Secret Dreams Worth Living For
Late October & most of November – i.e; the season of Scorpio – is always a time of rad change for me. Stuff happens then. I meet people, give things up, decide to make a move, break up etc. Everything. I don’t know if this is just me (Scorpio is my Midheaven) or everyone; Scorpio IS Scorpio, you know.
But Saturn in Scorpio is structural change for sure. When Saturn is in Scorpio you don’t just crap on about stuff, you do it. The diet starts now. The things you’ve been vaguely tolerating suddenly bring on violent psychic allergies.
Willpower & clarity that can be hard to come by is just there all of a sudden. Augmented by Pluto in Cap & the Zap Zone, as it is till Sept, this is powerful medicine. Give your own mediocre urges the finger.
Downside? Perma-irritability from all the discipline and fuqing lucidity.
Thoughts?
Image: Greg Guillemin
Oh My ! This is so me right now. Thank you for clarifying my ‘violent psychic allergies’…. feeling very powerful but could do without the ‘over-the-top’ irritability ! Everything is getting on my nerves
Yesssssss. Good to hear this. Scorpio is my 12th House. All bs is falling away. My health crashed and I am on bed rest. The credit card like energy habits of caffeine sugar and anxiety just stopped working in early January for me.
It just became super clear–under all this Pisces, which I usually detest, as a Leo stellium it feels like a cat in a bathtub–this week: I simply can’t put a single morsel of anything in my mouth that causes inflammation. It feels so different from trying to convince myself to do this in the past. It is more like a food poisoning hangover where you just are very aware of what heals your body.
No booze, sugar, dairy, caffeine, vegetable oils ie store bought gluten free carbs, eggs, sesame (food allergy) gluten (that’s a given). Done. Lots of bone broth, meat stews, healing supplements like glutamine. Etc.
And barring upsets in schedule, aiming for 9pm bedtime.
(I once had an exciting life! But I just don’t want that anymore.)
Also, I know I don’t have the ability/energy yet but it seems like it would be a really good idea to learn how to garden. Gardening. The global economy does not look like it is going to improve and as I look over the scope of the rest of my life this just seems like a good skill to have. Gardening, gentle yoga, cooking at home: I want to quietly be like that 127 y o woman in China who was in the Daily Mail last month. This is all new, clear, obvious. It had been whispering before but seemed too weird or radical.
Also, body image/internalized fat stigma has just completely left me for the last few months. It is totally new territory. Anything where my energy is being stolen by convention, what is normal, fear of stigma: poof! Gone! I feel like I have turned into a combo of Gurumukh and Roseanne Barr
City stuff, conversations, chit chat, I just feel like I have heard it all before and don’t need to hear the millionth repeat. I turned 40 this year.
My moon is in Taurus in the 6th. Saturn is goin to town on me!
Ahhhh so healing just to read your words… I too am 40 this year have Saturn on my 1st and gentle yoga vigourous bush walks and gardening is my joy! I just read a challenge to do early to bed, and was last year, but I think summer is easier for me to stay up late, but I love getting up early and getting out into nature, its literally one of my favourite things, must be done! thank you thank you thank you xxx
ooooh yeah go the garden!!
I took it up at 40, and like all good things it takes perseverance. Taught me a lot about follow through!!
You absolutely can’t beat it for satisfaction, I mean when you can go out there with a GATHERING BASKET because there are too many cucumbers or whatever to carry…there is no greater feeling… sweet success!
Uranus opposition probably has a bit to do with it? The ‘I’m officially over parties now’ thing.
I remember talking about compost at a party!
Hey Mags,
I must be a day or two older than you (Leo with Aries moon, turned 40 this year)…. yay us.
Go the health kick. It is so hard when you feel like old mrs boring to the smoking-drinking-never thinking of tomorrow (that’s a line from a song) crowd. But at the end of the day, you have to go with your body, your body knows what’s right for you, we are all built differently which feels unfair / unfortunate sometimes but we all get different paths.
I’m supposed to be on a Leo Health Jag but living in Prague … where beer / spirits are literally cheaper than water and where bars only really start getting busy at 11 pm (and I think 50% of the population smokes). Trying to do a Leo Balanced Health Jag in the middle of all this, oh yes I am a student again and living in a dorm too, … I figure I will pick my moments to go out and do Prague and the rest I will drink green tea and sleep early and whatever. I do NOT know how there are so many gorgeous clear eyed clear skinned Czech girls – in bars in the middle of the night.
Good luck with yours anyway, hope you get some really good results.
Um, YEAH. I’ve never had such willpower and zero tolerance for fuqwits since saturn in scorp. It’s amaaaaaazing.
So true, I can’t switch my brain off right now I have serious things to think about so its 2am and I can’t sleep. Brutal realities keep coming and reducing me to zero, which has it’s own power but a lot to handle. I have a lot on my plate right now but I am feeling every inch a Scorpio and plutonian right now. True node on my uranus conjunct sunmerc 5th saturn 5th uranus conjunct MC aries.
“perma irritability from all the fuqing lucidity…”
U nailed it.
Yeh spot on…I’m doing a yeart, sugar, gluten, caffeine free diet at the moment and i’m 7 days in. Been suffering from my symptoms from about 7 years and only just managed to find the willpower needed to stick to a diet so contrary to what I’m used to. Some good signs appearing already although almost cheated today but didn’t in the end
The thought of meeting my BF in a few weeks time is giving me the motivation to continue.
