Team Pluto

Hans Feurer Antidote magazine

Hey so was your Pluto Stationing Retro Experience? Mine was Realization City. 

It was exact while i lay sleeping and my dreams were off some psychological richter scale; magical and as if i was being shown what i needed to see.  In one bit of i was flying but could not control my flight – i either soar so high it’s scary or I’m low and crashing into trees. I realized it was a sequel to previous intense dreams.

There was a house and I’d sold it but was having problems moving out of it. There was a closet with very specific garments in it and each item corresponded to a persona I’d outgrown or could not bear to wear anymore. Long story but It was profound and probably one of the most intense dreams ever.

Also, did anyone have any poignant past life flashbacks today? The Moon was on the South Node (previous existences) and I don’t usually follow this closely (except for Taurus in their horoscopes as the South Node is IN Taurus) BUT i was lying on the sofa just thinking and this particularly beautiful cool breeze blew in – all I thought was that is like the wind in Liguria & then before i could think w.t.f is Liguria, i had particularly intense memory. 

So then i googled Ligura and voila it is the Italian region where Genoa is but i did not know that and i haven’t been anywhere near there. It was the wind that bought the memory and the Moon was right on the point that ancient astrologers said was the gateway to the past…And i only got the Moon connection when i thought about it. Promise next time this little karmic aspect pops up (it is once a month) i will mention it in the Daily Mystic email.

So people, hands up who has been doing depth psych dreaming, realizations and/or past life flashbacks these past 36 hours?

Man with bird flying past black and white

Bottom Image: Renato D’Agostin Top Image: Hans Feurer Antidote Magazine

 

277 thoughts on “Team Pluto

  1. I had the weirdest dream about an ex. We have been trying to get back together over the past year, and in my dream we were out on a date. I got attacked by a male gang, and my ex did nothing to intervene, he answered a phone call while the leader groped me. And I woke up knowing it wouldn’t work out between us.

    • I had a similar dream…can’t remember the details now but I kept running into new rooms in this infinitely huge house looking for something. This coming after he is trying to come see me again after nearly a year apart and spewing the same bullshit. “I love you, I want to get married when _____” (insert hoops). Dream felt like validation.

      The rest of my Pluto week has been absolutely awful and I am feeling very anxious and any confidence I had left is shattered.

    • What did the guy who groped you look like ?

      He might be your soul mate, albeit with some issues about boundaries of course.

    • I had a similar dream where my ex who I had been seeing for the last 2 weeks was with my friend who he had got with after we broke up ( we weren’t friends when this was happening) * Pluto transiting 11 th house ( she taught me a lot of lessons )

      Anyway they were together and kissing each other in front of me

      I guess for me when he did that a connection was permanently broken

      In the dream he did nothing about the fact I was so angry and leaving him in the dream

      Which rings true as to why in reality I never felt like he apologised enough or made it up to me .. Maybe he never could

      I wrote in my journal and felt much better

  2. I think there was a fairly clear message there, yes.

    Also it has been my experience that the most successful and admirable people i meet have made a habit of consciously cultivating and listening to their intuition – dreams. And yes, keeping a dream diary.

    • OMG Mystic YOU were in my dream last night!!!

      You hosted your own talk show where guests had to sit on the floor around a low coffee table and discuss various objects on the table, eg runes. Your co-host was an older, fuzzy grey-haired woman who you referred to as your ‘Oracle’ and she sat on a stiff-backed wooden chair beside you in a massive grey robe. Weird. I can’t remember details, just a very cosy astro talk show with you as the host. Random and excellent!

  3. Such good self awareness zahra.
    Last night while I was trying to drift off to sleep, I felt someone’s hand squeeze my left arm. It was not hurtful but I could feel their fingerprints on my arm.

    • Hi S, I note you didn’t ask for advice, but if I may, I would gently suggest that you need to assert your boundaries quite clearly in this situation.
      This kind of interference, kindly meant or not by our earthbound friends, is not acceptable. Some energies take advantage of us energetically and it may lead to feelings of depression which you have mentioned here already.
      If you are into the idea (you are reading an astrology blog so I will tentatively guess you may be) you may like to smudge your home, light a candle, invite your favourite angel/spirit guide/ascended master to your space and tell this ‘fingerprinting energy’,
      “Thank you for coming to visit me, I do not need your help. You have no power over me on this or any other plane. Please leave now, go in peace and do not return without my written (impossible to obtain) permission”.
      Sometimes it is nice to be really clear about what you want in case there is some misunderstanding going on. Good luck, ;) .

      • Thank you Andromeda. I am a smudge stick and salt the entrance/exit kinda person. I spoke to this energy and had a similar chat. Therapy wise I use Inner Wisdom Therapy and Mindfulness Practices, which have helped put out some PTSD triggers.

        • Hey that is great S! I didn’t know if that kind of thing was your cup of tea. Wonderful.

  4. Actually I accessed a very dark & plutonic facet of my psyche. Parts therapy of a sort through meditative journey.
    The part of me who is forceful, zealous & takes no prisoners. I was horrified when I realised how much I utilise this aspect of myself. I heard her voice, her disregard & saw she was close to the surface of many an interaction. So i accepted it had felt necessary as a child to defend myself this way & accepted her.
    And I moved on …

  5. As usual, you’re right about these things Mystic. The intuition most often delivers a message, if only we can learn to trust our instincts.

  6. Um Hello!!!
    I flew to Sydney to attend an Anthony Robbins Seminar, I WALKED OVER A BED OF HOT COALS, did a bunch of NLP, a totally Transformative experience.

    Stationed in my 12th House and I tell you what- your entire perception of life, the mind, universal energies, or unlimited potential, completely changes once you walk over bed of hot coals knowing that the only reason you didn’t burn your feet off is by JUST…. POWER OF THE MIND.

    If this wasn’t the most fitting way to experience Pluto stationing, then I just don’t know what is. Now, to bigger and better things!

    Xo

    • I like Anthony Robbins alright and NLP is definitely powerful and the cousin of awesome confidence-enhancing/anxiety-decreasing tools like DBT, but having been on the receiving end of NLP that kept me in delusion, confusion, and instability for years I’m wary of it! NLP in the wrong hands = narcissists, sociopaths, and predators with the skills to mask themselves.

      Maybe I need to practice it myself to fight back!

      • You are so spot on about the number of predators, narcissists, pretending to offer therapy and enlightenment Rache.

        Frankly, I see Anthony Robbins as a piece of work. Fire-walking? NLP? Sure, but like you say, it is a jungle out there, and AR’s business model makes me puke. So much self-serving profit made out of people looking for answers these days.

        Clearly, most of AR’s propositions themselves – as available in cheap form in his books – may be helpful.

        His key angle, that is not expressed so forcefully in many other self-help books? Examine the costs of NOT changing to motivate you. Cool, and worth the price of the book. But hardly original (just repackaged wisdom) and I’d better not start a discussion about how commoditised new age psych actually sanitises the status quo….as I am too busy right now to write long defences of that position.
        Suffice it to say is that what REALLY bugs me is that AR’s business model is amongst the very-fuqin-worst of self-help capitalism – and that’s saying something. The whole seminar workshop thing would be fine if he and his familiars didn’t then use group psychology/the endorphins and sense of being OK and amongst friends used in his mass seminars to exploit those in the audience who are at a very psychologically vulnerable (and often cash-constrained) point in their lives to pay MORE money for MORE training and MORE seminars.

        I’m not assuming that Jessica – or anyone else who is a fan of AR – is naive. He can’t con everybody into spending more money than they can afford. It is just that I have seen and heard about more than a handful of vulnerable colleagues and acquaintances, or friends of friends, who’ve been lured into introductory seminars, then into his fly-to-country-x-or-y or and spend shitloads to get your next level of wisdom/accreditation or whatevs.

        They’ve seemed to feel pressured to attend the next, and the Next, overpriced A.R workshop etc etc, even if they really couldn’t afford it.

        The specific techniques used in his seminars and so on (as I have gathered from in-depth blow-by-blows from said participants) are brilliant manipulative psychology – but not unlike the strategies used by crooked pentecostal evangelists to get rich as the expense of poor and vulnerable parishioners, nor unlike like what The Mentalist was taught, to build Daddy’s fortunes, before he went straight. Nor unlike (dare I say it) techniques used by major political figures of historical note, whom we won’t mention.

        Many years later, two of the devotees of AR whom I know personally, and who were lonely at the time they spent all their money on him, told me they had reached the same conclusion, independently of me (since I had baulked at offering an unsolicited opinion back then, and had made excuses about why i wasn’t going to spend money on seminars)

        • Very interesting Fi, love how you express yourself. Have been in a similar situation with a teacher who was a total qi vamp predator, as well as telling people who couldn’t afford it that Spirit will support them, they will manifest the money they need.

          Perhaps the hard part is we are so used to having teachers we don’t know when to stop passing our power over to others. It’s probably Pluto in Cap, Saturn in Scorp time again here – a better teacher would say ‘get real, don’t give up your power to anyone’!
          Really disheartening to see Love & Light become Luv ‘n’ Lite.

    • Cool Moss Cool Moss

      Tony Robbins seminars are truly life changing.

      Congratulations on stepping up for yourself – we will all get the benefit

      Xoxo

  7. Caption:

    Berenice was tired of playing in her Underworld Tennis Dress. It was impossible to sprint across the base-line when she was playing Artemis, who was a gun at this kind of thing and only wore a scrap of linen at best, and sent her all over the court on a bad day. So when it got caught in a leaf mulcher on a particularly windy day on her way to the tennis court, it was at the time a terrifying ordeal: the silk skirt caught up in the thing as it ground through the mixture of garden refuse and fabric, and she was dragged closer and closer to the threshing metal jaws. To her relief – and the gardener’s chagrin – her Hell-For-Leather belt, made from the hide of Orcs, was unbreakable by any earthly force and it splintered the machine into a thousand pieces. She was free, but the front of her dress was in tatters.

    A visit to seamstress Seta proved fruitful. She could repair the hem but would be unable to match the fabric in this lifetime as the silk cocoons took three Pluto years to grow. So she and Berenice agreed to leave the front free – a real win for her tennis game, and SO much cooler when it was time to return to the depths..

