The Anti-Love-Zombie Flow Chart – It Took An Aquarius
When i first saw this genius flow chart by Aquarius designer Becca Clason, i knew she had hit on something major here. (Click on the chart to see it larger) This ought to be laminated and on the wall of every high school classroom. Catch potential Love Zombies and train their thinking right before they get infected. That way the neural pathways already created will hopefully subvert the Love Zombie Virus. I asked Becca a few questions about her flow chart introducing her to the concept of Love Zombies along the way.
Are you a natural rationalist or did circumstances force you to adopt such an attitude?
In most circumstances of my life and especially when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m very irrational. I’m ruled by my emotions, which is why I’ve made lots of knee-jerk reactions (and mistakes) in matters of communicating with men. After I’d been married a little while, I was able to see things from a more distant perspective and notice all of the things that I should have done but didn’t or shouldn’t have done but did.
On my site we have a whole theme going about Love Zombies –when people (usually women) let an impossible love affair turn them into mutant weirdos hovering about their phone day and night, e-stalking and so forth. You would seem to have a passing acquaintance with the syndrome. Are you a current Love Zombie or a recovering Love Zombie?
Haha. I’ve definitely been a Love Zombie, but I’m currently in a balanced, equal, loving relationship, so there’s no need for me to be a Love Zombie, but I enjoy the visual.
What is your Sun Sign? Do you think you are archetypal of it?
I’m an Aquarius, and although I enjoy things like zodiacs, horoscopes, and personality tests, I also understand that anybody can find at least a truth or two about themselves in them, but I don’t see myself fitting in to the Aquarius archetype. I don’t think I’m free-spirited or spontaneous as the Aquarius is said to be—I thrive most within a routine—and though I love to learn, I’m not an intellectual.
What inspired you to do this genius flow chart graphic?
I was married when I made the flowchart, but I still had many close friends who weren’t married and were going through the ups and downs of navigating relationships. I always had feedback for them with what I thought they should or shouldn’t be doing. Separately, I had been wanting to try making a flowchart—to see how the process worked and if I could make a good one. When I had the idea to put the two together, I knew I was onto something that people would be interested in.
What is your suggested ‘diversion tactic’ for stopping yourself texting/contacting someone you know you should not?
Well, I was usually too weak, and would end up texting or contacting, but for me the best option was talking it out with a girlfriend. I found it helpful to explain the situation and then get their opinion on whether they thought I should reach out or not. I kind of see my flowchart as a girlfriend stand-in—something who can give you the feedback you need from a logical, outside perspective.
What are you working on at the moment?
I’m spending a lot of time working for the vintage car website, Petrolicious, but in the rest of my time, I’ve been doing a lot of lettering projects, which I absolutely love. I haven’t yet attempted another flowchart—I’m waiting for the right idea to come along. 
Image; Joe Webb
That thing is GENIUS. Aqua–of course.
Ideas for future charts–one for hoarders–should I keep it or throw it away? One for compulsive shoppers–should I buy it?
Actually I’m kind of allergic to aquas. I can always pick them by dint of the fact that I feel strangely uncomfortable around them. It’s like an anti-magnetic energy.
THIS. IS. BRILLIANT.
Is he your boyfriend ? Yes……are you sure ? Ha ! That cracked me up.
Becca, how about one for the guys ? Thanks for the laugh.
yes, yes. one for the guys. it would be very interesting to from a male pov chart if the personal pronouns change I, you, she, when where why how. also, is “he your ex” also should have a solid “are you sure” next to it.
I dont need a flow chart as i just remembered my dream last night, michael hutchence was alive and well but only for another ten years due to stem cell therapy, i had sex with him and it was great! fantasy man- no love zombie reality ha!
Can I please have your dream tonight? (With me in your shoes of course..).
