Ask Mystic: W.t.f. People?

Filed in Astro-Query

Wolf Art

 

Dear Mystic,

You know how sometimes there are people around whom you instantly become (or at least feel) more socially backward or awkward? But on no reasonable grounds that you can perceive (not royalty, not star-struck, etc)? As though they exist in a different atmosphere and breathe different air. It’s hard to tell if you’re being judged, but you sort of feel like you are anyway, and regularly wrong-foot conversations, not in a bad way, but just enough to feel like a putz.

Like, connecting in your normal way – or even in a work/businesslike way – is just not possible. Even though at all other times you KNOW you’re actually good company, could talk all day easily and be all the necessary things to be considered normal. What is that?? It doesn’t happen to me that often but when it does, it’s been around Katakan women (some – others are like sisters), Leos, and of course the middle-aged businessman types who either put up judg-y barriers or are actually socially awkward. 

Or maybe there is just zero common ground.  I have a theory that something in their chart is sitting on my Saturn, which might explain the judgement/awkward/not quite good enough dynamic playing out in my head… Be keen to know your thoughts. 

Curious Pisces

Dear Curious Pisces,

Well I think that peeps who trigger your Saturn are more likely to inspire you to be more fit, organized etc. What you are talking about is Qi. Some people – Qi Vampires whether they know it or not – just drain it. You drift away from the encounter wanting to sleep or shower, feeling a bit greige about life.

Others are inspirational and life enhancing to the point that you and life itself seem more sparkling and vibrant in their presence. They somehow elicit your funniest quips and a beautiful connection. It’s a Qi exchange. So they either drain your Qi, scatter your Qi or up your Qi. And you to them, obviously.

Leos on form are huge Qi-raisers – any successful performer is a master/mistress of Qi -hyping, it’s what they do – only on a grand scale. Dark Sun Leos (with no stage and a kind of black hole ego) turn your light and their own light inside out. Quantum physicists should study them.

What does everyone else think?

 

Image: JnK 2007

117 thoughts on “Ask Mystic: W.t.f. People?

  1. I am, and always will be, socially awkward. My mere presence makes people uncomfortable.
    I used to put this down to being TRES Scorpio – until I was diagnosed with Aspergers.
    Same same different really…
    ;-)

  2. As a Katakan female with a functional brain, I am surrounded by fwits. It’s about being on the Dee…fence.
    Only yesterday I had two of them approach me and the pooch. Some idiotic banter concerning men and cats and one of then claimed to be a veterinarian. I walked off saying “Most dudes are after cats aren’t they?”. The sans shirt one says “Ah your on to it”. They both said “See ya Darlin”. No less than 5 minutes later they do a lap in their car.
    Guess what I am trying to say here Curious Pisces is I’ve got to deflect or they might infect me with their stupidity. I am trying to be a fwit free zone but it’s tough out there.

    • “I am trying to be a fwit free zone but it’s tough out there.”

      Yep & some… Especially at the moment!

      It seems that people began to start cracking a while back, under the general tension & stress of the ZZ… & now, with further pressure being exerted & cranking up at a pretty constant rate, those cracks are beginning to spew forth a bit of Molten Lava Crazy.

      The result being that some really ‘out there’ dialogues/monologues & scenes are appearing spontaneously, where decorum & the usual dynamic just wouldn’t have allowed previously.

      The Zap-zone et al is doing its trick & people are losing their sh*t!

      Fwit free zones, yoga, pilates, meditation, healthy eating, self care, time in nature, sanctuaries & sacred spaces of all kinds (internal & external), complete with fort knox like personal boundaries, are more essential than ever.

  3. I agree Mystic. I literally had to go to bed after an hour errand run with someone, so Qi draining. I find this most to be in the sign of Libra/Libra rising, the low brow libra. I’d love to meet a high Libra. The incessant whining, complaining, needy, neurotic drama, the story that they never get over. Draining!

    • that’s wierd, only because almost all of the Librans I know are super reticent about r’ship grizzling. MAybe it;s something else going on for that libra…
      have to add I am doing better with librans in recent years. It was part of my libra boot-camp efforts to understand their thing in a healthier way.

      • Librans are reticent about relationship grizzling because they are too busy pretending their relationship is perfect! lol, sorry Librans ;)

    • Sounds more like a low Virgo thing to me – but truly any/most signs are capable of this. In Defence of Librans :-)

      ’cause I live with a Haute Libran of course :mrgreen:

  4. Ha this just happened to me. Doesn’t have to be anyone special. They are qi vampires. Just avoid them and see it for what it is. Dont take it as a challenge or reflection of who you really are. Some people don’t know how to deal with certain people or situations and take it as a threat and act like its you, not them, or they are just misinterpreting the situation due to general naivity.

    • Couldn’t agree more they’re just qi vamps and always will be. There is no need to look into it it makes you even more drained trying to figure it out I reckon leave and let be.
      If you HAVE to be around these people remind yourself constantly that they cannot effect you they’re behaviour are reflections upon their own weaknesses

  5. I like the way the piscean approached the question by taking responsibility for the dynamic playing out in their head. A lot of the time that feeling that we’ve all felt comes from our own insecurities and once we’re ready to own them and face them, will find that on meeting the ‘other’ people again, there is little or no feeling of discomfort.

