Brad Pitt’s Jupiter Transit Furniture

Fittingly, for someone with his ruler Jupiter opposing his Saggo Ascendant, Brad Pitt is branching out into furniture design. First there was that awful Chanel ad and now this potential shin-fuqer of a coffee table.  I get the double helix dancing to the music of the universe vibe ( is that what it is saying?) and all but seriously, can you not imagine getting your foot caught up in the thing, whilst trying to pour a glass of Blue Devil and crap on about Cormac McCarthy?

He has also designed a bed that i think is VERY much reflecting his Moon in Capricorn. It looks more like an office where you can do half-Lotus whilst you spreadsheet or stretch out your shins after a nasty coffee table injury than a place of sex/relaxation. Or am i being too Virgo about this? Is Brad Pitt our next Tesla? I can’t believe Sagittarians even think about furniture this much. i took a Saggo furniture shopping once and she had a massive panic attack in the haberdashery section. Thoughts please?

 

 

110 thoughts on “Brad Pitt’s Jupiter Transit Furniture

  1. 8O

    Neither of those pieces look very child friendly, think of all those teeny feet and shins smacking into that… OUCH! 8O

    Plus I like to somersault on the bed… I JUST DO! 8O I don’t think that bed looks very “somersault friendly” 8O

    Is this the midlife crisis acting out?

  2. My Cap Moon has mixed feelings about the bed – liked the neat lines but the color scheme is off, completely off. And the extension? Who will dust off the thing?

    The coffee table, I say, is what he likely aspires. I can’t imagine that furniture in his house with many kids.

  3. My Saggi Rising man has exquisite taste in furniture… he brings home timeless style pieces which I always thought was attributed to his Virgo Sun-Merc-Venus sensibilities, till now :) Though, he’s not interested in designing or building furniture, most likely because he travels a lot for work and doesn’t have time.

    • Even if it were gold plated, the table looks cheap on every level. Never mind the kids – this Aries Sun would knock that fqr over repeatedly.

      The bed – I’d likely lose my front teeth tripping over that unnecessary bench/table/whatever at the foot of the bed in the middle of the night.

      Who is his projected customer?

  4. As the former owner of a bed that injured all who walked by it — once my sister and her husband and kids came over and everybody who went past my EVIL BED to get to my en-suite hit their shin, and my poor brother-in-law actually ended up with a bleeding knee — I can say that that glass table thing at the end of Brad Pitt’s bed is asking for trouble.

    There is no way you would automatically avoid the BLACK GLASS STICKY-OUTTY THING when you were getting up to grab a glass of water in the middle of the night.

    • AND BLACK!!!! buckle black WTF? Does Brad have night time vision that us mortals don’t have

      • This was clearly designed in the dark. Wtf is that ‘colour scheme’? Horseshit on burnt toast?

    • If i woke up in the middle of the night it would be from the stress of a personal taste crisis I would WANT to knock myself out for such a complete lapse of aesthetics. I would HURL myself at the black glass head first and beg to be neurologically reset.

  5. I remember reading that jennifer Anniston disliked his furniture style because of its coldness and lack of comfort.

  6. Sorry I’m too busy falling around laughing over shin fuqery to reply! !!!! Oh I haven’t laughed this hard in ages !!! ????

    • Me too!! Excellent antidote to this night of election nerves. I’m laughing so hard, I’m tearing up.

      Sag rising is prone to excess, and seems this time what’s excessive is severity (Cap Moon). Pluto is hitting this guy hard, methinks.

      Sleeping in that bed would be like sitting in the town stocks. And, hello? The fingerprints all over those surfaces?? You would need military training to get your coverlet that sharp. Or perhaps there’s not mattress under it, just plywood with quit batting stapled on.

  7. Nup. I like my bed to be a bed and nothing else. No appendages (apart from… you know, the type that ..oh whatever), no fixed things that get in the way of me putting the bed wherever I want, NO sharp corners. Just me and a damn fine mattress. And no frills or florals gawd.

    Hyperventilating in haberdashery section: yes, if it’s Lincraft. Worse: Spotlight. These places make me nauseous even though I have to go into it as there SEEMS TO BE NOWHERE ELSE IN MY CITY THAT SELLS THE THINGS I NEED WTF .

    I like the coffee table.

    • Those “appendages” make the thing look like it should be built into some vehicle, like a trailer or airplane or something. Gives me motion sickness just looking at the mess.

      • yeah. I don’t want no table or headboard telling me where I can and can’t get out of bed!! this ain’t no caravan! this ain’t no Country Comfort either! my room…MY RULES :D

    • Pi – whilst not my personal style – I get the coffee table – decorators globally will be wetting their pants

      sadly decoration – is not necessarily – ‘design’

      refer comment below:

      Dear Brad, please let me help you, xox love RLP xox

      • Double duty. A good spot for a glass of wine… and a fine weapon.

