Smells Like Saturn Return

Filed in Saturn

George Hoyningen-Huene, Lee Miller, Crystal ball

All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom windows, because I had some idea that the gold light would make me feel better, but I did not bother to weight the curtains correctly and all that summer the long panels of transparent golden silk would blow out  the windows and get tangled and drenched in afternoon thunderstorms. That was the year, my twenty-eight, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and ever procrastination, every word, all of it.

Joan Didion – Goodbye To All That

One of the most poetic and elegant descriptions of Saturn Return ever.

Image: George Hoyningen-Heune

146 thoughts on “Smells Like Saturn Return

  1. Ah, 28. That was a time of reckoning for me..slapped awake by Saturn, figured out my then 3 yr marriage wasn’t going to go the distance and lots of waking up/getting to work thinking, “is this seriously it until I die?”

    And concluding I wasn’t going to hack that paradigm for long. It was also the time it began to dawn on me that mistakes made in youth, would then be followed by yet the other mistake of not admitting/defending the first one I began with. It’s the staunch idealism turned against one’s self, because as yet I hadn’t developed the compassion necessary to forgive myself. Or let alone really see myself, not just for my flaws – which I was quite used to cataloging, but for my power.

    Even then, that’s a work in progress which I think age and life has aided quite well. 28 was also the age where a lot of my time was about helping my ex, the Nebulous Cancerian, there were a lot of problems to address and I got cast as the rock in the stormy sea..not realizing I needed one as well.

    Not surprisingly I took solace in Saturn’s domain, which was work and lots of it. I felt like I literally aged in the space of months. But I will say that lessons I learned then, all the work, has still served me to this day. Like I like to say, you can’t deny the work. When you do it, it stays with you forever.

    • wow, this really resonated with me — beautifully said. “You can’t deny the work.” I’m approaching my Saturn return and I, too, am starting to see the ways in which my past mistakes aren’t even so much catching up with me, but sneaking up to the surface from where they’ve always been hanging around.

    • Yes, Saturn = work as anti-dote and confidence serum. It’s THAT transit where you can’t explain ye olde f*ck ups breezily with a hair flip. Lots of feeling like you’re in a locked room all by yourself doing maths, reckoning with the figures then going out to just slog.

      But the slog in this case is where the gold is. Because no one can take that away from you.. you get to say yes, I did that. I got through that in a very concrete and measurable way.

      Pluto on the other hand..oi

      • Fortunately, I’ve got another 25-30 years until I need to start worrying about that. Then it will be plodding along on my moon and then my conjunct sun, so, you know, THAT will be a fun midlife crisis!

  2. I went to the Uk and married a guy who was in Australia on an army tour for 6 months on my first Saturn return. I actually thought saturn return was 29 years. Iam now 57 and must of had my second return but missed it!!!

    • The Saturn Return is more like a season rather than one specific year. Beginning about year 28 is one end of the season and year 30ish is probably the back end of the it. Though, most people probably start feeling the shift somewhere in year 27. Because…

      What astrologers don’t usually mention is the SR is preceded by a Progressed Moon Return to the Natal Moon, a transit that sets up the emotional themes of the oncoming SR. It’s like a major developmental/emotional reset for your life.

      The Progressed Moon bit was what really rang my bell.

      • Oh wow, that is really interesting about the progressed moon — totally makes sense. I remember looking up my progressed moon, in fact, just about 6 months ago, trying to figure out why I had been feeling like all of the air had gone out of me, and sure enough, the actual air in my chart had gone out of whack, as the only real air in my chart at all is my Aqua moon conjunct my natal Pisces sun, and lo and behold, I saw my prog moon had slipped into Pisces at the beginning of the year. I almost had to laugh, in fact, because the actual feeling I had been having was like I was bogged down, like a sopping wet mess, and there it was. But I had also been noticing Love Zombie symptoms, and nostalgia, slipping into bad behaviors with drinking, nostalgia etc etc — all very lo Pisces.

        It’s like an astrological dragging of the heels before the inevitable Saturn clean up, like a part of me trying to hunker down and hope that Saturn doesn’t find me, though of course I really DO want Saturn to come find me, because it’s hard not to get a little sick of yourself, I think, when you start doing too much of one part of your chart, or feel a familiar astro balance kind of thrown off.

        • Interesting about the emotional themes…looks like my prog moon went conjunct my natal moon almost exactly two years ago…hmm…will have to think on that.

      • Oh, wow! I just turned 27 this month and my progressed moon is just 4 degrees away from my natal moon in Taurus. I am definitely feeling the shift. I don’t know much about the philosophy behind the progressed chart, off to research.

  3. Broke up with de facto / biz partner of 6 yrs – left him everything because thought he would need it more than me.

    Started full time study – fine art and loved the freedom and went onto fashion design

    Travelled overseas for the first time – nearly 3 months backpacking through Indonesia Malaysia and Thailand feeding my soul

    All had a profound effect on my life

  4. Decided to move countries and came to Australia. Huge cultural shock + realised the value of my family.

  5. changed jobs, upped pay, got engaged and not, nursed step dad and planned his funeral with pomp circumstance and jazz. Literally. Worked, ran fanatically, and helped sister through divorce. Discovered advocacy-my work now.

    Saturn’s on Neptune- polished up my personal planets. Gearing up to big Return- de-cluttering marathon.

    Prog Moon in Scorp/ clear eyed but tender hearted.