    I can be socially awkward depending on where my head is at and then re-met people after going through a time of work on my inner self and they’ve said things like ‘you seem different, lighter, happier’ etc. They had been picking up on my feelings of lack and reflecting them back at me without realising it. They meant me no harm, they were just responding to what I was emanating.

    Recently I returned to an environment that had made me feel that horrible feeling the piscean speaks of after a period of time working out where my head was at in relation to it. I had discovered that the awkward feeling partially stemmed from my own neurosis which were formed in childhood and had realised they were no longer valid in my adult’s mind and world. Now that I’m feeling better within myself I can see objectively that the undeniable arrogance and smugness of the realm I am engaging with, combined with the neurosis of the other people who were feeling the same way I did, but were too afraid to talk about it were all part of the toxic combination. I’m not having the same difficulties I had when I was dealing with this before I had the time to think. There are definitely people in this world who are energy vampires but sometimes we’re our own vampires too.

    • So wise You are., Anon. Reading this helped me too :-) i am myself Piscean with Scorpio ascendant. There has been people in my life that have lived out there animal anger feelings on me. It took me ages to see the connections. I needed a lesson to learn about getting free from my energy draining mother, who is double aquarius with narcissisitc personality. Only calling her would make my stomach go ill. Because I used to be her puppet doll. So instead having confrontation with her I did put my own neck into giljotine with cold and less emotional female bosses. I do actually have a terrible memory- my female boss wanted me to quit and asked me to. What I did instead was to start a case…because they had nothing on or about my neglicense of work. I am hihgly trained, skilled and hard working. Now I would just not fall for this again, because I know that I did ask for it due unsolved scars from childhood. I am very warm, openhearted and social colleague and happily ten years later sucsessful in my life and work. But i had to get this childhood abuse and emotional resentment issue out….so i played the role… Imagine how tough this time was for me… In my early 30s going to work every day to read correspondence between our lawyers.

      • hi fatalia I’m really glad to hear you’ve been able to work that stuff out – most people don’t even realise their 5 year old selves are still steering. It takes ages to get through the layers but it sounds like you’re on the right track. Good luck with the legal thing. x

        • Thanks Anon. So happily it is all behind now. I did get few month salary and she- the boss- earned some grey hair. But You see- this was so strange and awkward- really it all. She was btw Leo. She looked like she sat on a cactus most of the time. I tried to look her into her eyes- but she avoided it, she looked out of the window like I did not exist. as a female I am small, feminine, blond and smilig, and she tall, dark, thin and frowning.- it was such a show… So some way I was the moral winner. I am sure that she still has some needles in her backside. She defiintively has called to my newer jobs to warn them about me. This also could be a lawyer food – but once is enough. I have forgotten, she cant forgive.
          You know- when I did make a fight with authority and did not submiss – my mother also lost me. I still would have hoped it was less drama… But I stopped the very viscious circle… And honestly my scorpio rising is a big warrior and quit a bitch ;-).

      • I really like this line of discussion – we absolutely can be our own worst enemies when we create Qi Vampires in others. However, I think QVs really do exist and we can detect them by being alert to how we feel in their presence. Some people are just great to be around. Other people suck all the air out of the room and leave you feeling half choked. We generate and reflect a spirit that affects those around us. So I think we both create QVs AND they exist.

        Case in point: I recently talked to a brilliant colleague who had given up a life dream because she just couldn’t make progress. Deeper into discussion, I heard how her supervisor had repeatedly confused her with conflicting advice, shouted at her, and led her to believe she wasn’t up to the task. I know the woman she was talking about and she has a reputation for bullying behaviour. Yet my friend kept talking about how her lack of progress was her own fault, humbly owning her flaws, projections and every other self-defense mechanism she could name. I told her (as gently as I could) that I thought she should consider that it wasn’t all her and that if she wanted to re-own her dream, the situation would need to change. It would require less reflection and more action (such as ending the relationship and inviting in a more functional one). (Yes I’m Aries :-) )…

        So re QVs – I think they are people whose energy revolves primarily around self. They can be people who do so much self work (I used to be one of them) that they get caught in their own vortex of problems. I was always trying to fix my flaws (I reeked ‘NO CONFIDENCE’) and I know I used to attract Qi Vampires because I was so willing to accept responsibility for other people’s apalling behaviour. And then there are others who are so focused on protecting self from perceived threat that they treat everyone as the enemy. There are also, of course, the narcissists who truly believe the world should revolve around them. I find anti-QVs are those people who are artfully alert to where others are at in a non-needy, unthreatened way, and effortlessly contribute positive energy to their environment. They really do exist and the best way to find them is to be one :-).

        • I absolutely LOVE that you were able to see the root of your colleague’s problem and were motivated to suggest that they re-frame things and try a different approach. I actually felt the good vibes that came from that part of what you wrote. Like a little burst of electricity in my chest. You are one of the anti QVs for sure.