        Practical! I like it… but fucking hate the gold… And I prefer frosted-looking, light-bluish/green glass.

        The coffeetable design isn’t bad though.

        The bed sucks.

    • David – said from having a retarded view on gun ownership – Brad has not permission to proliferate the viral style known as FUGLY

      PS Le Ram went to Killing me softly at Randwick Ritz alone – first Pitt movie I have passed on – post seeing – he endorsed my decision no to see it.

      Dear Brad – there are laws against proliferating FUGLY-ness – please let me help you,
      love xox RLP xox

  8. ‘Shin-fuqer of a coffee table’ – genius again, Mystic!
    I never thought I’d see a bed more passionless than my own but, thank you Brad Pitt, we have a winner. My Cap soon-to-be-ex husband would love this bed; he could spend all his time precision-folding the hospital corners and making sure they pointed due north or whatever, and wiping smudges off all the shiny surfaces, while simultaneously pass-agg sighing and eyebrow-raising and blaming the terrifying lack of order on Piscean me. And it’s fifty shades of 70s kitchen splashback brown, which is right up his alley.
    The Cap lover with Mars in Pisces and Libra moon would have hated this bed. I suspect my other Cap guy who I’m hoping to upgrade into a FWB scenario would like the bed but his Scorp moon would need, erm, darker inducements to get its kit off.
    I have a Cap moon-Lilith-Eros-Juno and I am not feeling this bed at ALL.

    • yeah, I’m not feeling it either sister/brother!
      I have scorp 4th house IC, pisces 7th-8th cusp, and mars in kataka [all watery signs for where it counts the most I think] and I have additional interests to shiny surfaces and the aesthetics of this particular piece of furniture.

    • a well designed bed doesn’t require much at all — less wood surfaces attached to bed and more under the feet ( floorboards); an ethically obtained animal fur (or faux fur) throw on a bed is simple (taurus moon with scorp IC, mars kataka).

      • My ethically obtained fur is still alive. She decorates the bed well, with her ginger fur, even respositioning herself from time to time to refresh the look!

  9. You wouldn’t even find that on the set of an Ocean’s 20 movie. Maybe they’ll use it as fire fodder for his new zombie opus world war z.

  10. Yes agree its the kind of stuff to inflict maximum injuries when you roll home pissed and/or exhausted. I just see drips of blood everywhere especailly if there were white shag rugs around. I pmsl the one & only time I saw that Chanel ad, cringe!

  11. Gold is tacky, it just is and my cancer moon is appalled by that bed, where has all the cosy gone?

  12. EGAD, what a hideous load of (probably expensive) cack! It looks like he’s combined the worst of the 30s with the worst of space age conceptual crap. The gold is heinous, and the bed looks designed to facilitate injury (and not in a good way). What is with those weird sticky-outy table things at the end of the bed??? What would you put there?

    Unless they’re cunningly made out of recycled timber/garbage and fund orphanages in Cambodia, I wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole.

    Good for a laugh though. That’s about it.

  13. “i took a Saggo furniture shopping once and she had a massive panic attack in the haberdashery section. ‘ I laughed hard at this MM. These shops make me nervous and want to go to the toilet quick. I feel so inadequte when I go there I cant sew, co-ordinate, knit, glue, paint , scrapbook nuffin . AND I DONT MIND..

    I’m good at fairy bread tho

    • You sound perfectly normal to me, the whole idea of scrapbooking brings me out in hives. Just put me in an apron and curlers and wind the clock back 100 years *shudder*, the whole thing just screams fundy oppression, don’t know why, but basically, if I ever turn to the glue and pabric swatches, fuqing shoot me, it’s some kind of viral apocalypse.

      • Quilting and scrap-booking give me hives too.

        Any other form of craft is fine. Except maybe paper tolle. And that naff phase where people put papier mache on little ducks and pigs.

    • Lol fairy bread!

      There’s a craft shop slash ‘cottage’ ware here in town….all that tapestry & twee items make me gasp for breath. It’s truly awful! You know geese shaped items and farking frills everywhere lol.

  14. The table is the furniture version of Princess Beatrice’s fascinator. Like someone must have said – after a few good swigs of hooch, let’s make that hat into a table. Check.

    The bed should be called The Executor. Perfect for last confessions, signing wills and last testaments, and generally not giving a sod about comfort as what’s the point, it won’t be long now. And all that brown?

    Maybe it has Transformer features and origamis into a coffin once you’re done?

      • Yes! Me too! My Venus is Aqua feels suffocated just looking at it. Like its real purpose is to extract every last molecule of sexual interest from the room. A kind of Dyson for desire, or something.