Although Scorpio rules my 3rd house so I didn’t reall understand the link between Saturn in Scorpio and me being able to do this diet….hmm
What a tough day. I felt bad when Miss Pisces told me she was moving away in 2 weeks. I suppose it’s partly my own fault. I encouraged her to follow her dreams, and I encouraged her right out of my life. A few weeks ago, I told her about the Pisces stellium and said this was her time. I asked her what she dreamed of doing. She told me about a job she wanted. I told her, no not a job, her dream. What would she do if she had zero chance of failure? She said she paused for a moment, and got a faraway look in her eyes. Then she blurted out, she would be like that Eat Pray Love woman. She would go to Nepal, take a yoga instructor certification course, and live the most spiritual life possible. So I told her she should go do that. She COULD go do that. She looked at me in astonishment, like I just gave her permission to chase her dream. Now it looks like she is doing that, she’s going off to Sedona and taking the first step.
Then the day took a nasty turn. An annoying co-worker snarled at me. I told her that if she actually did her job, she might be allowed to criticize how I do my job. Perhaps that was unkind, but she deserved it. She shows up to work, but does not actually do any work. Some days she does not show up, and the office is efficient and peaceful. But Monday she showed up with a hangover. Tuesday she took a 4 hour lunch, appeared to be drunk when she returned, and spent the afternoon whining that she wanted to kill her ex-husband. Today, she spent all day writing sports tournament brackets in a notebook, and she spent all day texting. She has been doing that for the last week, writing complex lists of college sports teams marked with a dozen colored pens. She said she just moved here from Vegas. Yeah, it looks like my coworker is running an illegal gambling operation instead of doing her job.
It took all my willpower to obey Mystic’s warning in the daily email, to not get into a snit about incompetent people until after the Void Moon ended Tuesday. But perhaps I bottled it up too long. I told my manager to have IT make a copy of her hard disk so they could preserve any evidence, in case the Feds traced her bookie operation to our workplace.
The Universe will recognise your selfless encouragement of Miss Pisces, what goes around comes around, well done
I suppose I should know better than to ask a Pisces about her secret dreams. I don’t even know why I asked her that. If someone asked me what is my secret dream, I wouldn’t even know what to say.
Please do ask yourself, just as you asked her with zero chance of failure what is your secret dream? I would love to know, if you care to share it!
I have been asking myself that question, ever since I asked Miss Pisces. I have nothing. I suppose the best I can come up with, is that I want to be around people that trust me enough to tell me their secret dreams. That isn’t selfless, that is living vicariously. And it is not enough, if that is all you get.
Do you mean you could be a more excellent channel for the Divine, a trusted mentor and friend to those in need, bringing in Truth, Awareness & Light?
If it is the case, then the way you helped Miss Pisces is pretty much living the secret dream..
Oh, I understand how you must feel. But ditto @Andromeda. You’re selflessness will be rewarded surely.. if it’s meant to be it will be!
God, your co-worker sounds like a nightmare to work with.
if you have a connection she won’t disappear. she might be on the dream-track but that doesn’t mean she has forgotten you, at all. ‘if you love something, set it free’ etc… not that we’re talkin love here necessarily, but you know what i mean.
I do have Scorpio MC Mystic and yes: Oct is when I started new biz and I love it, learning heaps, $$$ would be nice though Universe. Willpower: tick. Clarity: tick. Giving the mediocre in me the finger: tick.
Enjoying it? probably not the point with Saturn – more love it later when you see where the discipline and focus has taken you to.
“Enjoying it? probably not the point with Saturn – more love it later when you see where the discipline and focus has taken you to.”
This really resonated with me. (Scorpio Sun and Taurus Moon–Saturn’s opposing my Moon for the next few months.)
On the cusp of taking a new job which will entail a move far away from family and lots of work over the next few years, with a chance for real advancement in my career if I’m focused and disciplined. Leaving old family ties behind. Striking out on my own. Having to be frugal and conservative with money, again with the hopes of a larger payoff in a few years’ time. Newfound discipline in my diet and exercise regimen.
It doesn’t sound like a tremendous amount of fun, and there are days when I’m overcome with anxiety about all the changes in my life, but when I look at the alternative if I don’t make these changes, it’s a suffocating, deadly dull future wrapped in cotton wool that stretches out far onto the horizon.
Lucidity relates current workplace. Irritating is a MILDword. Am working my 12th house Jupiter for all it’s worth to stay sane.
Indeed. This past October and November have been upsetting and looking back that time period does seem to always be challenging in some respect for me, though this year really took the cake.
However, I would say the worst times tend to be during Capricorn. The time span of Pisces (my midheaven) is usually a good time. So I’m not sure if having the transit sun on your MC has anything to do with it.
Basically, I just think Scorpio is a shit starter … Much needed at times but crazily confrontational.
I know Pluto is in Cap, Saturn is in Scorpio, the Moon is Void (of course) and Mercury is retro and I might be a wee emo (full moon, eggs imploding) but I think I just fired my kid’s speech therapist…
Such rigid- in-your-face jolly-fucking-hockey-sticks let’s play NOW! -ness. I couldn’t bear another session. Autie Cap Boy was having none of it, if it isn’t really fun, why pretend? So he bit me in frustration and smacked her.
Is he like this often? No, only when we come to see you!
He needs to learn to be in a room and cooperate with different people, the lady said. I told her actually he didn’t really have to as I can choose his environment if it isn’t working for him.
She said that he would have to learn eventually. I said I didn’t care if he ever went to a mainstream school – or in fact any school and I don’t think he needs to be institutionalised at 3. So you are going to home-school, she said unbelievingly. I shrugged.
How can he learn if he isn’t happy? He’ll learn, they all cry at first, I am used to it, she said. I am sure she is.