        • Ha,ha… I have a Leo girlfriend. She really is a good friend and I know she loves me. And I know she eneds me. I have studied psychology and can coach her sometimes. When she really has got anxiety. She does. But she also demands so much space. Qi Whoooaaah.. But honestly – I can never ever finish what I want to say to her when I talk. Specially if there is a party, even in my own house. When there is a man around, just forget totally to have any word to utter. And extra much so if she does not totally agree…. This is just killing funny. My hubby never understood how I manage to become from an sexy angel into invisible chair around her. But You know – I really dont care. because she cant hurt me. Sadly sometimes she makes me also feel better- because we both are children from narsissistic homes. Have I had not done my home work karma I would be the most troublesome argumantative ex-babe blonde who always needs to be right, just like her. Dark moon Leoness LOL Instead i am more gracious – take the place You need, but if You ever step on my toe really, when it matters- then I do kill You with my scorpio stearing …lol

      • Fatalia 67 I empathise with you. It’s taken me until my forties to realise my mother is a narc and I have been her puppet my whole life until now. And it’s amazing, unpicking that, grieving it, has helped me leave an abusive relationship with another Narc. I have also connected with my Dad who she triangulated and never ‘let’ me have a relationship with him until I had the strength to push her (mentally and emotionally) out of the way. They are so manipulative and hurtful these types – seeing it as it is is like looking through the looking glass. In doing this I have learned that my father does love me and unconditionally (unlike her) and I have been able to release so many qi draining, toxic and controlling people in my life. Thanks for sharing.

        • You know that this is such a paralell Universe story. I did grow up without my father… I met him when i turned 21. I moved away from the narc. mom then. But she tried even to zap my son into her evil empire. Strangely her magic did not work on a double scorpio. But she had me so many years… My life changed so much to the better when i did the work. Big hug!

          • Thanks so much :-) It’s also amazing what you were saying about your work. I dug my heels in with a few bullies at my work, I nearly lost my marbles and didn’t give in and fought them with all my little heart had in me and won – in the sense I never backed down. The chief bully got made redundant. I didn’t know it at the time but I was fighting my own battle with my mother. It’s amazing. And the narc ex helpfully pointed out all the controlling people in my life, including my mother and now I have split from all of them I feel wondrously free. Hurt and bruised but free. Magic! Thanks again :-)

            • I’m so glad for You too ;-)
              I still try to stay friendly with my mom. Due my brother who lives same house with her. Imagine his marriage bieng mostly standing the ground with mother in law ;-) I myself married foreigner and moved out from my homeland in 1991 ;-) as fast as i could. But I had big time problems to not let her be grandmother. I was 23 I got my kid. So… ever from then I have been in kind of war. She was not even invited to my last wedding this summer…he,he.

              • God talk about mother in law from hell! I always felt deep pity for mine. But she’s detached enough to ignore her which drives her nuts. OMG her precious sons! Totally weird. I feel like I am waking up from a coma.

                Good for your re your wedding, that would have been hard for you. But also fabulous! :-)

    • This is so well written. I was going to comment in a way that was much harsher as in its not ok to develop new categories and theories about Those Kinds of People who Make you Feel whatever the feeling may be. Anyway – well said. Inner work changes everything.

      • ah… I always smile when you get all belligerent and up in the grill though. It definitely has its place, the irate virgo monologue :lol: warms the cockles of my heart it does. Earnest.

      • Everything I read at the moment seems to be about considering ‘the other’ and the reflexive nature of it.

      • 12th house Virgo and anon. I do agree also that people make us feel how we let them. And there is also some kind of background emotional vibe that we have from childhood, that is so called standard. And since we are responsible for our own feelings, we should not point out to the OTHER. But it is often the unconscious attack, the hidden neediness and the hunger for attention from the other part we don’t realise, and affirm without knowing. later we wonder wh6y we feel depressed… I belive that there are people who are beautiful mirrors…. I dont know if I shoud say that this is the reason or not – but I do have crystal aura and have myself some medium like qualities… I am very attractive for thos xappers. But since my mom is a zapper I just was too used to it… I did not see any danger. Now I know and i can choose to give or not. If this makes any sense. .

  6. One of my dear friends puts Saturn on my ascendent. She’s hard work. I always feel like I have to call my personal trainer after our catch ups and only eat water :)
    Both parents put pluto directly on my moon. Ouch!
    I totally get what you mean… Some people just drain you completely and other make you shine. I find that Jupiter on the sun/moon midpoint makes you want to be around that person Forever!
    I’d love to do a phd on it :)

    • My little grandson is 1 today, he has Jupiter on his sun/moon midpoint and I know what you mean, he already has a huge ‘fan base!’ I find his energy intoxicating..

  7. Kakata and Pisces can mean weird water movements. The Kakata who are like sisters might be more earth, but the others might be very watery/airy. It makes you lose yourself.

    Leos are judgey. That’s just a given (they are about status). As are middle-aged businessmen. Both don’t really like to go too deep – money, power, status, that’s kind of where it’s at. Water has a tendency to go deeper. All this can make interactions weird. Both parties tend to not be overwhelmingly comfortable with one another.

  8. It’s easy to say ‘avoid them’ but my mother is the pin up girl for Dark Leo. Her current pinnacle of martyr glory involves people with cancer. They seek her out, she has to care for them and it’s CONSUMING HER WHOLE LIFE. She is so draining at the moment I can’t be in the same room, even a five minute phone call feels like ten rounds with Tyson. Conversations have always been 95% Leo (her) 5% Aries (me) but no matter what I say at the moment she manages to spin it back to the martyr, cancer vortex. If I try to change the topic I am told in no uncertain terms that my obvious lack of support is extremely hurtful…

    Suggestions? Christmas at her place this year and I’m terrified.

