Scientists say they may have found the God Particle.
The European Organisation for Nuclear Research or CERN said the discovery was a milestone in the understanding of nature.
Physicists stressed the results presented at a joint conference in Melbourne and Geneva were preliminary.
They were unsure if the particle was the long sought-after Higgs boson, or God particle, or something more “exotic”.
This lot has an amazing habit of announcing stuff just when Mercury is about to go Retrograde. Seriously, every time. We’ve been here before. One of my resolutions is to give the Large Hadron Particle Collider a category of its own. You know that Psuedo-Intellectual Astro-Bitches like nothing better than to drink Blue Devil Hoochie Juice and discuss Quantum Physics whilst lying that they’re going to be up at 5am for Paleo-CrossFit hell.
Questions We Could Look At:
* This is the most expensive scientific experiment in history, Europe is broke, we’re looking for the God Particle. It might sound a bit dodgy if you read it in a history book. Right?
* What this time around? Time Travellers from the Future again? Another baguette dropped by a passing bird into their chief Particle Smasher Tubule? I think given the cost of this thing, they HAVE to say they are close to finding the God Particle. I’d be wanting to look busy too. Obviously it would be a massive concern/darkly funny if someone finds a picture of the Large Hadron Particle Collider in a newly unearthed Ancient Mayan Massage Parlour or something.
* WHAT could the “something more exotic” be? A Goddess Particle? Unicorns? Gary?
* Has this re-kindled your interest in the so-called Dark Matter that makes up most of the Universe? It has mine. Occult much?
* Okay, IF they do find the God Particle, clearly the Pope will have to push off and give the God Particle his palace, don’t you think? Unless the God Particle is more Vegan and Pagan and would prefer a giant wigwam by a fantastic beach on decent Ley Lines of course.