To Chase Or Not To Chase A Crab Guy?

Filed in Astro-Query

Ray Caesar

“Hi Mystic,

Okay, so first off, I promised myself I wouldn’t write to you, as I know you have an insane workload and are harassed by crazies more than someone working in a mental hospital, but it’s either you or my love interest, so I’m sorry, I picked you.

I guess I’m just looking for some astro-reassurance… I used to email you about a particular Aqua Man. Now I have my first ever Cancer (I’m Cancer too). I met him at the end of April, and for the last 6 weeks, it has been nothing short of amazing. He’s been keen, constantly contacting, talking about the future (but not in a creepy way) and openly adoring. I’ve fallen hard. Now, I might be jumping the gun a bit, but as of late last week, he’s been a bit distant. Only texting in response to one I sent him, and a very late reply at that (he did apologise though). We were previously in contact 5-6 days out of 7; now I’ve had 2 messages since Thursday. My phone is taunting me with its lack of action. It’s becoming hard to imagine him ever contacting me again.

As an avid reader of all you write, I am aware of the Venus Retro situation, and that I shouldn’t chase, but as I work from home, in a new city where I know only a few people (all of whom work looooong hours), I seem to have a lot of time to get anxious and freak out about this situation and ponder doing crazy things. My last beau (Aqua Man) disappeared without a trace, and I’m TERRIFIED of this happening again. My question is, do Cancer men do this kind of shit? He’s not a commitment phobe; he’s had a few long term relationships and things have moved very quickly between us. Is there a particular Crab Friendly approach I should be taking?

I hope Venus Retro is being kinder to you, wonderful Mystic.

Blessings, The Anxious Crab

PS: I should probably add that my Crab is an Ultra Crab: Sun, Mars, Venus and Mercury all in Cancer! “

My Dear Anxious Crab,

No i am not harassed by crazies more than someone working in a mental hospital lol although i DO get a lot of emails. Generally, you need to either get a consult, glean what you need from the always informative Horoscopes and Oracle OR – if it is as of general interest as your query, have it answered on the blog, albeit flippantly. But then you also get the advantage of the AMAZINGLY sophisticated and know-all site-viewers weighing in.

And really, you seem to be across all this. You meet when Venus was beginning her journey through Gemini and now lo and behold – he is a.w.o.l. with Venus Retro. I mean, you can’t count him in or out till the Venusian Voodoo completes at the end of July.  Crab Guys often LOVE their women on a pedestal though. THINK: Did you say something that sounded too, you know, Humanity?

More: Don’t be terrified. That’s too over the top. All this is actually supposed to be a leisure activity, right? Love, dating, romance, sex, whatever? In fact, i don’t even think he’s doing anything you could describe as “shit”…”Since April” is but a nano-blip of time. He might be busy, he might have thought ‘whoops time to pull back from all this constant contacting/discussing the future with someone i just met’ thing…

He might have someone else and now SHE’s back. And he’s doing multiple Pluto transits. I suggest you do whatever you can to detach from this scenario – if it works out, it works out – emulate your long hours working friends, find some other stuff you like to do apart from obsessing over this Crab Guy and just see how it pans out.Venus gets back to where it was when you met on July 20 – the time of the New Moon in your and his sign…You’ll have a better idea of where this is heading or IF it is anything by then…

Having said all that – yes i have a lot of Air sign energy – and Venus-Uranus – let’s throw this open to actual Cancerians…Should Anxious Crab scuttle over to Crab Guy’s House with a freshly baked apple pie and a wholesome display of cleavage?  In fact, let’s throw this open to everyone. Thoughts? 

 

180 thoughts on “To Chase Or Not To Chase A Crab Guy?

  1. As an ultra crab girl.. please be “authenticity” yourself.. I suppose the male counterpart of my “species” may be happy in the short term with a little eye candy and something warm.. but be deeply feeling and genuinely sensual, don’t play around just because he’s available.. be real, be lovely and be yourself..

    The crab won’t reject you for being different than they are, but they will reject you if you are not true to yourself.. and be real about how you feel about him, don’t tell him something you hope he wants to hear.. tell him the honest way of how you feel, even if its not as in love as he may feel.. oh sure, we can manipulate you with all our feelings, but if it comes down to basics.. no one wants some yes man around.. but everyone wants a true friend and genuine companion.

    :) Be in love.. for what its worth.. because its the sweetest, yet most dear and dangerous thing, isn’t it?

  2. It’s like reading my life. Cancer girl meets Cancer boy who proceeds to fade into a shadow. Situation reverse of yours. Things are amazing (yep, 5-6 out of 7 days getting texts of the “how’s things?” variety) until about six weeks ago…. *poof*.

    And *unpoof* now he’s back.

    He loooooooooves cleavage and apple pie! (Oops, I mean his MOTHER’S apple pie)

    I live in a town where people can ONLY work long hours, if I’m lucky I won’t do a 16 hour day. Work your little freckle off and spend time making friends and establishing your friendships – because your job and your friends will be there for you.