    • trip overseas on short notice?

      I kind of recognised that feeling that you described. A lot like talking to the Leo moon-pluto-rising, Pisces sun woman in my circle. much older and a bit of a mess due to earlier life family crap that left has deep scars I guess. When she turns on the charm, it’s like a garden party. She is in fact one of the people who have (unknowingly) helped me to understand the Haute Leo – actually, and Low Leo – M.O. a lot better. When she’s in a state, set your force field to maximum to shield yourself from the emotional vortex that’s coming your way…you don’t exist and subjectivity reigns. hopefully it’s all balancing out now for her. Missed her calling as a stage actress I think, and I mean that in a good way.

    • A) You have a new faith, must avoid the family at the festive season. Might have even joined a cult.
      B) Don’t turn up and speak to anyone because your in a health spa/retreat getting festively Zen (via bubble therapy).
      C) Turn up get untidy on the blue devil liquification juice and tell Mumma all that you have held back on. How cares if your long lost relative posts it on YouTube, it’s a cleansing.
      D) Volunteer somewhere for the day and tell Mumma it’s because of her example.

    • Your mom is totally caught up in textbook codependency. If you haven’t already, read up on codependent relationships & people: this will arm you with the objectivity you’ll need to navigate your relationship with her/the holidays/all things family-related in a way that preserves your sanity. ;)

    • Look, for some people christmas is family fuktmas. Either make it about you, and forget everyone altogether; or, realise it’s one day, do your best to be your best, give, be helpful and suck it up, waiting for boxing day as your special one. Organise a great boxing day with special buddies as an antidote (15 minutes max whinging about family fuktmas).

      You know this is coming so you’ve got plenty of time to gird up, and plan around what is really meaningful. If you decide to suck it up, allow for some quiet crying time, a good bath afterwards and don’t drink if you’re all emotional. Don’t expect a reward, either. You’ve got to work out if you carry a child’s view of christmas or an adult one. Whatever it is, be honest about what you need, and what the situation really requires.

  9. I thought this was a clash of Mercurys thing. You know, like my Mercury in Taurus is completely incapable of communicating with your Mercury in Sagittarius???

  10. Dumb question, what exactly is a Dar Sun Leo? How do you tell in their chart?
    I’m about to go out on a old skool date with a Leo this Friday…..what is it about Leo’s and I this one is the third in the last few years.

  11. I don’t see this as a Qi vamp issue. It’s an approach problem. Once you approach as ‘business’ or ‘clever’ or whatever you’ve created the problem. You’ve put on the mask. Famous / important people are constantly approached by people wearing masks. It must get very tedious.
    Drop the agenda and get real. Once you can do that they will look for you.

    • Yeah I’m totally feeling this. As anon was saying above, it’s You– not Them. And it works both ways! For example, with your example, many of the approachers are wearing masks, yes, but so too are the approached. So few are the VIPs who are not masked themselves, with their own agendas! There is this facade that is perpetuated by both parties & who can say which party started it, just there it is. At any time you can stop the ride & get off by dropping your mask/getting authentic, but it’s rather sticky & complicated why one wears a mask at all, isn’t it? Doing so requires a real bravery & commitment to change that so many people resist, & so it goes… When it’s so much easier to just say, “It’s Them, not Me.”

  12. Some people are just stuck up show pony wankers who have a ridiculously high opinion of themselves for no apparent reason. Since i have stopped drinking i can see how revolting they are. Genuine connections are more rare than you might think.

    Speaking of royalty – i know a guy who is very socially adept but he met prince william at the rugby last year and was stuck dumb. He could not think of a single thing to say and Prince W just smiled politely and after my friend went ” urrrg um duh well, yeah, you know, um” for a while he said “well cheerio then that’s really interesting, good to hear, keep the up the good work” and strode off with his guards.

    Friend is leo and he still has nightmares about this. He had wanted them to strike up a connection. He had rehearsed cool things to say even.

    • Genuine connections are the rarest of breeds! Yes.

      Your poor friend! It reminds me of Thom Yorke telling the story of his meeting Neil Young for the 1st time, how he was so excited for the moment having looked up to Neil all his life, had rehearsed what he would say, but all he could do was stammer & stutter when Neil said Hello to him. Yorke started to laugh as he told the story, but ultimately got very long in the face & was like, “I just blew it. What an idiot.” Haha No one is immune!

  13. The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away

    • do you really think so musicmagic? i think so too, but in my case it would be everyone around me. im trying not to lose it, been travelling to get away and feel ME. big leo/aqua cap/cancer polarity in my own chart.
      im reading this and i feel completely obsessed with qi vampires hypers and what not, this energy chemistry interchange,,,
      i also feel like im surrounded by “technically” great people and my flaws and insecurities come out more when with them than when im busy hyping the ones that need “help”. bottom line, with the decision i made to surround myself with only strong and sound people, i feel problematic. im so open about my vulnerabilities, making sure i dont give them the load, but then im perceived as troubled etc.
      this identity is dragging me down and i dont really wanna see my people anymore. feel like everyones got their walls up but that i should be patient and persevere? get away?