  8. Also, Mystic, the region of Liguria is beautiful! the Cinqueterre villages are in that area (as well as Genoa as you mentioned). Olive trees, limoncello, pirates (and many of the original Pirate Bays!), sparkling ocean, sea trade… aaah <3

    • ONE punt – what was my past life there that the breeze reminded me of today – South Node Saggo/11th House squared by mars

      Do you remember our Past LIfe Competition – i really want to do another one. the responses were brilliant

      • Cinque Terre, world heritage listed by unesco, yep my husband slunked off there for his post grad, leaving me at work under a certain raging denim queen, to service our mortgage, meanwhile he visits firenze, so I revolted and jumped ship to another queen, this one of dresses to the mothers of brides…some irony…So like a fish out of water was catapulted to Japanese antiques and cloth…Dreams of Italy crystallised into a later journey to Kyoto, weaving in Nishi Jin disctrict…but I did give the denim queen a jar of pesto from Rio Maggiore my husband brought back as peace offering…Generations od Italian locals hand work the steppes of the cinque terre hills…

        • No pluto drama, only time schism, previous circumstances looking back at me, but life is always retrospective with mercury retrograde, you walk with the past in the future, its more sensible than many suspect, like parallel universes. Speaking of dreams, the dream diary mentioned is would be a wonderful log of the years travelling forward, I’m not a subscriber as yet but I’d happily support an aesthetic and functional journal with space for nocturnal and celestial movements…Fashion is always looking backward…Brocades are now big…Again

      • hm. my first fleeting thought as I mused “mystic’s past life liguria” (like googling my brain lol) – was a sort of image of a walkway sheltered by red brick arches – typical roman architecture I guess?

        wealthy landowner / comfortably off
        white/light dress
        the arches keep coming up.

        anyway picture tells a thousand words so I googled the kind of thing I was seeing, If you moosh these together, they’d come fairly close..

        the colouring and grace of this one (but more paved): http://pinterest.com/pin/195695546277778234/

        this one for the cool shady vibe
        http://bit.ly/111alct

        This one def for the layout – the position of the arches and view outwards
        http://www.flickr.com/photos/37176070@N08/6334024959

        this one a bit of everything but the walkway has to be longer
        http://www.flickr.com/photos/32028418@N00/3330466819

        atmosphere/view that i thought of
        http://www.drivingtourseurope.com/img/Italy-volterra-promo.jpg

        this one for some reason
        http://bit.ly/ZU8Y5k

        and this one only because it sort of agrees with my line of thought:
        http://bit.ly/17xaISq

        As for you, the vibe i have is ‘relaxed, comfortable, woman, not impoverished, a local Someone, intrigue?, peaceful.

        the main thing was walking down the sheltered walkway looking through arches along the side out to the hills / sea. I don’t think I personally saw these kind of arches when I was there travellng, so I don’t think I am fishing off a memory there..?

        I suppose if I were being sceptical I could say that anyone could imagine this kind of architecture and the description I have is probably a lot like you now, but yeah that scene mainly. trying not to confuse my own ideas in there ..
        hope this counts as one punt. ;) x

      • I had a past life memory like that once. I was sitting on the beach in Morocco and I thought about watching the Phoenician ships come in – heard the words like you described “this is how it was watching the Phoenician ships” – and then it was like I could see them. I eventually recalled the whole life, but it took years and some really ugly memories between now and that one. Like, not only my own ego crap of now, but I had to get through the memory of being hanged at 15 in another life to get to the Phoenician ship life. Once I got past that horrific bit, accepted it, the memory of the other one came flooding in. It was like a movie I was stuck fascinatedly watching for about two weeks. I want to write about it someday because it came in so clearly and with so much detail about a society that isn’t documented in history.

      • ok so two of my comments not appeared, maybe the links I included (images).. could be caught up in spamchecker thing… xx

      • Also, randomly, the Italian name ‘Lodovico’ (like Ludwig, german) popped into my head. did I read that as I was googling images that matched what was in my head? I don’t recall seeing it. anyway. fyi

  9. Hmmm intuition, I wonder why is it called the 6th sense?
    Don’t you think it’s a bit like the iceberg theory?
    The little bitsty bit poking out of the water is all the audible, visible nuts and bolts of info/communication and the greater lurking mass underneath… These unseen forces are the main meal.

  10. Everything lately is harking back to the 90s. Songs, exhibitions, people I run into – the works.

    I’m at a crossroads with work – in a great job while holding onto the security of an old (also good) one which is about to end. Feels like the universe is telling me to stop straddling these work worlds and showing me the distant past to underscore the point.

    I do know I just busted out the Puuto Juice for the first time in a long time.

  11. I’ve spent almost all of the last two days asleep. I guess I need to sleep more.

  12. I had been signed up for a seminar for a few months now that my company sends employees to. It happened to fall on Thursday/Friday this week. Noone that has already attended is allowed to divulge what it is about. Surprise! It was about rethinking the past and changing the lens you view yourself through, based on childhood ‘tapes’ you automatically run about yourself, and expanding your possibilities of who and what you are and what you can accomplish. Now, how Pluto was that?! A few cathartic tears were shed in the group, but it was an amazing experience!

            • lol, hon, Neptune the gullible manager? Totes. New age and basic psych sold to corporates for crazy prices: How Pluto in Cap is that? Check. Commercial in confidence to hide that fact and make it all seem more value for money?: Check.
              Could anyone who was interested in analysing their past or their current relationships (working or childhood included) find this out for free? Check.

  13. Pluto retro…I had a dream I was driving with my ex-husband in a car. He was driving actually, I was in the passenger seat. And there was a tender, unscripted moment when he reached for the gearshift or something and touched me instead and we both giggled and smiled. In my dream, I thought 1) how much I miss that kind of companionship and 2) NEVER again – not with him, not going back to being married.

    I woke up at 5am to go to yoga before work only to find my car battery had died. I spent the day first at the car dealer figuring out other options and what the value of my car would be on a trade-in and missed the day of work. Had to keep having my car jumped each time I stopped. By the end, I was starving, exhausted, and just had the battery replaced, at a hefty sum since its a fussy, fancy euro car. I was thinking about getting rid of it and cutting my loses because I know it needs more repairs but 1) its really nice when its working and 2) its almost paid off. Spent the day spinning in anxiety, missed a bake sale for a no-kill shelter at work and the afternoon happy hour driving/dying around town.

      • That’s sweet! Yes – I have a new job, new computer, and, as of today, a new car! Trying to shave down expenses. Lots of new routines happening for me right now.

  14. It’s my Little Rams 8th birthday party tonight. Six sugar fueled giggling screaming girls running riot, and trashing my Sanctuary.
    Lucky I’ve been a Warrior Monk in many lives….

    • My little ram’s bday party is this morning. I am baking the cake. Actual bday was wednesday. Cool we both have Venus transit babies!

      • D’aww…
        If I have children I would be happy with whoever they are astrologically and decide to become in life but I have to say I have a soft-spot for the idea of having a little Aries running around. ^__^

      • Wishing you and your beauteous babe an epic birthday bash!
        I am not so courageous when it comes to baking myself (Iron Chef Fail!) However we did devour a Freddo Frog ice cream cake – yuuum.
        I will be picking Play DOH! and glitter outta the carpet for days…
        xo

        • Thanks! Same to you and yours. The star cake was a heavily-frosted success and the glitter is at her Dad’s house :-)

          • I had my birthday yesterday and mum made me a perfect sponge with cream and passion fruit icing. And although I’m in my fifties, I’m still mums little Aries x happy birthday to both your daughters x

            • Omg! That is my now passed on Grandfather’s only cake. He made it like it an elf in Lord of the Rings would have – so light as to make you cry.
              I think it is my fave cake.
              Happy solar return dude. xx.

            • Happy belated birthday for Saturday davel! Natal Sun superpowered by Mars, moon this birthday near your natal venus (maybe?), and Jupe blessing your Gem bits for some time to come? Uber-auspicious – and passionfruit too! xx

            • Happy bday, D! Love to hear your mother making special things on your day. Even now, with you a big boy. :-) This made me smile.
              :-)

  15. loved your moon in liguria dream Mystic!
    I dream in GPS coordinates even though i do not own GPS. so frustrating to have to go type tht in somewhere. Thy all seem to go to someplace in remote Russia.

    Nothing else much happened. I did adopt raising orchids as my new pet. I haven’t had a new “pet” since 2006 when my beloved lizard died. so yeah i bought an orchid. They are supposed to be a rather Uranian flower so i hope it works out.

        • I have some of them logged yes on my dream journal.
          I told someone else and they yelled at me and said you’re not supposed to be able to read when you are dreaming. really? who made up that rule?

        • Some are not logged because it took me a long time to realize those were coordinates and not random numbers.

          …like in a dream i would open a letter and it would have coordinates on it. ….

          I used to think…what is this shit? why are there stupid numbers on it? Once i saw that some numbers began with a (-) and there were decimal points i realized what those were.

          • you’ve obviously done the astro-cartography for your locations, yes? remote russia sounds highly symbolic regardless of lines running through. how cool!!

            • yeah…doesn’t look like anything important out there. Just Venus/MC and Mercury/AC out in the middle of nowhere. I feel more like it’s a past life echo or something like that. Maybe a Russian psychic experiment gone wrong? lol. idk.

              • that’s funny about remote russia (I mean, it does cover a lot of land mass). I was looking up astro-cartography or whatever it’s called and I have a big Venus intersection with another planet or two in what looks like tundra in north-east Russia. The white sea and Finland are pretty close. Moscow a little way south. So I have sort of been entertaining the idea of Moscow, terrifyingly thin Russian women with cheekbones like machetes, corruption, oligarchs, palaces, air pollution, and snow. you know, for a holiday. Or work, once I graduate.

                • Don’t get me started on Russian men….gah…so over that crap. Another era, the 90’s all Aquarian scientists except for one Gemini mathematician. I’ve moved on.

                  That’s why I’m lol…move along..nothing to see here.

                  • uhhhh, russian men. for some weird subconscious reason i recoil in horror from their smoothness, uniformly. my most recent immigrant ancestors hail from karelia though, which is the chunk of northwestern russia that used to be finland. and my dad is the spitting image of stalin. ha! random, sorry. ;)

                    • Russians have many beautiful peoples. seriously. i just had trouble with the cultural aspects. the men there are a lot like asian men.they expect women to coddle them. i suck at that.

  16. I was hoping for a more.. how do I say this.. enlightening Pluto RX station. Got put out of the house because of my roomie’s maid coming through so I rode my bike for 45 minutes against unusually gusty wind to knock down my BF’s door so we could talk about our issues (and his trust issues) for the next two hour over something that WASN’T the internet. Lo and behold, the issues all eventually boiled down to us not having a place to shag (we’re both 4H Pl) eachother’s brains out. Fantastic. So I came home and ended up reading about Centralia, PA. Gargantuan coal fire burning underneath a town for the last 50 years, projected to burn for another 600, and randomly opening up sinkholes to hell. Lent my roomie $20, and watched It’s A Disaster: a movie about eight people trapped in a house after the beginning of WW3 wherein nerve agent bombs had blown the smithereens out of the majority of US cities.
    Had a mind-numbing nightmare that day too. My mother took out my beautifully crafted bento lunch and school supplies out of the basket on my bike and I only noticed at school that she replaced them all with empty plastic tupperware. Went home, tried to call her out on it, ended up having to fight her with a broomstick whilst she had a scythe&was wearing an etheric floating black gown. Went into my room where she had intentionally mussed up one of my paintings (!), and my abuser step-father guarded the door, laughing, saying I would never obtain what I wanted, let alone happiness. He then also defiled my painting. So I sat in the middle of “my” room on a doctor’s table, petting my beloved painting which had turned into a cat, crying that everything would be alright, even though I didn’t know what to do next.

    Yikes!

    • holy mother of god, Cibo. Definitely take some Pluto juice, have a bath, make love, dress fine, smell gorgeous, eat well and drink lots of water. Then make more art? x

  17. my ex lover with whom I have been told I had a past life connection and who I have studiously avoided encouraging for 2 years was in touch last night and for the first time in two years I let him know I missed him.

    then I went to Europe with Saggo friend to attend the theatre (in my dream).

