A Monsoon That Never Ends

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priscilla wilson

June horoscopes are UP now – sorry they were not there a bit earlier. This week has been insane. As you will see from the Scopes, it’s vital that you grok whatever went down in the last six weeks & make it OVER in time for Nov.

And also, the Jupiter Zap Power Nap is now instant download…so that is brilliant, yes?

The current vibe?  Uranian with a Piscean sub-tone. More in the Horoscopes for the weekend, obviously.

 

Image: Priscilla Wilson

78 thoughts on “A Monsoon That Never Ends

  1. In my case ‘went down’ means – like an unsafe building finally imploding via a controlled demolition, because that’s exactly what happened.
    At the first eclipse, marriage secrets and lies upon lies revealed. Second eclipse: attempts to put it right with third parties. The only answer the Oracle never gave me to the question “why hasn’t X contacted me” was ‘because unbeknownst to you, your husband threatened his family.” Yes, personal responsibility lessons well and truly learned.
    Work prospects trending up, I am evolving at warp speed on that front.
    I’ll be moving house for the first time in 13 years during Merc retrograde :) I have never had issues w Merc retrograde before so I am hoping its only manifestation will be my rethinking the odd second helping of pasta before I go ahead and eat it anyway.

    • Sorry to hear that you had bombs dropped on you during that first eclipse — it was kind of similar for me…my ex was trying to weasel his way back into my life after a string of betrayal and lied about a couple of things when I inquired. I had a gut feeling to avoid the guy and told him I did not want to see him. A couple of days later RIGHT ON the eclipse everything made itself known. But for me it was more closure instead of something painful freshly breaking open, which it sounds like it was for you.

      • Glad you listened to your instincts and stayed away from him Rache.
        My thing wasn’t so much unexpected as filling in the missing blanks which led to the final collapse (soz for terrible mixed metaphors).
        In many ways it was necessary as we are both now acknowledging the truth of our situation. It’s hard but now moving speedily to a long overdue conclusion. x

    • Oh Yeah !
      And nice Aries glyph on the arm of her dress,
      I’m betting that magic ball she has can be changed to any element she fancies … Nice.

      I could do with one of those.

      My natal Mars in Gemini has kicked in, thank the pixies for the reminder in the dailies (on consequences of actions – oh yeah ..ok then, drats..) or no one would be safe.

      Happy Days

  2. I’m not keeping up well with the current energies, at least not in a graceful way. I do hope I can get it together by November, otherwise god knows, with the volatile way things have been going in my life..

    I feel even worse than I did earlier in the week. Had a horrible day at work, and feel overworked, too, in addition to the deeper stuff feeling so awful inside, like I wrote about yesterday…. I think I’m having some sort of breakdown, for real.
    I am so full of anger and rage all of a sudden, but it’s not all of a sudden is it, it’s deep anger, long-standing, now coming up to the surface. Can’t ignore it anymore. Honestly, I could punch a wall… I have PTSD, long-standing as well, and I think that’s part of this. I’ve been triggered to my trauma lately, too.

    I was ok *during* the ZZ/eclipse, but everything is erupting NOW instead, after the fact. It is often that way for me…

    The biz coach last night said I was an innovator, because I told her my very original idea for a business, and it was a nice compliment from her, and a good insight for me that I have value in that way….. but I have no idea HOW to implement my idea. I don’t have the confidence, either, and in the state I’m in right now, I feel like I barely make it through my days. I can envision the life I’d like to have, but I feel I’m barred from it on all sides by like a see-through plexi-glass box that I’m in.
    That’s right, I feel unworthy, undeserving, stupid, too old, all those……Anyway, I think I’m going to do a vision board, with some really nice photo collage, so I can try to feel my way a little bit more into the life I want. My life right now is so bottom-of-the-barrel. I also need to get out of poverty-consciousness.

    I’m going to download MM’s binaural beats, perhaps that will help get me in alignment.

    • Flowerchild, i felt like this for most of the year. I was working so hard to give my changed lifestyle a go and rebuild it but nothing was moving forward…everything was just dropping away. I had been ill, had bullying issues, couldn’t do any of my creative and collaborative pursuits, worked long weeks and just had nothing left but kept going until my mind just about cracked.

      I have now moved state. I sold my precious furniture and culled a lot of stuff. I still think i have a lot of stuff and want to go through it this weekend. I quit my plum position, apparently ‘the best job in town’.