  14. I am sun in Virgo.. enough said about socially being or making people feel uncomfortable. But in regard to Qi Vamps.. I have decided after the last 2 years to stay away from Aries. I cannot get over the drama, energy draining efforts they tried to enforce into my life being 1000 miles away.

    Sorry Aries “peeps”… I just don’t understand your intentions!

    • Aries can be wonderful. I never clicked with one before my daughter. They can be amazing defenders of what’s “right” but they don’t do the shrinking violet kind of Virgo thing. Sounds like you’ve just met bad ones. Don’t write off an entire hunk of the zodiac! We’re all different but each has positive qualities.

  15. I feel extremely sensitive to qi all the time. Like I can only click with a few people who I feel that connection with. I trust them totally from the beginning – this is SO rare. Other people I can get used to after some time has passed, but even then I might not ever be totally comfortable with them. Honestly, I have only a handful of friends.

    Maybe my astro makes me incompatible with most people – or maybe it just indicates I am more sensitive than most people. I’m a multi-Virgo with kataka rising and a huge introvert. I think I just get anxious and prefer to stay in my shell. I def need to work on the trusting people thing.

    • I’m the same way. I have one friend at the moment. I mean – there are others – but I don’t trust them. As for feeling like I can trust someone immediately, it definitely happens, but I am also usually wrong. At least, eventually. Because trust is a concept. It means nothing without context. Being deeply connected to someone doesn’t mean they will treat you well or otherwise be trust-worthy. I keep learning that lesson over and over again. Trying to just let and let live. I am a multi Virgo myself (Sun, Venus, Rising).

      • mmm yes, I totally get what you are saying. part of my reluctance to trust has to do with being hurt and disappointed so many times. for now I am cool with being a bit of a lone wolf.

          • I have a Katakan Saturn: retro, 5th house. Every party needs a pooper, & that’s mine. :/

            • And I relate very much to the qi sensitivity issue, which has a lot to do with my extreme watery-ness, I think. It all comes down to very inner personal boundary stuff, and I’ve invested a lot of energy into establishing & maintaining them over the last ten years. Especially considering that some of the work I do involves traveling through the landscapes of some very unhealthy people, becoming less sponge-like is not only a matter of personal preservation but professional preservation, too. I’m still working on it: it’s a *huge* job!

          • no, my saturn is in Sagg, fifth house but it’s square four other planets including my sun. pretty rough saturn. luckily other parts of my chart makes up for it I hope. ha.

      • yes please to being and hanging out with the groovy people doing their best. We recognise the striving in like-minded others and respond to their tales of challenge with thoughtful support. Sometimes life sucks and you’ve gotta call it as you see it. Having just been through intense 5 months re Mum’s illnesses, my saggo bestie (our suns are opposite within 2 degrees and as we are 18 months apart in age, our slowing moving planets have some conjuncts) played it with a deft touch. As has my Libran friend of 43 years (our suns trine to an exact degree, two years ago difference).Yes, he has a level of self-obsession (don’t we all?) but also from his own pain can listen to and help me manage mine.

        • obviously this was going to be lower down in the posts – don’t know why it popped up here – soz for interrupting this particular thread.

    • I am with you EK and 12HV…. lone wolf here. I just don’t deal with drama that I can pick up right away also. And I can’t stand egos. People say I have a big ego but I think it is more stubbornness since you can’t push me when I know I am right. I don’t think I am better than anyone else I just know that if I am right I am going to make sure I speak my truth no what the consequences. And there you have the “I don’t like being around her reaction”.

      I have sun in Virgo so I kinda blame that but I also have Libra rising and I thought they needed people. I need to make people happy so I take that small energy from Libra.

      I just started taking acting classes to help me develop a playful personality. Me not being a kid is my big issue with making friends.

      I would be curious as to where Saturn is in your chart as well. 12HV, yours is in the 11th or 12th or is it 1st or 2nd?

      Have a good day!

      • My Saturn is in 12th house Cancer. I’d like to say I am getting better at not being a sponge. However, I feel I am growing more and more sponge-like instead. So, I work on acceptance. Virgo wants to fix everything and I can’t. Very hard to accept people and their pain. I have Mars in Libra four degrees from my AC. I want diplomacy and fairness and fight for it. But I am often fighting against an unfairness others aren’t sensitive enough to perceive. It’s hard to let it go, like you said, when I know I am right, I don’t care about the consequences so I’ve pretty much accepted a life alone, yet full of 12th house phantoms.

  16. Weird I was JUST talking about this last night
    I have this with this woman, it’s not that there’s nothing in common actually we have many interests and some of our looks in common…I’ve tried to analyse it to see if its my issue and also tried to engage but no, I think I’m a classier version of her and she can’t stand it….that sounds superior and like its my problem but its the truth as shes got some really rough edges – I’ve been very genuine bit I feel I’m kind of in her space looks and personality wise that she had defined for herself, we do a similar thing but for me its just a sideline, we have to be in similar circles, there’s definately a competitive edge but with her it’s very passive aggressive fakey kind of thing
    I’ve tried!