    • Hahaha indeedy, perhaps Brad was watching coverage of the fascinator while doing a handstand or a yago position – as saggi’s may do – and thought ‘bigger, bolder, put a surface on it and its a coffee table’. :)

      • Brad (and let me just speak as if I knew the man personally) has always had a hard on for design, he’s a huge fan of Frank Lloyd Wright who did the Guggenheim in NY, and otherwise other hobbity type structures. FLW was into “organic” architecture or at least building in harmony with a natural environment.

        Perhaps the pieces speak more about chez Brad and environs, I mean if you’re ever in LA you’ll know what I mean by the So Cal cum Jetson type buildings around here. It could explain the furniture.. as can space dust.

        • Ahhh yes, the Jetsons. ..Century City is intriguing architecture! Haven’t been there for a decade, however, plan to be there or NYC permanently by Aug 2013 …

    • I’m so busy laughing till I cry at the rest of this thread I thought you typed ‘orgasmed ‘ into a coffin !! ( still laughing tears literally running down my face!) that’s one last will and testament for sure!! Lol.

  15. OH GOD – am on deadline for MAJOR publication writing about furntireu & design & stuff & BAMMN fall on the floor laughing that the most genius astrologer on the planet flags the HOTTEST man on the planet – is designing the second worst celebrity collaboration this year?!!

    the frist?
    Lennie Kravitz (with Philippe Starck) for Kartell – SOOO bad but worth reviewing if for an audience with his hotness. Much Hotter IRL than expected – MUCH!!

    http://www.selectism.com/2012/04/20/lenny-kravitz-and-philippe-starck-for-kartell-furry-chairs/

    PS hi @Angel @david @Barista @LeoGrover – have been reading but so busy with empire building – been here in spirit!!

    FYI – I emailed Mystic that I woke up at 5.55 am & had heart attack thinking she’d channeled that reposted email from ME!!

    MM you are SO spot on!!

    **BELL chimes to get back to content producing
    – xox ;) xox

    • Fur on a chair. Mmmmmmmmmm, call the drycleaner. Fur draped over a chair I totally get – you know, a bit of a bearskin throw or somesuch. But upholstered in fur? Think of the dustmites. The toddler vomit. The….best not to think of that.
      Think of the cleaning bill.

      And python is just wrong. How anybody could possibly think wearing snake is a good look is beyond me. It looks so good on the snake, anything else is just pathetic by comparison (not to mention cruel).

      • BABES been so buys – read the dailies / the scopes & the scheduler & sadly scant time for Le Blog – but am her in spirit

        trust all rocking along in your world??

        xox

    • Heya Rockstar, you wheeling and dealing as usual eh? Keep those balls up in the air or warm in your hands whichever works :)

      I thought I’d seen everything til that chair, what is that?? Looks like the product of some pretty weird interspecies fuqery during a bad night of off-the-off street drugs. Hmm, maybe I just answered my own question.

      • Angel – all projects gained traction at same time

        peddling hard & game-changing
        always time for adventure as you know
        & some rock relief (****sighs deeply at thought of RADIOHEAD next week!!)

        all good – shouldnt even be on here now week

        re that chair – is result of collision of 2 massive egos

        Lenny in flesh is HOT!!

        google Lenny Kravitz Kartell / Images – hilarious!!

        shit am late for a talky thingy – beter get the truck revving!!

        xox ;0 xox

      • No doubt Lenny hot, but mayhaps he should stick to Froebel Gifts, and you know, spawning equally amazing progeny. That man did things for jeans that hadn’t been done in a loooong time..

        Give the Crazy Uncles a hug for me, I earned the distinction of stripping to Creep once er..non-professionally, sort of.

        • In that Lenny audience (check the google images) after I took that shot I asked him about his jacket – every chick behind me had their hand on mon derriere in anticipation

          RLP – OMG that jacket is amazing – Rick Owens right?
          LK yep / RLP the back is incredible can we see? (it was incredible)
          on cue – LK executes slow twirl
          obviously none looking at back of jacket …..

          yes – incredible things for jeans!!

        • PPSS unfortunate encounter with Thom in London recently at a magazine thing … shattered the myth – too much ‘stuff” – irrational rant & out of control …. #wishitneverhappened #mythshattered #nothappyjan xox

  16. Potential Shin-Fuqer of a Coffee Table indeed. If this table were featured in a “what sign would own this post” it definitely would not be in possession of a Sagittarius; I couldn’t even tell it was a table at first. A Fire sign should not even think about owning something like that; we’re all too energetic in a will-o-the-wispy all over the place, and even the most graceful Leo, or eagle-eyed Aries would trip over this. Not to mention Saggo which would prob knock this over with by turning the indoors into a roller rink at 2 AM.

