Genius Of Weird
Strange days, right? Old era values clashing with the new era coming in. Librans acting like sailors on shore leave. Scorpios & Aquarius wondering if they have alien D.N.A or something. Techno-crap signalling the early days of one fuqer of a Mercury Retrograde. Venus in Virgo providing us all with Virgo vision to detect the most minute of stains on white t-shirts or fluctuations in our blood sugar. Saturn-Neptune being both super-practical/conservative and yet kinda high. It’s deluxe astro-wierding. But you know what they say…that just means it’s time for the weird to turn pro.
Image: Martine Johanna
Hmm. Weird turning pro was all over my yearly scopes I think.. or maybe I just read it that way. The pro bit is definitely on. I just spent two days cooped up in a room full of toxicologists, lobbyists and lawmakers, mega representation from huge manufacturing companies the scales of which make my place of business look like a popcorn stand.
I was trying to stay pretty meek and mum in the spirit of listening being the better thing to do when I suddenly found myself pegged as the poster child of small business. Oi. It’s exciting and sad all at the same time. Sad because the whole evolve or evaporate mandate is ever so much closer.
And the designated agent of change? Moi. Gulp.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Dunno how old era trigger points will affect new era me…. But, hey, reach that hurdle later.
The theme for my week has been having realizations about my struggles with mental illness, specifically a diagnosis that is very stigmatized and I feel is completely misunderstood by both the medical community and world at large. I am a hyper-empath and very self aware, but the literature on BPD makes us out to have no feelings or personality.
I started self harming again and this combined with feeling alone, dealing with big change, and realizing that everyone I have been attracted to has symptoms of narcissism (like…the DSM version, not just that they’re into themselves or whatever) or sociopathy has forced me to take it much more seriously. I feel very trapped though and I don’t know how I will get out. Saturn is in my 7th house now after a rocky transit through the 6th (health issues) and I know it’s a long road ahead — people with BPD are this way because of the relationship with parents and it plays out in adult relationships because of fear of abandonment.
Hang in there, you will thrive and survive. Just thinking that you have just identified these unsavory qualities of people relationships that you are attracted to so that sounds to me that you are def prepared for saturn in your seventh house, because saturn can and will annihilate/liberate relationships and you all ready know what doesn’t work/help. I also believe that seventh house saturn is about your own life contract, honoring your own life purpose and such. Best of luck and remember when it feels as tho there is no one/thing there is still a tree to sit by a sunset to wonder at. Good luck may the force be with you
thank you. i hope that saturn in the 7th enhances my own relationship with myself (and a return to my natural self) after years of looking for answers in others. every time i give up and am content alone and just want to be a cat lady someone charismatic and hyperintelligent steps in (yeah….i have a type: MATHEMATICIANS. lol). the line between becoming jaded and just looking out for yourself is so intricate, but it all comes down to your gut instinct in the end.
word sister and power to you
It is huge that you realize that you are drawn to narcissists. Always remember that and guard yourself from the temptation.
the problem i find is that in accepting my own mental inclinations and acknowledging my own right to love, i have to see that others who have been damaged by circumstance (…childhood…) and are not so aware or willing to be aware are deserving of love as well. victims do create victims, and in reading about my problems i’ve realized that being healthy all comes down to non-expectation and giving love freely without anticipating a return [spirituality 101, but when lack of love becomes an assault on your own life you take the message more seriously and, sadly, selfishly]. it’s a leap. some people are gifted with this ability from birth, and others have to work at it.
while cutting toxic people out is critical, as a “toxic person” i see why i am attracted to alternate manifestations of my own root problems. women turn the pain inward, men use it as motivation to take over the world. the cultural emphasis on men being emotionless breadwinners makes hyperemotional and (perceived) helpless women all the more drawn to them, the problems i struggle with are opposite of but in many ways similar to the men i am attracted to (also, uh: mars in aries, venus in capricorn).
to summarize: i think i have to learn to forgive myself and simultaneously own my own decisions and desires. i know that crave intensity (packed 8th and 12th house) and i dont want to deny myself that experience by running towards something that doesn’t fulfill me. but there is a major difference between someone who is actively mentally ill and someone who has conquered the destructive aspects of the illness (both toward self and others, which are at a high level indistinguishable from one another) but retains the innate character aspects. modern life makes it all so confusing but i will never give up.