    (But butter up the Crab too, we love sincere flattery and a bit of cheek!)

    • Maybe I should add: being an ultra crab myself (Sun, Venus, Mercury and some random asteroids) passive aggressiveness, insecurity, inability to open up and mixed signals may be rife. Game playing too.

      I’m not a guy though.

      Crab guys I do know: when they fall, they fall pretty hard. Just wait it out. You’ll know if he’s fallen.

      • Ah playing games can be energy consuming.. make it real, play a game and make sure its known as a game.. but still, no wasting energy if you keep it real..

        I’m not saying don’t make the effort.. but just keep it simple.. and let it grow ;)

  3. Be careful what you wish for! Crabs have a dark side. When your done w/ the childishness and cruel jokes you may TRY to walk away. Think again, you cant get rid of them. Picture a crab holding on for dear life. Prying those claws open is no easy task.

    I’m a sun moon taurus i have had my share of crabs. (huh? NO not those crabs)

    • Ugh, I get so tired of the “you can’t get rid of them” comments about Cancerians. We fall hard and we love hard but we’re really not stalkers. We hurt easily and we’re pretty proud. It’s really not that difficult to get rid of us. We leave when we know there’s nothing left to be saved or gained. Hopeless romantics, unfortunately.

      Sun, Venus, and Mercury crab here with Gem Asc and moon.

      Meh, maybe it’s just me– no disrespect skyler rose! :-)

      • There’s probably bad examples of each sign.

        But yeah, I’ve been pinched by claws that do not want to let go before. :( I don’t see why Crab males are so hard to get because I think they stick like glue.

  4. well I just spoke to supercrab who is sun/merc/venus conjunct and he is getting zapped hard!- was talking more hard shell about his boundaries than I have seen him, nearly ever. This had nothing to do with lovers but I am quite sure it would carry over due to the zapping of the QI drinkers of his good free will. If your crab is getting zapped he might be in the same mood, therefore creating space to make the changes in his own shell that the pluto squares will be so mercilessly asking.

    And what of yours? are you getting these squares too?
    I am not a fan of thinking straight down the line in terms of Aqua/Cancer disappear and cling types. My Aqua calls me every single day and sent me 6 emails when we met (gemini moon) sometimes calls me three times , supercrab would disappear on missions and then come back to me. Crabs take ages (the good ones) to come into the hearth properly. You are just going to do your pretty little head in trying to second guess someone you don’t know yet. Assuming he should be emo from the get go from a sun sign is dangerous. In times of hard hearted you must find a creative or productive outlet that only you can satisfy, esp if you are in a new city. Make it yours and create something amazing. I never chase on phones, if you have something to say make sure it’s face to face so you can control the tone. If you can’t say it face to face you probably don’t want to imply it in a message. It’s so important esp from the start that you don’t give this shit all your power. Just plan to be amazing. Rock your own kataka show

    • Double Cancerian (Asc and Sun) with moon in 4th house here. I agree wholeheartedly with all the above. You will know soon enough if he’s fallen. But so what? :)

      In the meantime Crabby, read your poetry books, go to the local Art Gallery or Museum, go for walks by the river, get out fave movies and a bottle of wine (do not text under the influence, btw). Better still, get creative: do something rhythmic with your hands and body- dancing/yoga/swimming are all good. Take guitar lessons .. anything to feed your soul and get the emotions moving (There’s a good book, ‘The Artist’s Way). Write it all out in a journal. You sound good with words and as if you may enjoy creative writing.

      At the risk of sounding like an old fart, there are some fantastic learn to knit you tube videos and patterns out there. You could knit a bright fluorescent stripy scarf that’ll make your eyes bleed :) Find your local knittin’/craft shop – i’ll bet you’ll find lots of kind people from all walks of life, and all ages, who’ll be more than pleased to help you and you’ll get yourself a little community, too.

      Get a pet if you’re able to make that commitment. You could learn how to make vindaloo! Nest up, beautify the home.

      Most of all, find your emotional centre and make it yours, and safe, not something that can be pulled to one side by someone else, then you won’t go on a wobble x

      I hope you build a close,warm, new circle of friends that you can really have a laugh with (your tribe) and also find your creative gift.

