The Real Housewives Of Virgo

Alright, i admit it. I started out thinking The Real Housewives Of Beverley Hills was some sort of a cultural apocalypse.

Then i started out watching it ironically. Now i am hooked and think it is valuable sociological documentary, albeit possibly tracking the decline of something or other.

But i have also just figured out precisely why they’re at each others throats the whole time and going absolutely ape over minutiae whilst getting Botox or downing bird bath size goblets of pinot grigio, flicking their hair extensions and tottering about on competitively ever higher heels every episode.

These bitches are nearly all Virgos! The rest are Capricorn + one Scorpio. I mean, seriously.

So: Camille, Lisa, Adrienne & Kim = Virgo. Kyle & Yolanda = Capricorn. Brandi = Scorpio. The latter is Brandi Glanville, ex-wife of the ultra-hot but slippery Gemini-Mars in Pisces dude Eddie Cibrian. He is presently married to (Virgo) musician Leann Rimes, who is conducting a gronky Twitter war with Brandi.  Given his penchant for cheating on even his mistresses, the whole saga is about to get even more sleazy and you can count on this lot to Virgo out about it all.

If you’re watching this, who feels sorry for Brandi as the one Water Sign in the room?

81 thoughts on “The Real Housewives Of Virgo

  1. scorpion plus earth worms = birds of a feather. (Or perhaps Phoenix + Mercurials at least). With that astro they sound like a bunch of social scientists! :-)

  2. 8O

    I’ve never seen this but I feel like I know so much through everyone else that watches it! I read somewhere recently LeAnne Rimes saying she is worried Eddie will cheat on her… and rightly so.

    I’ve heard they’re doing an Australian version.

    I think they should do a Mystic Medusa version…obviously the MM herself as it’s your show, Leo Socialite a MUST, Taurean Alchemist A MUST and what about Lady crab? Now how fabulous would this version be?

    Am I RIGHT?!

    • I never got into Sex and the City but I’ve always thought of it (and now Girls) as like a representation of the four elements of the zodiac: Miranda/Marnie = earth, Carrie/Hannah = air, Samantha/Jessa = fire, Charlotte/Shoshanna = water.

      I would totally watch an astro-themed reality show! Where everyone is aware of the other’s signs and incorporates astro shittalking into the drama. lol

  3. Ugh. Seriously? I want their self-maintenance budget but that’s about it.
    Surely among those Virgos there’d have to be a good sense of humour among them – that mercury. Is it because these are the only signs that could tolerate being hollywood wives or whatever? All the Piscean wives (the first wives no doubt) hived off to the Dalmatia coast / Greek Islands / Barbados after they realised it was hell. The Aries women wouldn’t touch the scene with a high-diving pole. Taurus just want their own way, not to be someone’s show-pony (or maybe that was Aries). Cancer might be leading the pack, if there was a Cancer there. dunno. *shrugs, goes to smoke last cigarette*

      • I can last about 15 mins with those housewife shows. And about 5 with The Shas (Iranian) of Sunset….

        The pettiness and bickering….soz…no time

        Did like tho one spin off of the Housewives of Atlanta…”Don’t be late for the Wedding”…forget the gals name but her football hubby and little baby boy…so cute. And I liked it when the gal got stressed one day and wanted a cig even tho she had quit. Seemed like she always had a glass of red wine in her hand. And she cusses a blue streak lol

        Some of those shows remind me of The View, as soon as they start talking over each other, I change the channel. Of course I don’t watch tv anymore really as pix don’t work, altho I only knew the forcast today as ~listened~ to it altho didn’t see it…For the rain only had to go outside.

        Treated myself to lunch at The California Pizza Kitchen this afternoon in downtown Palm Springs. Got my darling Kataka some “Sedona”

        Soup to take to her tomorrow as she is under the weather.