      At first it felt fresh and foreign but then i got depressed and the feelings you describe culminated on the eclipse weekend for me. Everyone was away, which i thought was even worse but it turned out to be good for me. I kind of broke through but it got rocky and i was worn to the nub of anything i am. I also had a bad virus. Getting scraps of work seemed like a nothing; a great place to work doesn’t pay what i want but they want me; i’m living at someone’s home and it’s not the easiest.

      Then again, I’m looked after well and the home is beautiful. I am getting over all the bugs i got when i moved here. I have some work and i have some leisure, which is actually what i wanted before my impatience to wave a magic wand over my life kicked in (please don’t think Pisceans are unambitious, we could really surprise you, but we keep it to ourselves a lot). I have reconnected a little and slowly and am appreciating how busy people are as it means this town isn’t as sleepy as it seems. And although i’m in hibernation just a little bit longer i’m scheming bigger plans and growing real confidence to get there AND accepting help.

      Sorry this is a bit long and i’ve no practical advice but i wanted you to know you’re not alone in that feeling, and that while it takes its time, there IS a breakthrough. It feels like you know what’s what, and you want to work for it. You know it’s about the mindset. And if you can’t make a full long break for yourself think about making frequent retreat zones during your every week because you sound tired to the bone. That is a feeling i recognise, and am still overcoming. Also not keeping up with the astro energies…in fact, looking back i have been doing the astro. It is a morph over time. You won’t regress. Sending you peace and good wishes xx

    • flowerchild, I have noticed your posts recently and obvs they trigger concern about how you’re travelling. Now you say that you could be having or nearing breakdown. your energy seems both frazzled and completely depleted. something strikes me about this post is that incongruence – are you using the last of your energy in a panicked striving to drive something when you are struggling to hold yourself up where you are? and I wonder how you will recoup and recover if you don’t just cut yourself a little break. let what is be for now and pick up your future thread when your strength and serenity return? in my experience a breakdown requires, demands, complete attention, complete rest, a slow rebuild. your health is so important and really deserves your focus. i hope I haven’t been too assumptive or in any other way unwelcome. I really feel some desperation and I just want to offer some support. I wish you the best with this difficult stage and I hope you come to peace and healing soon x

      • Thank you for sharing flowerchild. I had my breakdown in 2009/2010, as in my first hospitalisation. I’d suggest listen to what your body and mind are telling you. Could you take a week or two off work and access some medical support? You sound like you know your own signs and that takes courage to apply your own insight. May you be safe and well soon.

    • take care of You, beautiful flowerchild…it looks like there is a lot of shared experience, wisdom and support from the lovely calypso, S and mille up there. If you’re really struggling to stay afloat, maybe it is a good time to seek support and help with what’s happening for you? xxx

    • My two cents:

      Don’t do anything drastic at this time, flowerchild. No life-altering decisions, no major life shake-ups. I know you’re beyond ready to feel better and make it so– which is your awesome life force shining through– but just like a flu or broken bones, you cannot plow through this on your time frame. Patience patience patience. Trust that this is a time that will pass, give yourself respite, and let yourself journey through the healing process without pressuring yourself.

      In the meantime, get in with a therapist for weekly appointments. YES to doing a vision board, that’s perfect! Any and all creative pursuits will serve you well at this time. Patience and gentleness with your self. This time will pass, and your petals will touch the sun again!

    • Mastering self-love is the key for you right now. Get that sorted and the rest of your life will start falling in to place like magic. ‘Healing into Life and Death’ by Stephen Levine would be a good book for you to read right now. Stay strong & be kind to yourself – the darkest hour is always before the dawn. x

    • Take care flowerchild, I have similar astro to you if I remember right, moon in Pisces? I believe the moon has been parked near Chiron this weekend too, there is a lot of pain coming up…. And breaking us down…. Honey do you have some tools to support you, counsellor?, friend?, hot baths? Sleep? Walk/run? When my anger boils up I know I need to get the emotion out physically, but only if you feel safe, please don’t put yourself at risk of harm…. the vision board sounds great, it can be so important to have something to reach for, I also find it helps me to look, feel around and see what I can be immediately grateful for, it starts to lift me from the dark low places…. feeling for you sista!