    • I can totally relate here. I also have a woman in my circle of friends who just cannot feed my qi nor I hers but we are lumped together because we have certain similar mannerisms etc. she’s a frumpier version of me and I think she is jealous of my “glow” as I can generate it pretty easily myself whereas she is always exuding mediocrity. Avoiding her is hard as we work together and hang with same people. So frustrating. Trying to freeze her out and hopefully with this dark moon I can release this resentment as yes, it’s totally boring.

  17. Mystic, I’m a gemini with a Pisces ascendant , never felt socially awkward and just feel so comfy around people. 3 Virgo women did get to me though , judging me everY step of the way… Not good clothes, not good enough house , not thin enough … I was fed up… Struggling with low/ no self esteem .. Just getting back to normal life after cutting ties… What was that just happened to me ?

  18. Hi guys, (Mystic and everyone)

    I had this very experience last night, I had a lover over (a new lover), and when he left I felt absolutely icky. I cleaned everything in my house, took a shower, and I did feel freezing cold for no apparent reason. I sprinkled salt in front of my door and burned an energy purification candle. It still feels kind of gross in here. The last time we had an amazing time (at his place) so the whole thing is very bizarre.

    Mystic and everyone do have any further ideas for getting rid of lingering Qi? The last thing I want is to be basking in this energy for days.

    Thanks!

    GirlSix

  19. Hi People,

    This is such a great topic. I am very sensitive to the Qi Vampire, and also like to look at it from the other side. When I am positively unwilling to look at how I am truly feeling (anxious about something that triggered old issues, etc) , and am hanging out with someone to distract myself, there is almost a pressure on them to feel what I am not feeling. If they have any codependency in their past, they will most likely feel drained by what I am choosing not to feel because they are processing it for me. I am mostly on the other side of this- feeling drained because I’m feeling someone else’s issues that they are not choosing to be conscious of, but it goes both ways. Certainly, there are Mommy Dearest QVs that are constantly that way, and stay away stay away from all of that as best you can, I agree.

    • I hear you, I’m ultra sensitive, especially when I’m sleeping with someone, I immediately get a rush of their energy. After the said guy left I was in questioning mode “Are these my feelings or his feelings?” Maybe it was a little bit of both. We were talking about some pretty heavy topics pre-sex. I haven’t had that type of experience for a long time but immediately felt the need to clean everything in sight.

      • Same here. Haven’t had sex in years and you’ve described the main reason why. Sometimes when someone is really into me I freak and I honestly cannot tell if I like them at all or if they just like me. Ridiculously confused.

        • 12th house Virgo, I have a Virgo 12th house, but I’m not a Virgo, but I’ve got Saturn lurking there. And Pluto on the IC it has been exactly sitting there forever. lol…. I have a very active sex life but I haven’t gotten that “this energy is so gross I need a shower” feeling for a long time. what the hell huh….

          • I wish I could have an active sex life but I am way too love zombie. Venus square Neptune and Jupiter-Juno-Ceres conjunct in 6th house Pisces. It’s like I can’t take any of it on without taking all of it on. At least, I’m going to be 39 soon and I haven’t mastered the balance yet. Ridiculous.

            • YEs, yes yes yes to all of this. And 12th house V, I am 38 too :) I am wanting to learn more about the astro so I can really get into the way that you (GirlSix) are understanding it. So cool! 12th house, I haven’t mastered it yet, either. I have so many epic love affairs but then I forget that they aren’t good for a relationship and I fall into the hole, you know. Graaah! Nutballs!! I am totally fixated on the desire for PARTNER! Like a mantra! Anyway, much love to all of us. We will prevail!

  20. At my age, I’ve realized to back off real fast to Qi vampires, Axis II histrionic/borderline women and men. That means friends of mine going through 20 years of the same drama. I get physically sick when I’m around it. The same attention seeking negative toxic crap. I prefer to be around groovy people doing their best. Life is too short, and I will not give anymore time or energy to Qi vampires. You know who I’m talking about — if you say, Oh gawd what an awful morning, my ___ got diagnosed with _____ and the Qi vampire says, you think you got it tough, I couldn’t find my hair straightener this morning. That’s the kind of crap I’m talking about. Or the guy that says — Oh, that’s nothing, I couldn’t get a date this weekend. Invalidating asses. Yeah, life is too short. Get rid of all of them.

    • I am of the Buddhist philosophy of “if you can spot it, you’ve got it.” I went on vacation with a friend I hadn’t spent time with in like 10 years last weekend and she is the BIGGEST Qi Vamp, so I thought “OMG – I’m a Qi Vamp!” But, she said she hasn’t changed in 10 years. And I have – Pluto over my IC, I’ve changed a lot. Anyway, she was all “I’m exhausted, I can’t cope” and I told her “Go take a nap” and watched her twin boys and daughter along with my daughter while they swam in the pool sans life guard. And eventually, I had to get out of there because one of her boys is a little dare devil and kept tempting himself to drown. So, I go back to the room, and she’s like “So glad you feel my pain! We’re the same now.” But I wasn’t feeling pain. Her boys were great! Like little frogs. And I really enjoyed the time with them. It was just …enough….times up!