)
Im next in the queue. tapping feet and whistling
I know he was super sexy died 23rd nov same date my dad died the birthdays were the same too bit strange? No oedipus syndrome OMG
But MH and i did go hooning in an old car around the suburbs i have also rediscovered inxs greatest hits,
its me forgot my face:)
OMFG there is so much AWESOME in that there flowchart!! It’s awesome even if you are in a relationship…my Saggo tendencies do render me somewhat incapable of letting my lover come to me…I’m excited, I want to see him so I txt/call…and I hate playing games…or at least I don’t understand the games that some people seem to play…but this is really about leaving the space for lovers to either meet you half way or not…and to ultimately stop the Love Zombie action…LOVE it!!
you know looking at this chart now I see its not about playing games its about patience. Which I have zippo of but somehow I turned the corner. But feeling like a LZ moment maybe just around the corner. PATIENCE is my new mantra.
Genius. A classroom essential for sure.
Haha. Yes, I had a chuckle when I first saw it too.
My best rule ever: never text a love interest.
Only exception: asking for help (only if I genuinely need help).
Best new rule (introduced last weekend): do not engage in long text message chat sessions (they reduce the chances of chatting in real life).
No more Love Zombie scenarios for me!
I agree with you, Taurean Alchemist, and instituted the same rule yonks ago. I don’t believe that texting in place of talking actually works at all! I think it makes things either confused, or makes tension fizzle or even become corrosive.
I only text people to say “I’m really sorry – I’ll be 15mins late!” etc. Quick FYIs.
The extent of my text/chatting would only be to do a quick will-you-be-at-the-same-thing-I’m-going-to: “Are you going to (XYZ) on Friday too? If yes, wanna have a beer first?” Then over-and-out until we are in-person.
Oh, and I believe in deleting numbers. Greatest face-saving move of all time.
Yes to deleting numbers! Although I have had an embarrassing few moments when someone I’ve deleted texts and I don’t have a clue who it is. But for sure deleting a number prevents the love-zombie scenario/tequila texting.
i would have liked a few more options after “are you drunk?” but painstakingly clear more virgo inspired me thinks.
A flow on chart to this chart could be:
So you texted him….
questions such as how many drinks/space dus/greeneryt have you had?
are you in the toilet of a nightclub at 2am?
are you at home with a bottle of red/chai/etc with a box of tissues and your cat for company ?
etc
etc
I love it!
Or how about the other LZ solution which could replace pretty much all the DON’T DO ITs- consult the MM ORACLE…. However many times it takes to placate you… Lol… Kinda works for me when in LZ delirium…
guilty
ok, i’m going to beg to differ here and say that i feel like most of these are a bit too ‘leave the ball in his court’ and that it mostly seems like
i think that LZs (speaking from my own experience) do ill-advised things like drunk texting when they are too afraid of breaking ‘the rules’ and so when they are sober they hold back and wait until they are drunk and/or desperate and their defences are down.
i think that i have actually stuffed up in the past by holding back too much, and giving people the feeling that i am not at all interested. personally from now on i am going to try to ‘just go for it’ on the following basis: a) i am sober b) i think it’s in my best interests c) i am in my best frame of mind, not alone at home feeling sad or in a nightclub toilet, preferably post-workout or something.
in that case, if it still doesn’t work out, at least you know once and for all that they aren’t into you, instead of passively waiting – that is the part that drives LZs crazy!
sorry didn’t finish first sentence – ‘mostly seems like they think you should never be the proactive one’. pretty outdated dating notions, yes?
I do know what you mean. A well-placed “Would you like to grab a drink on Saturday night?” from the lady’s side (I am a lady) is refreshing and uncomplicated.
I do not believe in “texting to say hi”, though. That can get silly and bring. Just ask him out and get it over with, that’s what I think!
Sorry – *boring* – not ‘bring’.
Oh, agreed.
I agree – kind of. Its OK to initiate a relationship. The chart works to make the point that healthy relationships require patience and reciprocity. You should expect simple invitations and objective, real communications from someone you’re in a relationship with, not just live with a constant desire/craving for them.
AWESOME!
LOVE IT!
Would have helped with multivirgo for sure.
I figured out a lot of this though the hard way. After letting Torro know I was interested, I gave him lots of space and let him pursue me more than me him.