    • Hmmmm, everything you mentioned yes, but you were able to write it down here in a coherent way and express your position honestly and without garnish. Personally I take that as a sign that beyond the current view a new view is close. A much better one. The beats will help. Interesting is the anger part. In the late 80′s I did about 60 or so ‘floats’ in an isolation tank. While I was in there they played me a tape called ‘hypnogogic realm’ . The idea of course was deep relaxation etc but a few floats into the course I was coming out of the tank super pissed off , angry and annoyed. I looked into it and yes, the first effect of hypnogogic experience is the release of anger. After the anger was released, transcended, everything changed in my life, every little thing. Enjoy those beats and release the anger, everything else will fall into place. Surrender to the energies around you and in you that know exactly what to do, they really do, good luck flowerchild x

      • Thank you SO so much for taking the time to respond to my post and for your caring sentiments, everyone. I had a long sleep last night, so just getting online now.

        Calypso, you nailed it, exactly. Thank you! I have been pushing myself lately to restart my business, but I have few resources or support, and am burned out from my other job, so maybe this is what is triggering this major stress-out, but I’m also frustrated with that because it means I stay stuck in my current job. I can’t afford to take any time off. I don’t get paid time off, unfortunately. I do feel impatience to restart my business, but feeling defeated because I realize this may still not be the time to do it, so I feel trapped. Of course, it all goes beyond job/career as well, something at the soul level happening, ultimately, I would imagine.

        S and Pi, you’re right, I do need to listen to my body/mind. I have been going to psychotherapy, not every week because of the cost, but when I can. I have been getting some acupuncture, and I have just been trying to rest as much as I can.

        Mille, thank you so much for sharing your story with me and for reminding me that a breakthrough will come after a low point, that I won’t go backward and that I can accept help. I often don’t ask for help until it is almost too late. You mentioned being Pisces, and I have a lot of Pisces in my chart too, Moon, Mars conjunct the MC, and Chiron.

        Anon, you’re right, I really can’t be in a rush and I need to find a way to be patient about all this. You asked about my astro and I’m 11 degrees Aqua Sun in the 8th, 10 degrees Crab Ascendant, 7 degrees Pisces Moon in the 9th. I have a square between my Saturn in Aries in the 10th and Venus in Cap in the 6th near 7th cusp. Mars in Pisces conjunct MC, Pluto in Virgo conjunct IC. Chiron also in Pisces in the 10th.

        Freedom ala air, thanks for reminding me that Chiron is transiting Pisces, and yes it’s right between my moon and my Mars right now. I do try to channel the anger into physical activity, lately mostly through cleaning the house! Ha ha! ..but yes, finding constructive ways to release it is vital.
        Davidl, thanks for the heads up about anger coming up to be healed and be released through sonic therapy. I will keep that in mind because my anger scares me sometimes..

        And finally, self-love. That will be the big one, for me, for this lifetime. I am aware that I need to have self-love and that I never learned it or had it instilled in me, or however it is that one cultivates it. Thank you for the book reference, Saturnalien!

        Wow! This was a boatload of wisdom you all just gifted me and I’m literally going to print it all out and refer back to it. I really, really appreciated all your help! Thank you!!

        • psychotherapy could be rough gong if it’s stirring up schizz? thats probably good, but remember it all needs to be processed and that requires energy. be kind to yourself xxx

  3. The fact that you are an innovator puts you in good stead in general because it means you have the ability to think in ways that others can’t.
    Even better, you are creative. Implementation is a learning curve.

    (As long as you are not selling your yacht to pay for it all…unless you are sick of the thing of course.)

    To boost my brain power lately I’ve taken to brisk power walks, different from the slow nature walks I usually take and what a boost to the brain and the belly fat is disappearing.

    • Thanks, Lucy. I hope I can dispel my inner demons in order to access and implement my ability to be an innovator.

      If I had a yacht, I would sell it for this! Alas, I have absolutely nothing, no assets no savings, so I will need investors for my biz, and/or get in there and do a lot of the work with my own two hands.

      Walking does really clear the mind. It is my main form of exercise right now. I do better if I can walk in a park or near trees or forest, but I live in a city right now and I just do my best..

      • Being an innovator is right in line with the whole “Evolve or Evaporate” theme of the Zap Zone, eh? Perhaps this is the uncomfortable phase (caterpillar in a cocoon, lobster molting, snake growing a new skin) before the new you emerges. Good luck!