And she said she wasn’t going to run around after him in the rain at 3 deg in Winter. I said I would find someone who interact with him in an environment that was conducive to learning for him.
She seemed really personally offended, pointing out the ‘fun’ toys in the room. I think she missed out on the main thing that ought to be fun and isn’t, herself.
Who really enjoys a rigid person chasing them and telling them how to play?
My Moon in Scorp and my son’s Asc in Scorp. I wonder if it means my emotional barometer is attuned to how he appears to others or that I feel in some way I need to protect or nurture or interpret him for others especially. Whatevs, I have to be the best advocate for him I can be.
And I really don’t believe in suffering being good for the soul, boundaries yes, stupid structures that pretend to be education and miss out on actually relating to the person being educated, no.
” The things you’ve been vaguely tolerating suddenly bring on violent psychic allergies”. Tick!
I get the reaction. Those people irk me. I think from what you wrote you were having an f the world I’ll show you moment.
She was only right about one thing. He will have to learn to interact with others … When he’s an adult, when you’re frail of I’ll or can’t protect him. But the way to teach him that shouldn’t involve falsehood.
Your description of her made me think of clowns. This thing that they’re meant to be happy and entertaining… But all I associate them to is terrifying Stephen king story… Ick.
You as a parent know better. Your instinct will guide you to what works.
Love the clown description! I dislike clowns.
But I don’t really think ‘f’ the world, I’ll show you.
My son is acutely aware of energy and how it flows. While she is busy fitting him into a time and space (with the urgency of a dollar behind it), he naturally starts fighting for his space.
She sees a tantrum where I see him trying to restore a natural balance and his dignity. It’s the lack of understanding, respect and sensitivity i am f’d off with, I don’t blame her for her lack of EQ but neither will I support it.
I know I sound super protective, but there are lot of goals others hold for their kids I do not.
Little Cap is smart and he is gauging her lack of receptivity, pretence isn’t going to work for him. I just need to find the right person to push him the right way.
super protective hmmm. you dont sound like a stage mom/helicopter parent. Im vibing a strong mother. you stand up for your child and his rights. you want the best for him.
the irony is that she lacks the EQ your son has in abundance…his reading of energy and emotions is heightened.
i hope you find someone who helps him channel that and find real fun (not have it forced upon him!!!)
Not often that I post on here but re:adults “teaching” children often most need to learn what the children are teaching them…showing them…If we are ‘with’ them, they know it. Being receptive to the individual child, as you say, not just the external behaviour is key imo. You sound like an awesome mama Andromeda.
I’m having login issues, that was earthmonkey
Thank you Earthmonkey, nice to see you around! It was a hard morning, the encouragement is much appreciated.
applause x1000. you are an amazing mama. xoxoxoxo
You are so kind HDQ!
http://livingjoyfully.ca/index.htm
I think this woman just made the map I need to homeschool.
Grab her e-book (its 3 dollars or something) – what she’s saying about how children learn and how to respect them resonates very deeply with what you have said here.
I feel very strongly that actually, no, my children don’t have to put up with all the rubbish of school. And people say “How will they cope in the real world ?” as if a) They weren’t ALREADY in the Real World and b) As if training them do be good office drones is in any way doing them a favour.
Rah.
Something something something irritability. Yah. That one !
^ me
Too irritated to type in my deets dammit.
Hey DomTriff, this link was really fascinating, I will definitely buy her ebook. I am so different as a mother than I ever thought I would be..
. I just want my boy wtih autism to be emotionally balanced and find his ‘area’ of expertise. Now I understand he sincerely is not interested in 75% of what other kids are, I just enjoy his unique ways. My other boy loves school and rules and the social game, it would be cruel to deprive him of it! Lol.
It will be interesting to hear what your kids end up doing with their world, good on you, xx.
Sexy new Avatar Madame !
Third time lucky with us and our Speechie we’ve had for 4 years …. ”Floortime” is a play based Speechie way . I googled ”Floortime Speech Therapist Melbourne” i htink thats where you are, you dont have to say .. even though for a couple of years i thought you were a Byron Bunniiee .. http://www.kidsconnect.com.au/about-us/our-staff/ you can read up on Floortime whcihc works together with the really cool ”Hanen Programme’ – there are cool picture books to help you with ideas on how to help more language out …One of the things we did was move a slippery dip/slide into the loungeroom .. and put up one of those ikea swings…so their first words were ”go” as we would say ”ready, set …” and not swing/let go of them on the slide till they said it (well we did, as we had to model it .. they did get the fun..no ”no fun” torture involved .. Mwa. Good on you Mumma Lioness ! xxx You know what’s best. http://www.kidsconnect.com.au/about-us/our-staff/
Soz posted link twice … x
ello you
xx
that was for cosmic fleece..
Greetings you Saucy Racoon Eyed Minx !
I have been thinking of you for months, hoping that it is bright and sunshiney for you. I miss you. Mwa.
xx
Ha! I know if I post about my little autistic one you will share some great link! I feel lucky you are on this wonderful forum Cosmic lady. Will def. check these guys out as I note they are Fachsia funded.
Byt the way. t I was reading something about the Golden Fleece the other day in my new book on Chiron by Clow. She thinks of reality on a very symbolical level, like a dream and she says that the search for the Fleece/Ram/Aries is the story of the fall of the Goddess in the Aegean. Jason was initiated as a sacred warrior by Chiron to find the Fleece and help Goddess restore calm to the earthquake ridden Aegean. A Cosmic Fleece has such wonderful implications!!