    Xx Kat

  6. Beautiful quotation. <3 Joan Didion, always. Was also listening to an interview with James Franco last night, who was talking about his Saturn Return (age 27) as the time when he started to look at his life & realise he wanted more, and that's when he went back to school to become a writer. I don't like his writing, but good for him.

    I am 26 so no stories to share yet! I've had a difficult twenties so far, so I'm actually kind of looking forward to my Saturn Return as a reckoning, hopefully disciplining myself, & eventual triumph. Oh & did you see Frances Ha, too? A film absolutely about Saturn Return & finding your true purpose/ soul mate.

    • Yes, I agree with you re: looking forward to it my Saturn return. I just turned 29, and mine will be happening later this year. My twenties were also not great. Terrible in some ways, but mostly just a big hazy, boozy, slutty, empty, sad waste. And that was only the first couple of years! Mellowed in my mid twenties, but felt depressed and anxious and lost a lot. Goodbye to all that, indeed!

      • A-fuqing-men. My party animal phase ended when I got sick at 23 but the patterns and the emptiness after were still lingering a lot up until last year at 26. By the end of 25 I really and truly got bored of self-destructing and little by little started to pull out of it. I feel like I had to break everything down to find myself and now I am JUST starting to re-build, which is exciting! I hope your Saturn return is awesome. I find all these stories very comforting, as people often make the Saturn return out to be some hardcore life-shattering wakeup call of administrative hell and boring-ness setting in or something. Maybe if you don’t want to let go it is…

        • Yeah, that’s pretty much how it was for me, too. I definitely kick and scream a little bit or feel like hiding from change because it’s easier to just get kind of pathetically tipsy by myself while watching TV under a blanket, ha, or I get nostalgic sometimes about the few good times and some of the fun I *did* actually have, so I get why there’s that fear, but whereas I used to just shrug off my week day hangovers, or indulge almost every mood swing, now, yeah, I just get kind of disgusted with myself, like “ugh, grow UP!” So while parts of me ARE dreading or trying to avoid the impending admin, MOST of me is super ready for some help getting whipped into shape.

        • I was apprehensive about my SR because of all the fatalistic talk you hear from people, but I’m going through mine now and it’s been a very liberating experience. Last year I started to shed a lot of personality stuff that didn’t fit anymore, shed a few friends and acquaintances, changed jobs based on ideological differences… Saturn hit its natal point for me in late January and I finally feel like after so many years of false starts, I’m getting my sh*t together. I’m more grounded, disciplined and confident. I am actually embracing the idea of being an adult – and what that means both in terms of how I present myself to the world and how I deal with things.

          So far, it’s been great. And I’ve lost five kilos in two months with no concerted effort!

  7. I don’t know the significance but i found a book by Joan Didion in a second hand yesterday and now she appears. I love the synchronicity here.

    • She is a magnificent writer. Her book about the loss of her husband ‘The Year of Magical Thinking’ is one of the most profoundly beautiful books about grief and loss I have ever read.

      • I read that book after my best friend (had actually received the book for Christmas from my mother, three weeks BEFORE my friend died) and it was one of the few things that got me through that time.

  8. apologies if this is a silly question, but how do you work out when your saturn return is? or is it around 28/29 for everyone? xx

    • when your natal saturn is conjunct transiting saturn.

      Ie: when saturn in the now meets saturn in your chart. It’s a transit like all others, thats why the dates slip individually for each of us. I had my exact at 29.

      • You can get whispers of it when Saturn hits your natal Saturn sign, or the house Saturn was in at birth. Pulls you into your authentic- do or die best self. Start using your own judgment- no excuses- forgive yourself any lapses. Then get out there and do your best. Every day. You will love it.

    • This Saturn return calculator is nifty: http://www.astrocal.co.uk/saturn-return.php

      You can also look up the exact date, yourself, of when it will be exact by looking at a Swiss ephemeris — you want to look at when Saturn will be trotting back over and dancing around the degrees of your natal Saturn. It’s a little different for everyone — mine will actually more around the time I’m 30, starting three months before I turn 30, and hanging out for most of that year. As someone else mentioned, it’s more like a “season.”

      Pull up your chart, and then just Google Swiss Ephemeris in another window — hope that helps!

      • *Or, rather, it will end right before I turn 30, I meant to say, because my natal Saturn is late degrees Scorp, and will be/have been leading up to it most of this year/a lot of last year. If you want precision, you’re better off with the ephemeris, but the calculator is a good starting point, so you know which ephemeris to look at.

      • Woah, thank you! Apparently mine is December 2016 so I will be 29 and almost 30 when it hits. For some reason I thought it was usually earlier.

        The dates for the 3/4 cycle square are relevant for me…I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years because I was tired of our lifestyle. I looked around the apartment with over a hundred people on my 21st bday and thought “everyone is just here for the party, not for me” and then broke up with him the next week. I also kept the apartment and busted my ass to keep it even though I was in school full-time, then imploded under the stress like a year later.

      • ahh thankyou guys!! looks like its around 28/29. difficult getting to grips with all these charts and circles and squares but ill get there :) xx

  9. My saturn return I became pregnant to a husband I knew was leaving. I had our daughter but throughout I felt the loneliness build and all the fears I had ever harboured were now crashing in around me and there was nothing I could do. It was the most desolate of times, feeling like your imminent death was upon you at last.
    It took all I had to stand in amongst it and realise that there was only one person who could get me out of this and it was me.
    I walked away from that year or two knowing that there was nothing else that could ever come anywhere near scaring me as much again. That I had faced my biggest fears and had walked on. I am such a different person to the woman I left behind when Saturn came home.

