Dark Moon Tripping: Weekly & Daily Horoscopes Are Up

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Hey Guys – the June 8 Weekly Horoscopes are posted - yes, with the  most relevant schizz on the New Moon in Gemini coming over the weekend, thank fuq.  

AND the Daily Horoscopes for Thursday, to help you through the Neptune weirding, without waking up in a small town sauna, your only memory of the last few days being a blur of u.f.o.s, Blue Devil Hoochie Juice and several ‘please stop sending me your haiku’ texts from a number you don’t really recognize. OR DO YOU? 

 

Image: Bonnie Cashin

55 thoughts on “Dark Moon Tripping: Weekly & Daily Horoscopes Are Up

  1. awesome, thanks Mystic.

    “waking up in a small town sauna…” and the rest… you know, i’ve never quite done this sort of thing, [to my memory lol]. Sometimes I wonder if I am a proper Piscean.

    having said that, all the neptune-mercury action lately, i am really in my comfort zone right now. no jokes.

  2. if that’s too cryptic- well I’m sorry but I REFUSE to buy into the drama that is today (and this dark moon in Taurus.
    Reading that has made me laugh.
    Which in itself should have been a Sisyphean task of epic proportions.
    as always
    nail, on head, doiked

    SLAM DUNK
    dump the doughnuts
    Lets lift up some barbells
    and don’t forget to smile

      • im enamored with her posting style. my immediate mind projection of cattiva, is she is mid stroke on some power pilates machine on steroids, with a headset in one ear in conference call mode with her agent, while simul portrait posing, whilst taking the time to set down her energy drink to type in hurried staccato.

        • Haha!
          Thanks.
          Actually I’ve never tried Pilates. I’d love to, just haven’t found the time. I do a combination of Arnie style weight lifting, ballet exercises and some tai chi. I’m trained in Exercise Kineseology which is just a fancy way of saying I help people with injuries or pain fix their postures. You so that after you get back from the chiro you don’t dislodge all their expensive clicking. Bones are held together by muscles and usually postural imbalances are created by repetative strain or bad habits.
          I love to lift heavy, really heavy, the boys in the gym drop their jaws because often I’m lifting way more than them and my body is tiny but tight.. No it doesn’t make you bulky unless you take steroids (which I personally would NOT advise, especially women- but short cuts lead to failure just as crash diets do. It’s mostly down to diet too. I eat 6 times a day, minimum and just graze on loads of nuts, eggs, fish, green veg, streak nd rocket with red wine is my preferred dinner.– never drink white wine, tastes funny to me. My other vice is lemon juice Idrink gallons of the stuff, it helps the water go down. I haven’t eated anything sugary since in years. It simply does not appeal to me. If I’m in a rush I’ll have a protein shake with oats. I’ve been living the lifestyle so long now that anything else just feels icky.
          I was a rich, spoiled little model brat for the first half of my life- Paris Hliton was dowdy and frugal next to me. I was super skinny and only had to think about losing weight and do some bodyweight exercises for a couple of days and the weight would disappear until one day I woke up -mid Pluto transit fat, divorced and £45 000 in debt – oh and bald, from too much peroxide. I was at 38. Now I’m approaching 41 and feel authentic in my sex appeal. Yes I have muscles. Yes, I am strong, not for a woman. I’m strong PERIOD. I’ve worked hard for this body and I am enjoying it I have to say. No agent, but lots of yummy creative projects like making short films and generally maxing out every day. I also love to sloth out and eat cake in bed. I just bake them with protein powder and aspartame free sugar substitutes. The posing?
          Hahaha!
          Guilty as charged your honour :)
          thanks
          xoxox

          • I really appreciate hearing your metamorphosis story (out of the pluto transit that is, the part where you went from model babe to in serious debt might not have been so fun for you). I need to hear this stuff right now as the sloth has crept back in after a few weeks on cracking health regime. Bad for team morale (the team being me and all my mutable personalities). If I can refashion myself into some kind of 30something hottie within the year i’ll be happy.

          • as pi says, i do need you and your exercise kinesiology magic. I get incredibly tight in the middle of my back betweeen the shoulder blades. I’m always finding creative ways to crack that area, if I can’t find a roller or large person to bear hug me. I feel the car accident last year exacerated the alignment issue. plus all the years of extreme sports done a number.

            extremely psyched to hear about your story and subsequent turnaround thank you for sharing in so vivid detail. oh, and the steroids part was to describe the pilates machine part, in NO way suggestive that you take it or do I endorse it’s use. It’s a horrible drug. anyways, i just heard about this crazy monster former pilates workout utilizing this torture machine looking thing. looks like an ass kicker for sure. so naturally i want to try it.

