ lies somewhere there in the middle. Best of luck! xoxox

        • I honestly agree with you a hundred percent. I’m a Virgo that’s always stressed out. So I don’t need any other triggers to push me over the edge. I have a bad time handling stress. My family the most gets on my nerves, I have a sister who’s a “Gemini” who loves to argue and belittle me. Every opinion I have she has a counter point or opinion. Another sister who I do get along well with, won’t step in or take any sides. Friends and family seem to take my help,consideration, and understanding to help, for granted. Which after a while we notice and starts to suck. Literally suck the life out of you. So sometimes we shut off.

          It sounds like you’re marriage is strained and he knows this. A your illness isn’t making it easier but complaining about it all the time won’t help. Males also hate to hear about things they literally can’t fix. They don’t like to feel helpless and so they shut off because it’s either feel like a helpless shit filled with guilt, sorrow, and frustration, or just shut off, zone out, whatever.

          I had GI problems for a while the thing is to be honest with him. Say you know what sweetie, this is how its. That means, I can’t eat certain things, I need to be by a bathroom, this and that during sex. Be assertive and strong. Ask him to be strong, but remember you’re the one who has this. If he honestly sees you trying to help yourself, he might be willing to help you a bit more.

  25. If you no longer like the way he smells (or doesn’t), the marriage is clearly over. If he “tests” your illness by poisoning you, the marriage is clearly over. What percentage of your desire to make this work is loyalty, and what percentage is (understandably) fear of being alone with a chronic illness? The advice above about the stress of the relationship causing or exacerbating your condition is very apt, I think.
    Also, I am a 5x gem without a stitch of Virgo, but as I read your letter I have to admit I empathized with your husband. I do not chatter and despise being chattered to with every fibre of my being. Especially about health conditions. I know it’s cold, and I am physically and emotionally supportive of them, but if I have to hear about them too much I shut down completely. And, at least for me, there is no going back… from that moment on, I am biding my time until I leave. It very well may be years until I leave, but make no mistake, I am planning to and will, and every gritted-teeth fake-civil bedtime conversation solidifies that. Of course your hubby may be different, but your description feels so similar. He’s gone already in every way except physical, and honey, I’m so sorry. :(

    • Just as an aside, I love the way he smells or doesn’t smell ;-) What I meant by that paragraph is that his composure is such a contrast to me. In my eyes he really is so “perfect” and pulled-together all the time… and I feel anything but. I am quite openly flawed and I feel like a dirty sick person in contrast to him.

      Phew, that sounds like a downer huh? Paging Dr. Phil.

      • Darling Mrs Gem, “I am quite openly flawed and I feel like a dirty sick person in contrast to him” is a concerning statement.

        May I suggest you have done very well to survive as long as you have with this Robot?

        He has undermined you and made you feel so much less than you are. This is what bullies do.

        And mutable bullies are the most difficult to deal with. I grew up with the family dynamic you describe above. Believe me when I say this could possibly get more serious.
        My mother made the decision to stay with her mutable bully hub. Now she is older, weaker, has lost all the confidence she ever had and cannot move on.
        Worse, he is now her advocate in medical issues!

        Take your gold medal and move on and upwards lovely!

        • Also the mutable bully is particularly good at being in ways that escape detection or are passive threats. Like making it clear they might leave IF.., making distasteful faces when you are distressed, withholding approval, love and understanding as way to punish you, minimising and denying your problems or blaming you for them, or just emotionally humiliating you.

          If any of these things ring true then Virgo Robot is failing as a husband, even as a friend and most certainly is failing all Three Laws of Robotics (A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm, etc.).

          Just wishing you so much love and success & if this doesn’t resonate please discard!! xx.

        • Yes! Geez, your mom’s story is hideous… and so appropriate here. Sage Sphinx x

          • Yeah, hideous and insidious! Just grinds a person down quietly over time. Add any other stress (physical/mental/emo) to such a sitch and it can be very difficult to escape.

      • UGH! I USE to feel that way about my ex hubby multi scorpio….he was perfect and I was so flawed. But after many many years I changed. He was flawed, refused to see it or admit it. I was flawed and accepted it as who I was.

        NO ONE is perfect. Can you live with him, are you truly compatible, are you happy?