        Used the ladies room at the restaurant and when came back, they had cleard my table! Had had a piece of paper where I had written down certain totems that came up in a numerology/spirit totem reading had had just before I went in.

        Stood there by my table and said “you guys cleared my table!” I was shocked. Then saw my piece of paper was gone. Apologies all around but said “there was an important piece of paper here”…

        No Aries hissy fit but Cappy Moon said “I am furious”..

        They got it outta the trash and I got to pick a complimentary desert for my trauma…A piece of key lime pie and then had it with a skinny vanilla latte. Am stuffed to the gills :) Time for a carb induced coma nap.

        Last night, went to IHOP, International House of Pancakes. Had never been in there in the 7 yrs I’ve lived out here. Had a Belgin waffle with oodles of butter and various syrups…Then ordered a patty melt with onion rings to go, but ate that too. Should say my discipline has been uh, lacking lately but still walking each morning.

        Feb is a new month here soon afterall. Ate all my old faves. Hadn’t had a pancake or waffle for yrs.

        After nap this afternoon, tonight no doubt will be walking Towards Paradise, or @ midnight…

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft06PV3IlHs

        Is Robert Plant and that mane Leo or what?

  4. Lisa might be a Virgo, but she must have a lot going on in Libra – all that pink and her general sense of fairness and balance.

    • Agreed. First time I saw her I thought “there’s NO WAY this woman isn’t a Libra and/or has a load of Libra planets.” Or maybe a loaded 7th house? I’ve noticed the more planets in the 7th there are, the more conventionally feminine people tend to be.

      • She’s not, she’s a Libra. And Taylor is a Gemini. So there’s 2 air signs there to lighten up all that intense Virgo/Scorpio drama. Lisa in particular is a blast of fresh air – so funny! Taylor is a hot mess….:/

      • Oh thank God she’s a Libra..it’s true, she does lighten things up. Makes sense with the marriage.

        And YES, you have Taylor down. I love the parade of eye rolls when she turns EVERY conversation/topic into something about her haha

  5. taylor is a gemini but uh..brandi is whatever..i think she can handle it. i just think it’s odd that she was very good friends w/ adrienne(virgo) and decided to be disloyal to adrienne after becoming friends with Lisa(virgo). i love this show!! i absolutely love camille (virgo) but she left :(..

  6. I wasn’t a fan until I recently started watching Vanderpump Rules – it’s all about housewife Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant Sur and her ‘hot’ staff. Really it’s about Lisa conducting her own social experiment of throwing these young folk together and watching the drama with a Pinot Grigio in hand. Like you MM I pass my reality show viewing of as social science (even tried to claim foxtel on my tax – cos hey, I am a social scientist). Now I realise I am a Virgo watching a fellow Virgo play human chess. I get that, but I don’t get why the husbands where so mean to Brandi in the last ep? I might need another glass of Pinot Grigio to ponder it!

  7. I never watch tv. But I am a Virgo with Leo moon and I had my first Botox today. The woman said I looked older than 38. She was nice about it. Said I had strong facial muscles and must be very expressive. I’m tired of being read by people. I asked her to leave it so I could raise my eyebrows. How weird is that? I’m probably better off without moving them. Train my face. Appear to be zen always. This injection-filler-shit is revolutionary. I wanted to try it but doubt I can afford to maintain it.

    • Do you like how it looks? Fancy saying you look older! I suppose she is meant to judge these things, but when money is involved it muddies the water a little.

      Being that you are so exquisitely sensitive, how does that area feel when you meditate?
      When I do a healing I experience the area above the middle between the brows, so it is not so close to that area of skin really, but now I am wondering I ever got it, would it feel ok! Hope you like the effect. ;)

      • I don’t know how I feel about the results yet. I am still puffy and swollen although no one seems to notice but me. I got a package deal that included fillers around nose and eyes. And, I am going back to have some laser – IPL – done.