      PS Don’t forget to ring your mum :)

      • wow, Min, with Kataka rising, this is just beautiful. If you don’t mind, would love to copy and paste it and use it when the seas get too rough … :)

      • This late Cancerian, with additional early Cancer planets, going through a nasty saturn transit would love to frame this advice and put it on a wall. I, too, need to remember what “feeds my soul”. :D

      • Wow Min – if you weren’t sitting all the way over there & me over here – I woulda thought I wrote that!! :-)

        nice dice, awesome sentiments – KUDOS!!

        xox ;-) xox

  5. Behave like his mother……….he’s looking for Mummy…..I know I’ve lved with one for 13 years……..Usually I find ignoring him does the trick as in getting on with your life and not making him to be the big deal……..Also a tip for when Venus comes back to her senses – Food is a big turn on for him – cooking for him and generally poncing about with seafood in the kitchen – he’ll be a gonner trust me – Good luck xx

    • She’s right. If they haven’t decided there’s nothing left (as a fellow Crab wrote somewhere in here), then ignoring them is like a magNET and they are sort of helpless. So if he’s a bit gun shy, then ignoring him is just what he needs to feel safe (and then piqued with interest). Of course, if he really backs away, I agree with don’t chase. The crabs can don a shell that is like armor.

  6. I think any decent-minded Virgo would give an excellent answer to this question. They somehow have a knack. My instinct would be to say, “I’m not hearing as much from you as I was so I hope everything is ok. If you just need some breathing space take as much as you need. If you need to get something off your chest I am right here and I can take it. Either way, I sure miss your sexy face. XX”

    or something lame like that which would invariably land me in the “You’re single again, loser” pond.

    /so where was I > oh yes, virgos.

      • Relaaaax Pi. Don’t sweat the small stuff eh. OK Ok, rels aren’t small I know, but an impromptu sharing is fine.Lend the same amount of empathy and care to yourself as you would another in this circumstance and don’t get down on yourself up about it all. It’s never as bad as we imagine and it’s perfectly ok to miss someone regardless :)

      • Lol. My *actual* response – after drafting 35,701 messages / rehearsing conversations, and then sleeping on it for a week or so to eliminate the Loser-style options – would probably be to delete his number from my phone, un-subscribe from all of his Facebook updates, and be seen around town having a freaking awesome time without him. and act like I didn’t even notice he had stopped calling. that’s what They advise. It also suits my capricorn moon anyway, since I have an ice-queen facade to maintain, yah.

        • Except going around in town, the list is precisely what I did. I waited for a week – and no contact? I found all the dangling emails, contact information, phone number. Deleted all. Having it all around would make me second guess myself, “was it me? was it something I did?”.Deleting only affirms I respect the other person’s choice of no contact. I too have a Cap Moon..

          • Never feel ashamed of having a warm heart and honesty. If you play games you attract those who play games. If you are warm and honest, and they scurry away they’re not for your. Seriously.

            Don’t EVER forget that ‘lovers are like buses, if you miss the first one there’s ALWAYS another to take you into town.’ But you gotta look for that next bus and take your eyes of the one that passed. That’s the trick. And the advice here is just the ticket to move on.

            Honour your heart.

    • I’m a Virgo and my response to the title of the blog post (before I read the comments’ thread) was: avoid Crab men totally. They’re emotionally whacko, along with Pisces men (who often turn out to be gay, anyway). Crab men do have mummy issues, along with other weird nebulous, emotional, gamey stuff that I just don’t have any patience with. (Cancerians of both sexes also seem to get into lots of Dear-John-style letter-writing, which irrevocably dooms things as soon as it starts, regardless of how ‘legitimate’ the contents should be.)

      But that’s me and my frank and tactless Virgoan advice. I don’t like needy, clingy, wishy-washy, mixed signals-type behaviour. A Crab woman might find the double-crab thing highly romantic and appealing.

      (Btw, Henry VIII was a Crab and look where things ended up!)

  7. um… i’m not a crab and tbh i don’t get them. i am an air virgo! lol. so i am shit at feelings.

    but i second mystic’s rational advice – do what MM says.

    also… it’s tough because i know when i feel someone pulling away, i want to pull them in harder (maybe i *can* relate to crab)… but that then can make the other person pull away MORE. also.. you are still at early days and this is when you want to be showing off your most amazing (but genuine) qualities.

    be authentic either way. show your emotions in a noble way, express yourself and do yourself justice… OR… detach. but please don’t brood, obsess, or anything like that because it makes people do things that are uncharacteristic of them. take action and be bold, or resolve to move on.

    as mystic has already said that now is NOT the time for action… then the other option might be best.

    i hate venus retro tbh… and true to form, last time i tried to make a passionate encounter materialise into something more during a venus retro cycle, it went to shit.

    but i am also getting the irks having met someone amazing in april and then BOOM retro venus, angst, and unresolved sexual tension. i guess the decisions you make now about how to proceed will influence just how it pans out in july. i think lots of strenuous exercise and/or partying with friends is the best medicine. and enjoy the feeling of being adored.

  8. What are the moon signs? I think that makes ALL the difference . I’m a Crab with a Plutonic Virgo Moon and the only semi-romantic experience I’ve had with another Crab was a little bit complicated. Even if he was techincally “free” now, I don’t think I would consider it. He has a Sag moon and therefore needs to grow up. Other than that, I’ve had celebrity obsessions that were fellow crabs, but that’s it. In fact, I think I would only consider being romantically involved with another Cancer if he had a fixed moon or a well supported moon.