    • Beautiful you could embrace yourself and your pain and still say, “when Saturn came home” embracing Saturn entirely.
      It’s a very deep and rending pain that attacks your deepest survival fears to be a woman invested in nurturing fragile new life and receiving no nurturing or protection herself.

      • thanks andi, that was exactly it. The sheer alone ness of the situation. And the understanding that you could never form a family unit again. It would always be step brothers or half sisters etc. Not that I ever had any more children. I simply could not, possibly lost trust, who knows. But if I am honest, it was facing this and understanding me in the process which has made me a far greater human being/woman than I was. So yes, I am a very big Saturn fan. Saturn gave me a strength I did not know I contained. It sits conj my Asc with Chiron. I don’t think I was ever going to get away with an easy ride.

      • and goodness, how many women experience this? i did, and still am really although the fragile new life is now a prancing ram. Saturn really helped me put my life back together so that i could do what i needed to as it came to visit first my personal planets and then my sign. i’m a fan too, it hurts even to cut out cancer i guess, but you feel better later if it works (I’m aware that’s a tricky metaphor apologies if it triggers anyone)

        • The numbers of women are vast. And my ex was especially revolting on exit. ‘You’re not my responsibility’ he said as he left and to this day he still believes he is immune to anything resembling a role in our daughter’s life. Not only that but he has just left his second partner and their son with nothing. It is like watching a movie all over again. This time our daughter is watching with older and wiser eyes. She has decided to estrange herself as she has felt he was nothing other than an abusive relationship. She is right. I’m very much hoping it will not have hardened her heart but rather made her stronger in her own loving. I know I am now.

          • I knew my marriage was over when I had my daughter. Because all I cared about then was her :-) But, its interesting. Once you have your first Saturn return, its just another trip around the wheel.

            • See, I was really very different. I’m not the mothering sort and although I had an innate killer instinct surrounding protecting my daughter I did not get that aahhhh love thing at all. I recognised she was an individual that I had been tasked to care for. But I can honestly say I have never felt that deep connection as ‘mother’ It’s odd as I have a 4th house Cancer full of planets but I think my Uranus just goes Nah not for me.

              • Emg I have found each child we mother is a very different experience of motherhood. Unique. One child can inspire completely different emotions than another. Call it karma or what you like, it’s a curious thing. Where do you see yr 4th House stuff being expressed in yr life btw?

                • Again Andi I think you have hit the nail on the head. My Karma with my daughter is not easy, it’s deep, there’s a lot of pluto going on but it isn’t gooey at all. I never went on to have more as I lost trust in the male for doing that and considered myself not much cut out for motherhood. But I know deep inside if I had gone on to have a little boy, that would have been a different story. Bit late now though, maybe next time. But yes I agree with you.

  10. Ok.. so if I understand this correctly my Saturn return should occur every 28 years? So, my Saturn return won’t occur until I am 56? Is this correct?

    Gosh… age 28 = was 1986.

    If I remember correctly I was trying to figure out my life with finding a career.

    -I flunked out of college in 1984..
    -came home,
    -worked
    -finally got into a job with a big corporation around 1986.

    So, my life as a corporate follower began. From that point on.. it was honestly about my career and surviving the best I could without any help. I did it.

    So, will it mean when Saturn hits me again? A repeat of that timeline?

    xo!!

    • Yikes.. just checked my chart. I am so fixed on Saturn transitioning through our charts and forgot as to where it is natally for me. It’s in my 5th house.

  11. Saturn return: pfft! At that time i returned home from a years-long vision quest with a fresh game plan that included becoming a mom. To some it looked like i’d done a complete 360, but no: I was only adding to my empire.

    I say pfft because so much is made of the Saturn return– look out here it comes!– & when it was happening for me I didn’t even realize it. I just followed my heart, followed the signs, & there I was and all was Beautiful. Yes my life changed drastically during that time, but it was change I initiated. Change that I wanted. And I got everything I ultimately wanted, which always pleases me. Haha

    It’s like the build up to surgery: oh, going to have surgery, scary stuff– but you arent actually doing a thing but lying there like a lump during surgery. It’s the surgeon et al. doing the work of surgery. Your work comes later, once you’re home from hospital

    and hosting Saturn in Scorpio! *This* has been grueling, astro friends. This has been Work.

    • You had a lovely Saturn Return! That is how I feel now, even though Saturn is on my Moon and I am working hard emotionally, I know what course to follow.. Good work doll!

  12. I loved my Saturn return. Never felt healthier in all my life. Saturn in 10th house Cancer. My daughter was born, which was the greatest accomplishment of my life. She’s Saturn in Cancer 2nd house. She’s got lilith there too.

    • Nice :)

      My Saturn’s in Kataka, & my son’s is in Leo. I guess he really is the fruit of my Saturn labors!

      • And– this just dawned on me– my Saturn’s in the 5th. Which I always bitch about. But, if the result of my 1st return was this gorgeous miracle of a human life, what 5th house awesomeness will come from my 2nd return?! Aww 5th house Saturn, you alright.

        • Omg the insights keep coming!

          My Saturn’s retro, & in the thick of my return I had a miscarriage. My 1st pregnancy, I was 29 years old. My 2nd pregnancy was the charm, 6 months later, in my 30th year, & as my Saturn return was winding down.

          So it wasn’t all daisies & unicorns, but like I said, ultimately all good & wondrous things were born of that time. Keep the faith, Saturn returnees!