The trouble with having any relationship with a narcissist is that they have genius ability to identify and manipulate the darkest parts of ourselves we try desperately to keep hidden. They feed the little beasts and then train them like service dogs. You become puppet and they become master but act as if the opposite were true. They overwhelm the needy, hidden, uglier little parts of you with rewards until they take over your psyche and form a monstrous dependency on the narcissist. It is a crazy love fraud. It would be self-destructive to submit yourself knowingly to a narcissist.
The answer is, at least in part, to take the needy, hidden, uglier little parts of ourselves by the hand and into the light of day.
“They feed the little beasts and then train them like service dogs. You become puppet and they become master but act as if the opposite were true. They overwhelm the needy, hidden, uglier little parts of you with rewards until they take over your psyche and form a monstrous dependency on the narcissist.”
This is so true and of of the most essential things about them. I need to remember this. It’s particularly hard when you’re in the midst of it because it is a conditioning PROCESS that makes them so sinister, not an innate or easily identifyable quality. It is seriously like a drug addiction.
I’ve found as an Empath that psychos and weirdos can smell me a mile off !! Luckily I’ve learnt to use my sensitivity to spot them first and shut them out at an energetic *and* a social level. Aura shields go UP and eyes go DOWN. If they spot me and start talking to me I respond in monosyllables until they go away. I don’t care if it looks rude. I don’t care if it IS rude – I had enough of these evil bastards in my life when I was young to not care what any of them think of me ever again.
Just with my Librarian hat on for a sec – have you read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron ? The other book which really helped me was “You Can’t Say That To Me” by Suzette Elgin – a really fabulous resource for shutting down abusive conversations before they get going – and a great way to learn to spot when someone is trying to manipulate you.
Good luck ! Its amazing how much better you feel when you burn off the emotional parasites !!
thank you! being informed and –sometimes– more importantly having confirmation of what you already intuitively know is huge when it comes to self confidence. i’ve read The Highly Sensitive Person but will definitely check out the other recc.
Bless you R – I can really feel how hard all this is. Perhaps you could put your relationships with others aside for the moment and totes focus on your wellbeing,- if you have recently been diagnosed or the BPD is more pronounced at the moment, please just work on basic things like hydration, exercise, not over extending yourself, not over committing, just meeting your basic work commitments or taking leave if needs be, cutting out anything extraneous. Get centred and on an even keel by whatever means you can – even rescue remedy 3 times a day can help balance out fluctuating moods. I do understand it is not a physical ailment but it IS to some extent physiological/made worse by physical things. EVERYONE’S moods to some extent can be better regulated physiologically. Therapy appears to be pretty effective with BPD, and if you don’t have one already, get a good therapist. This is not a life sentence but if its peaking at the moment there is no point in trying to sort out relationship issues etc. Please do whatever you can to get more centred and balanced – then you can worry about how you relate to others. With love and kindness from Q
I have similar leanings as an empath (thanks so much, Moon/Pluto conj in Libra, with a nice sextile to Neptune to boot). When I was a teen, I wondered why I met so many weirdos/psychos and I discovered the importance of shielding. It’s not being mean, it’s loving myself! Don’t we have the right to stay away from anything dangerous??
The grounding thing is really important, too, so that I don’t get knocked off my center by an intense person or their intense energies. I’m still working on that :-\
I’ve been meaning to read The Highly Sensitive Person. As I get older, I realize I just can’t piss away my energy by absorbing things for others!! Thanks for the recommendation!! <3
Sorry for your trauma.only your instincts,inner turmoil.can govern your future path/fate.ultimately to restore hormone..
