When Your Relationship Is A Qi Vampire

She Is A Creature Of The Moon

Those of you who are interested in Trad Chinese Medicine, Feng Shui and so on know that Qi is life force – most probably the mysterious Dark Matter/Dark Energy that scientists are trying to analyze. Other people can raise your Qi, drain your Qi or scatter your Qi. This is an entirely simplistic explanation but you get the point.

Obviously a mutual Qi Raising exercise is a brilliant relationship. And Qi Vampire people are to be avoided at all costs. You grok what is going on and even if they’re really NICE, you are outta there. But what if  your very relationship has become a Qi Vampire? Like neither party ARE Qi Vampires but the relationship itself has mutated? Here are some of the symptoms:

Eternal Sunshine Spotless Mind Dining Dead

* You join, as Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004) depicted so brilliantly, The Dining Dead. Zombie couples, mute & sullen across the gypsophila but the occasional live electric snark to enliven the otherwise necrophiliac proceedings. Yes i used to waitress when at uni, Valentines Day was the most loathed gig of all & that Dining Dead scene completely nailed it.

* You have nightmares that they’re in the bed with you and then when you wake up, it’s real. They are.

* You finish one another’s sentences and not in a cute way. Person One: Darling, I think… Person Two: God don’t start with that again.

* If you mysteriously came into a vast sum of money, bouncing your partner would be the first thing on your To-Do list.

* Your energy and spirits lift when you’re away from them but plunge when you are together as a couple, particularly during the now mandatory Quality Time together.

* You have cute nicknames for the places where you tend to argue (the pits of Ikea, your kitchen a.k.a. domestic gulag) but have also a Pavlov’s dog type reaction to various stimuli.  Only you don’t pant or drool – your jaw clamps in a peculiar pattern that later makes your chiropractor nod tactfully and comment just “hmmmm” in his/her most sensitive tones.

* You don’t have to be totally drunk to enjoy his/her company but it definitely helps.

Dean Martin drinking in car


Top Image: Kaitlyn Reinhart – She Is A Creature Of The Moon
Middle Image: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Bottom Image: Matt Helm


100 thoughts on “When Your Relationship Is A Qi Vampire

  1. God that’s my last relationship. I still find it difficult to understand how an adult can enjoy white chocolate. It’s kiddie food and not even chocolate.

      • I notice the Supermarket places then at the bottom of the shelves or to the far end. Out of your line of sight. Talk about riding the coat tails.
        My next relationship must be based on similar food compatibilities. Non of this “I almost choked on a piece of pineapple as a child so I can’t eat it as an adult”. To which I replied “But your an adult now”. Gem Wus Gag Reflex said “But you can call my Mum and ask her”. He just about killed my Qi supply.

        • Ha! My Gem & I are from distant planets food wise. I don’t cook for him anymore, just the kids.
          He eats out or he makes it himself. I eat when he cooks ‘cos I am easy. And he’s a great cook.. This situation is ideal for me, no pressure. :)

          • That’s so cool Andy and refreshing to hear it’s not compulsory in a relationship, because I hate cooking and I really hate the whole cooking together thing. Just hate it!! It’s just not my thing. I’ve course I’m dating a Kataka with Toro rising :roll: :???:

            • ahahahahaaaaaaaah, too funny SB. I agree with Andy below – don’t cook if you don wanna :)

              It’s nice to be cooked for though. Put that Kataka/Toro to work!

          • He is Aqua Rising – with all that Gem & Saggi Neptune he’s peaceful with independence.
            It’s like I am so free in this relationship I never even went near the perimeters to check if they exist.

            What I am trying to say is, don’t cook.
            Just be yr gorgeous darling self Robots!
            Surely that is sustenance enuf! :)

        • Haha! But seriously, it is amazing how much you realize these kinds of little things really do matter in relationships, as you get older. My last relationship, the guy didn’t drink. And not because he was a recovering alcoholic (which might have been just as much of a problem, but I would have, you know, felt worse about it), but because he just didn’t want to. He wanted to smoke pot instead. And I’m not a giant boozehound, so I didn’t think it was a big deal at first. But then I realized “I don’t drink” meant “I don’t like to go out and do anything ever, and would rather stay at home and get high.” So similar vices — also important!

    • I love white vegan chocolate but it’s so hard to find as they mostly contain milk.

      Did you ever take the chocolate personality test? I took it a long time ago. Basically you can sort of tell your personality by what kind of chocolate you like.

      If you like dark chocolate the most, you are a type A personality, driven, and professional.

      If you like milk chocolate you are soft, mellow, and sentimental.

      If you like white chocolate, you are zany and creative!