          • Seems a lot of women have children around their Saturn return. My daughter’s Saturn is 4 degrees off my own (her’s is 20, mine 16) Cancer, that’s pretty close! Makes me think of family karma…we’ve both got Saturn in Cancer.

            Chiron crossed my IC a few years before my Saturn return and that’s when I got the love of my life, my 13 year old poodle boy. :-) Never could have imagined such a loyal creature, but yet he lives!

            • yes! i conceived on the exact date of my Saturn return. i only made the connection last November!

  13. (disclaimer: my left shift key is broken, making it insanely annoying to be consistent about capitalization. Forgive me. )

    Doing my SR right now. Natally I have saturn conjunct my natal AC from the 12th house side. saturn just passed my natal saturn and is now on my ac, and when it retrogrades it will hit my saturn again.

    it’s very interesting learning the meaning of a 12th house saturn.

    i finally am starting to not be afraid of ghosts or my psychic abilities. perhaps i will also stop fearing the nebulous liquid life that i feel i want to live, but shy away from, fearing dissolution.

    When i was a kid i was so afraid of ghosts that i would lay paralyzed in my bed all night long with the covers over me, in absolute terror. almost every night.

    Recently i had a dream that i was in bed in the room i grew up in, and i heard a ghost speaking and i was frightened, but this time, instead of hiding under the covers i got out of bed and began stomping around the house, turning lights on, making my presence known. and when i looked out the window i saw i was in my hometown and i was safe.

    I also have begun taking my studies of astrology, healing and metaphysics more seriously. In fact, I am seeing that I actually have quite an aptitude in these areas.

    But it ain’t over yet. As some of you know, I’ve been absolutely BUGGING about whether I should get an apartment in New York and use it as a base while I travel, or if I should just get in my van and drive away from here. I am basically in a Libra decision maker’s hell. I feel I am *kind of* stuck here, and shall soon be free…but I am afraid if I stay here one more second I will be stuck here forever in a purgatory of my own making. Fear seems to influence my every decision.

    I think it is true that dedicated application to SOMETHING is the only antidote. So what could that be?

    Oh yeah, the progressed lunar return! When mine came about in 2012, I finally put my foot down about my terrible habit of trying to prove to men that I was worthy of their love and other nonsense.

    “as is, as is, as is” I chanted to myself. If you can’t take me as is, then fuck off! I took my neptune necklace off and swapped it for a moon symbol. I vowed to protect my heart.

      • Doppelganger how? lol. The ghosts? 12th house saturn? I’m curious. I hope I’m doing “good work” as I am only now realizing that most of my life has been consumed by fear, guilt and limiting self doubt and low self esteem. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you realize your life till now was only half lived. But we are not our past, we are our present and everything that comes after now is simply rippling out of what we do RIGHT NOW. Every moment is an opportunity to play and be what you want to be. If you spend today consumed with the past then you live life in a perpetual vacuum…never making those wonderful ripples into the future. I learned- and am still learning- this the hard way!

        • oh dear Pluto, I wrote you the longest (no kidding) note last night but alas, I was in bed using my iPad and this infernal wifi connection of mine means it only pretended to get posted. Meh
          I’m out of time here now, it’s 6.20 am and I need to rush but will drop you a line (or 27) when I can if you’r still checking this thread. Damn I hate when that “happens”
          Yo what’s up merc retro?
          Mffff
          Need to sort out my wifi connection TODAY!

    • Aka. Hi. The line about trying to prove to men worthiness of love etc. Omg. Yes. I had this series of psych breakthroughs from late 2009 – earlyish 2012 ‘re this. Looked back at all the ways that I engaged in this kind of approval-seeking behaviour (I guess) rather than *not* being fearful of losing whatever guy I was with at the time. It all tied into dad-stuff for me. I’d be happy to share (what I remember of) the reading material titles if anyone’s interested. Ultimately it came down to eexactly what you say: as is! Didn’t mean that I was a hideous beast and some guy had to accept categorically shite behaviour, but if h e couldn’t handle my perfectly reasonable boundary setting (in and out of bed), accommodate my perfectly reasonable needs within the relationship, bla bla bla, then thanks but this isn’t going to work out. I’m not going to bend over backwards for someone who thinks what they want comes first every time. Show some Respeck.

      • Hello pi
        I think it would be really helpful for many peeps who visit this site if you could post those book titles.
        Please and thankyou :)
        Cheers

  14. yes.
    Mine was hard, one of my closest friends and her son were killed. Her son was my 6 yr olds best friend. My whole family, hubby, me, and our 3 young kids were altered to the core.

    I’m 10 years past that now…..Pluto took over after that.

  15. hello Saturn, my old master, your brown fingers, strum, my washboard skin, desiccating, blood and flesh, you bind, my dissenting, rebel hair, in ancient beads of shell, you draw my feet, tap roots, warmed with magma, my hands curl, to your demands, the abacus of my back, bruised with your memory, the soaked rag of my heart, laid flat to dry, old friend, I always loved you,best.

  16. Saturn Return was a profound time for me, it was like I woke up. It gave me a new sense of awareness I hadn’t experienced before and it couldn’t be ignored. I knuckled down and began working meticulously on everything in my life that I felt needed to be addressed. I threw out stuff and replaced it with better stuff. The best thing was discovering routine, routine and routine. Hard work became my mantra :)

    Natal Saturn conjunct Mars in the 6th house

  17. Ha! I was having Saturn while my ex was doing Saturn + Pluto courtesy of moi.

    We were both dreadfully tired, pissy and apparently into abuse as we were together before and after the Saturn action made it’s debut.

