Those of you who are interested in Trad Chinese Medicine, Feng Shui and so on know that Qi is life force – most probably the mysterious Dark Matter/Dark Energy that scientists are trying to analyze. Other people can raise your Qi, drain your Qi or scatter your Qi. This is an entirely simplistic explanation but you get the point.
Obviously a mutual Qi Raising exercise is a brilliant relationship. And Qi Vampire people are to be avoided at all costs. You grok what is going on and even if they’re really NICE, you are outta there. But what if your very relationship has become a Qi Vampire? Like neither party ARE Qi Vampires but the relationship itself has mutated? Here are some of the symptoms:
* You join, as Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004) depicted so brilliantly, The Dining Dead. Zombie couples, mute & sullen across the gypsophila but the occasional live electric snark to enliven the otherwise necrophiliac proceedings. Yes i used to waitress when at uni, Valentines Day was the most loathed gig of all & that Dining Dead scene completely nailed it.
* You have nightmares that they’re in the bed with you and then when you wake up, it’s real. They are.
* You finish one another’s sentences and not in a cute way. Person One: Darling, I think… Person Two: God don’t start with that again.
* If you mysteriously came into a vast sum of money, bouncing your partner would be the first thing on your To-Do list.
* Your energy and spirits lift when you’re away from them but plunge when you are together as a couple, particularly during the now mandatory Quality Time together.
* You have cute nicknames for the places where you tend to argue (the pits of Ikea, your kitchen a.k.a. domestic gulag) but have also a Pavlov’s dog type reaction to various stimuli. Only you don’t pant or drool – your jaw clamps in a peculiar pattern that later makes your chiropractor nod tactfully and comment just “hmmmm” in his/her most sensitive tones.
* You don’t have to be totally drunk to enjoy his/her company but it definitely helps.