  26. I don’t think this is an astro issue. A lot of men have no idea how to cope with illness in themselves or others. Men like to fix things, he can’t fix you and has disconnected from the situation. Just keep in mind that 3 years of chronic illness is a heavy burden on any relationship, with the care and focus on one of the partners. He feels a bit hopeless and possibly uncared for himself, with his problems probably coming down the list. Give him some attention, give him his quiet time, and if he’s real he will come around. And never compare his love to your mums, that’s a marriage killer right there.

  27. Men get frustrated when they can’t fix things and have found them queasy about physiology. A problem presented to him that he cannot solve.
    Most of you know i am not partial to Virgo men that i have known because
    have found an arrogance toward women, a propensity for ‘denial’ and reaction vis a vis response.
    Love that Marilyn Monroe quote.

    Anyways i just wish every one radiant health as it is our first wealth and one can become so blue when unwell. Deep down it is a sign of change needed and yes, what is happening in your own energetic periphery will
    solidify in your body, so advice is careful of what you surrounds yourself
    with materially, physically, emotionally and spiritually or at least learn the skills to cleanse OPS (other peeps stuff).
    says this old girl.
    Caroline Myss YES but only 50% :-)

  28. I have to admit, Mrs Gemini you sort of lost me at ‘screaming monologue … 1.5 hours’. What were you expecting out of that?

    • Having said this I do get that you might have been trying to get some kind, any kind, of response from him. It just seems like a very difficult way to get it, to have your needs met.xx

      • And comparing his level of nurturing to your mother’s ?? Who does that?
        It sounds like you’re having a tantrum and he has no idea what to do.

      • important not to throw the baby out with the bathwater Anon, hence my follow up comment where i had tried to consider what leads a person up to that point..

  29. Love Virgo Men. And this seems very not Virgo male. Usually they are very nurturing, attentive, caring, good on communication and entertaining.

    Check what his ascendant is.

    And maybe have spare rooms, and see each other when you want to, rather than out of habit.

    Maybe you’v forgotten what normal is and he’s worn down. Seems like a lot of expectation and disappointment and there’s only so many words that can be spoken and only so much talking can do.

    Take a break and a regroup I’d say.

  30. Hi All,

    I’m a Gemini sun, Virgo rising, Pisces moon.
    My husband is Gemini sun, Virgo rising, Gemini moon.

    Last week he passed out twice at the farmers market and I stood there like an idiot while my husband hit the pavement…twice.

    For all my Gemini brains and Virgo control I didn’t know what to do in the situation and as far as my Pisces moon was concerned I was witnessing the death of my hot, sporty 30 yr old husband and I’d be a fuqing widow at 28.

    He’s absolutely fine BTW. Working too hard and a touch of heat stroke.

    All this to say…I could imagine myself saying the same heartless things your husband is because inside I am DYING because I don’t know how to make it better and as a Virgo that’s all I want to do.

    And as for the stop talking…Virgo and Gemini are both ruled by mercury. One of us let’s the chatter out and one of us keeps it all inside. Guess who is who?!

    Sometimes the inside of my head is so noisy I just want the world to shut the fuq up and I’m not very gracious about it often (gotta love low vibe Virgo traits…so much to work on).

    I’m just lucky that my husband is a very forgiving, understanding man but right now (right now = Saturn return in Scorpio) I know that I am not my best self all the time.

    Is there any chance your husband want to be there for you, wants to be better but feels trapped by his own inability to tell you or inability to fix the problem?

    I really truly it all works out the very best for you. I just wanted you to know that not all Virgos suck and when we do suck we’re very aware of it, aware of ourselves…that bit nearly sucks the worst.

    Xxx

    P.s. first time poster. Go easy on me ;)

    I stood there and did sweet F.A. to help. And

        • Hello
          Fight, flight and freeze are natural responses to an event like that.
          Glad to hear all are well.
          Congrats on first time post :)

          • Very true S! Along with a whole bucket load of out-of-the-blue anger the next day. :)

            Not much comfort to the Mr. however.

            • Haha I KNOW! I was in too deep when I figured it out.

              Its like living with a mirror constantly…can’t get away with anything cuz its all just reflected back at you.

              On the plus side though he wears his insides on his outsides, if you know what I mean…

    • “Is there any chance your husband want to be there for you, wants to be better but feels trapped by his own inability to tell you or inability to fix the problem?”