    • Last week for me but same. Someone I have a stupid Pluto/past life/godonlyknows thing with. I’ve heard of at least 3 more people in a similar sitch.

      • ya, I feel he’s stationing to come back and feature in the new moon eclipse on the South Node in Taurus and I just gave him the green light.

        Taurus Moon & Rising.

  18. Ugh, I’ve been having a rough few nights. Lots of horrible intense dreams where my family hate and argue with me for no reason. I’m screaming and crying and they end up ignoring me. In another I kept being repeatedly mugged by two men, and I would cry for help to them, and they would laugh. Also, couple this with dreams where I have weird sores on my body where horrible, strange fluids come out of them. Like, the sort of stuff that’s in David Lynch’s ‘Eraserhead.” Also, all these dreams seem to take place abroad, or near a beach.
    I can really remember the details, but I’ve been waking up feeling really awful, and really really differently towards my family. I didn’t realise Pluto was stationing, but I suppose that makes sense with all the craziness. I’m a Cap rising with a Cardinal astro signature. (so everything is getting pummelled right now.) Pluto is still in my 12th though.

    I’m in the middle of my finals at uni, and so in a few months time I will have enter the REAL WORLD and BE AN ADULT. (woah, problems) I’m feeling positive about the change, but obviously still have some anxieties about the unknown. Also over the past month or so I’ve been having a lot of realisations about how I think, in several ways, I have relied too much on my parents for security emotionally and in terms of my identity, and that I really need to figure this out for myself.
    This is somewhat problematized by the fact my grandmother, who I’m very close to, had an operation to remove a tumour a few mothers ago. I found out this week it has returned, so she is at my parents home whilst having radiotherapy, but it’s never going to go away now. (I figured in the dream this had something to do with the weird sores.) So although obviously I want to be at home and be with her, (and I also feel a responsibility towards my family to be the good daughter) but I know it’s a bad idea in terms of my own personal development because of the way my parents treat me. (Despite that they’re not that aware of the effect they have.) Argh.
    Definitely need to start a dream journal/meditation, or something.

    • we are a different person at home than out. it’s a strange feeling and you are not alone. i think the trick is not to fight it. do your best to be an ‘adult’ (whatever that is), be more grown up about things, but you will always be their offspring and that’s the dynamic… one thing I have been thinking about is that whatever world you’re in is the Real World. maybe increased accountability and possibly responsibilities for more things (but not nec) as we move into working life etc. So, treat every world you’re in as real. and it’s OK to be “grown up” about some things – it’s not a threshold we cross – just a transition that we make thanks to life lessons, mentors, mistakes, successes, incremental steps to self-understanding. x

        • Yes, all what you have said is true. I’m trying to just let this sort of energy flow, but sometimes I want to completely resist and regress, but then on the other hand I want EVERYTHING TO CHANGE NOW! Getting that balance right is difficult in itself.
          Also, thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I feel like I was being a bit rambly there, so I really appreciate it. =]

  19. In my dream, a family elderly, long gone, was building stairs down, leading to black soil where our ancestral home had once been.

    Very Hades, yes?

      • Wow! I never thought that – Mr P is retro in my 10th house – reflecting 4th house. I once entertained the idea of how Saturn transits hit me on the symmetrical houses. I better take my own idea more seriously.

        Thanks Pi! A very Piscean + Gem take :-)

        • yes i sort of subscribe to the idea of doing a transit by working on the house opposite the transit. it seems to make sense (for me)..

  20. Weird – all I dreamed was that my cats had too much catnip and went out and got tattoos. Tiny little sleeves with koi . . .

  21. Ive been in physical pain for days… Its done my head in… Some relief now… Finally, so greatful…. But all I think about most of the time is sex… Just watched Vicki Christina Barcelona and have inspired my longing even more… god I need an Antonio!

  22. my psyche realisations began on Monday at an art gallery when i realised that the subject of my work is actually about my subconscious and the topic is just a keyhole into it. since that came to my attention my perspective has gone through 2 distinct passages of broadening. on friday i met with someone who really opened my mind, unexpectedly so.

    my pluto stationing retrograde dream was not a dream but a memory in the pre-waking moments. a person who has broadened my perspective and has also gotten under my skin came through in my memory as ‘south american’ not ‘italian’. that was the message.

    the meaning o got from that is ‘overlooking the obvious’ and ‘looking in the wrong place’. it irks me how i have blind spots and don’t see close up, it’s when i can allow myself a bog picture view and stand back that i can really see the whole landscape of mountains, big sky, eagles soaring, grassy, tress, valleys, running streams, paddocks, cows and horses.

    xxx

    • somehow my ‘o’ replaced my ‘i’ in ‘i’ and ‘big picture’.
      the two people i separately met with who have broadened my mind and sharpened my perspective are both much older and english is their second language.
      mystic, you mentioned south node today and the moon?my natal south node is in 9th where all the clump of planets are – and the two people are from different cultures to me. both unexpectedly have had an impact on me in an enlightening way and are under my skin – a good thing as they are helping me.

  23. Mercury conj merc for me today, social, awesome ! Pluto added some real depth. Wow. Unexpected and appreciated.

    • Hey that sounds fantastic! I’m now looking forward to mine…even with Uranus on it too…mm because it’s natally opp Uranus…i don’t know if those planets are terrific combinations but i might wear it better??

  24. My boyfriend went nuts after getting drunk last night (he’s been a long-time dry). He punched me off my chair and I flew into the wall and my head left a dent in the wall, then he punched me while I was on the ground and slapped my face. I called police and hid in my car until they came. I just couldn’t press charges although police wanted me to, so they sent him on his way and said to stay away for 24 hours. He rocked up drunk this morning, verbally abusive and threatening. I’d told a friend already and as soon as I heard him at the door, I called my friend who called police. Police came, he refused to leave so they arrested him for trespass, then he resisted arrest and was pepper sprayed and now in custody until Monday at least. So so sad and scary. He’s come such a long way but one drink (leading to many) and he’s a monster. He has Pluto conj his Sun in Libra in the 5th natally and everything in Aries is opposing atm plus Saturn is on his Venus/Uranus/Mercury in Scorpio.

    My dreams of past few nights have been flooded with babies – in cages or me trying to help out mothers who are having trouble coping with the needs of their babies. The worst was me putting my own (dream) toddler in a cage in a childcare place, in the wrong size cage for age. Horrible. Pluto is opposing my Moon in Kataka atm. I never realized Pluto stationing retro was such a big deal.

    • not good at all.
      run away from him if you can, or force him into rehab.

      Babies in cages. Are you neglecting yourself?
      Maybe your bf is a big baby you feel you can no longer handle so off to jail he goes. Big baby in cage. Jail?

      Good luck.
      Take care of yourself first and foremost. The bf cannot go around punching you anymore.

      • yes. this is very sad but it is also very bad for you, and actually for him as well. This dynamic has to change and he probably won’t be able to do it because a) he has weaknesses and b) people with substance dependencies are prone to dependencies and you might be one of his. so you have to do it. get out and regardless of whether he goes to rehab or not, don’t go back. get far away from him of you can. you are in no way responsible for him but you are in danger. you deserve better, you really do.

        sorry for speaking so righteously sweetie but I am speaking from bitter experience and I agree with SR above that the cage is a good metaphor for jail but babe he needs to be there I am not worried about that – I am worried about you continuing to keep your self in a cage that is not the right size for you, that won’t allow you to flourish, and I would not like to think of you bringing babies into this scenario. for their sakes and for yours – you will be tied to this abuser forever. get out now.

        • great advice and I agree! Do not have a child with an abuser! They can abuse and remove them from you and you’ll have no control on how to protect them. I’ve seen it happen to good women that just couldn’t afford the best attorney.
          Break the codependency now and run. You deserve better.

          • Agree agree agree! I am not one to be an example as I have a history of similar things happening but each time I’ve looked back in retrospect and wished I set a hard precedent going forward. Maybe my advice here is also partly advice toward myself.

            Either way I support you and I understand having compassion for others and wanting to help because you love them. But love yourself first and know that you are not alone and have options and people who are rooting for you even if you don’t know it. xx

            I don’t know if I am weird (ok, I know that, BUT…) but I always think about this interview with one of my favorite artists that stuck with me when it comes to the Internet and people really caring and looking out:

            Wire: Angels are mentioned a few times on the album. Why is that?

            Burial: You see people, and you’re disconnected from them, they mean fuck-all to you, but other times you can invest everything in someone you don’t even know, silently believe in them, it might be on the underground or in a shop or something. You hope people are doing that with you as well.

    • I cannot speak from the personal experience of violence, unlike calypso and others reading this. I have witnessed friends in such situations and their stories have their own foundations. But I can’t say nothing. NO ONE who does this to you deserves to be a boyfriend or even in your orbit. There is NO excuse for violence and this behaviour. Today it’s punched in the head twice, tomorrow you end up in hospital. What happens on Monday? Or the next time he drinks? If he did this to a someone else he would instantly be charged with assault and might be forced to take responsibility to his own actions. Please act decisively in your own interests in this situation. I am very sorry if this is not appropriate or fitting or if I am speaking out of turn. But I abhor violence against women or anyone who is not in a position to fairly defend themselves.

      • Anon…. You do not deserve to be treated like this, you deserve to feel safe with your lover/partner…

    • Thankyou scorpiorising, calypso scorp, Rache, Pi and Freedom for all your care and concern. I know all of this and agree and can’t believe I’m in this situ. I honor thyself and release this man from my life. Namaste to you all. xxxx

    • Take out an AVO and press charges. Never see this toxic person again. Book into see a counsellor today.
      You need to detox and heal. I wish you the all strength in the world to leave this person behind and may your healing start today.

  25. Pluto stationed exactly bang on square my natal Pluto. I can’t even get started on dreams as the residue hasn’t yet wore off. Some days it feels there’s another life lived in my dream state. I have been sleeping with the sweetest chunk of labradorite under my pillow for days which is said to help with seeing through illusions, strengthen intuition. So everything I dream, no matter how strange, reveals how it pertains to the truths of the waking world or is it the other way around. What’s the dream and what’s not dream?
    Natal north node in Scorp exactly opposing my moon in Toro. Been thinking about my mother, long dead, a lot while moon was cruising over that point.
    The lovely cat has been leaving what looks like ritual sacrifice kills in the house for me to stumble over. Clean cuts, no blood. only the liver and head remain. Sorry if that’s gruesome. She is definitely expressing the Pluto. I dreamed about her last night and would be great if she too ate too much cat nip and got a tat.

  26. Pluto retrograde has been intense esp. in my Dreamtime.
    Pluto transiting Capricorn/3rd House lots of deep transformative shite going on in my subconscious lately.
    Having bizarre dreams about giants trying to abduct me and force me into the a red room. I blamed falling asleep to Twin Peaks.
    Very frightening, surreal headtrip crap.
    Stalker ex has resurfaced and sending his new wife and all his female “friends” with benefits to contact harass and/or befriend me.
    He fancies himself a sex cult guru leader in his own mind. (but he isn’t very attractive) He is no Johnny Depp. But, he does have committed love zombie followers that would be willingly to kill for him. Very Mansonite love-fest vibe. He attracts very unstable women.
    It’s made me uneasy.