      • He was not zany or creative. Stagnant and his life resembled that of a stoner fratboy (only he didn’t smoke pot).
        So glad not to be in that vortex.
        I’ve been cleansing myself from that relationship sludge and I do feel ready to find someone spectacular and with more in our similar column.

        • prolly just a sugar whore. A lot of people who like the crappy common brands of white chocolates just like the sugar blast.

          But i totally feel you on the joys of dating someone who eats similar to how you eat. The last guy was a Toro with the worst diet ever. He ate like a pre-schooler. Chicken nuggets, coke, pizza, cheese sticks, etc. and it pissed me off how skinny he was eating like this. But it eventually caught up to him in the form of getting sick frequently and kidney stones.

          • Yes! Bonding over food is a big thing for me and Cap boyfriend (me crab, he obviously Cap with Toro asc).

            He eats super healthily and is the only man I’ve ever met who gets excited by the idea of a salad. He even eats brown rice for fuq sakes. It would drive me nuts dating someone who just wants to eat crap all the time.

          • EEL I don’t think it’s actually cheese in those cheese stick things. Sounds to me like he’s ordering from the kids menu. I have a problem with people who think Coke and Pepsi are drinks. It’s just liquified sugar and it’s hardly thirst quenching. I grew up not being allowed fast food and soft drinks. Guess that’s why I still see these as treats not an actual food group.

            • yeah it’s some kind of oily substance with no nutrition!

              I call coke and pepsi industrial vat cleaner because that’s exactly what phosphoric acid is. It can be used to help dispose of dead bodies and clean stainless steel very well. You can also use it to “cook” a raw egg. Nasty stuff!

              • I remember seeing one and two cent pieces placed in a jar of Coke and all the dirt and grime would come right off. Just imagine what that does to your insides.

    • Uncannily spot on, except, except except!! name me one couple, one single couple who has not come nearer to “I just never ever ever want to see, hear or even smell you ever again, you’re nothing but a pit of s…t in my life, Im gone” in Ikea??
      If they added alcohol to the Swedish cafes in Ikea they’d make an absolute mint from people celebrating their freedom and vowing to never darken the doors of Ikea again!

      • There are loads of couples I know who would never behave so unkindly to their partners or others & neither would I!! Anyway, there are worse things than Ikea. Though I do love Fight Club & the Ikea scene where he blows up his house.

  2. Errr about the above funny- functional relationships, may i suggest peeps read ‘BONK” by a sex & relationship researcher who had to pretend she was studying the mating habits of insects to do her studies and peeps thought she was a pervert because it’s not a subject you say you are gathering info on…lol.

    Well we are going to b doing lot’s of Libra…….
    at a time my petite biziness is starting to show fruition.
    ‘The gates are open’ as the I Ching says or the Planets in the Universe
    are spinning again in my world.
    Remembering the 60′s mantra ‘make love-not war’.

  3. Hmmm. A few of those ring a bell of recognition. Then again any relationship tends to feel like that after a while. I dont think I should marry somehow. It always feels like a prison.

  4. Err have you been to my house Mystic???? Like wearing the Cloak of Invisibility and hanging out in my kitchen???????

    O god that’s my relationship……….

    Spesh the part about ” you came into a lot of money I’d defo be outta there”

    Will Mars sort that out come December 7th???

    Mucho Lurve…….xxx

  5. Ahh the ‘dining dead’ realization with now X-hubby (Sag) back in 2004 when Pluto raked my Sag venus.
    I’ve never looked backed in all my detached progressed aquaness now…

  6. My last relationship was like this- Him (every night) :”darlink put your fit up and here is the drink for you…” Me:”why did your X left again?” Him:”oh – she accused me of making her an alcoholic, can you believe that?” Oh – really? That was the end of it. And ‘yes’ – a few of these on the list are from my life scenario. This is why I am single.

  7. Sounds like the last 5 years of my now defunct marriage. Why or why am I only able to see these things in hindsight?

    Backing away slowly and nodding knowingly…

  8. This actually makes me a bit sad. Everything you described mystic sounds soul-destroying. It’s simply not necessary to remain in a situation this unhappy. And especially if one or both partners don’t want to come to the party to resolve it ..surely.
    Breakups exist for a reason.. I (everyone?) learnt this the hard way :)
    It’s like we need to ask ourselves, what am I trying to prove by remaining in this situation? What is my highest goal for this / for us? Do we both want this?..
    Such are some questions I might interrogate myself with in the dungeon of the soul. (“Pits of Ikea”.. Pure gold lol xx )

    • i think people get distracted pi, forget what they loved about each other to start with. Sad list. You have to be really honest with each other about your needs, evolve at a similar pace and respect the love enough not to go down to the dungeons of ikea ;)

    • Well, anyone who can tick off all on that list and who is still in the relationship knows a relationship becomes a lifestyle. It took years to get out of mine – we both had to agree to it too. A friend of mine asked me how I knew it was time to get a divorce (see list, lol). Later when he was complaining about his wife and the house I told him “you’re ready for divorce when you don’t give a sh*t about the house.” Free at last!!