He needed that. One month in and we were a blissed out committed couple. Together for a year now.
I’m still learning the value of patience. A person has to decide that they’re ready to commit if they’re going to pursue me. I don’t have a game face. And romance is a kind of pursuit. If I do all the pursuing/solving, which is what I did as an LZ, its like being some dude’s therapist-mommy. That doesn’t even turn me on. Plus, if I just wait, do my own thing, then I won’t have to mommy-nag him, he’ll know what’s up. That’s when you set the rules of the relationship – by how/when you let someone engage your time/attention. If mystery-he doesn’t show up, at least I haven’t wasted my time being a nag to some dude who can’t keep pace. Duh. Its about valuing my own time.
Exactly!!!
Meh. If it weren’t for “bad romance” i’d have almost no romance at all. I’m glad I took chances on guys even if they didn’t turn out, else I would be a 40 y.o. virgin. It was better than sitting there falling “more in love” day by day. I can crush on someone for YEARS just for their “potential”.
At least getting turned down was a release from that prison.
The only problems that i had was recognizing a “no” from the more wussy passive-aggressive types, who crave “looking like the good guy” that they lead you on because they like you crushing on them but don’t want to be intimate. That sucks. I’ve gotten better at recognizing that shit and cutting the cord myself. Plus, now after Saturn went through Libra, I’m like FUQ potential. If they aren’t good straight out of the wrapper, why even bother?
I never did any of the drunk texting or calling an ex b.s. If it’s over; it’s over period. There is no going back. We can be friends but that’s it. So there’s like a whole part of the chart i can’t even relate to.
first off, this would make a fab board game. It’ll be Life and Sorry! combined. Wine sold separately.
secondly, it’s kinda hard to follow. maybe my eyes are tired, and i need a dose of patience, but trying to trace through the diagram would probably deflate any LZ atm mood.
OMG SOMEONE SHOULD MAKE THAT! Like the Ultimate Dating Strategy game. Or “The Rules: The Board Game”.
Bwahahaha I love this!
I am obsessed with flowcharts in general. When I wrote my “Strip Club Science” column we brainstormed one on a whiteboard that was to accompany the “Escape Plan” article. It was kind of a black comedy piece where no matter how good or bad you tried to play it you always circled around and ended up right back in the same spot.
One of my favorite parts was after the “Graduate From College” step where one path was “Do a line off your iPhone in between sets” vs. “Submit a job application on your iPhone in between each set” and they each took a totally divergent path only to end up at the same place again.
I thought the ‘graduate from college’ must be a prereq to win. Like everyone is innocent in jail tag. Also, stripper economics 101, I’d add the Do I buy the huggies or pampers wipes. this gave me a good laugh. thanks for sharing.
This Libran looooves a flow chart – as long as I don’t have to do the actual flow charting
awesome chart! Don’t do it!
This is AWESOME! Lol, too!
Timely.. I just hooked up with a guy last night. First time I’d had sex in over a year….woot!
He’s a Gemini….yum. I love Gemini men, but there’s always some sort of caveat in every relationship or every ‘whatever’ I’ve ever had with Gemini men. I’m so drawn to them, though. LOVE them! I’m Aqua Sun. I looked up his chart, we have a LOT of astrology together, so it makes sense we came together even though we’d be an unlikely pairing. We have a level of ‘empathy’.
I don’t think I’ll love zombie over him. It’s just too much trouble and I’m not into him enough for that. Also I have some reservations about him because he’s much younger and I think that makes him have reservations, too, so I don’t want to get any hopes up. We have a cool connection, though. We talk easily and we’re both super into music and both play guitar.
Anyway…………….I’m going to adhere to the advice of this chart in terms of getting in contact with him. I’ve already given him lots of space. We were originally supposed to get together a month ago and it got postponed, but he was still into getting together and was actually the one to contact me about it. He seems to be pretty free and open about communicating and has no qualms calling me when he feels like it, even though that’s not all that often. Probably just as well…
Oh I do love a rational mind!