    While I haven’t had much courting experience with a Crab, I have had experiences with other water signs and that always ended in heartbreak. They sense my Aries Mars and want me to chase after them/take the initiative but nowadays I’m not even going use my intution for that, I’m just going to completely write it off as apathy. If one couldn’t summon the energy to make plans then they obviously didn’t care enough to begin with.

    To be honest, in regards to your situation: I would wait for Venus Retro to end. We’re being zap zoned like crazy….all the energy has caused me to shut myself off from the world and cut off a few people.

    • Hi SourPatch… As some might suspect from my earlier comment on the Zap Zone post below, I am the Anxious Crab. As for the moon signs, his is Scorp, mine is a disgruntled Aqua who can’t believe how emotional I’m being.

      • Hi CC, w/ Aqua Sun (Kataka rising) it is a strange mix of push me-pull you, pull back-pull forward. Tides in, tides out …. But the tides do come back in. We just need to wait for it. Wait and trust the tides.

      • Crab with a Scorpio Moon…..YUM. Atleast it’s my catnip, having a plutonified moon myself. But both of you having fixed moons is FANTASTIC. In my experience, Crabs with more stable moons (fixed, earth) are better at taking personal responsibility for themselves. In other words: they’re least likely to take you on the emotional rollercoaster ride that is their moods. That isn’t to say they don’t have moods. I suspect this particular Scorpio Moon prefers to brood alone as opposed to making it a public affair.

        Overall I can’t give you a solid opinion on him because Venus is still retro and the zap zone is zapping all us katakas like cray cray. My choice not to chase anymore is based on my experience with crazy Scorpios and Pisceans who prefered my emotional state to be dependent on and attached to them while contributing little in return. I think everyone is right in that you should focus your abundant emotional energy on yourself! Enjoy your new surroundings, and do something that gives YOU joy. Wait for the Venus retro period to end to make any decisions.

        From @Sexstrology: Cancer and Cancer share a rare bond no one will ever understand.

        I do agree with this, when it’s good…..it’s VERY good. But just lay back for a while.

  9. give space! people – men – usually come back… and in the meantime you can think about whether you really miss / want / need him. i’m always depressed the first few days but afterwards, i’m only angry (and with a pluto-run personality like mine, it’s effect is that of a rocket drive…). all the best, and stand firm! after all, you don’t want him to be around for the wrong reasons… pity or pressure etc.

    • oops, didn’t mean to post this entirely anonymously. better with a nom de plume. ;-) i’m scorp with scorp rising btw.

      • Agreed. If he isn’t contacting you and doesn’t have a valid excuse (lost at sea/lost his cell) then move on.

          • Tis true. men are hunters at heart. if they’ve stopped hunting, they have been diverted by someone else or just lost interest (or they are dysfunctional in their approach to relationships…)

            None of the above are great for the woman who’s turned around to realize she’s not being chased anymore.

            Of course, sometimes both men and women back off or wander, then return. Then one has to understand if it’s a pattern with them or not–and we’re back to the dysfunctional possibility again.

            Better to become diverted yourself! Keep finding where your life really is (hint– it’s the stuff that doesn’t fade or turn to mist when you approach it)

    • What they said! Maybe it’s because I”m having oh, about my 27th Mars return in 6 months along with Mars opp my Sun and transiting (again, sigh) my Pluto/Uranus 1st house conjunction, but overnight I seem to have sprouted a pair of steel-capped cojones. SO tired of doing the emotional heavy lifting and having to be the one who ‘decodes’ the bloke’s behaviour. How you handle this will set up the dynamic for the rest of your relationship, if you choose to continue with him. Under no circumstances act like his mother or bake him a pie! I live with a Mars in Cancer guy and the pass-agg is VERY annoying. I have stopped responding to it. Take the time to become who you want to be in the new city, explore, meet new people. Soz if this sounds harsh, it is meant in a compassionate way :) I have been there myself and I feel for you. Good luck xx

    • yup – it is degrading. be with someone who wants to be with you and doesn’t want to let you go.

      leave the ball in his court and see if he comes around. if not, it will hurt but ‘rejection is protection’. and ‘success is the best revenge’!

    • Have you ever heard of Brene Brown and her studies on how people who make themselves vulnerable are the happiest? All of my friends in wonderful relationships are the ones who are willing to put themselves on the line occasionally. Not necessarily ‘chase’, but reach out and make their feelings or needs known.

      • No I haven’t heard of Brene Brown or her studies.

        I’ve got nothing against reaching out and making my feelings or needs known but I’m only inclined to do that after I’ve firmly established that the guy isn’t a complete loser/user/fuqwit type who sucks women in by telling them all the shit he thinks they want to hear with the sole aim of getting into her pants.

        If I were in the situation above, I’d be inclined to watch and wait. If Mr Cancer came back in a week or whatever then I’d find out why the absence, and if it felt appropriate then I’d let him know I missed him deeply/ need more constant reassurance/ whatever.