  4. June IS being insane. You are right. I need two of me or 36 hours in a day.. It doesn’t feel right to limit my activities right now. Throwing seeds around… I’ll sleep in July. (I hope)

    • ergh…read monthly..
      i may not be able to control freak love with uranus in aries but i can still withhold. One can never truly control another person or their reaction to you but you can almost always control yourself. Papa Saturn is strong in this one.

  5. Thanks Mystic. Can’t wait to check out the Jupiter nap. I know it will help. The April-May eclipses kicked my ass and broke my heart. I lost my dad unexpectedly. I sincerely hope June’s energy is less intense. I seriously need some good news after this last week.

  6. Cheers Mystic! The Cappy scopes have inspired to get my shit together and have something resembling a daily routine happening by the end of the month.

    • I nearly believe you . I don’t even bother saying these things to myself anymore. My routine is not even under my control. It’s been like that for 16 years.

    • Pfffftttt!!! Routine!! I make a mental list of goals. That seems to work better than routine for me. I find even if I try to establish routine life either throws it out the window, or my general dislike of stifling situations procrastinates around it until it vaporises.
      Although, picking a time to be up by and a time to be asleep by is good. Maybe even a time to be ‘doing the Worky stuff’ by helps. Perhaps this is routine?? If I admit this is routine, that innate Uranian force of mine is going to start avoiding it!

      • this sounds just like what works (or more importantly doesn’t work) for me ACG. Do you know what in your chart reflects that? Cos I can’t see obvs points of similarity here – I’m Scorp/Toro/Toro but perhaps it’s because I have Saturn opp Sun natally.

        • Hmmmm…despite my Grandfather being a kick ass astrologer, I am unable to understand these things. Frustrates the crap out of me. I just checked my chart on astro.com and I have sun trine Saturn…Saturn in the ninth. Despite my aversion to routine, I am functional and organised and can move from no to go and out the door in minutes, even with a child. I’m not sure on possible chart similarities. I do have Uranus in scorp, opposing the moon, moon trine Saturn… It just all seems so complex to me!

  7. Harken to 2008- deaths of …mum and cronies. This week – two funerals for family/friend- gone to sleep. Literally.

    Self reliance for the next twenty years.

    Eclipse=truth drug- more fallout from a snare of lies/secrets/scandal.

    Eclipse=no tolerance for chaos, disorder, stagnation. It blasted Neptune and activated Saturn/Uranus. Cleaning/ordering like fury. Anxiety – poof- gone. Like I woke the f- up. Uranus opp Venus? “Life is a constant edit process…Time to access and trust your own wisdom.” Yup! Thanks Mystic!!! Must-hear words for this recovering approval junkie!

  8. Sometimes when it rains I like to imagine that the drops are money or blessings or other kinds of prosperity, the universe showering me with gooddness! Rain is so cleansing too so I might imagine that the drops are washing away stale qi n recharging everything! Dakinis dancing in the clouds playing in the puddles turning kartwheels on rooftops. I like rain :)

  9. Thanks Mystic, the scope were really meaningful.

    “What can be measured, can be managed”. This shall be my Zap Zone motto in addition to “No quick fixes!”

    This resounded in me so much! I went to google it and came across the quote by Peter Drucker: “What gets measured, gets managed” and articles about how to quantify results and this makes SO MUCH SENSE. Instead of saying “get more sales”, it works better to have a goal of 30 sales and increase it by 5 per week or something.

    I am unhappy with so many things in my life right now and feel like I cannot cope but quantifying my unhappiness – what is it really bothering me instead of just lumping everything together and being overwhelmed that life sucks, helps me figure out step-by-step solutions to tackle things bit by bit.

    I just need to START. But starting on listing down all my problems doesn’t seem as bad as tackling them at the moment.

  10. A strange last few weeks. Haven’t been in the writing attic for nearly 3 weeks. Lingering sickness and visits from the mutty, a favourite Aunty and hubbys youngest sister & crew. more visits from the estranged mutty in the last week than in a whole year. Weeks worth of words get collected in the mindsphere and then erupt out in one massive swoop. Flipping like a pole shift on the quality of words so far…completely love it for a while, then think I’m a delusional tard for even imagining that I can even pull this rouse off, then back to super awesome again or at least a resolve that it’s good stuff…good enough for now.
    Anyone reading about the super close fly by of asteroids and moons? Can’t help but wonder what kind of influences this puts into the mix of vibrations and Qi.
    Plugged in to mystic binaural beats, been doing that before bed. Resulting in great dreams that are concentrating on ‘problems’ with how to present niche/important story bits without getting all Kim Stanley Robinson in infinite mind numbing detail. I’m getting there with that, just stuck on killing a new metaphor…it’s a challenge that would normally resolve at a random unconnected moment, probably involving a Vodka O or few. Too many domestic distractions preventing the mind from wandering in the wilderness, quiver at the ready, brimming.
    So – the last six weeks…lessons??
    Slow down, stick to your guns, surround yourself with love from genuine sources, remove the others. Plug in to binaural beats, have a list of recipes to pick easily from each night. Go for a walk between 4&5pm. Breathe the air, stare at the moon. Disconnect the television. Honour yourself, however you can.