      Yes. VERY much so. And thanks for your insight. My husband has a “Gatsby Complex” (which he keeps very quiet about but I know it’s there) – ie he wants to give me ‘the world’ (when I met him, he called me his Princess) and when he can’t give me EVERYTHING (health, a palace, non-stop happiness) he curls up in a ball and freaks out.

      • Good luck with everything Mrs G! I hope this all works out for everyone’s highest good. And I’m glad I could help even a tiny bit with my minor story…nothing compared to what you’re dealing with.

        Also I love the notion of a ‘Gatsby complex’. So descriptive. I think we all know a few men like that…

  31. I am a Pisces Sun, Gemini Rising, Capricorn Moon. I love this combination (aside form the squares – ugh).

    But, I am practically married to a Libran Sun, Pisces Moon and (I am pretty sure) Virgo Rising man.

    I was about to launch into gender vs astro issues, because I think that rules here.

    But I do have a similar astro to deal with in our relationship and I see non talking, feels like non-feeling, I am more communicative and need more feedback than him – etc.

    The way I work now is to honour my knowledge (astro and personal experience) and SHIFT to create new ways of communicating. Talk to him about how you communicate and how he communicates. I mean, what it sounds like, rather than where you are coming from. Works a treat.

  32. What I have found is that Health is a taboo subject. Taboo because it makes people uncomfortable (as it’s intrinsically tied to one’s feelings on their own mortality). Want to clear a room fast? Mention your chronic illness: people will be climbing over each other to escape your cooties & their own deaths. Ironically, like lemmings over a cliff.

    Also in Western culture’ish societies where there’s such priority on independence & individualism, health is taboo as it reminds others of our vulnerability: someday you will get sick at least once & you will Depend on some degree of help from others during your illness. Dependence is a dirty word around here.

    Health is taboo territory.

      • Yes (further thought). We are so ridiculously averse to the abject, such a strange fear of the Body. I have been reading some v interesting stuff around this in the context of women book called ” the monstrous feminine – Regulating the reproductive body” it’s FASCINATING and also sad. I think we could extend this to some other aspects of the bod and it’s more problematic times..

  33. I find it strange as well that a Virgo/Gemini combo cannot communicate effectively with each other. May I suggest looking at his Moon Sign to try to get a feel for his emotional level? My Sun is in Virgo – logical, analytical, sensitive – but I always “felt” more emotional about things. When I looked at where my Moon is (Scorpio) that just told me everything I needed to know as to why I felt so much more than my logical self.

  34. P.S was not comparing his “love” to my Mother, was comparing his Virgoness to another Virgo. Swap out Mother for “other Virgo I know” if you like. I thought nurturing was a Virgo trait, and I know plenty of nurturing Virgos, so was comparing. Was not meant to be some weird Freudian thing…

    Also, screaming monologue for 1.5 hrs was self-deprecating hyperbole. I use humour to deal with pain :-) And when we do end up having a long, erm, discussion it’s because he’s been basically monosyllabic and physically avoidant (“robot mode”) for 2 weeks or more and something’s got to give.

    P.S His ascendant is Virgo and so is his Mercury!

    P.P.S I’m really finding all your comments so insightful into what goes on in his head (a sense of helplessness, overwhelm, even disappointment) and have a lot of compassion now for his position. Still haven’t figured out ‘the answer’ but I like being able to see both sides of the story more clearly. Thank you lovely people.

  35. I’m a Virgo Sun/Rising and I LOVE Geminis and have often been in relationships with them. I think your partner is doing some low Virgo nonsense. It’s true, Virgos can be nurturing — and also can love to talk about other people’s illness, symptoms and ways to heal. I have a GI illness too, and since educating myself about gut bacteria and the evils of gluten I’ve become a weird resource for friends who are having similar issues. BUT, I know a lot of Virgo men who sound like your husband, and actually I was a little bit like that once, too. Take my father-in-law: he’s a lovely man if you want to go to the movies or a sports game and his house is spotless. But emotionally he’s cold. He doesn’t communicate except to chat about insignificant things, and he is extremely passive-aggressive. The worst is that he seems to have missed out on empathy altogether. When my partner was 14, he took her on a walking tour around England. My partner sprained her ankle, and her Dad’s response was to insist that they had to keep walking because they’d made plans — basically, TOUGH IT OUT. Showing weakness makes him judgmental and distant. I think it’s not so much vicious or deliberately abusive as it is a weird form of Virgo self-punishment: Virgos always think they have to be perfect, and if that means not showing pain or admitting vulnerability, then they want everyone else to be like that too — because the alternative, admitting that they and everyone else might be helpless, is too overwhelming to manage. This particular Virgo was an alcoholic and is now in AA, but he still hasn’t developed emotionally.