        If he didn’t come back I’d chalk it up to experience and be glad I didn’t put myself on the line for a spineless piece of shit who was not worthy of my affection. It’s along the lines with the wisdom of not making someone a priority when they are treating you like an option.

        So yes, be vulnerable, but choose wisely whose hands you place your heart in.

      • As someone with venus-neptune exactly conjunct, I live a kindness and sense of vulnerable that I have fought to keep most of my life, but I have to agree with Saturnalien here that if you are that way inclined, you have to be strong on your boundaries in what you invest in. Early dating, venus retro, all this, is a mark of time of review ourselves and our own relationship behaviour with a level of self honesty. That is the haute of it all, even in this crazy Astro, or especially. Haute people manage boundaries, it’s not a case of being vulnerable- falling in love is a vulnerable state, it’s about being wise and having a sense of control about how and when to invest rather than hard hearted. I think the above statement was not to annul any empathy or emotion, more the mastery of self and one’s personal power.

        Also, as someone who is ‘new to town’ and just started dating I have the daunting task of getting my own life in best mode possible whilst dating, that is my real challenge, no matter what I have going on -no net. My moon jupiter square is a constant life reminder to keep correct perspective emotionally. I am taking responsibility for myself above and beyond because if I let this person, with all his best intentions he can’t live up to right now, “take care of me” it will sink the ship. Invest into you getting correctly nested for your needs. It will be your everything.

  10. No, no, no- Crab guys like to be the sweet one, the suffocating one, the emo one. Think about it: Does a Leo want anyone else orchestrating everything and upstaging him? So then why would a Cancer want someone else being touchy-feely?

    She should use the space as an opportunity to meet more people- join a running group, a knitting group, a cooking class, a book club, even a continuing ed class at a local college- whatever it takes to get out of the house at least once a day and interact with people. It’ll put the whole situation in perspective, build her confidence (which is sexy), and then maybe he comes around and maybe he doesn’t, but if he does, he’ll meet someone with outside interests and a vibrant life. And THAT’S attractive to anyone, regardless their sign.

    • Suddenly, I have zero experience with Leo Men and am now slightly addled over a Cancer Rising one. Last night we bonded over Empire Building Ideas via text along with tons of flirting, and he made enough noises to let me know he was impressed.. but I don’t just want impressed, I want the keys to the flipping kingdom.

      Any advice on How To Deal with a Crab Rising Leo?

      Having said that, I am also now emo-morphing into being attractively distracted and dignified – I have my own damn kingdom to attend to. He seems to talk A LOT about boundaries, and not having hang ups that I’m convinced he has issues with both. Generally, the louder the denial, the stickier the issue.

      So far his Moon in Libra has been floored by my scented presence, and his Leo-ness stunned by my Venus in Leo. It is however, now the light of day and things have slowed down. Which is fine, I can give up the battle as long as I win the war. :)

    • Good reply. The girl’s obviously lonely in a new place and new job. It’s a real opportunity to find new friends and a whole new life.

  11. Oh dear! The exact same thing happened to me…I am a cancer with Venus and mars in my gemini and my moon in sagitarius. Bumped into the cancer at the gym with the same birthday exactly and boom! It is a weird dance and so not what I want or need. It is just that a dance. I choose to dance when the mood strikes and if he does as well so be it. I am not worrying about this one. It is pretty awesome in between the sheets though! Cancers are forever in your life. You can define how you want it to end up. I say…just tell him how awesome you are feeling and let him know what you are up to. If he comes out of his cancer cave to dance then you will know just what it is. Cancer cave dwellers visitation or someone who is afraid of your awesomeness. Go rock it cancer girl!

  12. MM’s advice is the best – get on with your life, get over your fear, and – most likely – you’ll see things aren’t as bad as you suspected. In any event – you don’t control his responses to you. You control your responses, your actions. Focus on where you have power, not where you don’t. Besides – wtf should you be worried? Shouldn’t he (and perhaps he will) get back to figuring out how to please/chase you. If not – if he needs to be prodded and controlled and mommied and maintained – do you really want to make that investment?

    Ick.

  13. I’m a Cancer Sun/Venus but with a fair swag of air and fire – especially the mouthy freedom loving Saggo moon so I may not be the best advice giver …. however,

    … my motto is never abandon yourself, your sanity or your inner peace for ANYONE EVER.

    That includes hot he-men during pluto transits and plushy toros with come hither eyes during venus retros (my particular weaknesses) …

    Regroup, reground thyself. Spend your energy on getting to a place where you are accepting of how things are right now. You have zero control over what he is doing or why – and what a waste of time trying to get any.

    Good luck fellow crab … I know the dating scene can be hard on us sensitive crab folk. It’s like we’re not really made for it are we?