        I just wanted to try something new. Like skydiving. I did that once too. Pluto transiting my 4th – I’ve been investing so much in keeping my house up. Pluto is natally in my first – I wanted to invest in something new for myself. So far, that feels good. But…results, side effects, other feelings…we’ll see. Botox supposably takes a few days to take full effect. Its humbling to realize how much time I’ve spent in my life scowling.

  8. I do feel somewhat bad for Brandi, it does seem at times as if no one understands her. Oddly enough, if I had to pick the Scorpio, I would’ve thought Kyle. Can’t believe she’s a Cap. I forget who Yolanda is.

    Would love to know the astro on the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

  9. Had Foxtel for a while but never watched this trash…. the Gypsy wedding show was more my kind of b grade ( better accents) but shocked that these women are Virgos….should have at least SOME taste in jewellery

    • AND clothes, right?

      The odd thing is the Virgos I do know in real life all have poor taste in both. Not sure why given how the sign produces so many designers.

      • its the artform thing but virgo is not known for its fashion sense, best dressed has another sign. pattern cutting and arguing stitching details is very virgo.

        • Hmm, I would think Libra or Gemini.. as a Kataka Virgo Rising I totally cop the shite dress reputation i.e. our lot are meant to either be swathed in ye olde lace, or some kind of nostalgic dressing.. not moi. Soz but I need change!

          • Yeah well i wouldn’t be caught dead in tie dye – seriously if i were murdered and dressed in tie dye my ghost would step in and there’d be hell to pay. Do you think some people die and look back as they’re on their way and go, “Oh no, you didn’t die in THAT, did you?”

            Oh dear, yes, by astrotype you bear a heavy dress code. But it’s so not you!

          • Oh honey, I have a whole list of No-Go Zones when it comes to dressing. Once I went shopping with an ex-Toro boss, this was in the 90′s mind. So off we go to a Macy’s where she hastened to the pantsuits section for “a power suit in red but with pads”, after stocking up in maquillage at the MAC counter, the amounts of which more resembled spackle.

            Then she dragged me to the accessories counter where she asked the attendant for statement gold clip on earrings that had to be “huge enough to show up against the suit”. She asked me what I thought, at which point I swallowed very hard and said, “Right, here’s the thing, the 80′s are over, Alexis Carrington wants her suit back unless you’re doing an homage to Dynasty and those damn earrings look like you taped gold wrapped chocolate pieces to your ears, seriously NO. Just Say No.”

            It was too funny she couldn’t be mad at me. And yes, we dropped everything she picked up and she let me dress her. In present decade.

          • Btw, I love Olivia Palermo’s dress sense…and she’s a PISCES! She always does this really nonchalant balance of structured pieces with some whimsy, and it never comes across like she’s just a clothes horse, even if in fact there’s a bit of that.

      • That totes makes sense Ms., it perplexed me for a while as the ones I know really do come up with some cringe-worthy outfits that are not even meant to be retro-ironic (heavily bejeweled jeans, too much burgundy, pantsuits even their own original decades would reject). And all that is sprayed with heavy scent. Odd as most of them are generally good looking.

        I turn into a Libra when I see that, it’s not even funny.

          • re who is the most stylish star sign…..well it is Virgo……also love Scorpio style, I think they have a great whimsy in a strong and sexy way, very original.

            I read a fab article once re Uranus as the true indication of an eras’ style.

            The 30′s ruled by Virgo….the decade of sleek sophistication and style, thanks Madame Vionnet. The silk bias sheath as the movie star uniform. And yes the rise of fascist regimes ( sure knew how use stolen inconography…)

  10. Is the one on the left a Virgo ?
    Did you not recently post Virgos should never be photographed with their mouths open (Bill Murray on CG – or what ever it’s called) ?
    This woman obviously missed that post (if say, she is Virgo).
    My Gemini sister loves this show. I. just. can’t…
    *shudders*
    Money can’t buy happiness huh, they look miserable. Pass.