            • oh i know excatly where you mean. i.e. between shoulder blades. it’s like your T4-5 ish. i realised a couple of yoga pozzies are good:
              1. sun salutes: the beginning, stand up straight then exhale and bend double, and place your hands on the ground (if you can – maybe put some shoeboxes each side to achieve flat palms, if not able to reach floor). At this point you keep your shoulders ‘back and down’ as i am sure you know. really feel that. just stay there, hands flat, spine and shoulders strong ad not hunched, and inhale deeply – this expands that thoracic region and you can feel (well – I do, I hope others do..) this delicious deep stretch between your vertebrae.

              2. I can’t find the name of the position, the one where you genuflect and [sorry all pro yogis] kneeling on (say) right knee, wedge your LH shoulder under your LH thigh, upper body turned to the right, palms flat together at heart, in prayrt position, head turned to sky/roof. deep breathing again (sorry someone PLS link to the correct thing so gren doesn’t break herself)

              3. the plough, if you’re up for it

              4. the triangle poses. anything where you are gently extending your spine, mobilising that section, breathing.

              sorry hope this makes sense. but i know exactly what you mean and it’s really hard to stretch.

              • also maybe have a massage therapist or bowen practitioner check out your rhomboid muscles and around. they lurk behind your shoulder blades and it feels soooooo good to work on them

                • yes Pi, thank you!! i’ll need to try them all out. those yoga poses sound sublime, but i’m so form retarded so it’ll take me a while to get the right pose from your explanations. should i just go to a regular brick and mortar yoga studio and get instructed? when it comes to stretching/flexibility/yoga, that’s where i’m mutable and consistant so i need a coach in flesh in blood. i’m really good at keeping with intense plyo circuits cause they remind me of cardinal, which i am not short on. in fact about to a round right now cause work related shit is stressing me out! i want to quit. god dammit *vent vent vent*

                  • Yes get a professional to train you into the postures. They’re more difficult than they appear, and if your body is out of whack it takes time to ‘feel’ when you have got it right. Been doing it since child (not consistently! But consistently since twenties) and spine curvature makes it hard to ‘feel’ balance correctly at times. Mirror important but hate mirror :) Do properly or no benefit for postural muscles.

                • yeah, i’ve had that massage done before and it definitely opens that area up and deeply excavates the buried trauma that area (as the therapist says) makes sense. i have so much crap stored in there, it needs released. that’s probably why it hurts so bad when their fingers dig in…

  3. Ergh … I think I will need to hide myself away somewhere with a pilfered goon bag of Blue Devil Hoochie Juice until the new moon. Still feeling rattled by an unexpected encounter I recently had with someone … wonderful. Who is out of my league in more ways than imaginable. But still WOW in all the right ways.

    • Wah ! Throw yourself at them.

      You’re a LEO fer godssake !!!

      THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.

      …back to the coconut oil…..

      • I am a Leo, yes, but I’m a Leo who is going through this phase, still:

        “… right before a snake sheds an old skin, it feels like shit – no venom, wanting to hide under a rock, tight & itchy dull skin, filthy temper …” (MM, Nov 12, 2012)

        So until the sexy fangs, venom, and gleaming new skin appear, I will stay under my rock and meditate.

  4. Hmmm…. for the first time in my life I am DOING a dark moon. I am sleeping, napping, playing Angry Birds, Pinning and putting extra virgin coconut oil on my hair and skin. Oh and drinking hoochie juice like a fish. Thank Godde for Berroccas.

    My children are adapting by napping with me, making snacks for each other, and me, and playing educational iPad apps. Its all good.

    I wonder how my life would be if I lived like this all the time….

  5. Oh and this… I worked this out myself a while ago and I am *so* pissed that someone else put it better.

    And keeps reminding me that this is what I believe to be real.

    And that if this is real I need to have more loving kindness towards… well… everyone….