  14. I think cancer men are kind of scary to be honest. I see a guy with mars in cancer and I run in the other direction. lol But I am an airy libra.

    My advice: make yourself available but don’t chase. Think of it this way. If someone was chasing you and you weren’t sure how you felt about that person, would you feel more or less inclined to want to be with them? I am not talking about playing games, but make yourself available without hunting him.

  15. I think “be detached” and “never chase” is the technically sound advice that everyone is giving, but you can’t say “be detached” to a poor Cancer woman. They don’t detach, once attached.

    Here is my tactical advice as a Crab Mars and Rising (Libra Sun) married to a Crab man. (Who was difficult and moody and commitment-phobic during the 5 years that preceded our engagement.)

    Yes, Cancer men do this shit, they go into their hole/shell when feeling emotionally overloaded. I wouldn’t make yourself available, I would make yourself UNavailable because the second a Crab thinks he’s losing something he already has, he will be inclined to come out of hiding. What I’d do in this situation is go on a date, or at least loudly hint that I have someone I might go on a date with… true or not. Then again, I’m a Libra. If the manipulative/jealousy route isn’t your style, I think Mystic is right about remaining calm until the new moon and Venus direct. I really don’t think a Cancer man who was so tender with you would ever just disappear like an Aqua would, but I can certainly understand your feelings being bruised from that experience. Hugs!

    • OMG. THIS. YES. Thank you!

      So, I’m Saggo with Scorp Rising and I’m dating a Crab man (first one). (He’s super “logical,” so I’ve been cagey about getting his birth time to find out his rising sign).

      Anyway, it’s been 8 months and felt like *hell* trying to get through the emotional “shell.” He was super-thoughtful, so romantic, an amazing cook, great in bed … I fell head over heels, but cautiously and a bit aloof as past relationship with Scorp (Cancer rising and Pisces Moon) had left me emotionally wrung out.

      Was ready to throw in the towel at about 6 months after feeling like I had no clue who he really was (hopes? dreams? fears? family?) and planned on having a convo about how the relationship was too superficial for me and he must have senses it — because during dinner that night, he literally started talking about his family, etc.

      Things have been good since, until about 2 weeks ago — he went back into the weird emotional shell phase. Somewhat sullen. Less communicative. But I’ve been kind of tracking, and seeing that when he’s got alot of work, stress, etc., he retreats. My inclination is to just leave him the hell alone and go on about my business, but it actually activates some self-esteem issues with me in the long run.

      Was planning to tell him: Hey, I get that you deal with things differently than I do (I’m an emotional blabbermouth, can’t you tell? :-D) but it would be helpful to know when you’re in a weird place — that it’s not about me. Jessica, do you think that’s useful? Or should I just continue with detaching when he detaches?

      I love him. And part of me thinks he’s life partner material. But part of me is like … I need emotional openness and consistency to thrive.

      • Hi AstroGeek– my Kataka husband is Saggo Moon/Rising. You’d’ probably be perfect for each other! :P Sorry! Taken! Haha. I liked your example about how he “sensed” you were thinking negatively about the relationship and then piped up about his family. That is classic Kataka Man. I don’t know if the women do this, I really only have experience with the male variety.

        It sounds like you are actually really successfully reading him (where’s your moon? You must like a challenge, like I do) . I think what you are saying is more about your self-expression, what you need to be clear about in the relationship, which is totally legit. Saying what you suggested is unlikely to change how he communicates with you though. No matter how many times I have launched a campaign about open conversation with my husband, it has never changed his Crab communication in the slightest. Not one bit. He never says anything. I have simply developed my reading skills and gotten less insecure about his silence. They’re not very good at describing “when they’re in a weird place” because I don’t think it seems that way to them.

        I don’t think you need to feel the burden to “detach”– it’s fair to have an emotional reaction to whatever he does, you’re in the relationship too. I think if it makes you feel better to say that, do it! Then he will understand better what you’re about. Maybe you can put some of your Saggo to good use by spending the down time larking about with your friends (and you know, Sag-style, even male friends that are totally pals but might secretly consider themselves suitors).

        If you solve the openness problem, let me know because I can always use tips. :P

  16. of all the things i can say about most Crab guys that is good, they are VERY OBVIOUS if they like you. It can feel like the sun is shining on you or if you are me, a microscope is focused on you. So let him be the one to seek you out in general (Venus rx be damned). Be available, touch base with him occasionally to let him know you are out there, but do not chase. They won’t respond to the ignoring thing like Aqua Menz will, so don’t do “fake ignoring”. They will think you hate them or are psycho. Crab Menz have their way if life is too stressful of retreating into their shell for a bit (without you). He might be doing that.

    • I don’t know– fake ignoring worked like a charm with my Kataka. He was so tuned into it, he’d call me up out of the blue just as I had resolved IN MY MIND to ignore him.