  27. Weird day so far. I woke up at 5:15 am and found most of my friends up early as well and wondering why? Is it Pluto? I also had another medical reaction that I think I might have broken my nose. [sigh!!] My fault! :(

    I also had a dream about work. I was at an interview for a job at another company but my boss was there. She kept on saying “you just don’t seem interested” and obviously looked disappointed and wanted to ignore me. :(

    I have to take an exam on June 1st that I am not interested in taking. This exam is going to test me on something I am not trained in, never really done but I understand the concept. I will do my best but I honestly don’t feel confident enough to take it. So, that is what I have been telling her.

    I think she is being extremely unreasonable. I am not even 6 months old and I haven’t learned my job. I found out 3 months into my employment with this company that she is pregnant and now everything is being handed over to me. She is never there now. I can’t keep up with my requirements, I am in compliance and I don’t have consistent management of my responsibilities we could get into trouble. I keep on telling her this and I just don’t think she understands or wants to.

    [sigh}.. I will do the best I can! If I pass it could mean a promotion next year but honestly I would rather know my job first before any promotion. I would love the money but with my work ethnics I don’t feel I deserve it yet. I need to see that I have been consistently productive and successful with my standards. Virgo Sun, Libra Rising, Leo Moon..

    xo!!

    • Well.. I am gonna Thank Pluto for this one! I am not feeling down, stuck or bothered even after this mornings medical issue. I got my butt in gear to start studying or least prepping some type of study program that meets my needs then I broke down and decided to join a gym! I have been hoping I had the initiative on my own to get out there and do some type of exercise without paying (trying SO hard to be reasonable with my money) and so I have to do this! The gym is somewhat across the street from me, it is beautiful, I was a member when I first moved to this state and had to cancel when I moved out of the area for about a 1+. I am back and so must they!!

      This is a powerful push for me! But like I said I have to do this or things are gonna get worse!

      xo!!

      [[[[applauding]]]] LOL!! :)

    • sounds like a tough work situation VE. Are there others who you can go to to have a casual conversation (or more formal meeting) about what’s going on for you? compliance is tricky because in that kind of role, the idea is pretty much to be across the pernickety details, well that’s my experience at least. I think it’s a case of trust yourself to do a good job, put in the hours to be as familiar with the work as you possibly can. I know Virgos need perfection and thorough inside-out knowledge of the system. I suspect that even if you were doing your job only 60% satisfied with yourself, others would still be impressed!
      June 1st is 6 weeks away, that a fair bit of study time. You can do it.

      • oh and also, if you weren’t capable of the job, they wouldn’t have given it to you in the first place. Likewise the manager’s job. In my experience, Virgos are utter stress puppies about their work when in fact they already knocking it out of the park anyway.

      • Thanks Pi! There really isn’t anyone I can talk to at the company! We have 8 people at our site and word gets around if you know what I mean. I have a a friend who got me the job that I am waiting to hear back from to get his feedback. I know she is pushing me and it is not that much money. I just don’t like the idea of not passing hovering over my head. At least I put a plan together this w/e to get me started. That is a big accomplishment for me.

        xo!!

  28. Well, I was not the only one who could not sleep a wink last night. I was having rad biz and insights into my world domination plan. Actually extremely practical do able stuff. Shiztu hitting fan in big way for a certain someone hitting rock bottom. The no communication ban was temporarily lifted from my side for a one hour window following a desperate email full of gut wrenching admissions oabout not feeling man enough, good enough, brave enough strong enough to get across the divide to me. All the childhood abuse trauma he’s never told anyone- yeah I know the irony of it all- a shrink who after years of analysis never spoke of the same stuff that happened to me. When I saw the email, I wasn’t even freaked, just thought ok, he’s copping out. I’ll be ok. It was full of searing psych honesty and pretty brave admit ions. I couldn’t but be impressed. I said, “Can’t you see how brave you’re being? This is the decent, you silly phoenix prat. The hero’s journey has begun. Look at you go.” I just said, hey dude it’s all good, even if we don’t end up together, you’ll have found your bliss – post madness and ego death but wtf is so great about your life as it is anyway?”
    I said, “I know, same here” re the abuse, the feelings and why and how it affects behaviour in later life. I saw that the first time we met hon.”
    You are brave, you are strong because you are being vulnerable and admitting your feelings of being pathetic and weak and unlovable. I think you fuquin rock. ”

    Now bugger off and carry on with your process. When and if you come to me it will be as a free man and a hero. Someone who knows himself. In that respect yes, you are correct, you are not yet worthy of me. But think if you persevere you will be. I refuse to rob you of the chance to do this on your own. I’m not the light at the end of the tunnel, or the pot of gold or even your cheerleader. Only you can fight this battle, for YOU.
    You know where I live.
    Maybe I’ll see you on the other side.
    But whatever happens, bravo kiddo :)
    It was nice It felt very real and honest.
    Communication window is now closed again and I am happily getting on with my life. No angst re him.
    I kinda know he’s mine but even if he isn’t at least I’ll have done the right thing by us both. Us all I should say.
    I love Pluto.
    Oh the creepy dreams were the night before. I got my own incontinent shitzu to follow and poop scoop. So yeah THAT symbol was abundantly clear and I know what I have to do. It’s very similar to his actually. Give up the security that harks back to childhood trauma and is making me angry (I had no idea) and leap into the void.
    Here I go.
    Can’t touch this :)

  29. Completely deep dreams. Major realizations and sudden clarity around my dead mother’s relationship with me and patterns that have been haunting me for AGES. (Family karmic synastry off the hook at the moment)

    A quintessential dream image: a box seeping, weeping brown liquid, holding all the leaking wounds we keep passing around to one another rather than acknowledging we share. Held by an old friend I had to cut off relations with, reluctant to open it because “It’s complicated.” It sure is. Then I went swimming in a pale green ocean inlet only to witness golden stalks of wheat growing straight up out of the waves. Then, a quest to find a toilet — lol, can’t forget the purge.

  30. it’s been a very surreal week. the back story is that my friend and i have been doing joint rituals on the moons from opposite sides of the country. they’ve been incredibly powerful, so much more so than my usual solitary ones. that old christian adage- where two or more are gathered in my name- is a chunk of Truth with a capital T in that swirling book of patriarchal control. so for this last one on the new moon we gathered, among other things, water that somebody had died in. waters of death/rebirth, you know? and i knew exactly, my neighbor’s sister-in-law drowned in the creek that runs behind my house. not in this spot, mind you, but the same waterway, upstream. so i bought an antique perfume bottle and collected some, and in doing so found a shard of mirror in the water. the haunted mirror. cue new moon and i’m trying to scry in the mirror and i am asked if i want to know its history… yes, yes! i say. so a few days go by and out of pity i’m sure a friend gives some anti-anxiety pills. i haven’t taken pharmies in probably 10 years, but i’m thinking manna from heaven! to save me omg yes! so i eat one and they are SUICIDE PILLS. some of the worst despair i have ever felt- i was like i KNOW this feeling, omg i voluntarily brought myself here. wtf girlfriend. so i went and communed with the creek, the langston hughes poem swimming through my mind, thinking about this girl who was my age and had a 8 year-old son (he and his dad are really quite lovely) and how her family is convinced that her suicide was due to anti-depressants and whoa, hello pluto. i don’t know how anyone who hasn’t spent half their life in that state could possibly handle it… death by big pharma in so many ways. so much blood on thier hands! and one small death that blew a family’s world to pieces that i completely and utterly channeled. scary.
    and 2 more car accidents close by- the first on thursday, literally 5 minutes after i had passed. the local news saw fit to publish a first-on-scene photo of the one car engulfed in flames with its elderly occupants trapped inside dead or dying and the truck that hit them head-on was one i have driven behind thinking “oh lady, you so medicated, you so scary.” the second yesterday as i was thinking about the first accident, an ambulance drives by and boom, an hour sitting in a line of cars until they clear another accident- no death this time, i could feel that there wasn’t- and lo and behold i get up to it and it is my ex’s boss with a crumpled mess that used to be his distinctive truck. wasn’t necessarily him- i mean he is not the only owner of this truck- but it’s just so strange how everything is so personal. i just can’t detach from it, gotta feel it from the depths. weird. pluto aaaah!!

    • and dreams, yes, so vivid. but in the second between awakening fully and reaching for the dream journal they are gone, fully gone. how to get through this barrier?

    • Woah, that is some seriously intense unmistakably Pluto stuff! When Pluto is rocking my world (whether good or bad) it’s always noticable synchronicity and connections so intense that I feel as if solipsism may not be so far fetched as the coincidence are unreal.

      Re: big pharma — yep, it’s essentially a multi-level marketing scheme with the drug companies on top, insurance companies in the middle, and sales reps/doctors on the bottom. It freaked me out today… I write for a women’s magazine (the online part) with a very active comments section. One of my editors ran a piece on how she went off her meds because of side effects. The people in the comments were calling her “vain” for quitting the drugs because of 15lbs sudden weight gain and acne and when I stepped in to defend her on the grounds that physical and mental health are linked and we have a right to refuse medication I got blasted for not going on a carousel of drug auditions to find one that “worked” after one nearly killed me (chronic digestion issues to this day and scary low blood pressure).

      If you’ve found a pill that works for you congratulations but I hear 85% horror stories and the good side is usually fleeting success followed by a crash. It just makes me so sad that there are newer methods that are proving to be very effective or promising at the least (neurofeedback, newer non-invasive deep brain stimulation procedures, or even rife machines and electromagnetic stuff to wake up the nervous system/circuits) that will likely not become mainstream or get the funding to be properly researched because the drug companies have such a hold on the insurance companies and, thus, the doctors. I really think that in 150 years we will look back at psych meds in their current form as archaic and unthinkably irresponsible.

      • Good for you Rache.. I like your scope on pharma.. I agree with you. Yes, I work for a pharma company BUT my position is that my products have been around since the 50s. Also, with respect to “new” meds being introduced into the market the real clinical trial is when it gets to the market. Clinical trials are restricted and controlled on 1% of the population so with “new” meds they honestly don’t know if the product is effective until it gets out into the market … hence the horror stories you heard. It burns me up with how people rely on meds to make them better. Although naive I may be.. the body was designed to heal itself. AND.. there isn’t enough concrete data to say that the healthcare profession has a control of the diseases overwhelming the world. We are their lab rats. Sorry… my opinion!! Stay away from doctor’s if you can! <3

        xo!!