      • Reading your post I am reminded of Julia Cameron’s fantastic advice to writers: ‘do the work don’t judge the work.’I need to remind myself of this often :)
        Sounds to me like you are doing the work, so keep going until you reach the end regardless of how you feel about it on any particular day. x

        • Thanks for that great quote chrysalis! Easier said than done ;-)
          Sorry to read about your towers crumbling over the last few months. Perhaps I am sadistic, but even with the hurt and pain these events bring, I find them so refreshing, important to learning and living life as your true self (as you progress on that journey of discovering what that is). To me, sounds like you don’t need that angst in your realm. You are free!!! Go and fly, emerge from that cocoon. Show us your beautiful wings! xx

    • beautiful 6-week lessons..

      ” delusional tard ” LOL

      the other eve while resting with a lurgy, my mind just went *ping* and i had avalanche of ideas about the material i am studying…big picture stuff. and other ideas linked to upcoming workshop I am doing .. I just had to grab a pen and start writing. hopefully can fit in a bit o’research before it starts and try to make it happen :)

    • Thanks Aqua-cap for the great advice. Been feeling very scattered and agitated… woke up at 3.33am and read for a while, drank peppermint tea… now trying to get some work done.

      “Slow down, stick to your guns, surround yourself with love from genuine sources, remove the others. … Go for a walk between 4&5pm. Breathe the air, stare at the moon. Disconnect the television. Honour yourself, however you can.”

      Taking note!

  11. Went to an exhibition from Ye Olde Bactria yesterday & was entranced by a dish with a Medusa head on it.
    (http://education.asianart.org/sites/asianart.org/files/resource-downloads/Afghanistan_Image_Descriptions.pdf)

    There were fish carved on the bottom around the central gorgon head with little fins that stood up. The fins fluttered (fins are weighted from below) when the dish was filled with water so the fish look like they are swimming.
    Mystic you need one! Adorable.

  12. I’m not doing well. My daughter and I looked at a house today. It was better in pictures. Her Dad wants me to find something local – local being one of the most expensive areas to live in the US. And I feel like I can’t take another day of it. Being in a social class where living life is upgrading handbags. I don’t mean that as a snarky teen-angst thing, I mean – how did I get here? How did I invest in this for MY life? I can’t get out far or fast enough. I know I need to trust the process and all, but, fuq, now that I see it – I’m just grinding my gears and upsetting myself about everything now. Its hard to see clearly that my whole life is just unsustainable and not even close to what I want. Telling my boss and his boss on Monday everything I hate about my new job. Interviewing or another on Tuesday. And – I am just fuqing sick of my career.

    I’m thinking of getting a rose tattoo to match my new name. Seems right. But then I post something on FB about it and Uranian Scorp says he wants to do it. And I say maybe he can do the art and I can get someone local to put it on. And then he says he’s going to be in town soon with his son and his son’s Mom and he can do it then. WTF? Three years of flirting to end up sitting in a chair and bleeding for him in front of the not-going-to-call-her-wife and kid? How hot is that? And that’s the closest I’ve gotten to romance in years.

    I have got this manifestation thing all wrong. I can change, I’m a Mars-Pluto woman, but I clearly have no fuqing idea what I am doing.

    • And I know how I picked this fancy suburb for my life. My marriage. My marriage that’s been over for 4 fuqing years is still making decisions on how I need to work and live and that’s done and yet can’t be over quick enough. So humbling to see what a chump I am.