    I got my first mortgage when Saturn hit. It made me face a reality and responsibility I never planned on attaching to. Grew up, Quick.

    • same here – first mortgage when Saturn hit.

      I had a fantastic Saturn Return. I was going out several times a week, great friends, a job I just LOVED, then a new home.

      I figured as a Cap ascendent I’m doing saturn ALL the time, so the Return was like a reward. :)

      • That sounds about right for you, it being like a reward with Saturn and all. Didn’t think about it that way! Have you hit your second SR ? If not, Looking forward to next one too eh?

        I didn’t see back then my job was more than I could see at that point. Asked for a huge raise to stay with them as home responsibilities tripled… and I got it. Plus I was working from home on this bigger salary with some light travel. Still do. Saturn Return was a blessing in disguise… I’m still enjoying the fruits of it. It was a reward for me too. It just took awhile for the fog of Neptune in my Moon to clear and it meant I had to do the painful inner work to be able to clear the gunk and see the situation for what it was. SR also brought responsibility of my parents to me with this house. So yeah there was a LOT for me to process with them (Saturn and Pluto sits natally in my 4th).

        • You still enjoying the fruits of your first or second SR? Either one sounds awesome.

          Well done on getting a raise too with the extra responsibility! Was always like getting blood from a stone with Saturn in 2nd – all to do with timing, and hard slog.

          Haven’t had my 2nd SR yet. I turn 50 in Nov this year. Quite looking forward to my second SR though, if my first is anything to go by. :)
          Although I’d imagine in the not too distant future I’ll have parental responsibilities to deal with as well. I have Saturn on Sagg moon to look forward to, then Saturn on my ascendent.
          Nothing could be as bad as having Saturn on my Libra Venus. Horrendous!

      • Funny we both had our first mortgage during SR. May I ask where your Saturn is natally? Mine is in the 4th = home/family, so makes sense as I was a bit forced to reintroduce these things back into my life.

        • Natal Saturn in Aqua 28º in 2nd house – Square my Jupiter in Taurus in 4th.
          The contract was settled a few months after Saturn had moved into Aqua. The day I moved in the Sun (Aqua) was transiting my 2nd house.

          Uranus, Neptune and North Node all in Capricorn at the time – party in my 1st house!! :) Interesting that Uranus was in Cap because the mortgage was sudden and unexpected. Definitely not planned, although having my own home was something i had always wanted.

          Incidentally (I had to look all this up in my dairy) – we got training at work on Mac computers (black and whitte in those days. LOL). So earned income (2nd house) through technology (Aqua)

    • I had a Saturn/Pluto type experience of the Sat Return too.
      It is seriously not to be messed with! Unless you are very evolved of course. :)

      • Yeah, I was doing Pluto with Saturn as the effects of Pluto had not completely worn out yet. We were both doing Saturn/Pluto, as my Sat/Pluto conjunction sat on his Sum. Good Lord we are both so much happier now.

  18. Oh my goodness! Just realised my dad is having his second saturn return or about to get deep into it! He’s about to be made redundant. The last year I have seen him put him self full throttle into his language classes he attends saturday mornings, i saw a completely diff side of him when we went abroad to visit my ex, one which makes me so proud to be his daughter! I really feel like he’s woken up and there’s no stopping him now despite knowing there are tough times ahead for him as the sole breadwinner of the family.

    My own first saturn return will be in 6 years time…just curious as to what it will bring up. I guess I better enjoy myself in the meantime!

  19. Went to prison for 2 years & 10 days. In Belgium.
    My boobs weren’t big enough to get publicity :-)

      • How do i find that out just for astro info co-incidence? 23/5/78 @ 11 am Bruxelles airport time?
        But you know i have 12th house Cap rising & Venus?

        Lets call it tax evasion Scorpbot. One doesn’t take Boogie Boards to Belgium, so use your imagination:-)

        Second SR bought me Butch. *sigh* Saturn’s lessons, huh. Nataly in Leo i do BIG MISTAKES,
        (with my hair looking fab of course & well dressed) and as my have saying goes ‘it took courage to do some of the things i wished i hadn’t done’.

        • “Big mistakes” LOL

          I know a Saggo guy who spent 2 nights in jail in Czechoslovakia while on holiday!!
          He has natal Venus conjunct Saturn in 12th!!

          To do your transits for that date – go to Astro.com and select “extended chart selection”
          I presume you know how to do your chart with transits?
          Mystic’s first DIY hack shows you how. Anyway, under “Options” you’ll see the current date, just select the day / month / year you’re want transits for, then select “natal chart and transit”

  20. I fell in love with my Leo husband in 2006 during his Saturn return…. he very stubbornly tried to resist learning every lesson Saturn threw at him. It was beautiful and perfect.

    I have a stellium in Sagittarius starting with Saturn at 3 degrees…. I could use some discipline so hopefully this will be a beautiful process for me too! Hopefully with less resistance from me!!!

  21. My Saturn Return was text-book.
    The life I had constructed was pulled out from under me like a rug.

    Went on a holiday and came back to my partner in business & love, who had changed. It didn’t help Pluto was on my NN & on his Sun/Neptune.

    I had to keep working with him, realising slowly, he had cheated with.. everyone available! Chump factor 10!!
    I was such a Love Zombie. Ugh, so embarrassing looking back. Even a local psychic admonished me, “Be a proud woman! My God, look at yourself!”.
    It was hellish. I even became anorexic!
    That seems a bit Saturn, I was quite bony afterall… :)

    But that Pluto/Saturn combo was like: Hook! Uppercut! KO…

    Probably more a Pluto thing, but at that time I lived with a lot of men around. I now no longer trust large groups of men. They treat women like objects. It was really depressing to be alone in the world and be treated like meat, I felt so unsafe. Dirty Uncle Pluto!