It’s all swings and round abouts !
http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Chiron-Barbara-Hand-Clow/9780875420943
Thank you for the lovely heads up on Chiron book (think this is the right one), just found through these guys (bestest most economic place for books- takes about 10 days max, and free postage for all the world !!) – something about no tax/isle of man or wight or something a rather …. just placed order and looking forward to reading .. Thank you gorgeousness, and love that they take Facsia funding – Booyah !! xx Much love beautiful one. x
PS – Might be good to get on the Speechies waiting list asap…(bossy britches shining through.!) xx
Am reading fiction at mo – love a bit of escapism, and they are also in search of the Golden Fleece ! x Mwa Virtual Hug !
My secret dreams worth living for?
I dedicated my life to uncovering the mysteries of the Universe and can sincerely and with complete arrogance tell you I’ve found them. At least, as far as life/death goes. And you know what? So fucking what. All that shit is is scary to people. People “believe” about those things. Besides, all you do in life is pass the time. Why argue that?
I’m past wanting to burn my life down. I’m past trying to prove I am competent. I am over compentent. I am behind a wall I cannot see. 12th house sun. All i have are prophetic dreams and even then my passions aren’t in them.
There’s not even a point in quitng this game. Because its just a game. And I’ve burnt a shit load of karma for my girl. So be it.
Today, I saw my life run backwards. Today, I saw the woman I am creating a 7 year old girl who would write in her journal “God, why do they hate me so much? Why have you done this to me?” But…my 7 year old is happy, the unhappy one is me. I feel like I am the one who created all of my misery. But..no dreams left. Scorpio in the 2nd bank account – who gives a shit? When I told my Mom I lost my job and was scared she said “I know you will be fine.” Everyone does. Even me.
Ha ha! MM I belive once joked about Virgo’s being nihlist. I’m nihlist as fuck.
Why be nihilist about your knowledge?
Being that your Sun is your destiny and that it is in the 12th House, your job is to serve at spiritual level, no?
How are you serving others to connect to their 12th House?
Don’t you have a ‘mission’ here? You never have to do anything, it’s always a choice, but I am curious why you aren’t clear on your mission.
I have done my mission. I do. I am. It doesn’t MEAN anything any more than someone with a first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh house sun. Only the isolation bit. And, yes, being talented at seeing what people don’t want to see.
I am anonymously famous for helping people.
If your mission is to be then surely how you ‘be’ will be the issue. Nihilism is just a refuge from intensity and joy is too intense to live with all the time. The pendulum swings..
Look, the last thing I want to justify is being nihlistic. But joy is as meaningful as sorrow.
Sorry, that sounded imperative, I really am just trying to understand. You say you are depressed yet you are saying that that is life and it is perfect as it is? I feel like I am missing something important. The world is full of hungry ghosts and sleepers, but your choice to experience this is interesting to me, like what next? Do you want change? I think of nihilism as being like the ourobouros, eating its tail.
I am sure I am missing something important. I am saying nothing has particular meaning. Nothing. Not want, not joy, not desire, not failure, nothing. I don’t want anything. Not even tomorrow. Its as perfect as if I changed my attitude, which could happen in moments, and decided I am as perfect and meaningful as a firefly or tire.
like you can take or leave things, because ultimately nothing matters anyway? the contours of existence become level. the greyscale stays around the median. joy is joy, sadness is sadness, he is that guy, she is that lady, so what.
…that kind of thing? not dissatisfaction, not satisfaction, just … interchange? existence? scratch the thin cellular layer of biology, life, death, and infinity is not far beneath?
Yes. Everything is infinite for as long as it lasts. It could echo out into the future – as we seek through astro – or into the past, which we could aslo seek through astro. But…so what?I think it was MM, maybe it was Kim, who wrote you are not who you are because of your chart, but your chart is how it is because of how you are. I don’t want to promote my view. I want to be reasoned out of it.
12th house has no personal identity. I had Sun opposition Mars today and some serious Pluto action.
nothing comes from nothing.
Oneness concurrent the experience of separation from Oneness? I guess what I am missing from your awareness is the ‘love’. There are lots of different vantage points from which to experience ‘oneness’ I guess. My impression is that when it is full, zingy, bursting with possibilities, soft and pink then it is harmonious. When that feeling is absent… we are in separation. I like that ‘nothing comes from nothing’ comment. Can you be ‘talked’ out of a feeling? I think we need to be moved to feel our way in another direction.
P.s. you write very beautifully 12HV, I always enjoy the way you express yourself in the comments! Hope you feel zingier soon, xx.
ix, moi!
nihilism as the ourobouros is a pretty interesting idea… a sit back stunned and ponder idea. plus i’ve gotten it as an oracle answer twice in the last two days and almost changed my grav to one last night. thank you.
(wow this thread is getting skinny so I’ll try to keep it short)
I THINK I have been where you are. I wouldn’t want to presume, but it sounds like something I remember, and it was damn horrible and I thought I was trapped in a horrible game and it was awful. I got to some horrible state where I could barely make it through the day… literally the worst, longest couple of days of my life. So if that is where you are, all my love to you. Seriously.
Logic can’t answer all questions and logic maybe LOOKS like it can give you the meaning of life (or lack of) but logic is not the whole answer. I did my head in trying to find a way out of the problem, not seeing any way that didn’t involve a lot of pain for me at some level.
So – you know what? Don’t do this through logic. Logic can’t solve everything. as 12th house sun, you have to open to “other” wisdom, which may take its time to get through to you. Just know that it is not your brain that can solve the problem and be open to the possibility that “there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy”. There may just be grace. Just give it a corner of a window that it might be allowed to come through, even while you are fighting whatever else, just let it come in and do its work while you are doing whatever you need to do.