      • Maybe your guy had some other planets, but I find most Crab men sticky. I don’t see how they are hard to have in the first place. :( The fact that a girl is worried about their Crab Man not being around does not bode well…

        • Yes, my Kataka man has Sag Moon/Rising so that had something to do with his disappearances. Regardless, I find all Crabs retreat and go into silences at times.

          • I am leo scorpio moon signing rising sign leo . I have fallen for a cancerian male , At first it was magic , swept me off my feet then he backed away , go quiet then we will text and it feel good again you know like you know it should be without knowing why you feel it , then he go quiet and then sometimes i text and he doesnt acknowledge it other times he will this has been going on now for over 9months . I do want to explore the posswith him and know him more, he texted me over a week ago and said I will always wonder ? that doesnt sound like he hate me Im confused to know how to handle it , I will he would stick like glue but he step forward step back so do i stay or just give up ??

    • Thanks EEL, this advice rings really true to me… I have felt the sun shining on me for the past 6 weeks, but the last few days have been weird.

    • That is SO true about the sun shining when a Cancer’s interested.

      This Scorp sun/moon Sagg found it a bit alarming though. I prefer the dark… :)

  17. Holy Urania, is this THE season for Crabs Losing Their Sh*T?? Love all the advice here and ironically, am dealing with a Crab Rising Leo (yes La Leo) with his Moon in Libra, Mars in Cancer and Venus in Virgo. Plus he has a bunch of 4th house placements.

    Being a Crab myself, am going to go with Jessica’s tres true observation on how “detach” is not exactly in the Crabby M.O. – and I say this even while having an Aqua Moon. Perhaps think more “ALLOW” (same effect, different perspective), generally Katakas can get with any program which honors their all loving nature. And it’s less painful to think of when by allowing you are giving, no?

    But also ALLOW yourself to be however you feel about this. You have just as much a right to occupy your emotional space in this. It’s in the muck of the chaos you’ll find the precious pearl of power that will help your little Crab heart to shine. Yes, don’t chase – attract. There’s a difference.

    You don’t have to hold back from contact but perhaps be a bit more circumspect in reaching out based on who and where YOU are – would you really want to extend your soft, beautiful heart to someone who’s not asking for it? Even if that’s just right now? To me that could smack of insisting – and therefore, denying my loved one the space to grow.

    I reckon your Crab Man just needs time to be sooky on his own, it’s not a good look and he likely doesn’t need an audience. I also agree with Alter Ego, game playing’s not good because enlightened crabs will suss out where you are, and I do not know of any crab of any gender who is unappreciative of authenticity.

    DO NOT baby him, or do anything that may imply this – at least not until the right moment. Crab Men are particularly conscious of how emotional they are inside and they carry the same fear of exposure as we do. Except you can add having their manliness questioned on top of that. So you could be going all tender and they’re thinking, she thinks I’m weak or have hang ups or can’t stand up for myself. Insane I know but true.

    Lastly, How to Flush A Crab from his/her Cone of Silence. You didn’t mention your Crab Man’s Moon, so I’m relying on his ultra cancerian aspects here. The one amazing thing about Crabs is that we generally do not despise emotion or need, we know, we LIVE THERE. So if you posit a need or an emo appeal to your crab – as long as it done honestly, sans blame or manipulation, he will likely get over himself to come to the rescue. Yes, I am saying that we do have latent savior tendencies but we take this as our gift and our burden.

    We understand our presence in anyone’s life is making a difference – even if that difference isn’t friendly to how we want things to actually be. I’ve had Crab Men fall for me over time – after they’ve had a chance to trust me through observation.

    Oh and one more thing, remember the power of your own Crab Emotions. We power the ether, so we often communicate without words and we can connect to all around us. You may be apart and silent, but if your Crab has taken you in, you are always there with him. And that my love, is a big thing. xxx

        • Totally agree. If you end up being the one who makes next contact, be compassionate to yourself though. Be careful. it is too common to have multiple relationships on the go.

          Don’t text unless its about practical stuff e.g. I am 10 mins late. Texts are just words on a screen, very easy to send and are not a good indication of a person’s intent or integrity int he early stages. And that goes for you too.

      • You’re welcome – and wow, we have the same moon. If yo man is Moon in Scorp, have you considered the possibility that he is just Scorping you?? i.e. seeing how long you can stand it before you come a-hithering and testing whether or not you have a life?

        Moon in Scorp can also bring the highest highs, and lowest lows..so maybe this is just the other extreme of him being openly adoring. Just a thought.

        As for your question about NOT chasing leading to a slow yet sure death, I agree – but I don’t think you can treat every situation similarly. And let me distinguish, there is chasing i.e. where are you, pay attention to me, and there is stating i.e. hi, so you’ve dropped off the face of the earth – happy travels, I’ll miss you but I’m bound for a planet full of Mars he-hunks too. See you round the space station!

        You get my drift. Personally there’s a point I get pissed off when a lover’s taking up too much emotional and mental real estate, without actually being THERE. Blame is pointless and trying to talk when clearly something (not necessarily you) is being avoided puts all the burden of resolution on you.