      • yeah, the line definitely becomes blurry. the reality tunnels turn into guitar strings and vibrate to the strumming of some external hand, or you gain the ability to strum multiple strings at once, or just to perceive the strumming. it’s weird, for me, having always straddled the realms of belief and nonbelief in meaning equally dogmatically. solipsism is kinda the foundation of it all and second nature- the gemini brain is so detached. this plutoness is somewhat about building a structure of meaning out of the void. shocks to accept the existence of others and their roles in co-creation, maybe. either that or it’s a new facet of the brain. regardless, a mindfuck for sure.

        about psych meds: i completely agree. next century, if we as a civilization survive, we’ll view like we do lobotomies and clitoredectomies today- irresponsible to say the least, not to mention barbaric and utterly tragic. at some point their role in mass shootings will change from wacko conspiracy theory to accepted history too. in the meantime, yeah, i spent some time reading forums on the subject yesterday, and it was completely heartbreaking. page after page of people who were i guess absolutely unaware that they were/are raging addicts. so much judgement against “drug seeking pill poppers who keep people who really need them from getting their drugs.” as a former addict i was filled with compassion- it’s an awful state to live in, obviously, and as someone whose had all their silly little (excuse my judgment) hideous anxiety symptoms her entire life i was filled with disgust. (though, granted, if someone has ptsd from afghanistan or whatever, there is a difference and i apologize to them- not silly little symptoms.) the whole thing was couched in terms of “be your own advocate, go to as many doctors as you need until you find one who will give you XYZ. it’s your right.” and “oh! i’ve tried therapy and meditation. medication not meditation.” such a lost world, so dishonest, so close-minded to any real recovery. unspeakably sad. :( :( :(

        • So sad, my only way out of the funk when I think about this stuff is just keep telling mysef, “It’s a free-will zone!”.
          My mother has had a nervous breakdown and she is so far gone, I have to keep letting go of her, every time I see her or meditate, I have to keep understanding on some level she is too afraid, or too stubborn, or too whateveritis to actually want anything. It’s heart-breaking and horrible.
          She is on anti-depressants and she keeps going down, refusing to get out of bed some days. But you can’t make someone better, they have to want to try. Free will is a bitch some days!
          The thing about chemical drugs is that they are not near optimal for the human system, but you can sell them in these little bottles! Handy money maker!
          Vibrational medicine, appropriate for beings that have biomagnetic field, is not that easy to package.

  31. Yes, the dreams. Last night was of looking into the vagina of my inner child..(was a baby in the dream). First I sort of chastised her and then when I looked into that teeny little hole felt a certain innocence. Teacher once referred to “cave of the Goddess” and I did ask for the Goddess to guide me here lately.

    Pluto at 11 degrees is presently (in 7th) exactly square my Sun, 11th.

    And what I found interesting also (I didn’t have a chance to post about the Saturn and father post), is that my 8th is ruled by Saturn and I have Cap Saturn square Aries Sun and Mercury and dad helped me out (he offered…) What an, er, trans Uranian surprise on his Aries stuff regarding mine as well.

    He said he is sending me and my (Aries) sister a copy of his will.

    80 yrs old and he was sitting in the cockpit of his plane after a quad level back surgery fusion a couple of months ago…He said “this plane is worth a hellava lot of money”…And for the car purchase “I can well afford it”…

    Think Aries dad is a lot more loaded than I knew and not that money has ever, by far, been my end all, but do think it’s interesting whats come to light in terms of him leaving everything to me and my sis with Saturn ruling my 8th…Moon is there and was always close to Leo Mom and she left a life insurance policy but that Saturn and dad…that’s what I’m now seeing and with Uranus on our Aries stuff kinda craze.

    Thanks for letting me bleat on but the pieces just sorta been falling into place lately.

    Huge love to Myst as usual. x

    • Oh, and half sis, Aries, (my dad had three Aries daughters come to think of it) from my Dad’s first marriage when he was 17) …at 62, died in her sleep about six weeks ago. This was after his niece (sisters daughter) died in her sleep (in her 40’s) as well.

      Imagine your Aries father calling and leaving a message so distraught he can barely speak. I have seen a vulnerable side to my father I never saw before and so his tenderness and giving to me now. Know that after his and Mom’s terrible, terrible karmic divorce she must be satisfied now ;) .

  32. I am hating Pluto. All kinds of bad luck, bad depression, and my ex-from-Pluto-transit trying to make his way back in when he came in and made my life better then took it all away like three times now.

    I am so pathetic and have nothing at the moment that it may actually happen. Maybe that’s his strategy. Get in while she’s at her weakest.

    • Yes, Rache, low peeps who know your vulnerable spots will use that to their advantage. That is what is called not having any emotional integrity…We think they may have changed, we give them a chance…they don’t.. It’s a power/ego trip for them.

      As much as some don’t care for John Mayer love his line in Heartbreak Warfare….

      ~How come the only way you know how high you get me is to see how far I’ll fall~

      Been there, done that and sick, sick, sick. Another’s pain is the gauge to how much they are loved…

      Don’t blame yourself if you played by the emo integ rules and someone else didn’t. You only feel pathetic (perhaps) because you love him and can’t help it. It’s hard, I know…again, been there, done that. x

      • It’s really hard. He would disappear and leave me with nothing and then I would rebuild my life, slowly be happy with myself and proud of my growing self-esteem and bank account and then just as I was stable away from him he would swoop back in with all these promises and carrots on a stick. Then leave again after I rearranged my whole life.

        It feels like he preys upon my dreams and the fact that I am, admittedly, fantasy prone. Whether I am down or up he creates this image of how it will be different this time and almost bribes me with promises both short and long-term. When he can tell I am done and have pulled away he sends me the kindest emails and sometimes a present and talks about how he wants to whisk me off to an exotic location of my choosing to put things back together with both my life and the former relationship and plan a new life together again. Whenever I point out how messed up it is he defers to work commitments and says he had “no choice.” Beyond this he is strange in the sex department. Also luring me in with a lot of intimacy at first and then withholding. I know I should make a clean break because see that I associate love with the unattainable because of some family stuff…I have before but like I said. He gets me when I’m down in the mud.

        • It would be nice to have a Teflon coated heart. Nothing sticks and you just glide on.
          Totally understand Rache.

          • How sad/strange that the synesthetic concept of a Teflon coated heart is so….not just comforting…no words!!!

            I am a certain breed of Asperger’s weirdo where a metaphor can completely change a perspective. Hard to explain but this really helped.

            • i think the opposite of a teflon heart would be like a flourless chocolate heart- dark and rich and deep and delicious and melty and yes, fleeting, but in the moment there is nothing better. i understand why you’d go back for seconds. and thirds, and fourths, no matter how much your brain started screaming “enough!” le sigh. xoxox

          • I think I have made progress because before I was so caught up in this image of some kind of “fated” meeting and that he got me in some special way. This is true in some ways but more and more I see that what is more special is realizing that there is not such a thing as an absolute fixed soulmate and realizing the specialness in **choosing** to be with someone, committing to the committment not because of some fairy tale reason but because you want to do the work and be transparent. Transparency and honesty is oneness. I don’t know if it’s for me yet but the strongest and happiest couples I know are in open relationships and have excellent communication and listening skills. This whole thing feels like a (beautiful) illusion and I think I’m finally ready to admit that and take a flawed reality!

            • Grrr stupid Pluto!!! Pluto meeting Uranian Venus x Uranian Neptune type = bad. I need a Saturn lifestyle and a Mars-Mercury relationship.

  33. it was horrible horrible horrible, I didn’t realize anything new, I just saw what was already there with much more clarity, not a proper realization, just a kind of depressing vision, I think things are just meant to be really hard for me for a long time, and might never pay off or work out,
    the good thing is I can still be happy anyways, I can’t explain that, its just something happening lately, I see the bad things more and more clearly and just go, oh well, in a way thats weirdly quietly powerful, conceptually its kind of sad to just accept things, its like your giving up for now, but it doesn’t feel that way, I can grow and be happy anyways, im tired of the other stuff, its a bottomless pit, so what, things might all just work out, I am tired of deeply knowing its presence, I am becoming desensitized, the other parts of me are growing stronger than that, they are existing in spite of bleak backgrounds, I will have my breathless moments, but I am bigger then those now, I can recover without even needing a change of luck, so…. something is happening

    • Awwwh David…I know exactly what you mean via how you describe perceiving something you already know at a level that requires no more depth…

      I cannot tell you “it gets better” nor do I know if it does. But for me the paradoxical and only thing that soothes me is thinking and more importantly seeing and knowing that there are others like me out there and that my pain may lead to my realization which eventually helps others. [[Am half Russian x lit freak but just saying…] commiseration = co-misery.] In pain we grow. Your peers are partying and placed in office jobs now but there could be a silver lining to your pain that blossoms later in life. We are a youth and proof centric culture. Do not be discouraged and above all look for selfish-peace.

  34. Feeling very Plutonic right now and I lu, luv it.

    In times past I may have slipped into a depressive mini-coma but
    this is much better. Movement instead of stuckness.

    • MOVEMENT INSTEAD OF STUCKNESS! i’ve been so agreeing with that lately! like why be scared and try to stand still when the world is dancing if you can get up and dance with it?

  35. the NN is on my natal eros, 9th h right now… i was TOTALLY actually thinking of my taurus first love yesterday…

    and last night i had a dream that was about learning and teaching and a metaphor of a bird learning to fly was used. it was like right after a dream but before i was fully awakened or opened my eyes, that moment in between. it was like a day dream almost, like pre analyzing my dream before i was awake lol. i’m such a virgo. anyway this little symbolic message i recieved was that you can’t PUSH a bird off a cliff and call that teaching it to fly. thats not nice or fair. but if you teach a bird how to use its own wings, its truly being taught something. because you are just learning to tools which let you go off in a direction you choose. i feel like i’m ruining it by talking about it too much now. Thanks Air Moons

    i’ve been thinking of the best way to say it all morning lol, because my dream just captured it so perfectly. i think it relates to how scorpionic my 9th house is. pluto there squares my Aqua asc which is being conjunct/exactly squared by saturn right now…while uranus opposes my libran mercury and sextiles my ascedant.

    actually venus is sextile my moon in aqua right now, the sun and mars are inconjunct MY sunmars in virgo and sextile my NN in aqua. Its all first-second-7th house so i’m learning how to value // be energized by my own unique Force.

    anyway i kind of yelled something at someone the other day without realizing that i was shoving something down their throat rather than helping to understand something for themselves and then therefore being able to learn more about it through their OWN way of learning. i have asteroid narcicuss/astroid lilith in 9th scorpio sextile my virgo sun [7th] so, i think this bird symbolism was telling me to be more understanding/compassionate when i try to teach people about what i think i know so well.

    woo, this was a cathartic post. and i am TOTALLY going to pay more attention to moon — nn/sn monthlies. yesterday was a “weird day” for a few people i know who cough cough dont even believe in astrology also, :P

  36. Pluto for me = Death (attended two funerals in under a month). Recently found out about another death (OS suicide), I found a photo of the death scene. My mother contacted my EX, which is typical of her. Don’t really need an update on that front, but I heard all about it. So many knives in my heart and the salt keeps getting in there. Kinda feel like I missed out on going to weddings and celebrating the birth of babies and landed smack in the obituaries page.
    When it comes to past lives my intel comes from repeating a similar action or activity. My first memory came as a 10 year old when I was polishing a spoons.
    Last night I dreamt of Budda, I just walked in front of his statue and I admired his belly. This dream is telling me that Pluto time ie death will move into the new and reincarnation is coming soon. I just just got to get through this present shite.

