Helena Bonham Gemini

Helena Bonham Carter Vanity Fair Oscars Party

Helena Bonham Carter has rhe best laugh: a helpless, filthy and mischievous cackle. And nothing makes this 46 year old laugh more than the disastrous interviews she has given over the years. Like the one where she unleashed political havoc by saying that her friend David Cameron actually wasn’t all that conservative really. Or where she deadpanned that the interlinking corridor between her house and Tim Burton’s was actually an underground tunnel patrolled by bats. “I’m a liability,” she sighs, stretching out on the sofa in the corner of the over-lit local cafe she has chosen for our interview and pulling her long black slouchy socks up to her knees. “I really should just try not to talk at all.”
But talk she certainly does, chattterbox-fast (between sips of the four drinks – coffee, diet coke, water and orange juice – she has in front of her ) and without a stop button. Bonham Carter doesn’t do Hollywood soundbites. She also doesn’t finish sentences or take her eyes off her iPhone – complete with Playboy bunny ears – each new photo prompting a new thought. Stories are started and never finished; topics picked up, played with and dropped. In four sentences we get from the Leveson Inquiery to Gifford’s Circus. “What star sign are you?” she wonders at one point. “Oh you’re a Gemini too. Oh well then we don’t stand a chance.”

 

Vogue UK

Girlfriend is insanely Gemini – and i am going to send one of my fab new Neptune Dream Diaries to the person who comes up with the best caption for the top picture.  Some inspiration might be found here.

Helena Bonham Carter black and white portrait hat Vogue

Images: Top – Jeff Vespa  Bottom – Mert & Marcus

54 thoughts on “Helena Bonham Gemini

  1. Love love LOVE Helena B Carter. I want to be this woman when I grow up. Seriously. She’s wearing slouchy black socks, how chic is that? Insane sense of style, takes no shit, gorgeous and one of the few people of Hollywood who doesn’t make me roll my eyes.

    Um, looks like she’s hoping that guy will notice her cleavage to get him to STFU. Probably, wondering if that’s what people think of chatterbox Gems.

    • Me too! She’s my fave, got the lot – looks, smarts and talent. Just love what she wears too, all done up in Vivienne Westwood looking like the quintessential eccentric English woman.

  2. Gem asc, gem moon … Please don’t talk to us about your bodily functions ? Operations ? No thanks..Keep it for the virgos.

    Right now this guys explaining how while shooting a film in Tanzania he contracted a bad case of elephantitus ..

    • And I’m pretty sure or hope that that has nothing to do with an elephant or cunnilingus.

  3. Look, I promise not to get anywhere near it, I just want to look at it and then I can grade it on a curve.

    Your chest is FAAAAABBULOUS by the way. Er, I mean you’ve got a really great rack, almost as good as my wife’s. She’s refusing to be photographed with me until after she gets her next movie role because I’m kind of a jinx to her career right now.

    Do you know that Catherine is twenty-five years younger than me but our birthdays are on the same day ? That’s kismet. Kismet is a yiddish word for how did a shmuck like you land such a young shiksa with the looks of a pale Latina goddess and the voice of British royalty being mimicked by a nightingale in a gilded cage with the door wide open ?

    I’ll tell you. Money. Money. And I can re-string a yo yo with my tongue.

    Hey, HBC where are you going ? I’ve got some shots of my old man from his sandal drama days. Can I buy you a drink ?

  4. Azkaban rocked more than this party…fuq i need a becks and a lye down…wonder if the nanny has a friend…

  5. But I couldn’t just say it was the smokes and the booze…everyone says that…

    • Look, it’s all Angie’s fault. My publicist said, ‘Well, Michael honey, how you gonna top that one?’ And I said, ‘Well…’

  6. “I knew I should’ve taken all the absinthe, not just the thimbleful … “

  7. MD: “Did I ever tell you about my latest sexual health discovery Helena?”
    HBC: “Haaaa”
    MD: “I’ve been trying out different positions, on a count of my throat condition. The wife is so over me talking and it and now it’s just tongue in cheek. How would you like to try reverse cowgirl up here?” [MD draws a circle around his face with index finger]
    HBC: Thinks to self…If I boil a bunny….will he disappear?

  8. the only line i can think of for pic is :

    “Oh god, please shut the f*ck up Michael. I can hear you listening to yourself thinking how smooth you are. Why don’t you try actually being interesting? Where’s the waiter with my drinks? I wonder what’s on that wall over there? Jesus my tits look huge from here lol. I need to check my phone. Has he stopped talking yet? No. Hmm, wonder what I should wear tomorrow..”