      • the oxymoron made me laugh LIFE style?

        From an alternative perspective, I have observed many a house cause that list up there to become a reality. MORTgage.

      • oh sorry in case that’s taken in a weird way, that was not a comment on your marriage or divorce or anything even vaguely personally oriented – it was your words that made me laugh.

        • No weirdness taken. I agree there is no life to style is such a stagnant situation but many stay creatures of habit and justify that with kids or payments instead of recognizing laziness and fear, but – hey – no judgment! I served 11 years of marriage and spent the better part of 8 trying to get out! I think our friends got used to our fighting and we’re actually surprised we ever ended it, lol.

  9. Go Mystchievous wit ! Crank that cauldron spoon and give the pot (?) a damn good stir.Watch as the heavy stuff swirls to the top.This prevents sticking and inevitable burnt bottoms. Beautiful way to coax out the magic mirror that shows it like it is.Mirror,mirror, who plays fairest ? And what was it I want ? Love teaches with pain and pleasure,pruning encourages juicy fruit .Is it love or fear that holds it all together ? How does it feel ? Lots of karma unfolding when eyes meet.All of us replaying stories from infinite lives woven now. We are not supposed to be a monogamous breed. Our lovelives are in the guilt cage (!) of the concept of marriage laws and traditions.Not so long ago shame was attributed to the unwed, unbed,undead. Meanwhile in PNG some tribesman is decorating his wife for another man,whose wife is similarly hotting him up for her.How convivial.They also treat murder cleverly.The perpetrator must adopt the life and identity of their victim, totally, and essentially their life ceases.The murder rate for this tribe is zero. Meanwhile back at the marital ranch, domestic violence, adultery,incest, beastiality, pedophilia,and all sorts of hellish crimes have been committed ad nauseum all within the institution of marriage. It is glaringly apparent that it doesn’t work. Contemporary western culture is going through puberty, strong twerk ethic ! Can’t wait till it is a new blueprint and we can all graciously love how,when,and where we like without Big B(r)other writing the script. Ahhh, needed that ! Love on lovers ! ?

  10. Hahaha Mystic you just described my marriage :)
    I love cooking with a man. (in the kitchen, not the recipe). Sharing a glass of wine, cooking together, talking about our days. In the marital home I used to call my kitchen The Kitchen of Loneliness.
    Jupiter in Taurus…. cooking is one of my great pleasures. Not in a foodie kind of way… I’m all about old fashioned nanna food that takes three days to cook then sharing it with my loved ones.

    • Yes, me too. Esp during a hectic week, Wednesday evening or so – when the mood strikes, but ‘hump day’ can feel very real – a good glass of wine, music you love to dance or sing to, and some good fresh organic groceries. Nice lighting, definitely a qi rising experience for me.
      I’m descended from a large Western plains farm family on one side, and my sisters and I came to refer to time in the kitchen with assorted aunts and grandmothers as ‘chop and talk’ time. It’s good for my soul.

      • ‘Chop and talk time’ – I love this! I got a real sense of where you came from from your comment, DG. Really evocative! Sounds like there are some good memories in the kitchen :-)

      • Oh this sounds so incredibly nurturing. Years ago I read a book called ‘The Kitchen Congregation’ , a memoir-recipe book celebrating these kinds of ‘chop and talk’ times.

    • So excited that the Pisces loves to cook! Perhaps his 2nd house Venus? Its in Aqua, but I think the Taurean aspect of it rules.

      • Last house I built and the three prior had the kitchen running into the sitting room so the whole family or just me and a beau hung out together. Great big fireplace with squidgy sofas and then wide open kitchen with range Cooker and huge island unit. It cannot be beaten as a house design, well for those with a cancer set up like I’ve got, it can’t.

        • Oh gods! Do you know what I look at as “porn” on youtube? Sexy men cooking food. I esp like watching celeb types (esp if they are not pro chefs) cook stuff. Vintage cooking pr0n like Blixa Bargeld cooking risotto or Marc Almond making cookies. You can tell by the way a man handles a knife or kneads dough what he might be like in bed. giggle!snort!

    • Spot on Chrys, cooking with my boyf is one of my favourite things to do. There’s something about being so simply domestic with someone else that is really satisfying and intimate. We are both Cancer Rising – home blisses are important. I love cooking good home food – Women’s Weekly cookbooks (esp the old ones) are like kitchen bibles for me!

