Flakes are everywhere, obviously, but it’s the High Functioning Flakes who confound us, thwarting all expectations. The Highest Functioning Flake i ever knew was a Gemini (H.F.F.s are often Mutable Signs – Gemini, Virgo, Pisces, Saggo) who worked in television. He was such a flake nobody who met him could ever believe he’d be able to hold down a job, let alone have amassed several million dollars- in the days when a million dollars had meaning – and a strong reputation as a game-changer.
People were always shocked, literally jaw-gobbed, to find out he was actually successful. How was he a flake? God let me count the ways. He took women on a first date to a strip club. Having left school at 14 and run away to work in a circus, he openly denounced the rank idiocy of rote education until one day he announced that he’d been accepted as an adult scholar to a prestigious university. Cue enormous interest in academia and some success in philosophy.
He went through a stage where he had therapy and a colonic every 2nd day. He would be at social functions and just disappear. He was in a choir. He had a friend who was an arms dealer. He was a stalwart of some charity run by nuns, who adored him. He was an early adopter of shamanic rituals. He could not cook – not even boil an egg or bake a potato – but one day he signed up for a cooking course and became expert. He went on a vow of silence for a month when he decided that all his anecdotes were off color and dated.
He always took the contrary view of any conversation going. He barely slept and actively resented the need to sleep. He thought crystals were a racket, the modern version of hares feet carried as a talisman. He used the I-Ching to pick stocks and got a rare bat sanctuary going in his back yard. His lovers were driven mad by his blunt refusal to contemplate any manner of commitment.
When he died it was relatively young (Chiron Return) and via a strange, very quick acting exotic illness. He told nobody, sought no pity and went away to some motel in Mexico to do it in privacy like a cat under a hedge. It took people months to figure out what had happened because his orbit was already so erratic.
High Functioning Flakes run their lives by magic, surrealism and a secret set of rules from a playbook created in another dimension. Key astrological indicators; Strong Mutable charts, Strong Uranian/Aquarius points. They have a set of beliefs that would freak any member of the skeptics society but they make it work.
Are you a High Functioning Flake? Or do you know any?
Image: Super Seventies