Be kind to yourself and just allow the possibility that something else may follow.
It feels like you’re in a cage / trap right now, but if you spend all your energy on fighting, you might miss something else.
12th house — is partially about getting beyond logic and the boundaries of “self” … let there be the possibility you have more to find out yet.
the best things in life have no meaning, music, love, beauty
but those are the best things, its hard to be more of love, it makes no sense, and you have to give up your personality, the more you grow, the more of your personality doesnt matter and you have to grow past, your on the verge of something much better, but it will take sacrifice, and thats painful, for now your just losing taste for the old things, without having found the new things yet, you can do it, and its about the cheesy things, you cant force it, its about letting things go, dont get bummed out, its the ego bumming out, the things it was proud of now matter no more, and you still have this same amount of ego, and its just sitting there discontent, making you feel bad for contemplating further getting rid of it, but if you can get a little bit further, then you can find the new place you need to be, but you will need less of the things you were once good at, the things your trying to solve the problem with, so its new, and hard, good luck
Thanks. I know you’re right. I had a hard day today. It will be over as soon as I go to sleep. Tomorrow I could wake up on the joy side. That’s why I love the four-faced buddha. Nothing lasts. Good or bad.
Awol romantic contact today. I don’t even care to respond. Had a surprise phone interview with a company that may actually want to hire me for my Virgo. I don’t care. Let others fill in the spaces of my “worth.” I float here. Same as ever.
I’m sure in time I’ll feel this all as amazing. Or at least by April my life will be what it will. Like tonight. Tonight, so what. That’s a bullet proof philosophy. xo
and there crumbles the veil.
two things:
1. you could- easily, beautifully, brilliantly- write a book.
2. have you ever played with chaos magick? tweak the universe in little ways just for fun… why not??
holy hades pluto is fast. huge, huge hugs. onward. xoxoxoxox
You know what makes me go nihlistic? Repressed anger. It almost always has nothing to do with what’s going on in the moment. The moment triggers the past and its something held back. Primal screaming really gets the job done. Anger is just so not socially productive. And when you are a kid, you can’t do ANYTHING about situations that control your life so it just implodes and comes out later when you’re safe enough to process it.
I offer that observation for others who occassionally fall into the pit. Cause its horrible when it lasts.
Real offices for a human future should be equipped with a sound proofed Primal Scream room.
The Open Plan Office of the inhuman present absolutely demands it.
Gosh! You are so TEDIOUS 12th house virgo! What a bore it is to read your moanings… honestly! Even Mystic gave you a post and you still moan, groan… pathetic. Definitely the picture perfect example of the martyred virgo victim. Go get a life. Do what’s necessary and if you cant find it – so what!
– Stop moaning about you. Why not just throw bleach on your thoughts… * *giggle! silly miss you are!
What’s your sign?
My philosophy is this, and has been since about 2010:
You have to get the same things done regardless of how you feel.
So you may as well feel good.
‘Good’ to me means feeling calm, regular breathing, a smile comes more easily than a frown, a feeling that things will work out, feeling OK about crossing bridges when I come to them and not before, sticking to my commitments to myself.
Being angry or freaking out won’t change your deadlines, the traffic, the unresponsive ISP, the electricity bill. These things don’t care how you feel. You’re only hurting yourself.
Being irritable / annoyed / shitty / stressed / fearful / overwhelmed at the situation / person will not change the situation / person!
How you feel is a CHOICE.
Choose to be relaxed, and deal anyway.
You’ll handle it just fine.
Before you criticise, imagine someone saying the same thing to you first. How would you feel?
Stress and anxiety only gives you grey hair, wrinkles, and a pinched expression.
You have a great life, be happy!
(I should probably print this out to remind myself too…haha)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *falls over from lack of oxygen*
your cap moon is amazing.
it’s an excellent philosophy. if you can do it i bow to you. i have lovely moments of embodying bits and pieces of it. maybe…
I forget a lot! And I try not to let ‘feeling relaxed’ slide into ‘complacency’ ..for a Pisces that’s a short leap.. But learning to let things be as they are in order to deal with them properly, and not fear e.g. what people think, if someone’s not right for me, “what’s going to happen if…” etc – ‘acceptance’ as I think prowlncat mentioned , these things have really helped me to just take the next step without attempting to see over the horizon. Trusting myself to make the right decisions, letting what I really honestly truly want guide me instead, and forgiving myself if they turn out not perfectly. We’ll see… !!
This is great! Very helpful. I will print it out because, as I posted below…..I’m not coping very well and I am permanently irritable and just basically a mega-bitch. I’m burned out and need a new way of being.
Thanks again, I’m going to go post what you’ve written on a wall in my room and read it every day!
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way! it sux doesn’t it. it looks like you’re actually pretty clear about what’s going on for you though – not coping very well, burned out, you say you don’t have a great deal of self-esteem or self confidence and this might be affecting how you confront pressing work or career matters. You’re right, feeling that way definitely makes it hard to even want to get started on changing things. but recognising what;s going on is definitely among the first steps and you’re definitely doing that.
three “definitely”s, i have to review my posts more often!
the first rule of secret dream club is that you don’t talk about secret dream club.
. u kno cos it’s a secret.
speaking of which…it was very tempting today. i was offered a lesser vibration of my secret dream. i didn’t bite. the real thing is worth waiting and risking everything for.
Exactly! That’s your Scorp moon talkin’
Hm, my Scorp Moon feels you,
.
Secrets should stay just that secret, until it’s time to unveil.