    • Sounds so intense, sorry to hear you are so embattled.
      I do love your Buddha dream though, his belly is so abundant & relaxed!
      Dream moods says, “To dream that your abdomen is exposed, signifies trust and vulnerability. You may be expressing a desire to express your primal emotions/instincts”.
      Perhaps you are admiring his ability to be spiritually centred, trusting & confident – you mentioned in that post a few days ago that you didn’t want to feel love anymore – yet here you are in your dreams admiring that in another.
      Seems like a shift might be on its way.
      Energy goes where admiration flows!

      • Your such a sweet romantic Andromeda. Now this dream is actually about allowing my suicidal thought patterns to process to the point of self reincarnation. Allowing myself to feel the fn intensity of the straight down but knowing I’ll find the strength to change. Also not to fear the depth of emotions and process them in their full capacity. Changing the wildness of our own animal is not the issue but become a new (re-born) animal. Big fan of Dream Moods (old site look tho). Peace be with you Andromeda.

        • Wow, that’s a different take I would never have come up with! Do you think of Buddha as a symbol of reincarnation? In the guise of the Hotei happy Buddha, what does he mean to you? The animal just needs acknowledgement, I agree, not change. That’s how I felt about acknowledging my own inner darkness this Pluto transit. Xx.

          • Or seeing Buddha could be a musical reference too i.e The Buddha Machine.
            Might have to bust out my Wisdom Animal Cards and see what form to take.

            • My dream Buddha, was sitting and made of sand stone. A cement garden with lush manicured trees. Most likely Laughing Buddha of Love. Yes I do remember what you said in a previous post.

  37. 8O

    Wow, awesome reading here!

    I have Neptune conjunct MC in opp to Gem Sun, Moon and Venus. Dreams have been pretty amazing lately. The other night I was dreaming that I was sketching and the detail of the work was so intense it felt as though I was an artist trying to get something out. I woke up and sketched the piece and it strangely came together. I am going to work on the drawing because I just feel so connected to it.
    The following few nights I have had dreams where I am surrounded by well known artists. I don’t often have reoccurring themes in my dreams so soon after one another.

    • Really? It seems like you always have the most incredible and connected dream scenarios.
      That sounds so creatively uplifting, good luck!

  38. It wasn’t a dream but I went out to dinner on Friday night and my X was there with his partner at almost the next table. He left me about a year ago and I had been dreading about the moment of running into him, though hasn’t contemplated the possibility that night.

    In that moment, there were four people having dinner. My girlfriend and I, who were smiling and luminous and completely into the night out, and my X and his partner, who were energetically heavy and separated. My girlfriend and I were talking about my current boyfriend. I realised that as much as I had loved my X, there was only surreal memories left and I was now with someone who is much more courageous and authentic and bringing me a lot more happiness.

    It’s horrible being left, especially when you don’t want it and life implodes, but the experience can be a huge opportunity to mine and grow and connect with someone who is also growing in your direction.

  39. Odd dreams about huge fish dying in my little guppy tank, and then having to pull them out with my hands, and them disintegrating and making the water all foul like a rotting boullabaise. Yurk.

    But gorgeous, fabulous insights meditating on the beach at sunset yesterday. Saw myself as an energy being in a sea of energy. Just gorgeous. More insights as to pathways and choices, but am just composting them over and waiting for them to settle before I share them :D

    Youse guys have been great !! More shizz to follow. Watch this space….

    ….. this glowing,

    sacred,

    joyful

    space……

  40. Well, maybe this is Pluto, but over the course of the past week I’ve admitted that I’ve likely been suffering moderate to severe depression most of my life. I’ve been returning to key times in my life when I was in a very, very dark place, too many times over the years, and just how hard it was to ‘push through’ back then, but I did it, barely functioning.
    Something my shrink said a couple of weeks ago – “you will probably have to manage your depression like some people have to manage diabetes” which of course I rejected. I can only say it here, in a relatively anonymous forum, but I am one of those hard-arses who doesn’t ‘believe in’ depression. I think it’s a gigantic conspiracy by big pharma, pathologising normal emotions. I quote Foucault, I bang on about how women used to be incarcerated in asylums for PMS, blah blah. But as I slowly get better I have to admit to myself that most normal people don’t phone work and lie about the flu because they can’t get out of bed for days or weeks on end; that most normal people don’t routinely consider topping themselves as a viable strategy to deal with an argument with their spouse. I look at both sides of my family, littered with drug addicts, depressives and attempted suicides, and here I am, the intersection of those two lines.
    Medication wasn’t the easy option. I was absolutely desperate. When I got my first prescription I drove to a chemist a long way from where I live, at night, and I sat in my car and sobbed with the shame of defeat. But now I am having to admit that I feel normal. I like being around people. My life is pretty fuqing hard at the mo but I don’t think about jumping off a bridge any more. I am able to enjoy getting out into the fresh air, I laugh with people, I take care of myself, I make plans for my future. And I still feel my sadnesses very deeply. I’m not anaesthetised from life.
    This hard realisation has made me look at my life through a very different and more compassionate filter, particularly about my PhD. I didn’t stand a chance! Years of solitary confinement with one very challenging project, no structure, and a brutal supervisor. It gave my depression the opportunity to flower unimpeded, like those 15ft high dandelions in the Galapagos. The fact that I’ve done as much as I have, being so debilitated, well that’s quite impressive.
    I blame my depression on my failed marriage, my heartbreak over my lost lover, but my shrink said it was always going to demand to be dealt with, sooner or later.
    Jesus I’m so disappointed I’m not superwoman.
    If that’s Pluto, well I am starting to see the value in some of what has happened to me the past couple of years. There is a good chance I will be able to resolve all these issues at the same time – marriage, depression, PhD, house – then start anew. If that’s not transformation, I don’t know what is.

      • Major depression during Phd? Suicidal depression? Check. Self-recrimination for not being superwoman? Great knowledge of how childhood and genes affect likelihood of the above? Check (wrote Phd about it!) Great knowledge of pharma, side-effects and its current insufficiencies as a model of treatment? Check. Check. Hatred of even having a problem? Check Good heart? Check. Pretty damn good at lifting the spirits of others in crisis even when I can’t lift my own? Check.

        I wouldn’t normally do this, but if you are ever feeling too low to post publicly – as I have often felt in the past – but need to reach out, here is my email. fionita946@gmail.com x

        • Hi Fi. This is so kind. Thankyou
          Not that I would wish these experiences on anyone but knowing that others know the road is so heartening. xxx

    • Chrysalis, it sounds like you have indeed suffered from a long term case of major depression. And you know what, label or not, real or unreal condition, that’s a pretty tough experience to have had. To have accomplished as much as you have is astonishing and testament to the fact that you are indeed superhuman.

      • Not superhuman. Just human. Thank you so much for your comments. It really helps me because I don’t believe in what I think I have. I just focus on how I feel and will take it from there xx

    • sound like superwoman to me :)

      you have not failed, you are simply taking a journey to self knowing and self healing and this is a stage of it.

      I have many similar experiences including the longterm depression the failed marriage and the PhD and that’s a hole lotta schizz right there. I don’t know how that’s all going to resolve for you but I am coming to accept that it hasn’t or won’t all be resolved ideally for me. In a way I don’t know that that’s what matters to me anymore. I do know that I have learned from it all and I am better within myself, actually to the point that the depression is just a memory. It’s true in a way that if things hadn’t got so tough i probably wouldn’t have taken the steps that brought me to healing and acceptance.

      Love and luck to you on your path xx

        • Oh goodness then you know this road, calypso scorp. I am so encouraged when you say the depression is now a memory. I hope for that, I really do. xx

          • I wish it for you too, I really do :)

            I was glad to read below that you’re meditating which I have found incredibly stabilising and the only other thing I will say is if you have the opportunity to be helped in your process, take it. You don’t need to do it all yourself, you don’t need to be everything all the time, even to yourself. It’s all right x

    • I agree.. definitely Superwoman. Trying to overcome such challenges is a struggle but you are trying to find ways to get thru them.. that means you are fighter a.k.a superwoman and you are feeling better!

      Glad to see that you are feeling better! xo!!

    • I can really relate to those extreme internal reactions to things you’ve described – where you make stuff up to get out of social interactions or work because you can’t get out of bed, to when you have horrible thoughts about what you should do to yourself because you feel you can’t cope. This kind of stuff happens to me more regularly that I’d like to admit… But the thing is, we *do* cope, we get through. We may not feel our strength, but it’s there – we make it through the darkest times even if we don’t believe that we can. I wanted to let you know that I related to what you’ve said because if more than one person admits to those moments of intense internal struggle, maybe it’s not abnormal at all?

      It sounds like you have a great counsellor, and it’s pretty damn brave and strong to look at yourself as honestly as you are right now. Being on the other end of it at the moment, I don’t think depression equates to weakness – it takes a hell of a lot of strength to deal with and it can make you an even stronger, more empathetic person. I hope this makes sense – it’s hard a hard subject to talk about because it’s so intensely personal, but just wanted to let you know I’m rooting for you! xx

      • Thank you for writing about your experience Chrysalis. I imagine when my “black dog” is in full swing, that it’s having it’s first Saturn Return. Thanks to all the other kind souls for posting here on this silent subject.

        • You too, S, I have enjoyed your honesty here of late.
          I like that Susan Sontag quote: “the truth shall set you free. But first it will piss you off.” xx

      • Thanks saggibee, I have come to think that this is what strength looks like. I see it in good people all around me, here included. xx

    • In some ways accepting a name for something that has always been a part of you feels like accepting Depression as your own name.

      That is the wrong attitude i guess but it is a feeling i know well. Plus the regret about not being superwoman. Do you ever think, if i wasn’t battling this personal shit how much could i achieve with my grit and fortitude?

      You find what makes a difference for you, Chrysalis, and you make it work. Not every day is the same. 12th house or piscean issues, they sound, the isolation, locked up with a project, the depression. Someone said the opposite of lo Neptune is self love. The light went on. Hugs xxx

        • Well i’m here but only had one week rest then some bureaucratic crazy for over a week. Will now try to unwind back into refresh mode. My reaction to merde just shows how much i need to refresh. I liked my attitude the first week…no patterned responses :)

    • Yeah I don’t like labels and never thought I would willingly wear this one but I am looking back thinking, wow, maybe there IS something awry and knowing that, how will I proceed? It’s uncomfortable and I don’t really like it. But for now, what I’m doing is helping me so I accept it.
      The last time I got a sudden new job that involved travel, in the midst of a major relationship upheaval plus health issues, Pluto was changing signs/houses. I didn’t know it then, I wasn’t astro savvy, but now I recognise the mark of Pluto.
      And Mille, I can fully sympathise… your Mars in Cap must get SO frustrated with your 12th house / Piscean stufff xx

      • This sounds so much like my story – an absolute refusal to believe that I could be clinically depressed and in need of medication. I did succumb (to meds) and I thank those very close friends of mine at the time who convinced me to try them. It saved my life and I’ve never looked back. I don’t need them now but would have no hesitation to take them again if needed. Meds and a shrink saved my life and I can honestly say I feel like I’ve only started to live now that I’m well. Good luck xx

        • Thankyou. I my long term plan is to not need the medication. I am playing a long game with my health. There are so many lost years I want to get back xx

          • Thanks for sharing crysalis… You are not alone… I too resisted meds with the adamant knowing that the world couldn’t handle my emotions and I was too sensitive to handle the world… Thinking I was just reacting normally to a fucked up world, which is still true to some degree… A bout of incredible anxiety led me to take meds and on the lowest dose I can say they have stabilized my mood more than any herb, yoga posture, meditation, therapy bodywork have done in the last ten years… Mind you I think all these things still contribute to my health and wellbeing and I work with enough people to know that meds alone don’t work..