    • then again, she is actually leaning on him and he is within point-blank range of her cleavage. the face and crossed arms say one thing, the eyes cast heavenward say another. hmmm typical gemini :D

  9. You nailed it Pi. I’m a 5xGem and you are in my head.

    This is a great pic. I just adore her disdain.

    • i live with a 5 x gem (don’t worry not you :D ) … it’s kind of a survival skill I have developed

  10. Oops, that was me… I lost my gravatar, sorry. I’m trying again (not sure how I used to do it… pardon my practicing…)

  11. “Honestly Michael, Fuq Off…
    Don’t you have places to see, people to eat?!…”

  12. Ye gods! When will this grubby little egotist stop yapping at me!! I knew I shouldn’t have come out without my personal bodyguard. Now I’ll have to waste my chi karate chopping Michael! I hope CZJ won’t be cross with me…

    • happy b’day for yesterday! how clever of you to have a birthday on a sunday of a long weekend! x

      • Thanks Fi. It’s always around Queens birthday so I feel it’s a holiday for MY birthday…

  13. “You know it’s like my feminine side is really heavily developed.. looking back I can see that all that sex addiction was really about my need to get into MY anima, MY own pants – which I have done by the way… did you see Rhianna’s D.I.Y. t-shirt – I am pretty sure she was just responding to my recent coming out as a poster boy for – no, no – not oral cancer! – I can tell that is what you were thinking! – no – a poster boy for the gay community! I know you’re thinking at my age is pretty silly, but I’ll say, I DID feel good kissing Matt, it isn’t hard to imagine being gay for me, Cathy’s a muscular girl, looks great with short hair and I do love a quiet Saturday Night lazing about in my white spandex thong, I digress though.. I did tell Matt on set, you just gotta hold ‘em, get those cojones & really feeeeel the frission, it was a comfortable moment for me…”.

  14. “The cause of the disease is also the cure. I need to perform cunninglus on as many brunettes as I can find if I am to going beat this thing. You see, brunettes have different cooties than blondes. Its crucial that I do this.”

  15. Omg so Gem!! I just wanted to say that I do that with the drinks too. In the mornings I could be rotating between soya bean milk, tea, vitamin c water and a yoghurt drink. It’s so gross when I think about it but it’s not that I can’t make up my mind but I ended up buying stuff along the way to the office.

    HBC is an inspiration. :)

  16. Hey I’m a liability too! LOL gem rising/uranian me. Is that what it is?? Somebody can write me a roll or send me a movie script any day now, pref starring opp leo descorpio mmmmm! So he’s not big into bathing so what! I don’t brush my hair :D

  17. Helena, in her head: “Ugh he is so boring, this is torture! Someone please pull the fire alarm. But. People may panic and then some fool would spill their drink on my dress… Oh this dress, I love it so…my tits look amazing…I could use more like it… I should go shopping tomorrow…oh I need more wine… I would love to go to Napa…I wonder where Tim is…oh look at her fur trim on her dress… I want a kitten…ooh cheese tray…”

    Then out loud “Michael that is so…interesting I really would love to hear more…oh I just remembered I have to go talk to that person about um, something. Well talk later”

  18. Is there a flashing neon sign over my head that reads, tell HBC your dental dam rant…schizzzzz

  19. MD: So what I say to him is what I really need is a set of candelabra to display on either side of my package, you know? Big, gold plated, flaming candelabra….

    whilst HBC thinks “hmmm…I know where we can stick your candelabra, Mikey.”

  20. MD: ‘So anyway I’ve been working on this sex scene with a cantaloupe …’

    HBC: I’ve heard of charming the pants off a woman but I’m not sure boring the pants off a woman has quite the same results MD. I am seriously researching my role for the Corpse Bride here … this is death right here! God! Who is playing that shitful music?

  21. MD: Helena darling, I know we were just joking when you said, “I betcha you got throat cancer from eating you’re way thru Hollywood!” But, I had to come up with a relevant sound byte. Helena, please!

    HB: Fuck off, Michael! I’m tired of giving you fab, glib comebacks when you’re back is up against the wall. I know I make it look effortlessly but this sheeit is hard… Hell, I wrote the majority of your dialogue for that damn Liberace movie!

    MD: (in his Liberace “Behind the Candelabra” voice) “I just didn’t want to be known as an old queen who died from AIDS!”

  22. Oh goddess, thanks.

    It’s like when people open their mouths too wide sometimes it’s hard to shut up for a long while. I feel so like a poltically incorrect ass lately.

    I just wanna be a little like Mike.

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