I feel like I’m seeing people give up more than step up. Sad.
it’s that sense where you either go “ah, fuq it” and flump on the couch, chips in hand, …or grit your teeth, pause for breath and Keep Going Do Not Stop.
or you do both in a crazy two-step. you might just not be seeing their good moments.
crazy two step, yep that’s it for sure… for all my equanimity in my comment up there somewhere, i feel like half of me is about to slide back into my excuse-making, directionless, late, unfinished-project version of Pi, who I thought was decommissioned a while ago… and I am wrestling with this All The Time right now. nnnnghhhhhh
“Perma-irritability from all the discipline and fuqing lucidity”
YEP!! – Saturn tranSHITing 10th.
My whole life is a Zap Zone thanks to a billion squares and oppositions – Saturn in 2nd, Cap Asc. Always dissatisfied, always the pressure to create the diamond. Exhausting!
I loved that phrase too – it should be a mantra for dealing with real life without shit – basically facing life without yr normal crutches and just dealing with it; ie the shits about everything!
I remember Mystic once describing Saturn as a suave inner life coach, which I love. Saturn in Scorpio is like a ruthless and revolutionary inner dominatrix!
my diet is radically improved, so that’s a huge moon in taurus plus. i’m finding myself hyper-aware of the feelings surrounding food as it digests- physical, emotional, occasionally spiritual. black coffee (saturn juice for sure) + exercise = happy, sane me. can i forget the rest of my life and just go live in the gym and eat salad?
i think you hit it with the psychic allergies to anything superficial, mediocre, fake. manifesting in physical form on my skin and emotionally as a very short fuse, no desire to speak to fuqwits, ever. vacillating between dignity and a towering inferno of sadness/depression/rage/insert yer own fun. smiles and laughter are in short supply these days. but it is powerful!
and scorn. so much scorn. yikes that’s pretty low. but deserved!
I subscribe to your plan of action and yes, black coffee plus insano workout is the saturn prescription. It’s not euphoric but I can live with a level of contentment. Looks like body work and career hustle is all I can think about or wish to do. I’ll go with that – hey oracle agrees. Gives me more +Qi, tranquilizes my cortexes, leaves a placid aftertaste.
Definitely permanent irritability, but I had that before Saturn went into Scorp……I chalk that up to feeling like I have permanent PMS, being a woman in my 40′s with a horrible monthly cycle. I’m a mega-bitch, really. I’m fake nice as much as I can be, but really, I’m an irritable angry bitch. That’s the truth of it.
Anyway……Saturn is transiting my 5th house right now. I have Crab rising. I’m Aqua Sun, so if going by Sun sign chart, ignoring the rising, Saturn would be transiting my 10th house. Which one should we pay more attention to? Both? I’m never sure…… I tend to pay attention to a transit in a house based on my 1st house starting with my rising sign not sun sign, but I don’t know which is stronger.
Right now it sort of ‘feels’ like Saturn is transiting my 10th more than 5th, as career issues are up BIG TIME. Feeling paralyzed about it, too. I may get laid off in a couple months and I can’t afford to get laid off, and I have no idea what I will do next………To be honest, I’m really depressed about it, I feel so unsuccessful and also…..(not surprisingly) I feel angry and irritable about it!!!!
I have money and prosperity issues. I have a professional degree, am good at what I do, have a lot of experience, have made some money doing it before, but it’s never been stable and I have had way too many scary periods of being completely broke, or barely getting by and I even spent a whole year on welfare at one point…….WHY does this happen in my life, when it really really shouldn’t be?!?!! I just have no self-esteem or confidence and feel undeserving of a decent life, that’s why. …..and I’m in my 40′s….I wonder if I’ll ever be able to change and pull myself out of this horrible pattern?
Not anytime soon, I don’t think…….because I’m feeling hateful towards myself right now, and that is not a state of being that makes it easy to turn things around for ones-self. I feel like I’m drowning……..any advice is welcome…thanks!
Why do you feel undeserving of a decent life? xx
It’s like a deep-seated illogical feeling I’ve always had. I think it was projected on me by my parents. Mother is alcoholic, had me when very young, unplanned. I was an unwanted child. Felt unloved all my life, still feel unloved and unwanted by my family and that has carried into every part of my life, my whole life.
Have tried to heal from it and wasn’t really even aware of this pattern and where it came from until maybe ten years ago. I always blamed myself, not realizing it came from outside sources and that, objectively, it’s not true.
I’m sure you’re not an irritable angry bitch really, you don’t sound like one. Sounds like you have some reasons to be irritable. Nothing makes me more irritable than being out of tune with myself and just wasting time and KNOWING I am wasting time.
I have been through Job/Career shit of about 15 years duration… now I am in a job I enjoy. Actually, no, I’m off on study leave in Prague FROM a job I enjoy, even better. All I can suggest is — Keep the faith and don’t feel you “can’t afford” to lose the job you have. You always can. I have lost some jobs which were badly paid and bad conditions – but I thought necessary to survival – at bad times. Guess what? I’m still here. And so are you, by the sound of it, even after a year on welfare (done that too, by the way).
So – Same q to others here. What would you do if you could do anything?
And its ok if you don’t know. The important thing is to commit to giving yourself space and time to pay attention to the question. It’s when you tune in, and don’t get in angry/frustrated loop, but let the universe work for you, that it can really get to work on your behalf.