      Anyway, I’ve been guilting over the way the whole thing went. What went wrong? And I think its just that I’ve really changed, I’m more resilient. I don’t measure out every inconvenience in life any longer. I no longer try to one up somebody or share my pain. Why would I want to share that? I’m glad because I know I’ve out grown the idea that someone needs to “get” how bad things are for me for me to be validated somehow. I’m valid. Life is beautiful. People on the other hand…lol.

      • But, yeah, being with her was like having someone stomping on my foot saying a broken toe was just an opinion. And I can feel her pain, alright, but its an old, deep pain she has no interest in acknowledging. If friendship is about being in pain together, I’m done with friends.

        • YA! Great example. Great. Little frogs. No need to collude with her! No need to bond in pain and then STAY THERE. Ug.

      • yuck. I think hanging with the kids was the best move you made al weekend. People don’t realise they have this shit all stored up inside them and no one ever tells them – you’re the one who has the balls to call the shit no one else will see/say. I’m so over people who don’t realise how lucky they are and spend their time bitching about their hard lives. Idiots.

        • Hanging with the kids was great! Being around her was painful. She kept teing me I wasn’t doing enough to support her, suggested my objectivity was some sort of genetic defect and said she thought someone like me could get a lot out of understanding someone like her. I think the lesson for me was – wow, I used to give time/worry to TOTAL Qi Vamps! She was all “but I’m just scared of (you name it). And I said “fine, you’re always scared.” Like – so what? How’s that something for me to fix? Lol. I guess I have gotten better borders. I don’t mean to be a hard ass. I just can’t…

          • ah fuq it sometimes what the world needs is a hard ass. Or as my lovely virgo friend with a twinkle in her eye says ‘sometimes you need to give the whiny fuqers a bitch slap’. I concur.

            By the same token I guess the hard ass needs the world but my reckoning is it’s only if you find yourself having an ‘extended season’ of bitch slapping that you might want to check yourself and your surroundings.

          • interested to know what your friends is doing to support herself?

            and hey, do you realise your weekend with her didn’t end when you physically parted? You’re still living it – is there something about that experience that is still travelling with you and you feel like you can’t put it down or unpack it?

            It’s just an observation/question – no ill meant by it.

            • Her dad supports her financially. She is supposedly in therapy. Goes to church.

              I didn’t know how bad it was for her. She makes no sense. I’d like to be able to help or say something to get through to her, but I know it’s impossible. Still, I enjoyed the time with the kids. Having another grown-up around so I could go to the bathroom or whatever. I love her. Even after all the shit I could hug her and say I love you and mean it and never want to talk to her again.

              I guess when someone judges me I think it over a lot. Not sure. The best part of the weekend was getting tossed by the waves. One after another. I had no choice but to relax and try to keep my swim suit on. That’s how my life feels right now. Being tossed by the breakers but deeply knowing its OK.

              Not answering you. Don’t know how to identify what it is I’m carrying.

              • church kind of makes sense in terms of not taking responsibility for ones own stuff. as does being financially supported. in my experience being thrown on your ass with no one to turn to is a lot more helpful in the long term than having a network of enablers. Not that I’m suggesting you are one. I just wondered why she was so wrapped up in complaining as a pastime. I guess it’s because she can.

                you don’t have to answer to me – or anyone. it was just a thing I noticed and thought I’d mention in case it helped. Initially I was going to ask if you’d unpacked your bag yet. it just felt like something was still in the bag. you know, random weird thoughts they waft in :grin:

              • She sounds like she is comfortably seated on the “Victim” bus and has no intention of getting off at the next stop. You don;t have to fix anyone who is doing nothing to fix themselves. It has taken this Libran people pleaser a long time to really work that out and live it.

            • I looked for the cactus essence you recommended. Couldn’t find it. Must order online.

  21. Drain, scatter, or UP the Qi. I get it.

    Sometimes people are on different channels too. It’s a vibe thing.

  22. I always admire my more Saturanian Aquarian sisters that can hold their shit down better than me, so I find them good role models to hang out with, and i think they find my laid-back wit refreshing.

    My Leo ex was a Qi Vampire. One of the reasons I told him I wanted to break up was because I felt like he drained all of my positive energy and left me to deal with his negative…

    I feel like some Earth signs feel a little unnerved around me. idk

  23. “Dark Sun Leos” <– THIS. I have been noticing lately that I have had a lot of depressed Leo / Rising type peeps in my life and family, and all that sunfire dampened and turned inward creates a crazy kind of black hole. This is the perfect descriptor.

  24. I can relate to this! Sometimes I think I make people really uncomfortable. I have a Sun-Moon opposition, and my sun is conjunct Uranus, so I reckon I just might not be on everyone’s level all the time. But there are instances where I have just not felt comfortable around people, so can never be myself. It’s like I can’t speak properly.

    A lady I used to work with made me feel this way. Very silently judged, and her presence used to make me question my intelligence. Couldn’t put my finger on what made me so uncomfortable exactly, and it was strange because we actually had an awful lot in common. I could never figure out if she liked me or thought I was an idiot. It was immensely relieving when she left!

  25. nobody can drain you without your permission. You can feel somebody is dissipating your qui its your responisibility to get away asap. only the inexperienced would just hang there paralysed.