            • Yes I too have discovered the wonders of meditation and this more than any other non-med strategy has helped me. Glad you found the help you needed xx

          • Hope you are feeling more confident soon Crys. I try to be open to all medicines/therapies as I believe that in the right time and place the most surprising things can be perfect remedies. I have taken anti-depressants and I found it really helpful for a time.
            Where is Uranus stationed for you at the moment? I am reading a BHC book on midlife crisis, kundalini and Uranus atm. She says midlife crisis for a woman involves handling the inner masculine in a way that is powerful and effective without losing their femininity. Questions of worth relating to life as it has been lived become huge too.
            I love freedom ala air’s comment about a normal reaction to a fuqed up world vs depression, because that is the truth too. We are all doing the best we can.

            • Thanks A, this is really interesting. Uranus is right on the last couple of degrees of my 8th atm. Pluto almost on my Cap moon, Saturn heading for my IC/Neptune conjunction. That’s a LOT of outer planet action. I am a few years past Uranus opposition but there’s a lot going on in my 8th (where Psyche lives, in Pisces). Thanks for the insight on reconciling masc/fem energies. This has been an ongoing theme in my marriage too, which has crumbled under the pressure of truth-telling xxx

              • Yes, I knew you were past yr Uranus opposition so I didn’t mention it, but I so believe that the repercussions of this could continue onwards and manifest in other transits by Uranus if not released fully at the time. If that makes sense!

                Yes thank FUQ for this site Fi, you are awesome.

            • Totes, freedom ala air/Andy:

              “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

              Krishnamurti.

              LOL, which reminds me of something Robert Hand (fellow Sagg who also has Sun conjunct the Great Attractor) once cited:

              “Sanity is knowing enough to know what not to tell your therapist”

              (“Well, doc, I really lost it when Pluto was conjunct my Sun and the Great Attractor, which was pretty much around 9/11, and from then on, my goddam Uranus midlife opposition, then Pluto square moon, mate – makes Saturn look like a pussy”…etc)

              (Men in white coats appear with needle….)

              Thank fuq for THIS site!

        • Just putting in my 2c. Have used anti-depressants in the past, and they have helped me. My therapist has now turned me on to meditation, already do yoga and I’ve read widely… I’m now 48 and was depressed for months last year (mainly related to my life situation… unemployed). The main thing for me is accepting that it is a part of me, BUT not all of me. And not kicking myself for being depressed. Would never rule out meds… Good luck Chrysalis XOXO

            • Yay! Year of the Dragon!! You’re welcome! yes I have more work but importantly feeling positive and hopeful. Hope you get there soon. It will pass XO

    • aw chrysalis, you are amazing!! amazing and human and strong. big hugs and love. xoxoxox

    • I wrote some stuff bashing psych meds above (mostly in defense of people having the right to choose either way and expressing disappointment over the lack of options in treating depression) but I am genuinely happy to hear that they are working for you!!! I can definitely relate to the family history and exhaustion/bed-confinement stuff… still haven’t found out what works for me yet but

      • I loved what you wrote, Rache – I feel the same way. Part of my drive to work on building my health is so that one day I will longer need them. I hate the idea that we might be the guinea pig generation, and I read a lot of quite disturbing stuff. But I had to get super pragmatic – even if something hideous might happen to me in 20 years’ time, there was no way I was going to survive without some kind of immediate help. xx

  41. Well it was my birthday yesterday when this was posted, and I can’t say I’ve been recalling any dreams at all. Not for a while now.

    I didn’t realise it was supposed to be intense. Perhaps it’s just playing our in my waking life instead and the cosmos is doing me a favour by giving me a break while I sleep. At least I’m sleeping now.

    Whilst I’m not particularly astro savvy, I do realise I must have a lot going on right now: Aries, Venus and midheaven in Uranus. And mars, Saturn and Pluto in Scorpio. Plus I suspect from the little that I’ve learnt from MM, that I must be having my first Saturn return?

    I don’t know. All I do know is that things have been hard. Particularly relationship, career and money wise. I do feel like I’m finally having to grow up and take responsibility for things in a way I’ve managed to avoid thus far.

    ESPECIALLY love wise. It’s been a roller coaster ride of change, confusion and tears since last March. Relationship hell. Went from finally feeling I’d found the one in long term friend (aqua sun, Taurus rising and Pisces moon, Venus and mars) to suddenly feeling like I didn’t know him at all – neglectful angry and irrational psycho side that emerged when he left for work (long distance).
    I hung in there, not knowing whether I should have, he’s been back a2weeks now, and suddenly sprung me with the surprise that he’ll be staying in Sydney now for good- as opposed to moving to Newcastle for work in a weeks time, which was the compromise we’d agreed on.

    Seriously, bah! I’m exhausted. I’ve gone from deliriously happy, to so frustrated hurt and angry with a capital A, and almost ending things over and over again, to suddenly oh. You’re back. I feel tentative and unsure I can feel the same about you again despite the effort you put in to come back.
    Hmm.

    • Happy birthday, AriesLove! Judging from your comment, I think we’re around the same age as I’m just embarking on my first Saturn Return as well. I had an experience that sounds a bit similar to what you’ve been going through a few years ago – where everything seemed to creep up at once… Relationship went to sh*t, money problems just seemed relentless, I was deeply unhappy and frustrated in my job. As a result my confidence just evaporated and I felt so stuck and incapable of making really informed decisions for myself.

      I hope you get some clarity for yourself and your relationship – try not to downplay or dismiss the pain and emotions you are feeling. It’s valid. As Mystic said in earlier in the comments, listen to your intuition! xx

      • Thank you Sagibee! Yeah it really has felt as though everything has come a tumbling down all at the same time. It’s hard to know whether to give it all up and start from scratch or to just go with it, trusting it is all part of the ebbs and flow of life?

        I’ve always felt that I could trust my gut instinct/intuition on things, but lately I can’t tell whether it’s the voice of fear/anger or that of divine guidance. It’s unbelievably frustrating. Everything feels uncertain. As though every decision could be a mistake in disguise. Even the idea of ‘let’s wait and see and ride it out until I feel clearer.’

        it’s great to hear you’ve come through a similar period triumphant! I just hope it doesn’t take too long to get to the other side. Life’s too short to be stuck in the mud for too long. Xo

  42. *Aries sun, Venus, midheaven. Long post as well. Note to self: never post via phone. That was brutal!

  43. Yep, intense dreams about my ex-boyfriend and his qi vampire-ish friend who I have made a concerted effort over the last few months to break off any energetic connection I had left with them… In the dream, I remember my ex telling me he couldn’t stand the way I acted when I was drunk – why did I have to be that way? I was astounded by is judgement and the venom he delivered it with, when what led to it was me interacting with others in an outgoing, jovial sense. It led to a big discussion/argument about how his sense of what was normal was still wrapped up in us being together, and I told him I knew what he meant but I am completely in love with my current partner. Before that dream, I had another one where I was in New York for a big business opportunity, and I had to get some place for a very important meeting. I wandered too far in the wrong direction and ended up amongst hectares of green fields and pastures, where the boundaries of the city had just ‘cut’ off and ended.

    Right now, I am in a great relationship that I don’t ever want to end and my career is starting to hot foot into a new place, confidence and success wise… but I am starting to get my sh*t together after a tough couple of years and beginning to want to extend myself more, conceive and realise bigger ambitions in a number of areas. I feel… emancipated…

    • WOW.. me too! Now that I feel a little bit in control with my finances I have been talking about buying my first home! Had the change several years ago and lost and the opportunity to buy was never urgent for me. For some reason it is now. Career also is opening my mind to new avenues.. a little challenging but I need to be challenged to take the next step.

      Good luck with the current love!

      • Parallel – I have been thinking about buying too! Well, setting myself up to buy a place… For the first time in about 8 years I can see the sun rising with my finances and that I’m in a place where home ownership is actually achievable for me, even on my own.

        Your description re: career opening up new avenues sums up what I’ve been feeling exactly! The last month I have really been noticing people who are not coping with all the change in the air while I have felt like I’m beginning to thrive. Interesting times that we’re living in!

        Good luck to you with the hunt for your very own place!

  44. idk wats wrong with me lately. guys are finding me attractive and i’m just blowing off. i think i’m done looking for love and maybe their noticing? idk..i want my husband..whoever he is..but i’m torn because i want to be single for a lil longer.

    • Interesting.. those men are just getting you to think! A lil longer also means your “husband” hasn’t approached yet. You are doing good with the plan! You will know it once he shows his handsome face!

  45. My experience of the last 36 hours has been…….having food poisoning! I have been EXTREMELY ill!!!!!!!

    Don’t know the timing of the Pluto station retro, but woke up Friday morning at 5AM Pacific (California) time with the food poisoning. Violent involuntary purging from both ends! So dehydrated that I fainted….urgh.

    I also already had a head cold last week, then this on top of it. So yeah, for me this week has been characterized by physical illness.

    I still feel absolutely exhausted, hollow, weak, dizzy. Trying to rehydrate, getting electrolytes in.. Slept 12 hours last night. If I had dreams I don’t remember because I was so tired I slept like I was dead.

    Once nice thing is that a friend of mine came over and took care of me and stayed with me while I was sick. She even massaged my back and neck for me. It was so nice to be taken care of. It was quite profound for me, actually, very healing. I can’t remember the last time another person took care of me when I was sick. It’s been years if not decades..

  46. I realized today that I have become chemically dependent on alcohol largely due to the toxic effects of trying to manage av relationship with a hard cote and seriously recidivist substance abuser. Took a sleeping pill at 9 am, shut off my phone to keep him out, and checked out of his toxic astrality for 12 hours.

    Neptune is conjunct his sun, first house Scorpio. Being with that guy was like dating heroin. He tried to batter down my door and then gave up, asserting that I was a fuqing nut job.

    Now I’ve got the physical detox to do.

    I don’t feel anything. There was no relationship. When another person is that far into a bottle of bourbon, basically what you’re talking to is a bottle of bourbon.

    • yuhuh, I’ve heard that alcoholics are incapable of relationship with other people because they are basically already in a relationship with the juice.

      Good luck with the detox, you’ll have so much more time n energy once you’re through :)

      • Yeah, I’m tapering. Tapering. This is a new stage of substance abuse for me.

        I had a really lovely friend once who was a heroin addict. She was an amazing songwriter and a killer bass player. But she was just hooked on junk; it was never going away, it would never be different.

        She said she started using when she was 17. Hooked up with some downspiraling male in his late twenties who told her that it was not addictive — it was The Man trying to get them down.

        There is a level of innocence that comes with these stories sometimes. Not mine though. I knew exactly what was happening and where it was headed pretty much the whole time.

        It was something like seeing how close to the edge of a cliff you can go before you scream straight down into nowhere.

        I found out.