I’m actually doing well with Saturn in Scorpio so far. Sure I’m doing my eye make up like an 80′s school girl all of a sudden – but I’m mad enough to think it looks good on me.
And I am suddenly ready to do things I never would feel ok doing before – get rid of the cleaner cause they have been ripping you off for months – done!! Shred years of old papers that have sat in storage for ages – done! Doing exercise after I get home from work – done! Stopped eating chocs every night – done!! Spending a usually wasted half hour in the morning packing the dishwasher – done!! (Actually I think I’m sounding more Virgo than Scorpio)
It hasn’t been as grisly as I thought – please stay nice to me Saturn Scorp (Aqua Sun, Scorp mars and Scorp some other ones too but I can’t remember off the top of my head…)
I’m hearing you LJ! Things seem super clear cut and straight forward. This needs doing … Done. No angst no pantomime. Just thought clarity action…. But yes EEL also no sex whimsy chocolate or booze… Meh!
Sailors on Shore Leave? I wish. I haven’t had a lick of booze or sex in ages.
I’ve just been comforting my expanding ass with more birthday cake. Love is for the birds.
Word.
Many Happies EEL – cake, mmmm!!
a girl’s gotta have something…
Seriously, I have been thinking I am from the Pleiades or something. And I have been noticing my blood sugar lately,Really!
Im def not from around here! Lol feeling pretty comforted about that actually
I am. def an alien.
So am I
M
Me too I meant to say. Spaz phone. Did some PLR on this.
Yes! I’ve always known I was an alien, but now I’ve accepted it, which is different than knowing. Equally, I’ve accepted that I am Here now, by choice and design. That’s also a big change.
We’ll see how it pans out, though. Instead of spending most of my time thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding!” I am rolling up my sleeves and taking a look to see what needs doing.
Just out of curiosity, have you guys heard about the New Age thingy about a whole stack of evolved souls leaving their bodies before death and being replaced with new ones ?
Damn, I read about this on the site of a lady who does Akashic Record readings in Canada and for the life of me I can’t find it now. It was the use of the word “Pleiades” that set me off.
This is going to drive me mad now; if any of you know what I’m talking about could you ref me here !?!
Wrote to soon – found her ! She’s called Akemi and the site is Real Life Spirituality:
http://reallifespirituality.com/starseeds-walk-ins-lightworkers/
Yep – the Pleiadians all left just over a decade ago. and new souls witched into their bodies
Enjoy !
*switched*
Freudian slip there….
I thought you might have been talking about Dolores Cannon but I think she’s from the USA not Canada. I just read some of the stuff on the Akemi site and it’s pretty interesting. Everyone tells me I’m an alien, channellers, psychics, even palm readers !! etc. Some have said I am from the Pleiades, Sirius, some call me a walk in but, when I read the Akemi descriptions, the Earth Angel one was spot on. My first Ayahuasca trip I was told that my problems with this world are because I am from the angelic realms. My Shamanic teacher says I’m Seraphim. I sure don’t think I’m that angelic. Far too naughty for that
I had my chart done and it was starseed Plieades, haha That explains when I was a teen wondering why we had to communicate verbally as it seemed so inefficient and limited. I would ask people, “Why can’t we use telepathy?” Still digesting all of the ramifications if true.
Ive spent this week watching people so busy that I’m starting to grasp that the world doesn’t revolve around me… They have no time, as they are rearranging their work/life/ dietary requirements.
So I sooked a bit. Then told my insecurities to drink a cup of cement, and either jump into an endeavour or start my own.
One thing I’ve been watching is this intense scrutiny of words/ social media posts/ public representation. Everyone is hyper sensitive/ easily offended/ liable to micro analyse every word.