      • it’s just the no-longer useful layers cracking and falling off, 12hv. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Living can be complex and so are humans, and the situations we are in. First if we realise that we’re uncomfortable and / or unhappy, then we start to figure out how the why, how, when etc. Then we start to see glimmers of what might be the new things that better suit our current thinking. Then we work on bringing them in one way or another. Remember, You Have Time. I think the others down below have some kind and helpful comments. X

    • Your first mistake is posting personal shizz on Fakebook. To me, a tattoo is almost like embedding a sacred spell on your body. :3 but ultimately it ‘s up to you since it’s your body and all.

    • Don’t do the tatt, give it some time first. Because the last thing you want to do is get it and then potential LZ about him, especially if thinking about him makes you feel crap.
      I don’t have FB. Seeing others lives displayed on FB, can really be upsetting or trigger a whole bundle of schiz.
      Live where you want to be, sea change maybe? Take the step to where you want to be living, don’t let you ex dictate the tides in your life. Take care 12HV.

    • Fuq fuqing fuqery!! Eject button now! Matrix red pill Now!! I have to agree with the E.E.L – embedding a sacred spell. Seriously think about the motivations and the imagery. This Uranian flirt dude needs to feel the cold steel of your adjustment crowbar.
      Cut away the dead wood.
      Why are you allowing others demands, boundaries and structures to completely rule your life?
      Seems like you’ve forgotten you’re in control. You’ve signed that responsibility over to others under the vision of ‘doing what’s right’ but completely dishonouring yourself in that contract.
      You’ve mentioned in other posts about not wanting to do something radical, but I don’t think there is anyway to out yourself from this self imposed hell.
      Put yourself first. Get rid of the wasters like Uranian dude. Tell the Dad to pay for your life if he wants to dictate terms. Make plans with your daughter that focuses on finding fun and self. Life is a journey, but only if you keep moving forward.

      • What ACG said + At some stage of the future when you have purged Uranian Scorp from your consciousness, you will feel sick every time you look at your tattoo.

        P.S. Shaving your head is your head is not the answer.

    • Aww that sounds shit 12HV. I’m sorry to hear your woes. I agree with Acqua-cap re: the cold steel etc.. Remember you are a warrior queen. Sending hugs.

      • Thanks for the comments. I do overshare on FB sometimes cause I am so fucking lonely. Not like its a way to not be. Going to cut that account. Good reminder about Mecury Rx. I am not getting a tat from U Scorp for sure but also not getting one at all until my heads right. I was shocked he thought/offered. I thought I was livin this life for my own reasons. I will tell my ex to finance my lifestyle and he can’t as he’s over invested in his own. It’s so much to see at once. I just am really struggling with self acceptance after seeing so clearly how I’ve lived so as to not disturb others. That’s not me! It’s a shock. I’m going on vacation with family in a week. I hope I can start some major changes after that. Job first.

        • FB: I just meant it can be an emotional drain, if you find out about others what you don’t want to know. I am a private person with big brother paranoia on my MC. You sound stronger 12HV, and enjoy your holiday.
          Living in the shadow of someone else’s dreams, doesn’t light your own spotlight.

          • Thanks. It’s funny because dreams I had years ago are echoing now. I had a tattoo removed that reminded me of a guy. In a dream at the time I was in a store teaching for salt and some voice said “let me help you with that” and put a tattoo on me and I was thinking “crap,how much is that going to cost to remove?” Then I looked at my other arm and there was a tattoo that looked like snake skin on my arm. I hope that synchronicity means I’m ready for my new skin to show.

        • you don’t have to cut the acct if that’s how you are connected to important people in your life. But there are lots of articles about how Facebook makes people feel depressed because others are only posting shiny happy crap so you get the impression everybody else is doing better than you. It augments feelings of isolation instead of bringing people together.

          I have one for biz use only and only get on it like once a week maybe. It’s also too tempting to e-stalk with it.

  13. I kind of just almost fainted when I read for Saggo … the psychological/spiritual intensity now is prepping (Saggos) for Saturn in Saggo come 2015.

    Saturn is currently whipping my Scorp Rising psycho/spiritual self into shape.

    I feel like I’m learning and growing, and shedding and continuously letting go of old habits and negativity, and blah, blah … but gosh, there are times when I would just like to “be” happy with myself. And have happiness surround me. And fall in love. And not have it be difficult. And not have to innovate and create a new career, and redefine my boundaries.

    I get that Saturn is making me “better,” but the deep psychological stuff that comes up sometimes is harder to deal with than positive self talk or getting a massage or going for a long, hard run. It hurts. It’s no fun.

    I am not sure I can take much more of this … but clearly, I’m gonna have to.

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