    PS Mystic, I’ve emailed a few times, Soz to pester, maybe my emails arent coming through on gmail, haven’t had a daily for 4 / 5 days … am with gmail, subscription paid till Jan 2015. xx Soz, as Aries, was born before patience added ! (and am missing your work).

    • I emailed you back several times. They are being sent out and not showing as bounced. I think my emails to you are going to your junk filter. Did you know that gmail has two junk filters? One is called spam and one is called junk.

        • Thank you Wonder Woman, They were rudely showing up in Spam – the Nerve !
          1,000 Thank yous…xx

  11. Isn’t brandi the one who outed another of the wives as using a surrogate … Something that the child wasn’t aware of yet?
    I had the misfortune of watching dance moms for 3 minutes this week. I think my brain shrunk.

  12. Oh Gawd, it’s finally happened, we’re talking about the RHBH (oh yes, there’s the acronym). I actually enjoy watching this lot, it’s a guilty, trashy pleasure and the whole Virgo thing is true. However, I’d probably say Lisa Vanderpump is my fave but I thought the Daily Mail reported her being an Aquarius??

    Or maybe she has loads of air as she’s the one person there who has any sense. She gets misunderstood quite a bit for being a Brit I think, it’s actually appalling when they take her sense of humor the wrong way.

    I’d say as well as Yolanda who totes does structure magnificently. The woman harvests her own lemons, designed all her houses and maintains a working relationship with her stinking rich ex who still asks her for design advise. Plus she cooks. Seriously.

    I do feel bad for Brandi, because she’s pretty genuine even if that does mean she has faulty mouth brakes – but that’s better than the overzealous collagen on Taylor’s. As for the other Virgo, Adrienne, she’s just scary. I’m sorry, I need to understand what the original face looked like before it went under.

    • I know right? And that woman (Yolanda) is so practical, she says some uber Cappo things like,”there’s nothing so unattractive as a drunk woman” to you know, a woman who obviously was just drunk the night before haha..

      • Funny! My Cap bestie tends to alcoholism. She gets on my case about smoking, and is the only one who dares. If she weren’t so lovably loyal and hilarious…!

      • Ya, haha.. there’s also this other scene where Yolanda sends the other Capricorn home (Kyle) with a bottle of master cleanse (made from the home farmed lemons of course) and pushily suggests Kim who’s fresh off rehab should be doing it too.. not too subtle.. but practical haha..

  13. Haven’t watched any of these and not very into reality TV, but goddamn I love me some Mob Wives. Team Drita!

  14. Also not a Housewives fan (yet).
    Did become quite addicted to ‘Tough Love’ with all the psychological tests they put contestants through.

    • Isn’t that girl with the anger issues hilarious? It’s like one minute she’s looking cute, the next you see her eyes roll back then she’s throwing chairs haha.. it’s a spectacle.

      I do think the Libra guy there (Mike) is adorable, and he is so far from my type. But stinking cute.

      • Yes, I kind of don’t get out much, so I am really fascinated! Love ‘stinking cute’, gotta use that in conversation.

        And the tough love guy, I kinda of love his pushiness – he is Aries – totally fits, no?! Emotionally intelligent pushiness makes my Moon in Scorp smoulder, can’t help it.

      • Mike, is the one without the mustache.. He’s a Libra, I think he even went to her house as a friend and gave her foam shapes to beat up vs doing it to people..

        He is also apparently, er..gifted, cough.