    Phew! I came out of that dedicated to a path with shining Enlightement as a goal. (Not some seedy Sagg stirring up my 7th). And I am so happy now!

  22. I was my mom’s saturn return baby, born 5 days before her 29th birthday. Both of our saturns and suns are in a clump in Cancer.

    Torro’s daughter, the Leo redhead, was born at his saturn return.

  23. Is it possible to have a delayed Saturn Return. I was so unaware of everything I dont think I started to realise this untill I was about mmmm 33….

      • I realise the “love of my life” total assburger but I will love him forever
        (somebody kill that zombie!)
        No no but it is just a friendship/crush now.
        Anyway we had been together for 5 years and I discovered that he’d been “cheating” on me with absolutely EVERY other model I knew and or worked with, travelled with, had casually gotten wasted with (and yes, honestly I’d slept with a few of them and their boyfriends too) anyway this was off the charts sex addiction from his end. I’m no angel but christ I loved this man. Still do but back then it was totally Romeo and Juliet type of Neptune/Venus/Eros- Hylomene (as in I would have died for him) kind of adoration style love. So I did that classic thing of playing the victim and blaming him for “forcing me into monogamy” called him a liar (actually he was only trying to spare my feelings. The dude was a sex addict who actually loved me very very very much and the addiction and our subsequent break up affected him as badly as it did me, if not more)
        anyway I’ve got Chiron in my 5th house and a sex addict dad (I counted 9 affairs the year I turned 12) so naturally my then lover, Philip was merely reflecting my own issues back for me to deal with.
        I was horrid.
        Vengeful, furious, self righteous, vindictive and oh did I mention nasty?
        Above and beyond the call of being “a bitch” which neither of us would have minded, I was just awful to him for about 2 years. He chased me around the world, begging my forgiveness but I would not relent, except to occasionally take large amounts of cash from him to fund my ridiculous publishing venture or pay for my jaunts in extensive hotels. He would dutifully pick up the tab and I would revert to being THE NASTIEST BITCH WHO EVER STOMPED ON A MAN.
        Anyway, we are such good friends now and the publishing venture although financially disastrous is the thing I’m the proudest of in my whole life. That didn’t get off the ground until I was 33 tho but was a few years in gestation. It really was my baby.
        Um yeah but my Saturn return was fairly low key and uneventful.
        Nothin to see here
        move along
        lol

        • NOthing here sounds like a saturn return, this is way too much drama for saturn.
          No wonder your saturn return seemed unnoticed, it would be considering what followed.

          • Ha! Good point Catfish
            Was sorry to hear about your friend.
            RIP <3
            Hope you feel ok today xoxo

            • oh hon. Thank you.
              was worried after I wrote that that if came off judgemental, which it so was not, so glad you didn’t take it that way!

              Feeling much better.

  24. realiseD

    for once

    just

    once
    could I post a comment with no hideous typos?
    Despite having mars in virgo, apparently not!

    Not going to re read that comment.
    The first line was enough.
    No self guilting allowed today!

    • Another Mars in Virgo ‘it has to be aligned, beautiful and O so correct or it upsets my equilibrium?’
      Otherwise known as Eagle Eyes…lol.

  25. Second Saturn return and the black hole in the universe brought me Butch.
    As i was so into Tanttra then, finally understood what was meant by The Sacred & the Profane. The crown meets the root. The root wins.
    A Bad Boy in his 40′s. Divorced with 2 girls by 2 different women and kevetching about paying support because if he didn’t have to pay that he could have a Monaro. A Sagg Kung Fu-ing Sheriff no less, and we know how David Carradine died. For those who don’t know: in a Bangkok hotel room by auto-erotique asphyxiation), so maybe Butch could one day be strangled by a pair of lace knickers size 8 womens.
    Life a paradox.
    Those here on the eternity loop of MM know about him & me.
    Two other amazing women had chosen a mr. wrong for you but hot sex
    around the same time (when Myst was doing mr. aquas) and we comforted each other by the it’s not you it’s him diddling around in our second chakra.
    The next one (courtesy of the chart given above) is at 86.
    Wonder if that is the year i die. If so then i better double up on stretch & flex regime faster than quick, eat more greens and use SF 50!

    At least by then Pluto will be gone after 20+ years on my Sun & Rising.
    LOve you all…

    • Whoa
      I always had a crush on David Caradine.
      Is it wrong that the way he died turns me on?
      Lol

      Oh dear

  26. This post couldn’t come at a more timelier… time.

    I’ve just finished work, been balling my eyes out feeling sorry for myself. Came on here and reading through these has – I don’t want to say cheered me up, but thrown some perspective into my face which has cheered me up.

    I’m almost 27, Pluto is smashing the shite out of me sitting in my first house opposing and squaring everything – I am a walking Zap Zone. I’ve been a walking Zap Zone for years and it’s drained me.

    Not sure where I was going with this anymore, but, thank you all.

    • Hey honey, we are all alone in this together.
      Or all together in this alone.
      Don’t cry for me Agentina, just weep, it’s another thing we can do better than men :-).