    • Roadhouse, I’ve only been around intermittently here in last few years thanks to crazed out work hours/deep depression of my own but I have fond memories of your posts from a few years ago.

      I’ve also been where you are at thanks to a fuqed relationship with a similar bloke when younger. You DO end up doing shit just to cope, eh? Hang in there hon! Phys detox is easy apart from night sweats….stops in a coupla days.

      Quite frankly, virtually ALL of the wonderful creative and most compassionate people I know have had some kind of dependency – or suicidal depression – or “mental illness” (like bipolar or whatevs) at some point in their lives, and many continue to do so and try their best to manage it. Rare to find anyone who really gets pain and really knows compassion who hasn’t suffered like fuq, or self-medicated like fuq, at some point, luv. . xx

      • :) Thank you, Fi, what a kind message.

        I remember my posts from long ago, too. Somehow everything I was doing a year ago crawled into a spider hole.

        I was sitting crosslegged on my bed last night smoking a cigarette. Just sitting there, it’s 9:30 PM.

        I said this out loud: ” How long have I been this way?”

        • I love your beat poetic style roadhouse, I also remembered your words like a memory of a dream I had long ago.

        • You are brave enough to be unfllinchingly honest about what’s going down. That makes you 10 x more awesome than most who feel superior bout they fact that they have NEVER been to substance abuse land, in my book..
          Great to see you back: you are amongst old friends xx

  47. Yes – very intense dreams.. can’t remember them though, still be woken by a boobie crazed teething baby boy. One dream I do remember from Tuesday morning was pretty involved, vivid and I guess spot on.
    I notice these things usually start for me a day or two before it’s ‘astrologically supposed to’ and probably stop a fraction earlier or later at times. However, I feel good. The dreams have been good and I feel the new path is the one I’ve been trying to get onto for decades.

  48. I dreamt the other night I was on an ocean liner. We were all in fancy dress. About half the passengers jumped overboard for fun and the ship steamed ahead leaving them swimming and waving in the ocean at night. They were happy and so were the rest of us. The next morning the ship grounded itself (on purpose) on a sand bar and we all got off then went through a maze of streets I have dreamt of before.

  49. Haven’t slept yet….drunken partying in nearby surrounding environment triggered my 6th H natal moon in Taurus conjunct natal south node trine natal pluto 10th H…..cut ties to abusive parents recently, siblings not liking the oldies ranting in their ears…. no longer me ‘fixing’ family, I’m no longer available….I’m up on my powerful hoven hind legs, saying..’.no, you’re not entitled to my forgiveness’ and ‘no I’m not going to let you talk and treat me as if I haven’t just said…the way you speak to me is unacceptable, stay away!’

  50. an ex friend withheld mail from me where she previously was giving it to me
    and it was all strategic as to suck me into thinking even though we not friends she still has integrity. Sure! she withheld a fine that was $80 and now is $475.

    I only found out threw a guy that is staying there otherwise it would have gone up to $1,000 as she had put on the envelope no longer at this address.
    Also i had emailed them and not got a reply.

    She has scorpio moon and mars square sun and she finally got her revenge on me.
    This is whilst i am at rock bottom and sick. Why are there evil people in the world? I consulted the iching in depth to find out if it was my fault. It said that i had invested in the wrong people and now find myself alone that there is evil about me and i have to hide my light. Cause i been too trusting all my life and so so gullible, This woman has lied to others about me and they believe her. I am not saying i am an angel, just not like her i not after power just peace thanks.
    Also have been just dumb as i am all earth and not that intellectual.
    I been crying a lot as the astro these days is heavy i not enjoying saturn in scorpio its ruthless . I not sleep and just been isolating too much iching said it will go on for three years if i keep being so melancholy and punished. I gotta get my inner light on!!

    need to get my inner light on.,

    • Aww, sorry to hear this. You do need to get yr inner light on.
      Pick yourself up & go out with the intent of finding the light – in people, healing therapies, the world around you. Try closing yr eyes & trusting yr intuition. You don’t need to be a genius or rich or healthy to find the light on yr path. Xx.

  51. Last night I dreamed of 6yr old girls in a school each painting a giant vulva. They were made of some sort of bread dough that was set but still soft and there were no 2 alike. I was amazed that such a project existed! The girls were painting the labia from a beautiful palette of magentas and browns and pinks and as I watched I became absolutely awed by the diversity, chaos, textures and lushness of the giant cunts. ….. The past couple of days it seems like the best thing I could spend my time doing is sleeping!

  52. Mine was in a far-away city, talking about the death and resurrection of failed banks and states with the leaders of banks and states. About the real nature of power, and the insignificance of everything else.

  53. I had a horrible dream the night before last, that I was in bed with my grandparents either side and I realised my grandfather wanted to have sex with me because my grandmother couldn’t any more. I felt so betrayed, jumped out of bed, shouted at them and left with my sister (who turned up from somewhere). When I got outside, I was so devastated because I’d lost my whole family but then I was in some sort of light place where a host of people were waiting to greet me and care for me. I’ve been feeling really emotional and the dream seemed to be a huge clear-out of past crap for me. Then last night I had another dream, or rather this morning just before I woke up. I was at an airport with my husband and friend, flying to China via Japan, and buying newspapers to read on the flight. In the bookshop were the Two Hairy Bikers stark naked doing yoga and flogging their diet book, and I told them I’d already lost 3 stone and was doing well. And no, they didn’t look too bright stark naked although they were quite casual about it, lol. Then I realised we’d lost our black kitten who turned up when we called, but also had with us a ginger cat who wasn’t the stray we were taking with us so we left him in a pen outside the bookshop with a tortoise of all things. Then we found out we’d missed the flight but my husband was quite casual and sure that it would wait for us. But looking for it we found ourselves in a really run-down, seedy, old-fashioned hospital where patients were on trolleys with old, grey blankets. Left there, found a nurse who said she’d show us where to go, never found the plane before I woke up. After 11 hours sleep and feeling better than I’ve done in ages! Still working on the second dream but I think it’s telling me to take my time and not try to hurry things, that all will come to good in all due timelessness (I think!) 8)

    • hey dear and not at all crazy lady – so much I could say here re first dream. but I won’t. your psyche is reads fleeting thoughts that ran through mind in the past, and I am here (rather than the lovely mediterranean islands) to say as one the host who gets it xx

      • So i DID post this -thought I’d abandoned it mid cut/paste edit, too tired to complete it…(blushes)

        er, host? those. reads? reading. mind? his mind,,,.

    • Well that’s warm & fuzzy!
      It’s a virtual social arena, it’s a place to comment on what interests you if you have time. I don’t expect people to comment all the time & I don’t have time to comment sometimes even when I am really interested.
      Perhaps the fact that the comments get so skinny in reply after a point is inhibiting but, I dunno, I grew up in a busy house, I don’t expect attention here or anywhere!

    • Try giving yourself a screen name and logging in.

      Many people here have built up virtual relationships over many years and many many (attributed) posts, so expecting instant rapport and counseling on tap is unrealistic.

    • What kind of help do you need? You might be surprised how much is offered when you ask for it; even if it’s not here, or wherever or however you expect it.

      I don’t comment very often on this site but the sincerity, helpfulness, and connection I’ve found in the commentators has blown me away. And it’s a big part of why I come back, day after day. That’s not even counting the words of wisdom and wealth of experience so honestly offered.

      There’s no harm in venting either. It’s one of the most therapeutic things you could do.

      Take what you need if any of it is helpful and nothing more. And keep moving. I don’t say that with any meanness of spirit, just find what helps, whatever that may be. No doubt you will find it. Xx

    • Well maybe, but like in any relationship, it can take time for people to build up to a point they want to share I think.
      There are wonderful people here!

    • Anon.. I kind of agree with you! Since I am Virgo sun I try to be perfect and if I am not I feel like no one really wants to know me OR I have very strong posts that kind of throw people off. I am trying so hard to learn astrology to be like most of the bloggers here. There are talented people on this. Reading what they have posted about astrology has helped me tremendously. They may not respond to my situation all the time but I end up reading what they wrote and I am like “a-HA”.. that works for me!

      Just saying..

  54. And just like that… I get the bad dreams too…. Not too disturbing but one actually woke me up and I felt scared there was someone in the house had to get up and check the house – I think… Now I’m realising this might have been part of the dream… Most upset by having a disturbed sleep, why has sleep become such a delicate thing?

    I dont know if I’ve become dulled but my insights were not amped up this weekend at all… There was one though andvits probably quite profound, my friend helped me work it out talking about it…

    Last weekend I had this wake up shake up and reached the point of “bring it on” with a fiercness, I was shaking fists at the sky and tears streaming down my face declaring I was ready fir love and I would not stand in the way… Promptly I suffered intenso pain for days….. What does it mean? reminding me I can surrender and move throught the pain? Maybe… Its a good thing to remember because its possible that is what has got in the way, my fear of the pain was so great . But I know the heart breaks open to grow bigger… My heart has been very broken however over and over…

  55. I was in a bar at the beach during this time and the band (which was merely “okay” given the out of the way location, and certainly not exceptional suddenly switched genres and launched into Rocket Man by Elton John. It was as though the band instantaneously lit up and became excellent. The whole room came alive and everyone, the bartenders, the groups of college kids, the motorcycle gang, the preppy 20-30 somethings, the couples in their 50s and 60s–everyone in the place stopped whatever they were doing and began singing. My friends and I were in the middle of talking while one friend in particular who is addicted to texting actually looked up from her screen. Then each one of us turned like little homing pigeons toward the music and sang. It was a complete transformation in just a few beats of music. (so, not a past life per se, but a song from a bygone era).

  56. My Pluto Retro was pretty life-alteringly major, alright: found out I’m pregnant. For the first time. At age 40, no less!!!

    Am excited, awed, and still in shock!

  57. Ive been having sexual dreams lately. I havent had any for while, but they picked up again and now they have changed in that my dream partners finish and ejaculate into me. It never played out to that extent before, but now it does. Strange, I dont know what to make of it.

  58. No dreams, but Ive just went from a few weeks of complete apathy to intense sadness around Thursday night during a marathon of Doctor Who. I’ve been in this state ever since. Weird.

  59. I recently decided to pursue a life-long dream and when Pluto went retro I started questioning if it’s REALLY what I want to do. *sigh*

    So Pluto retro for this Scorp feels like the force is no longer with me. And the force is strong in my chart (packed 8th house – Uranus/Pluto/Mars conjunct)

    Passions now subdued. One step forward, two steps back with this Zap Zone…. I’ll get there eventually, I hope. If only I knew where I was going….. :)

      • Thanks Gemyogi, planning to. Saturn is transiting my 10th house. Its now or never! Just have to get Saturn to shut up with the negative self talk (natal Jupiter square Saturn, & Saturn square merc).

        Go the Dragons! Another ’64 vintage here too. :)

  60. I didn’t post this earlier but I was feeling a little sad. Wasn’t sure if it was because of accident over the w/e and feeling alone. Thank God I didn’t pass out.. then this happened!!

    http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/15/17764747-witnesses-2-explosions-heard-near-finish-line-of-boston-marathon?lite

    When will we get someone to the US to help us! We need a leader who can protect the people! Prayers to all that were exposed to this tragedy.