  15. I am surrounded by a clutch of Virgos at work and i have to keep reminding myself of how nice lots of Virgos i know are. I’ve been on Project Virgo this year. i’ve made it my mission to play nice, be generous while being genuine (not piscean glib nice, right?) I do have genuine affection for most of them but i also find certain behaviour seriously AAAnnoying. Quite narcissistic, surprisingly, and very much into a closed little network of ‘useful’ people, tons of gossip, plenty of self effacement that does not come off as sincere when it’s mitigated by very harsh judgment of others, sometimes simply smug. They’re also very attention hungry! I’ve noticed that Virgos can be very stingy to the Undeserving. That’s anathema to a Piscean. You know what they say: keep your friends close…

    Fortunately, i also remind myself how annoying Piscean energy must be to a Virgo. This keeps me more genuine for some reason and less smug myself. In addition my Lilith and Pluto are in Virgo, Lilith is the bitch in the 10th house :D Better still, i know some Haute Virgos which stops me being too prejudiced.

    • OMG, do we work at the same place?! That whole bit about useful people, narcissism, gossip and insincerity, eeuuuw. Talk about lo Virgos, right? The one good thing I suppose is that these ones are predictable and you can hear the nagging a mile away.

      Make that two miles, if you’re a water sign hahaha.. my Lilith is in Leo which I know can totes be annoying to some Virgos too, it’s that sudden turn and the spotlight is mine sort of thing.

      Glad to hear you’ve got some good ones to balance the less appealing ones out. I have a Virgo BIL and he is good as gold.

      • oh i AM glad to hear you confirm it, especially as a Virgo-friendlier Sun sign than Pisces. They mustn’t like my Leo MC much either. Now with my Lilith in Virgo i won’t pretend i haven’t got my oversensitivities. But the LoVirgos behave as though i’m walking their corner (do pardon the whore metaphors – SO satisfying). It’s also lucky i’ve got some cool (occasionally fringe and strange) Scorpio ladies onside. There aren’t sides as such, of course, it’s a grown up workplace with ‘nothing going on’, right?

      • That whole corner-snatching-fear thing is SO apt, it’s like you’re scrying my office. I don’t get it. If you truly own your power then it has integrity, you don’t need to denigrate other people from having theirs..but this is wot I see the lo Virgos chez work do. Massively co-dependent too, and ironically, always clutching a self-help book.

        I just smile but I am thinking, you can’t just read it honey, ya gots to LIVE it.

    • I don’t care for Virgos at all. I appreciate how UnVirgoian other signs can be.

      • Hopefully you know this, 12HV but just to make it clear, i think there are such complex shades of how a Sun Sign expresses its form. My own blood, my sister closest in age is SUCH a Virgo it’s not funny. Oh ok it is funny, because the rest of just mention her name if we want to convey something. But you can do that with any one of our family, and we generally do! :)

        There is so much about pure free happy Virgo that just rocks. Aaaaaaaand let’s not start on lo traits of my own sign…bitcherel? Lo Pisces has it in spades.

        BTW, i quoted something you said that was helpful to me a while back to Aries Counsellor, who widened her eyes and said, “Wow, that’s excellent advice! Who told you that?” It was about trusting the truth of my experience. So know that YOU, 12 House VIRGO Lady, are an absolute gem in my world.

        • Thanks, love. I’m glad I said something useful at the right time for you.

          I am not pure happy free. I like carefree people, happy people, which is why I think Virgo’s are impossible to live with. I don’t think I can live with anyone who isn’t my child or my pet.

          My answer to everything is work harder and I know it isn’t the answer to everything but I just Virgo out.

          • Do you think being useful and striving, as well as nurturing IS what the Virgo likes to be free to do? I cannot imagine my Virgo sis idle. She’s such an independent soul yet an absolutely devoted mother. She’s beautiful with animals. She’s incredible with mathematical stuff and practical physics and she likes projects, at work or at home. She’s driven which makes her seem bound, but the more i look at it astrologically i wonder whether this is not actually her in her FREEDOM of CHOICE, expressing her energies. She fought very hard for her freedom, even as a small infant. Her life is hard work but it is incredible. I always think she’s so tired but i think she’d get depressed if she weren’t doing all that she does. Her husband never tries to change her. But she can’t change him either. And so, this is their freedom.