And while prone to my own psycho John McEnroe/ christian bale worthy sensitive tantrums… I’ve managed to be immune so far… Maybe it’s the alien DNA. I just wish it came with some cool superpower …
Aqua is on emo tantrum watch right now. Yay for immunity. More tea and channel those KICK arse work stars. or starts. xx
Love that you told your insecurities to drink cement, lol!
Having fun trying to grasp the intricacies of WordPress for my new site – and browsing at fonts -
Fonts are a bottomless pit. I once spent 3 hours fiddling with fonts for my Blog Header *sigh*
don’t even talk to me about fonts. I’ve been drawing like a maniac since last Thursday and I finally got a 7 hour sleep last night
Hysterical! A bottomless pit of perfectionism has me paralysed in its embrace re my website. The Gem even dreamed I was about to win an award but my dress wasnt ready, so I refused to go to the ceremony! Lol.
Mercury will be remaining in my 8th House, home of my Neptune, until week 2 of December, and Mercury is exactly square my Mars at the moment. Began a reupholstery project today … well, attempted to begin. My brand new just delivered compressor is leaking air where it shouldn’t ever. Aggravated all day. I didn’t dare call the company about the defect today – must wait until I have a script to calmly stick to. Back-burnering my project and my spellbound tongue out of necessity!
Yesterday it was pouring idiots – for a while I wobbled, screamed “fuq off!” in my mind, then a confidant reminded me that ignoring control freaks who try their grubby hands on my life is the best response. Today is better and I added “de-legitimize, de-leverage idiots” mantra to the supreme list of ZZ surfing.
.
christian bale tantrum … lol !
So. Damn. Busy.
Saturn return 22 October! Hoorah! The only way through this is through this?! BUT I SUCK AT BEING THIS BUSY!!! Especially with Pluto on my Venus and that certainly needs attending too.
Attempting to work 3 days a week at a fun job that makes me too exhausted to move by the end of the day, apply for post grad research, start a consultancy (haha that totally not happening right now), deal with heavy/amazing love issues, fix broken car, having friends (hahaha), exercise, eat well, sleep, floss. Successfully busy people, how do you do it? And this is just me, I don’t even have any caring responsibilities beyond my own sorry self.
Neptune also trining my saturn/pluto conjunction. And aspecting basically everything else. Making this whole thing psychedelic is helpful because…?
Mars in Saggo must help with all this, right? Saggo Sun, Rising, Neptune, Uranus.
OK back to being busy.
Saturn returners, we can do this!!!
my very good friend is also returning and just coming out of the crux of her conjunction. super flat out and massive life changes. really interesting to watch when you are on the other side x
oh, the other side!
i am looking longingly over the fence at my 30th birthday, trying to remind myself that if I can just keep going until I get there, everything will be good! Weird to think I’m looking forward to turning 30 after having an “oh my god I’m old” freakout at 27. so looking forward to seeing what this all turns into, and who i am actually turning into.
30 is fantastic. It’s like someone gives you a ticket to a new adventure:-)
pluto on my venus was simultaneously intensely magical and feeling totally broken. but mostly have fun. really! it was so fun.
Sounds good, now if only I could make time to enjoy it…
I’m wearing head to toe linen. Who would have thought that this Saggie grommit could pull off white linen ?! I for one, am amazed.
I’ve also registered the children for homeschooling, pulled them from school, set up communication lines with a fabulous homeschooling collective and am getting Mr Squeaky’s ears sorted out. Turns out that he communicates with a series of squeaks because his ears are full of goop… I thought it was because he was cute, and also as stubborn a little Taurus as was ever spawned.
I’m also doing dishes, mopping the floor, doing laundry, decluttering, hoovering… Nice to know that its Venus setting off my rising sign and not immanent psychosis.
Also – I’m a week ahead of myself. I keep thinking its next week ! What’s THAT when its at home ?!
i was actually wondering about alien DNA :=)
how did u know??
strange days indeed.