      Seems we are all feeling shifts and in all areas, animal vegetable & mineral.
      Play that Pharells song Happy on repeat. Fake it till you make it, think the planet may be doing that ascension thing that was predicted, so hang loose and smile :-)

      • Weep… hahaha, my Dad thinks I’m a hardass so he will never admit when I’m crying – he will only ever call me “weepy”.

        I’ll have to youtube the song – I can’t think of how it goes off the top of my head. I’ll wait until I have some decent internet though.

      • Hey Pegs I actually had a dream recently that I WAS Eva Peron and I was feeding the people! Lol
        Don’t cry for me Argentina was playing all through the dream. It was pretty hilarious. I woke up laughing at the grandiosity of my own unconscious. :-)

    • Plenty of lovers in the interim and your most spectacular toy boy at 86 – all on your own terms

  27. You PIABs are amazing! All this Saturn return prompted me to try and find my journals from that time c 1993, but no luck so far.

    At 28-30 I’d resigned from boring but safe public service job to study professional writing and editind, entering a world of creative types poets and novelists. Really enjoyed it. I planned to be an editor but realised in Melbourne you either worked for Penguin in f-ing Ringwood! or textbook publishers… And publishing was badly paid and full of grumpy middle aged women. Not my scene. Ended up getting a job at a photocopy shop and got back into graphic design (my original career choice at 18, but I dropped out because of nasty bitchy lecturers).

    I had been in love with my married boss and made a break from him as well as leaving yje PS job.

    I reinvented myself. Lots of good in those times.

    And re the previous page, I’m also a member of the Depression club. It certainly makes life more difficult, but maybe it makes one appreciate happiness more?

  28. Speaking of Saturn, it’s camped out for the next month or so over my Sun-Neptune conjunction (and the transit doesn’t end until November). Ackkk!

    Does anyone have advice for Saturn over Neptune? The transit of my Sun I can handle, but Neptune in the mix has me feeling completely in the doldrums. I can’t tell if my assessment of my life at the moment is piercingly accurate or exaggeratedly pessimistic.

    • GBS, Saturn has recently gone over my Neptune, (went over my moon last year) and I have been finding that Saturn is structuring my creativity in a good way.

      As in, am sitting down regularly drawing and painting more than I have in years, and I have sorted out all paints and other materials. I know where absolutely everything is…

      Saturn doesn’t have to be a lead balloon, it can be supportive and construct good foundations

  29. Don’t remember exactly what happened at which dates, but at 30, after we had been to Mexico and U.S for 8 months travelling, came back to Sydney with the Aquarian I had spent most of my 20s with.

    We were living in a nice little flat at Bronte and one Saturday night we were home watching ‘The Bill’ on TV and I just had a distinct thought, something like, “there’s more to life than this…”

    We split not long after, and a few years later I left Sydney to live in a city where I didn’t know anyone, and that was the making of me, I think.

    • You really do write in such a visual way V, love it.
      Going to live in a city where you are a stranger in a strangely land.. can be very twilight zone-ish. Really defining.. a Saturn characteristic, ;) .

      • That is a compliment coming from you, A!

        Didn’t want to write on here for ages cos there are a few of you here that are so able to distill and convey so much nuance with words…but I have a go anyway :)

        Funnily enough, I used to love that stranger in a strange land sensation. Sometimes I have fallen in love with a city (eg Barcelona) in the way that one does with a person, with a urgent sense that there is so much to discover. I am not wanting to uproot in a major way at all these days. I have found the place I want to sit. And do short trips and come back

        • “stranger in a strange land sensation”

          I love that too – venus in lIbra in 9th house and Saggo moon.

          Never lived in another city bedsides Sydney though. I was born in Europe so Australia is the country I fell in love with at age 6. Can’t imagine living anywhere else.

          I love short trips too.

          Oh… and I enjoyed reading your comment too

          • Scorpbot, there is a lot of your astro that I can really really relate to, I have often thought that whilst reading your comments, and sharing similar experiences when we were younger.

            My thought about you recently has been it’s going to be amazing seeing something totally engage that mars Pluto Venus in the 8th of yrs. With that placement, and you being a Scorp, it HAS to be total passion or forget about it. Be it a person or an idea, or art school, or art

            • yes!! feel the same!
              ..and that 1984 Saturn post was wonderful – everyone trippin down memory lane.

              Pluto/Venus? You mean transiting PLuto/Venus?
              Or maybe you mean my Pluto / Uranus/ Mars in Virgo in 8th.

              My natal Venus is in 9th

              I have Eros conjunct my Sun too. Too much passion sometimes.
              Thank goodness I have a creative outlet. Otherwise I might end up in jail. LOL.

  30. It is so helpful to read these postings. My Saturn return began in December, and, strangely enough, it seemed to be ushered in by a sugar, caffeine, carb detox. I experienced some severe fevers that were probably a candida die-off reaction, and just haven’t been the same ever since. I just stopped being able to get out of bed every day and lie to myself.

    So far I’ve realized that my job is a dead-end job, and my relationship just ended yesterday, because it was built more upon fantasy and idealization than anything else.

    Most of all, I’m realizing that the one thing that I’ve spent my whole life searching for on a psychological level….the love of the birth-parents I never knew, is not only NOT real, but is never going to come. So much of my identity—or who I thought I was–has been based on trying to get this impossible love. Now that the illusion is dispersing I’m realizing that I don’t know who I am without it.

    I feel like my identity has been wiped, and it’s humbling, but a relief too.

    • Go with the freedom! I quit smoking Monday and when I get that addict feeling I think “its never getting any better. It never was any better. It never will be any better.” No more striving for a feeling to go away, or to have some feeling I never really had, you know? There is a lot of freedom in that. I have faith that once you let go of love in your mind, you will find it in your life. Good luck.