      • YES the old school Women’s Weekly cookbooks!!
        My favourite curry recipe is from their Curry Cookbook. Deep 70s but everyone loves it.

        • My Mum won $10 from Women’s Weekly for her carrot cake recipe. One of those ones where it’s moist and buttery and no frosting.
          Last time I cooked with a boy was in home economics class in high school.

  11. Having been through two divorces this list just sums the whole thing up. Time to go. But like Spotless Mind, there was also the time when it was good and I have to keep that alive. So leaving behind two marriages for me is now just a case of moving on, learned all I am going to and thanks for the good stuff. And thanks for the reminder of that movie, I am afraid to admit but Jim is just a huge turn on for me. I know I know, it takes all sorts.
    PS my Aqua is in touch again. Watch this space.

    • I’m thinking I’m enamored of the colour of her velvet collar. I dunno if I’d be waiting for the list to be complete before wondering what I was thinking!!! It’s so bleak.

      • Right, that color. What an amazing jacket or dress.

        Wise on your part to get out when one or two deal-breakers are hit. I dunno’ though . . . morbidly, maybe people get a little hooked just seeing how far something can actually go before it breaks. Not a good use of a life granted, but, hey I did something equally as ridiculous, it just looked different. It all becomes so chaotic and if there is not something specific to look at, it can be hard to call it.
        About a losing restaurant partnership one friend said, “Well, when you’ve bought a ticket on the Titanic you might as well stick around for the last slurp.”

        Now, I’m not recommending this, but I did laugh.

        • I would totally do THAT! For some reason that seems more entertaining than watching love die. Money you can make again, but love is a big deal for me. And I have myself considered divorce but jesus the list was never that long!!! There was only ever one thing I had to bitch about. And it wasn’t even about US it was about stupid things that people get distracted by – mind numbing ‘career’ shit. It was the time apart that was the issue, not the time together… We realised we’re both driven people who like a few projects on the go so we changed our careers – in the end it will have taken 7 years – so now we are able to workaholic together on things we love. But I guess a truckload of uranus between us + shared belief in magic / astro are what made that possible. The guy before him I asked to stop coming to my house because he ‘wasn’t able to commit to dreams and embrace the possibilities’ like me. Yes that’s a quote. He didn’t get it and became a stalker… So earthbound. Heavy and dreary. Like a door stop. He was a door stop of a man.

  12. Being single makes me a Qi Vampire. I mope about wanting cuddles. Am far more productive when I have a source of cuddles to come home too.

    • Y’know I think it’s a biochemical necessity. The other day I got a massage and the therapist spent ages on my hands. I realised it has been years and years since a man held my hand. Such a physical loneliness. I cried when I got home.
      Some enterprising woman needs to start an agency where women can hire blokes for hand-holding and big hugs and compliments.

      • There are new companies springing up all the time that specialize in hugging. You pay them to hug you. They are popular in Japan and are starting to catch on in the U.S. In the U.S. there are also “free” hug parties where you go and snuggle up with strangers. It was too creepy and gross for me to do it.

    • One of the things I missed being single for four years was the lack of touching – both giving and receiving. I have just as much of a need to touch as be touched – and it’s not necessarily a sexual thing either. Even worse than having no one to touch is being with someone who’s not into it – ughhhh can’t stand cold fish.

    • Had sex with the last male masseuse I visited, we were doing therapy exchange (hypno for him) & added an extra therapy to the mix. 8O

      I had the same reaction of sadness to being touched.
      Actually think (assuming I could afford it) if I was single again I would get regular massage, it’s so very important.
      8 hugs a day is recommended for health I read.

  13. Of all my foibles, I’ve never experienced this in a relationship before. Interesting! I tend to break things off before anything like this even remotely starts.

    • Same … nothing more lonely and depressing than toxic relationship rut hell. I always take space when things are looking like they are heading south to nowhere – and if after my space taking endeavours I discover that I don’t miss them and prefer being without them, then it’s pretty much out of the door for me.

      • oh goodie! I was beginning to think I really am the queer one to have never have experienced this before. Seriously if a relationship is that boring and put on, why keep pretending? I think I just have low tolerance of stupidity.

  14. You know one of the best things I ever learned was from my psychotherapist who said that when it comes to relationships with others, the best investment you can make is knowing yourself. The reason why people end up in these toxic wasteland relationships is because they run to a partner looking for solutions to their internal problems, only to find that this not only doesn’t work, but has a tendancy to make you more stuck and messed up than when you started. Get clear on who you are first, then let the law of attraction do the rest for you. Fingers crossed that this is the case for me this time around.

  15. Fuq Mystic sometimes I feel like you are speaking directly to me (narcissistic egomaniac that I am!)
    I think you are the funniest and most talented person on this planet .

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