  16. Yes! I’m so happy you posted something about this MM! Lol I figured out a while ago they were all virgos and wanted to talk so badly about it to someone!
    I was really close to a virgo for about 10 years and I feel as if I can spot virgo traits when I see them.
    They never really say sorry, are critical of themselves and others and generally see themselves as a little higher than others because they have such high standards (and I dont think there is anything wrong with high standards!).
    As a gem I have a very strong love and hate thing going on with virgos. Makes this show frustrating to watch yet like a fish bowl of rich, righteous, blonde bitches!

    • First time poster and new to this site…so just a learner.
      I have a love hate thing with Virgo’s too. There are a few in my immediate family and some things drive me crazy (and viceversa I’m sure), the judgeyness, the perfection, the black and white and no in between (I am Libran so it’s all grey to me). But then since getting into this and checking out my chart I realise I have 3 planets in virgo (Venus, Uranus and Pluto) and my 7yr old son is virgo also, so instead of fighting it (or in his case trying to libran it out of him), I am trying to embrace the virgoness around me. I also met someone new years eve (who I hope to be embracing this weekend) and he is virgo too, the universe is taunting me with virgo lol.

      • I think its funny how our children push us to be more accepting. My daughter is an Aries and she has made me embrace the fire-sign of life a bit more.

  17. Weird!

    I just watched the show for the first time last night on a whim when I was browsing channels.

    Coincidence!

    I couldn’t get through more than 20minutes, they all looked like monsters in masks.

  18. I LOVE this show and I always tell people it’s because it’s so completely different from anything remotely resembling my reality that it’s fascinating. Yes, they’re all horrible but I mostly end up feeling sorry for all of them. Yes, even the seemingly perfect ones like Yolanda…she also has frozen face syndrome and I don’t envy the pressure of trying to be that friggin’ perfect all the time.

  19. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about but for some reason I found this post both hilarious and incredibly insightful and, in theory, I do feel bad for Brandi (being the only water sign).

  20. Sorry guys, just bombing this. Usually I read everyone’s posts but I just had to barge in and say I LOVE LISA! I eat at her fab restaurant and have a friend who looks like a younger version of her (sidetrack- I went to Villa Blanca with said friend and Lisa’s hubby almost put his neck out to double take gawk at her) When I read she was a Virgo I thought whoa, she has to be close to the 17th ‘cos I seem to have a thing for Virgos born within the window of the 14-17 of Sept and there we go. Sept 15th.

    Point of this? None. I think it’s just an Aries sun with a super loaded Leo MC taking the stage in the lead up to this crazy full moon. Note my, not so subtle, restaurant name dropping and all!

    Love you all by the way. You guys are my online homies and you don’t even know it :)

    • Onya Sonya!!! Born in your fav window and lovin it!!! It is nice to hear good things about Virgos cause we can be hard on ourselves and are FULLY aware of our faults…..but when we are in top form we are heaps of fun!! Plus I have a twin who is such a great person I cant understand how anyone could possibly not love her!

  21. And btw, Cibrian is incredible looking, but seems like such a flake?
    Super flojo. Ugh.
    My hub is GemAqua, Gem, Gem, Gem with Mars in Pisces & nothing like this, so I won’t take astro alone as an excuse!

  22. Thank you homies for seeing that i would be perfect for Real Housewives.

    adore the show – everyone said it would not work and that nobody wanted to watch “middle aged women”. I find i get a lot of talking points with my daughters from watching it – we discuss money, alcohol, relationships. I like watching the ones in business as well.

    I am team brandi and i cannot wait for that hot tramp eddie to cheat on that laxative addict.

    Also used to enjoy hate-watching Alex – whiny libra – on RHNYC

  23. the oracle just told me to ‘stay blonde’ HOW DID IT KNOW I WAS THINKING OF DARKENING?!

  24. PPLLEEEASE!!! Can’t believe ANYONE would watch this CRAP, ‘social documentary’ or not.