Because i’m bored schizzless with the most style profiles in mainstream fash mags, i fired off a series of questions to Samantha (her “slave name”) who i met via Twitter. She is an engineering student trying to switch her major to ‘history of higher consciousness’ and moonlights as a Vibe Consultant.
A Day In The Life:
Being a Vibe Consultant is playing an eternal game of poker with the face to go along with it (no Lady Gaga soundtrack needed to further set the tone). When people feel as if they¹re quietly being judged by some doe eyed Taurus chick, they¹re prone to Not Really Be Themselves and put on the poker face as well. A true confrontationalist is rare in Los Angeles, because Passive Aggressia is very chic in that everyone wants to have the perfect nonchalant one liner to win a conversation (no one ever does, the giant sunglasses hide what would otherwise by a great bitchface). But when they ARE hiding themselves from fear of judgment, I can¹t really read them, so I try my best to blend in (this is probably my Aquarius moon being typical and trying to fit in a pretty stupid way). A vibe consultant isn¹t exactly Nostradamus; you just happen to know the myriads of The Average Person so well that you can already predict the genre of conversation right before it ends.
Fuq Your Bad Vibes, Bro:
I’m going to say the only people I can¹t work with are bobble-headed narcissists whose eyes glaze over when you begin to talk about anything related to psychology (which astrology helps guide in IMMENSELY, in my opinion). They want to hear about how well a Leo and a Aries/Gemini cusp (HUH? Is right) would get along in bed, if Capricorns are actually into anal, why won¹t their Cancer sister-in-law stop cooking shitty food, am I really an Ophiuchus (gag) etc. etc.
How To Alter Your Vibes (2014 style) Without Having An Existential Meltdown:
1. Get your seasonal on, change your mentality along with the various solstices and you¹ll be so in tune with the universe your friends will be wondering when the last time you choired with Gregorian monks was.
2. All early Taurus, Scorpios, Leos, and Aries can put down the Aero Physics For Dummies and stop exfoliating for one second, Saturn is no longer sternly watching us in the doorway while declining yet another invitation to go dancing. However, rather than regressing back to old ways, bear in mind this New You isn¹t such a sentence after all and maintain the nu-Capricorn chic we¹ve been bestowed.
3. We¹re still in the early sector of this specific decade so stop following insta-trends and start manifesting your own! There¹s nothing else that makes you live beyond your death than being a hallowed fashion icon, so cut back on the Forever 21 and start finding inspiration in other places (an old world drapery, the ceiling of a domed building, your Australian shepherd after a milk bath) and you¹ll be Pluto in Aquarius long before Pluto even catches up to ya. Damn!
Auras Get Restless, Too:
Nothing makes you more grateful for the air you breathe, the ground beneath you, the knees that carry you, and all the terrible but well-meaning advice your mother has given you once you¹ve spent 30+ minutes pondering your mortality on a cranked up stair master. I think if everyone was given a 6 day a week, 5 month long course in mastering this spiritual piece of machinery, sincerity would be high on the rise. That level of exhaustion is almost a built in truth serum too, if anyone cares to interrogate you in that state. Yet it¹s liberating! The cost benefit is a less shouty Bikram yoga and thighs that can single handedly crush the patriarchy once you¹re done with it all.
The Sirens Of Neptune:
So I¹m typing this one up while daintily holding my martini glass of blue devil hoochie juice, but man, there was nothing quite like Neptune transiting on top of my Moon/North Node in Aquarius. I just felt like every single day was an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel right before anyone got ran over by a 1922 Rolls Royce and it¹s been a little difficult to cope with the loss of such daily beauty! Albeit my credit score is better for the transit into Pisces but I digress?
Also kinda fuqed up but I do find a certain masochistic joy in Saturn transits once it actually passes a planet by a degree? Once Saturn finally went over my Ascendant in early 2010, I gotta say I was soooooo tight ?n right when it came to my body and my dietary habits. The same could NOT be said once Jupiter took my Sun for a joy ride last year. Now that Saturn is done giving my Mercury a parking ticket, I¹m probably in the best shape of my life again.
Gotta have love for that old, grumpy dude. When my health is in check, my mind is in check, and everyone can feel the self sufficiency radiating off of you. Oftentimes Saturn is here to pop the balloons that Jupiter provided and backhand you into cleaning your apartment, but it actually offers me so many internal cues for improvement. Therein lies the allure for other people.
When you have your shit together, whether you¹re aware of it or not, you lead by example. Vibes are something that are ridiculously contagious, so putting your best foot forward to emanate everything that inspires you is a service that you do for the community around you.
Image: Neil Krug