    The Egg
    By: Andy Weir

    You were on your way home when you died.
    It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
    And that’s when you met me.
    “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
    “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
    “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
    “Yup,” I said.
    “I… I died?”
    “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
    You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
    “More or less,” I said.
    “Are you god?” You asked.
    “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
    “My kids… my wife,” you said.
    “What about them?”
    “Will they be all right?”
    “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
    You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
    “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
    “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
    “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
    “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
    “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
    You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
    “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
    “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
    “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
    I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
    “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
    “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
    “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
    “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
    “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
    “Where you come from?” You said.
    “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
    “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
    “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
    “So what’s the point of it all?”
    “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
    “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
    I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
    “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
    “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
    “Just me? What about everyone else?”
    “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
    You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
    “All you. Different incarnations of you.”
    “Wait. I’m everyone!?”
    “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
    “I’m every human being who ever lived?”
    “Or who will ever live, yes.”
    “I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
    “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
    “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
    “And you’re the millions he killed.”
    “I’m Jesus?”
    “And you’re everyone who followed him.”
    You fell silent.
    “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
    You thought for a long time.
    “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
    “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
    “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
    “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
    “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
    “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
    And I sent you on your way.

  6. This works opposite for me: when I wake up, I find all of the above to be true. Except for the hoochie juice bit: that was so 20th century. And yes, I DO know the texter even if I don’t know the number. Same shit, different digits. Flies in the vasoline. I never forget a vibe.

    Neptune conjunct north node, sagg/9th house.

  7. I live in small town. Now where is the nearest sauna so I can stay clear ?

    Oh ya, the two liquor stores.

    Loving my power walks to the cappucino store while some women give me dirty looks from their cars, cigarette in one hand, other hand on their steering wheel. Hey ladies, dontcha ever get tired of that faraway look and ‘I’m not here’ energy field your husbands emanate in buckets and when they blame YOU for their unhappiness ?

    Self-actualizing females are not your problem, my power walks to the cappuccino store and amazing sweaty shoulders should not irk you.

    Okay that was my zap tirade, it was fun. I am sending beams of light and lovely energy to my future friends and colleagues which should be any day/second now.

    I’m off to gently suck on some nature energy now in a small forest by a new housing development, away from the bulldozer dust.

    On a positive note, some people have been kind to me around here so I am connecting which is good.

  8. Been there, done that. Drunken binges, ufo’s in the desert, seedy dive bars…ah, yes, fun times, indeed! ;)
    Pisces Moon How could I have not!

    • too tempting…that devil juice is calling my name.

      Had a dream I was not alive, that I was already dead in my dream.
      strange, very strange…

    • Hahaha yes. I am multi-Pisces… I read the post and thought, ‘holy fuq, Mystic’s just described my twenties’

  9. yes neptune is squaring mars this weekend
    welcome to my world
    It is not a nice aspect and
    as mars is the ruler of my chart
    squared by neptune 8th scorpio!

    i went for all the wrong men, some just used me for sex
    ( 8th house sex, sex, and death)
    and got burnt
    badly. Like nearly died.
    Only thru truly understanding how these energies operate
    can you ever get a handle on them.

    My experience of Neptune squaring my mars natal
    Neptune- is heroin, Maya- illusion, comes as an angel
    but wants to drown you.
    Mars men, Your in your own world

    with them and cut of from others. Years go by and you have not
    formed solid healthy friendships. Your lost in Neptune world.
    Was with a Pisces man for over a decade.

    But we had a shadowy past life karma together and if i had not been
    swamped by neptune, i would of got out of there after two years.
    Neptune is not wanting to be in this mundane world, full of sorrow, bills to be
    paid, heartache, illness. It gives you the other world where you are the hero.
    But the price is total neglect of the opposite, virgo, body awareness of health.
    So you fuck with the body- virgo and come back with six planets in that sign and get so sick forced to be yogic!!

  10. Might explain why stalker ex won’t eff off and texts streams of consciousness messages for hours on end despite my not replying to a single one.

    • aw, that’s a bit shit WH. crappy to be the receptacle for other people crapola, in whatever form, even the inability to control thyself. Keep up the good work at your end x

  11. Brilliant scopes on the weekly page! SUCH an enjoyable read, every single one – reminds me what I’ve loved about Mystic’s writing and erudite and witty ways since around 1995!…… So grateful for this.

  12. Neptune weirding… I woke up in someone else’s bed. Didn’t get much sleep either. Woohooo!!! Finally! :razz: I feel human again.

    Dark moon in Toro was perfect for a massage from a lovely Katakan man. My Progressed Pisces smack bang on his Pisces NN.

  13. :D It’s been a LONG time since I’ve had that kind of fun!! LOL

    I’ve been grinning like a Chesire cat all day. :D

  14. Cried two days in a row…post flu, wine sucks, blah. mid life indecision….
    I love spiced rum…..wine makes me cry apparantly. Acted a fool at beach, but Torro still loves me.

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