      • That’s so sweet! Thank you. Isn’t it weird how connected the body is to our emotional development too? When I did that sugar detox I also realized that the same addict-feeling I would get around sugar would come up when I felt like I needed to call my boyfriend just to make sure that things were “OK.” Who knew that co-dependence and sugar addiction could be so related. Good luck to you too.

        • There is a contentious debate linking willpower to glucose – low levels have been linked to lack of self control. I can subscribe to it as I find it applicable in my life.

    • Right there with you, on every point! Except after my candida detox I had a total relapse due to having my heart broken (I also have a bunch of psych problems with food, so the not so gentle cutting out of foods led to terrible binging. The next attempt will have to be when I’m in a better place).

      It is very important to have that realization about parental love. Epic, really. I think once we grieve once and for all we can move on, maybe even have better relationships. My years of trying to earn my parent’s love only transferred to me trying to earn the love of men who were similarly rejecting or unavailable. I think you might know what I mean…

      • Greif is such a good word for it. During my detox I swear that I had a moment of feeling my birth mother leaving me, and this total panic of “but I can’t live without you!” I was an infant when I was given up for adoption, but I think that I was still traumatized by the departure of the one thing that was supposed to keep me physically and emotionally alive.

        During my detox this feeling just passed through my body, like an emotional memory or something and I started to grieve/cry in a way that I never had before.

        After that moment the feelings of panic I’d have when my boyfriend wouldn’t call or something just didn’t make sense anymore. I was finally able to realize that the anxiety I’ve been feeling for so long was not real, and was just leftover from that original trauma.

        I’ve gotten a lot of help from working on my blood sugar issues with the book “The Truth About Beauty” and website by Kat James. Her philosophy is that anytime you have a craving or feel like you NEED something to get through the day it is a sign that your body is not in balance.

        Once I was able to feel the peace of not craving anything (for the first time) I was able to see that my anxiety was a sign of emotional imbalance. …And once I stopped worrying my relationship collapsed fast!

        (And yes, there have been a lot of unavailable men!) : )

        • you sound so self aware – and like you’re doing great….I think this is going to be a really productive transit for you! and you and AKAPluto have helped me catalyse something about my own issue with unavailable men – thanks :)

          • Interesting discussion. I went to the doctors today. I may have IBS…tests to be done on monday and we’ll take it from there. It feels good to actually be heard for the first time and not be dismissed as a hypochondriac.

            I did cut down on sugar for a while before and have reintroduced it but in small quantities. Nothing like before, i was a total addict. Tea is my addiction right now. Just the thought of giving it up makes me teary eyed. Lol.

        • Just fabulous your insight here SolanaJ.
          I feel emotional just reading this, thank you for sharing it, xx.

      • Oh gawd. Candida is just awful!
        I sure you know about the anti candida diet so I won’t bleat on about it but. Ugh
        So very Pluto, Pluto xoxo

    • Thank you, SJ for posting. Your words about your quest to find parental love touch deep places for me (… Haha, I have nothing light – sun, moon, uranus in Scorpio/ 12th). The abuse, her addiction … I wondered if someday she would snap out of it. How could she behave that way to her child? …. It’s not her who was going to snap out of it – it’s me. … And your post was a great reminder. Many thanks :)

  31. HA…. had my 3rd baby at 27 my first was 3 years old I was totally immersed in baby world we moved out to the bush for 3 years during my Saturn return raising my bush babies on 160 acres surrounded by uninhabited bush blocks with no electricity no running water I felt totally powerful and strong … best time of my life…. running around looking for awesome dirt and mud spots for my three little boys to play in… collecting flowers… making things to catch water….for boys to splash in… making cubbies…. making a shack into a home…. home made baths by the open fire place…. I would do it all again exactly the same way …. wish I knew how to post a pic for you all… A time in my life I am most proud of myself

    • Happy Cow that frolicked with her bush babies. What a beautiful story of the life you created there. Real Life to be proud of indeed!

    • Ha! I love this!
      Oh to be 27 with a passel of baby boys – if I did it over again I might do it your way too! :D

  32. At around 28, I lost my father my grandfather and a best friend. My three year thunderstorm of love quickly faced demise, following. I was well aware of Saturn, having been avidly tracking my astro since 16, but also because of the loss of father figures reminding me it was up to me now. The reconciliation, the need to be my own foundation and to create my own structures in the world. I worked like a madwoman – never stopping to grieve, totally throwing myself into ambition, recognition and trying to create something lasting. Almost 10 years later I see the meaning. It was the universe throwing things at me I had no control over, destabilising my family roots, removing any figures to blame. Now I’m thankful.

  33. I feel like I have missed out, my first return was only for a month, so the chart said on astro.com. Things have been relatively smooth, that said, I am facing my addictions head on like a ram should. faaaaaarq.
    Let’s hope there are some blessings and light at the end of that dark tunnel. Very little upheaval and chaos that I’ve seen my friends and foes endure.
    That said, I turn 30 soon, in April, up on Everest, there is plenty of time to WOAH NELLY.
    Love all your stories and wisdoms. x

  34. Ah yes, on my 28th birthday 2 legal firms took my case against the government on, after 7 years of having no one help me. Now, many years later, reflection on that, statute of limitations, the ruling class and other issues are at the fore. Along with the personal impact. All affirmation of what’s written in your post.

    The question is, when does it all get better.