    Also, WHAT was Chanel thinking. I don’t believe fragrances should have genders or that anyone should limit themselves from going outside the gender shelf, but Chanel No. 5 always makes me think of Marilyn Monroe due to her famous quote, “What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.” Making Brad Pitt the face of No. 5 seems horribly forced and terribly cheesy. He’d be better off as the new face of Angel IMHO.

  17. Geeze that’s a fugly bed. It’s got that horrible crack-your-shins projection happening at the end. I moved into a house which had one of these beds in it a couple of years ago – ’twas the first thing to go, just a stupid design. And the rest of the bed looks like Virgin Lounge@ Mascot. Well done, Brad, they’re horrible.

    I kinda woulda thought he’d do something that involved steer horns and chrome. Silly me.

  18. Furniture quite hideous, hillarious comments, the side tables beside the bed resemble the pull out coffee rests on planes and trains, they do travel alot I guess, enough said.

      • Maybe the highlight of their lives is being in the plane. Maybe Brad likes it so much up in the air he surreptitiously added the hostess table-touch to the bed, and a kind of jet propelled rudder to the bottom of the bed. Maybe he’s hoping the bed will fly. Away. From all those children. And a spouse who probably doesn’t eat but partakes her nutrients through a drip? I’d be happy on a plane too!

  19. Saggi with Cap moon doesn’t find either appealing.

    Prefer silver or stainless to gold anything be that furniture, jewelery or shoes :)

    The lines are too severe on the bed and it’s got a very 70′s feel but in a non retro way with those side tables and colour/texture scheme. It’s sort of like a bunch of different pieces of furniture put together.

    The table on the end .. I feel like something should descend from the ceiling turning it into a sun bed or some sort of weird-ass’d treatment table.

    Yeah… no thanks

    So how does a Saggi romp in that?

    • A Saggi romps OVER that, accidentally kicks it apart then decides to use it as kindling once setting up camp in ye olde forest under the stars… :)

    • I’m a Cap Asc, Saggi moon and I can’t stand gold anything either!! and I’m ALWAYS banging into things!!! and bruise easily too. Grrr

      Brad’s furniture is HIDEOUS!!!

      I use to sleep on a futon until I reached my 30′s, when I started dating a Virgo who had trouble sleeping in it because of his bad back.

      I hate beds with bits at the bottom. I want to be able to climb into bed from all angles without injury!

  20. Brad,

    Coffee table: change the fucking colors and materials if you want to make it look remotely appealing. Or at least photograph it as a weapon, bloody action-movie style.

    Bed: Just the headboard and mattress (with a platform about the same dimensions) will do. Get rid of the fucking attached circles and that dreaded platform.

    Thanks,
    Noir

  21. As a furniture designer Brad Pitt makes a good actor. Too many cocktails and you’d press on that coffee table to make it spring back into a flatpack. The bed looks like something that has nothing to do with sleeping or other fun. Maybe a couple of accountants could lie there and “do the books”.

  22. Agree with you on both fronts. maybe it is my crab sun, but I have a thing against all glass topped tables – I find them be noisy to use and unattractive…add a brash golden spiral and it screams of futurism gone wrong.

    As for the bed -it looks like he is trying to mix elements of mid century with his coffee table.. Glass again… Don’t think it works. Lines and shape of bed head, side tables, and glass shin splitter don’t balance.

  23. GIANT NOTE TO SELF:

    Jupiter is opposing your Ascendent et al. Merc is Retro in it.

    Ignore all BIG ideas. Enjoy them but put them aside for later perusal without actioning.

    Do not design furniture.

    • I am opposite – my mercury is retro in my jupiter (and sun and neptune) which are both opposite my ascendant, But I proimise not to design furniture either.

  24. LOL Mystic, your post had me giggling like a nutter(that I am;)). Simply love your turn of phrase in general!
    Also thanks for the insight, in case I ever find myself furniture shopping with my Saggy sister. :P

  25. hmm as a saggi who actually doesnt think about furniture much, i kinda like them…maybe thats the venus in cap talking..

  26. Both the coffee table and the bed are better than the advert. But he could still put his shoes under my bed any day.

  27. If the coffee table were chrome, or just any other color but gold I think it would be really cool.

    • They don’t look very anything…………….a Sagg would be better designing light weight luggage that could transform into a bed if needs be.

      • Ha! Agree. Saggi’s should naturally have a yen for designing circus tents, yurts, tree houses, underwater living and collapsible camping chairs. Anything less is beneath them.

  28. Virgo says, “No”.
    The bed looks like an airport lounge.
    The Table looks like a contraceptive coil.
    Neither can end well.

  29. I find the bed somewhat uninspired. A bit like a copy from a 50s or 60s original, slightly modified.

  30. I did not read all the comments, but the only thing that comes to my mind: he has north node in Cancer, I do not know what degree..but transiting Pluto must be close to his South node in the second house?

  31. Pingback: Aquarian Menswear By Yoko - Mystic Medusa