Okay i was going to say that I’m grinching Christmas but that’s not really accurate – i am the Christmas Rebel. Without a nanogram of hate in my heart for the Xmas Freaks who are bats for this time of year, here are a few basic points off my Christmas Rebel Manifesto.
* Due to it being a Stolen Pagan Festival (once was Saturnalia) Xmas is scheduled for the time of Capricorn, the most astrologically ludicrous time of the year for a thing involving downing tools, over-indulging and mindless materialism. I’m all about cold showers & kettlebells for maximum Awesome at the moment, not guzzling warm champagne whilst i make small talk or peruse aisles of naff over-priced Xmas place settings.
* Even if you are a massive fan of Jesus and an avid church-goer, Jesus was not a Capricorn.
* Presents, my god: Isn’t it 1000x cooler to get gifts for your peeps when you feel like it, they extra-need a dose of something beautiful or you see something perfect? Not to be dragooned into a retail bender/debt right when the world is just starting it’s Zap Zone evolution (sorry) and the Capricorn vibe is hissing hints about “smart money.”? Oh and despite the tone of some of the media drivel this time of year, it is not actually our personal civic responsibility to ensure certain dinosaur department stores or other businesses stay afloat.
* Christmas Trees – especially in hot Summer-Xmas countries like Australia that don’t need an evergreen reminder in the depths of Winter that Spring will return – are un-eco, all those plantations of pine trees grown and then chopped off so there are little hills of stumps everywhere, like The Lorax non-stop. And then they’re chucked out at the end of Christmas. Plus i am sorry but a tree sitting in your living room with its life-force slowly ebbing away is not exactly fantastic Feng Shui.
* It is the time of year that’s meant to be about everyone chilling out & reconnecting with family/friends etc and i totally get that (even though such a festival should be timed for the time of Taurus or Kataka, quite frankly) but for SO many people it becomes a series of ever more dutiful obligations that has very little to do with actual relaxation. Here at Christmas Rebel H.Q we do exactly what at want chez Xmas btw. The only problem is that there are no gyms open that day.
* Maybe i have this slightly wrong but was not Santa Claus an invention by Coke? As in sugary kilojoule additive bomb drink – not Space Dust? So there was once some revolting Xmas Demon who would home-invade via the chimney (of all the sick ideas) and then this demon got sanctified into the more kindly Saint Nicholas and then Coca Cola turned that character into a sort of obese old guy with an apparently unlimited supply of presents.
* Christmas seems to involve sanctimonious messages from Archbishops and the like, all about how we should repent, remember our mortality in the midst of our drunken cavorting and try to be less adulterous, avaricious and/or gay in the new year. This from a mob who seem to side with child sex abusers on a regular basis is a bit much. Given that a massive percentage of peeps in the world are Pagan, Islamic, Jewish, Buddhist etc, this celebration takes over the Mainsteam Media (MSM) to a ludicrous extent.
I could go on and on (once started, Mercury in Aries does not stop easily) BUT what do you think? Are you going to join my Xmas Rebel Cause or am i just in denial about being a total grinch?
Image: Scarlett Veith – Society 6