I do have an overwhelming impulse to get a tattoo on my knuckles with something like STARSEEDS 4EVER!
lol!
Oh good, you guys do know what I’m rambling on about above.
I sometimes forget the level of esoteric knowledge floating about in this site. I’m so used to Muggles going “What !?! You some kind of weirdo ?!” when I start talking about Souls and suchlike…
Techno-crap signalling the early days of one fuqer of a Mercury Retrograde
good gawd damn yes
and yes yes yes to describing everything i’ve been intuiting chaotically into coherent sense. thank you mystic
There is a butterfly in my house.
The garden is always full of butterflies this time of year, but in 10 years I’ve never had one in the house. Until now. It looks very very young. Honest to god, it looks like it’s recently emerged from its, um, chrysalis?? Fuq!
This on top of other cosmic weirdness… Whenever I am on the verge of making massive change, randoms stop me and ask for directions. It only ever happens when I’m in the throes of some huge decision. I can be alone somewhere and a stranger will appear from nowhere and ask me directions. I can be in a crowd of 50 people and someone will fight their way through to ask ME how to get somewhere. Once, when I hadn’t left the house in days, a woman literally came to my door to ask directions.
It hasn’t happened in about a year, and it’s happened twice now in two days.
It’s game on, I can feel it.
Well it beats the green caterpillar eating my oregano at a rate of knots. And it’s a sign you just can’t ignore,um, Chrysalis…
Hecate: goddess of the crossroads. Name may be connected to willpower.
I know, right? Talk about freaked out
I didn’t know about Hecate and crossroads.. must check her out in my chart. Makes sense about willpower and crossroads actually.
The Roman equivalent is Trivia. But she bears three faces, of three different ages. I like Blake’s image of her: http://legbalodge.blogspot.com.au/2011_02_01_archive.html
No idea what this site is just image searched quickly.
LOVE William Blake’s painting. Funny, I was talking to my niece yesterday, she is studying Blake’s poetry for her final exams. I told her she should seek out some of Blake’s art..
Hmmm.. well all I can say right now is “I GOT THE JOB”. I have to move fast and literarily.. I have to move. I am in slow mo right now because I am overwhelmed with what I wanted came thru. I think I am in shock. Ok.. I am over it! Its going to be bumpy for the next 2 months but in a good way! HELLO beautiful beaches… I have missed you!
I hope you are all well!! XO!!
COngratulations. Awesome news and good Saturn in Scorp times ahead x
Oh yay, that’s great news!! Don’t worry about the move, it’ll go fine, you’ll get it all sorted somehow. So pleased for you xx
Ooh, that’s a bit exciting! Congrats x
Fab Ellie – huge congrats – how wonderful!! of course the first few months are challenging in a new job, but with your rapidly growing astro-wisdom, you will POWER it in! Very happy for you
Thanks to you all! I look forward to Mystic’s reports, horoscopes, blogs and NOW her members responses and support! I said to Mystic in an email earlier that she has a great member team!
Wishing you all the best!! xo!!
Congratulations on the job but more so the beaches!
Fabulous! Great to read this outcome for you Elle x
onya Ellie, great news
Dunno if it’s cuz I’ve got saturn trine neptune natally or if it’s Mars in Sagg but I am LOVING this energy right now. However am seriously seriously overwhelmed with work at the mo and while that’s all good, would really like three minutes to focus on life & art!
My temper has been a lot shorter lately… I don’t mean I’ve been blowing up at everyone, but I’ve been less acquiescent to unreasonable requests. My colleagues don’t know how to take this, but I just know I’m sick of being treated like the department f^up when I know I’m not.
Another former creepy beau tried to make a second return, and I shut that crap down right away. Body language, tone of voice, and making a bee line in the opposite direction after bidding him good luck hopefully was enough to convince him I’m too inconvenient. It’s another expression of “I’m sick of getting stepped on!”