Same advice I gave a few days ago. It is important to start from feeling a place of abundance, even if this is in the smallest way. To put things in perspective, you need to do things that make you feel good. Just know that while you are having that nice coffee break in a new café, or just soaking in the tub, that the universe is onto it. This is how real managers get things done (I think Mystic had a great post not that long ago re Napoleon and his major luxurious bath habits). It doesn’t need to be abundance-crazy-desperate spending, it just needs to be letting yourself off the treadmill for a bit now and then and let the angels and whoever else work for you. Put your question(s) out there, then just do what you have to do, where you are – but give yourself time and permission for those necessary luxury breaks. It will work… if you give yourself this time/space, you will be able to start hearing messages / ideas you can listen to…. but don’t chase…. they come to you.
Thank you so much! Great advice and thanks for taking the time and for having empathy with me. It’s so healing to feel heard.
If I could do anything, I would be able to formulate my entrepreneurial idea well enough to implement it, have the confidence to do it, as well. I’d like to get it all up and running and then not have to toil away night and day at it.
I would also like to live in a more beautiful area, a warmer area, in an environment surrounded by nature. Right now I live in a big city, and people think this is a ‘beautiful city’ and yes we are so close to beautiful natural surroundings, but I used to live in a redwood forest and close to the ocean as well. This place is just jive….dangerous, too. Lots of crime…
The vibe brings me down…
Beautiful advice, aqua lion.
+1
I agree…beautifully said Aqua Lion, I took heart too! Anon, here’s to you making your way back to a whole, peaceful place.
This is so wise, Aqua Lion, thanks for putting it so succinctly. “The universe is onto it.” I agree with the idea that making decisions from a place of abundance, not fear, is the key. x
“Downside? Perma-irritability from all the discipline and fuqing lucidity.”
– THis is me every Libra moon, thorugh my 8th house. Blerrkk..
And my scorpio friend consoles me today with ” the deep soul growth stuff is good man. Growth is good.” No doubt, but the *what’s the fuqing point anyway?* moments are somewhat trying, and leave me doing a bare minimal shop, if I MUST leave the house, in dark glasses to hide the raccoon eyes.. Intenso!
Apart from that, I have Jupiter squaring my Ascendant , so I cannot afford to get big headed about a nano-single-thing.. Grace opens doors with Jupiter, IMO. And I am so ready for an opening…
Oh, I have a secret dream worth living for, but I cannot be sure if it is a love-zombie situation. It is ‘in play’ and being paced, and utterly mutual, but seems so improbable that I am not sure where to put myself.
My first ever true love (pre-sex at age 14) has found me again after 30 years and we are deeply in love, but both married with kids and on opposite ends of the planet. What I initially thought was mutual midlife crises seems to be so much more enduring and purposeful as we are trying to find ways to leave our lives while staying as honest, respectful and proud of what we have each built in our own lives – how do you leave and hurt your partner of decades kindly and without pain.
I am Cap Sun, Cancer Rising, Libra Moon with Venus in Pisces, Mars in Scorp, Aries Nth Node and Neptune in Scorp.
He is Aries Sun, Cap Rising, Gem Moon with Venus in Pisces, Mars in Taurus, Aries Nth Node and Neptune in Scorp.
Our composite chart is Pisces Sun, Venus in Pisces, Neptune in Scorp, Aries Nth Node and we are both spinning with Zap Zone stuff at the moment.
We dissolve into each other and it feels as if we are on a train that is not going to stop until it has changed everything. I wish for it more than anything, but also for the capacity not to hurt anyone else at all. Without it, I feel nothing and cannot stay in my current situation anyway.
Wow! how wonderful!
So amazing that for the first time in my life I’m studying and I’m studying a subject that IS my secret passion. Something I’ve only ever thought about for decades and now, tomorrow, I’m starting it. Have been keeping the secret passion hidden in a box, take it out every so often – play with it, think I’m no good at it – put it back in the box. Dream some more and imagine me doing it.
Not to mention just watching an awesome 3min clip about doing your dream and not following the money.
How in the zone do I feel right now!
Mystic rocks! x
Is saturn in scorp a good time to explore one’s kinky tendencies?.. You know, discipline fetish and all.. No, I’m not asking, just pondering. And no crapping on about stuff here, it’s happening whether it s a good time or not! Just wondering if the current astro explains the urgency of the matter? Mercury/lilith/uranus in scorp (4th/5th house). Natal saturn/jupiter/pluto conjunct sun.
Or is that uranus transit to the natal moon?
Ahhh yes. So, definitely finding it easier to work out and eat less of the stuff I don’t want. Have gotten a clarity / focus about money that I haven’t had in years … or maybe ever. Some debt, but I feel like it’s “responsible” and I have a spreadsheet to track me paying it down.
Far less tolerance for fuqwits of all types … the most difficult/interesting space this is manifesting is in my friendship zone. Even certain really close, supportive friends have seemingly become Qi Vampire-esque, and I’m less inclined to spend time with them. (More inclined to tell them off …)
Big thing is that I have essentially told my job (and the fuqwits there) to fuq off. I’m headed to Europe for a few months (maybe longer) for the first time in my life. (Booked flight & apartment before Merc Retro, thankfully!) I am scared, b/c I’m walking away from great pay and a pretty awesome gig. But I feel like they’re holding back my greatness.
Made a vision board right before Christmas and realized that travel is my passion … and that I needed to find a way to make it reality. Kept it a secret, stewed on an action plan and now it’s coming to fruition.
I’m Scorp Rising so all this Saturn in Scorp is making me … ruthless, but in a good way. Wooosah
“Willpower & clarity that can be hard to come by is just there all of a sudden.”
Yes this!
I’ve been avoiding a certain task for months, imagining how bad it will be. And then, a few days ago, i just did it without much thinking. And it feels so good to have it off my to-do-list.