    I wonder if your husband’s difficulty with your GI illness, and food restrictions, is him projecting his own anxiety about maybe having similar problems? My ex was sensitive to garlic. When we moved in together I stopped putting it in dishes, but sometimes used to season a pasta sauce pan with a slice of garlic before I cooked with it. She always knew I’d done that. It was stupid, and I learnt that it made her ill, but I didn’t want to stop cooking with garlic — I liked it! I felt constrained by her needs. Plus, I was in denial about my own food issues and didn’t want to believe anyone needed to change what they ate in order to be healthy. Now, after giving up caffeine, gluten, sugar, soy, and most dairy, I can’t believe what an asshole I was. I didn’t know how to express my needs or emotions either, really, until later. (The food stuff and the emotional stuff changed at the same time.)

    Virgos need to admit that they ARE vulnerable, that like everyone else they need to talk to let off steam, that they need to show emotions, and that it’s safe to do so. Otherwise they can be pretty nasty creatures. It sounds like the only way to have a healthy relationship would be for him to figure that stuff out. Good luck.

  36. Well, I’m not a Virgo or a Gemini, but I have Venus in Virgo and I have to admit that I hate it when people talk endlessly about their ailments, whether physical or otherwise. Unless the dialogue is productive, as in working toward figuring things out or fixing them, I do get turned off. Or as one poster said, worn down by the repetition…without any movement toward resolution/surrender/acceptance or whatever needs to happen. That’s torturous.

    I’m all in, and totally supportive, if a person is doing something other than complaining/wallowing. I can talk for hours and do extensive research for friends who are having difficulties of any nature. And complaining is okay, too, because we all need to sometimes. But my personal limit for myself is 15 minutes a day…after that I need to move into surrender/problem solving/research/changing my perspective/meditation or prayer. I can’t keep describing to myself how bad I feel about a thing, and I can’t tolerate others doing it on a regular basis.

    But I’m also really clear about it with people. It’s not like one day I just blurt out that I need them to stop complaining or detailing their ongoing issues. I’m pretty clear about how I feel all along.

    I’ve had persistent, completely mysterious and disabling GI issues. I know how horrid that is. My friends knew this and I merely would say I’m not feeling well, and leave it at that. The only person I gave details to was my homeopathist, because he wanted me to. It’s not stoic. It just seemed unnecessary to give details and be piteous to people who could do nothing for me. I wanted understanding, not sympathy, not someone to commiserate with my years long ordeal.

    People are complex and it’s just too easy to read a short one-sided description of a situation and make judgements. Is he a robot? Maybe not. But if you have a pattern of being attracted to men who are not emotionally available to you *in the way you need them to be*, that’s really more interesting and useful than whether or not we should pronounce your Virgo hubby an unsupportive bastard. Your husband may fit the bill perfectly for another person who has a different emotional/communication style.

    So, why are you attracted to men you describe as Robots? That’s the million dollar question in all this, not whether you should stay or go. Is it possible that you become ill, or have problems in order to push, to see if your man will go droid on you? Could it be that once you resolve this pattern you will no longer need to set up situations in which you will need to be sick or otherwise in crisis?

  37. Hi! I’m a female Virgo with a moon in Capricorn. I think it’s because of our sun sign that’s why we seem cold and appear like we don’t care? I won’t generalize all Virgos but in my case, I’m guilty of giving an impression like I don’t care. In my family for example, when someone’s sick, I much prefer if they would say it once and let action speak louder than words. My eyes can detect any small changes anyway in them so most of the time, I don’t like to be told about it especially when things are already obvious–at least in me. Besides, there’s a lot of things going on in my head so them mentioning their problems makes me more anxious and I feel like getting sick too because honestly, I tend to absorb their negative energy, too. I may appear nonchalant or cold but deep inside I care and worry a lot to the point of not knowing what to say or how to act properly. I’m good at actions, not in words, so all I can do is to give them medicine, provide food & comfort, without saying anything probably and may appear like a robot just because I don’t want my emotions to become obvious in my face. This is me but I hope I won’t end up like this Mr. Virgo.