    • The inexperienced or these who have been born to vampire parents and are used to be sucked empty ,-( until they really see it. Not easy when it is around You all the time …

  26. This is one of the oddest discussions I’ve seen here yet. Sometimes others make us feel awkward; sometimes we make them feel awkward. Some days we are ‘on’ & some days we are ‘off’. Doesn’t mean Qi vamps are out to get you, lol, its just the way life is!

    Perhaps it’s Curious Piscean’s expectations that need revising…?

    • Elaine, You are lucky if You do’nt feel sensitive to other people energies. Many of us do. And often really drain us. Hmm…

    • Elaine I totally see your point. Not everyone or everything is Qi Vampire. And labeling every person that you don’t like or makes you feel funny is kind of overdoing it. And yeah off days are par for the course in the grande scheme of living your life.

      My siti that I was writing about above was an odd occurrence, I’ll give the guy and myself another chance and see if it was just an off day. It could’ve very well been just one of those days. I’m certainly not a Qi Vampire expert and don’t really want to be. At the same time, I think it’s cool to ask for protection and cleanse your space if you feel some weird energy got thrown about.

  27. Oh I feel energies, but don’t see what can be gained from labeling people as Qi vamps just because they make me feel awkward. It seems kinda judgmental, is all… after all, I’m pretty sure those who we feel awkward around feel the same around us.

    • Elaine, this is interesting too. I can see the issue of giving others balme for our feelings. But it is not usually the awkward moment of totally new aquintances. It is more that You feel physically ill and drained, and dont know suddenly why… It can be peope You even love. I think it is definitively not people who feel awkward towards You – because they get what they needed all along – attention, energy and your good mood. I have met people also whonmade my nechair stand up. But then you realize what it is. Maybe. It is this friend of yours who talks 3 times more than you on phone, it is this colleague of Yours who makes You feel bad because You have nice shoes and it is the boss of yOurs who thinks You might want to get their job. Without knowing it You get some energy that is not Yours…. I believe it. Specially because I know how this can be done. But I am not willing to spread my own shit on others. Of course I want noone to shit on mine :-)

      • What is also interesting is that, when (for example) you’re talking to that friend on the phone who talks three times more than you do, both of you usually think that you are getting what you deserve, the talker and the silent one. That’s a viewpoint that I’ve been coming round to for the past couple of months. Like Girlsix says, people dan have off days but they – and we – can also be ‘off’ for months or years, with regard to how we affect other people. I honestly don’t think many people are evil though, just as I don’t think many of them are good. The majority do what they were taught to do until it stops working for them… and that includes the passive people in all the above scenarios, as well as their awkward aggressors.

        What has been toughest for me is realizing that I have to ask for the right things from people in order to get them… and that means accepting that the things I’ve been taught to ask for were wrong (for me, anyway). It really does all come back to our parents & guardians, who too often try to fit us into the mould that works for them. My mum and dad taught me to put up with their sh*t and suffer through a futile struggle to get their support. Over the course of time that promise of forthcoming support has been gutted so many times, I no longer believe in it. It doesn’t work for me anymore, like a carrot that’s been held in front of my nose so long it’s gone bad. Lots of people repeat this futile struggle with everyone around them, and they are usually the types who are so easily wounded by strangers, too. Eventually, I think all of them come to a point where they stop waiting patiently for others to give them the social, emotional, romantic support that their fantastic personalities deserve, and start working to create it themselves.

        I just finished reading a book about this subject (hence the long winded reply lol). It’s conclusion was that people too often pick friends who can’t / won’t give them what them need, and then try and persuade them to do so. Why? Because that was what they always had to do with mum and dad.

        The Qi Vamp theory might make some of us feel better for a bit but the only long term solution is always gonna be the same: tell the friend who talks too much, or the guy who’s dodging a relationship (there are some shades of Love Zombie in people who fixate unduly on how they’re treated by people who don’t care about them, isn’t there?) what you need. If the other party can’t handle that, the only solution is to move on to someone who can and accept that we aren’t all made to be close confidants and social butterflies.

        I don’t mean any of this in a condescending way, though… I genuinely would like to help, but just think that the Qi Vamp theory is a rather far-fetched way of ducking the real issue.

        • You do have a wise and pretty honestly true view on this. Thanks.
          And maybe I really have to get deeper into the idea why my own mother abused me a lot as a child and then I do get rid of the Qi vampires. Not even necessary why, since I was innocent child, but why i still can now and then let it happen and then when I sense it – I do blame on the other.

          Thanks!.

  28. Thanks for this thread. It really made me to realize a lot. And I even did vent out a bit. The energy vampires are anyway less dangerous than narcisissist and psychopaths, who can be lethal.
    I guess the best advice I have read how to deal with them is this blogg. http://www.newhorizonslifetherapy.com/1/post/2012/07/on-releasing-qi-vampires.html
    Sadly I can forgiveness part now but I often struggle with the release part. In everything really. I am friends with exes and I even have worked with real psychos as volunteer. Maybe it is my Saturn in Aries in fourth house, where ehhe is also my venus in aries. Always blamed it on Scorpio rising… But probably it is just my zapper mom…. Anyway – I am so much better than before. I have bpundaries, i can bite back and well. Life drama is a class I have been in since before my birth. i dont have to get second Ph.D there. I guess I should rather write it down and rather burn it up, or publish :-)