Saturn is transiting scorp in my 8th. I’ve definitely explored my kinkiness and learned that self control is a must with my sex drive. I also began asking the question about my heart’s desire and what is it I could do that would feed my soul and leave me full. I’m in a career field I’ve been in for almost 7 years and thought it was what I wanted but have found it’s not my passion. I began seeking out my passion and found it. I have started on my journey to get to the point to of having my passion for my job. I will accomplish my goal in just a short few months. I also started back on my health routine I was doing up until last September. I feel like I have a fire burning under me and it’s blazing!
I am over everything right now.
really bummed out and depressed.
Saturn in my 3rd house right now and I am sick of my neighborhood.
Yeppers, that’s me. I don’t crap on about it, I just do it. Easier that way. I’m sure my Scorpio Mars helps, though.
Well, this isn’t how it’s going for me at all. I have ended up having to choose to live with the same stuff as I have been, I haven’t been able to make myself make a change at all. I’m just going out of my mind about it, but…despite the S-in-S pressure, that doesn’t mean I am any more clueful or squared away or owning a car or in any situation that would allow me to make a move now. I just have to wait…forever.
I really need a real life mentor about this, but I don’t have one. I can’t do it alone, but I have to do it alone. Grrrrr
I have no dreams I keep secret; anyone who knows me knows my dreams. Maybe it’s my NN in Sagg/9th house that inspires me to air my aspirations. I know it’s so un-Scorp of me to be so transparent, but my openness is not just whim, of course.
It’s basic: add sun & water, watch it grow. Yes my dreams have met with judgment at times, and I had to say, They’re my dreams not yours, so piss off. And that was that. Went back to tending my dreams. Dreams are infinite & it’s a jungle in here. I have a green thumb, what can I say.
Love this
in teh shower this morning I burst out crying, tears combing with the strangs of hair on my forehead and cheeks – i jsut NOT happy with things . What shall I do? No one will help me! But hang on, I can runaway and be awaitress in a place I like. No one is forcing me to stay in this city I dont love….
I have venus, mars and mercury conjunct in scorpio
Saturn in my 3rd is overwhelmed by all the Pisces action going on now. It’s all about my loaded Pisces 7th atm. My stellium plus the transiting planets… it’s like Woodstock in my 7th right now.
In between bouts of foggy uncertainty I do seem to have a tremendous amount of clarity which strikes rather inconveniently in the middle of the night. A marathon bout of productive insomnia this week brought genius pattern recognition about how I have invested time and emotions and heart energy in things/people who were never, ever going to be available to return it. No wonder I’m exhausted! Decades of working really hard to create my own unhappiness.
On the strength of that I blew off an interview for a full time job and instead accepted an extension to my current part-time gig with people I really like and work I enjoy. I’ve dropped any idea of buying a house. Inspired by our Cap correspondent in Paris, I’ve decided to give myself a year of living untethered. I’ll take my settlement and park it somewhere safe, then rent or house sit. Finish my PhD, live within my means, go to art exhibitions, see live music, go to the beach, write more, polish up my own songs with view to performing. Laugh.
Feels so great to have decided this. Freedom is my new foundation.
…I mean, ‘laugh more’ not ‘laugh at the crazy idea of performing my own music for the first time ever, at the ripe old age of 48′
Ah yes…. My nihilism comes from repressed anger… It was such a realisation reading your post… I’ve been edging on apathy this weekend, I think with a good dose of fear of getting depressed… Unresolved emotions… And lots of them…. I find I have been processing quite well, but flickering on the edges are fear… Maybe that’s ok… Just accept the fear… Of course its scary, scary to face loneliness again or more, to look myself and my challenges even more deeply in the eye… But just writing this makes me realise how good, strengthening this process has been previously… Ok then… I will face it!
Can you believe I have Jupiter on my sun sign adding to some very cool things happening, but me putting on weight just by breathing… W Saturn on my first house I also feel like some kind of machine, but not really Maxine because there is so much realness and blood pumping love and liaison with nature… Pisces moon and mars is most likely being majorly activated, I’m having a love affair, falling in love with dogs, and will be a mum to a baby puppy very soon, I’m beside myself about this, I can’t sleep at night cause I picture my garden flourishing and renovating some lovely second hand furniture I’ve picked up…. I’m so grateful for this lovely influence cause the Saturn thing is always a little harsh…
Saturn has been good to me. I’m a Gemini Rising you see.
That when I really started loosing weight. Most of my pants sagg on my butt. I’ve bought some new jeans. But I really need pants that fit better for work. Even one of my skinny co-workers told me I need to get some pants that fit me. Realizing I need to finish school. I just want to get a full time job so I can be financially independent…but then I would never finish school. Was gonna move out with a friend, but I don’t make enough working part time. Sigh.
Ha, and since I’m going out with my friend after we shop. She told me only do one pose in the fitting room when I try on clothes. She knows I take forever in fitting rooms!
Holy shit.
Holy, holy shit.
November I move interstate to ‘work on my dream’. Melbourne was NOT working for me and I had to move to my heart-home, grow a garden, eat some bluberries, regain my strength.
Then, THE DAY YOU POSTED THIS I said, right, fuck, THE TIME IS NOW and I brought my ticket to America where I am doing my dream shamanic herbal apprenticship in May. This is something I have wanted for a very long time. I still don’t have the money to pay for the course yet but I’m trusting it will come.
Scorpio is my rising sign. I’ve never quite known if I was ..’scorpio enough’ ..wishing I was a little more influenced, a little more ‘dark and mysterious’ …it would seem however, I am affected(/effected/affected?).
Yeah. gosh. wow.
(just saw this post today)
Post, post script ..
..my Venus is in Scorp too