        My thought is, no one is the single sainted custodian of the relationship but it begins to feel like you when you’re left alone long enough. And sometimes guy kinda count on that.

        Solving Us is IMO, not a productive paradigm at this stage, whereas Solving Myself is. Understand that both of you are taking risks by how you own each part of this..and he needs to deal with the consequences of his, if you get sick of it. And you will get sick of it.

        I love how humbly you owned your part in extending yourself in the new city and I’d like to sweetly remind you that being New is a total aphrodisiac! As a fellow Cancerian I can tell you that adoring someone is like having them in my blood, not easy to extract. Still, it is a handy and very necessary life skill to be able to move one’s body while one’s heart may yet linger. You may love him, but he is not the start and end of you – and perhaps you need reminding with a coterie of new admirers? xx

        • Hmm, I never knew Scorps did that… is it a kind of shit test, so to speak (sorry)?

          Everything else you’ve said is so thoughtful and really, thank you. You’re very right in terms of needing to Solve Myself. I know that’s the main issue here; it’s just so scary when you find something that you don’t want to lose. xx

          • Yes, although we don’t always do it consciously! Sometimes a tiny detail has aroused our suspicion and we wait for things to become clearer. My lovely Virgo bf/ Sagg rising – he wasn’t my bf then – once congratulated me on my birthday one day early (because he couldn’t do it ON my birthday, as he was travelling) and I didn’t respond for a month! Then he innocently asked whether anything had happened or whether he had annoyed me, I told him about my superstition and that I thought it lazy to congratulate me a day early, he was shocked that he’d triggered this reaction when he only meant well, vowed never to do it again and we’ve been quite happy since then… ;-) Became a couple almost immediately after that. So maybe just ask, is everything fine? Scorps do power-sulking, you know, sometimes even professionally… hihi.

        • Haha.. I’m glad you chimed in Charley.

          Ah look, I know how hard it is to let go of something as rarefied as a potential soul mate but this is mid-story and Katakas are incredibly strong, despite the sook advertising.

          Personally am finding relief in the Gemini Moon, and sort of going, Leo, what Leo?

          Ya am still obsessing myself but also reckoning with the fact that really if La Leo was that interested am SURE he can do something about it.

          Btw, footnote on the disappearing Aquas.. mine don’t disappear. They do go off planet but man, I can’t shake mine. That being said I am also very coldly ignoring him which is like their foreplay. Grr.

          • coldly ignoring Aquas is like foreplay…. hahaa FA. i know right, you do your best to shut some people down but instead it ends up driving them wild.

    • Absolutely genius advice! I highly recommend the OP taking fallen angel’s words to heart. I only wish I’d had such calming encouragement when I was totes freaking out over my own Kataka man’s incommunicado periods.

      All too true about the Cone of Silence and Crab Emo and the part about overstating bad boy tendences. Brava!

  18. Was married to a Crab for 16 yrs. He made his intention clear from the get go but did say (I think to throw me off a bit) that we would “have fun” until he went to visit in Iran.

    Then I got a phone call from the other side of the world asking what kind of ring I wanted, silver or gold. He never really proposed actually.

    • And I don’t advise ever chasing a man…ever…

      Was reading the book awhile back “he’s just not that into you”..Guy said men will go after what they want because that is what men do. I think regardless of what sign it is innate. Patti Stanger of Match Maker Millionaire said men are hunters..

      One of my co-workers kept trying to push me to go knock on the Toro’s door. I was like you have to be kidding…

      So I knock, we fuq and then what? No thanks. lol

      • yeah the only problem with that theory is that I’m an innate hunter myself. If i don’t chase, i will never appreciate and therefore stray. It’s guaranteed!
        But if guys are hunters, how do gay men ever get together then if they both need to hunt? How do lesbians get together if no one will do any hunting?

      • My, what an interesting discussion here.
        Readings from more than one intuitive reveal that I am working on my masculine side (female here) in this lifetime. Truth is, I have an aspect that books mention is masculine for a feminine chart.
        So, I hunt, sure. Men I have approached in the past found it refreshing, but they were not Cancer men. I do know Scorp Moons crave depth and complexity.
        Good luck

    • Good point. We DO falsely advertise nonchalance as a smoke screen. Though this doesn’t mean we can’t out-slut the best of them. Rule of thumb, if a Crab Person is telling you they’re the Bad Boy Type, do verify via their actions – it’s likely they’re not as bad as they say they are.

      Because those of us who are, definitely do not say so. You know, the better to eat you with :)

  19. I was reading on some sight that signs of the same make up shouldnt be in a close relationship, because it will always drain the partner, even when said things seem to be going fine,

    Everytime im around my own sign i do feel this. Other aquas can only reaffirm what i already feel, which is great. But for a evolving complex relationship, it does seem to make sense, it was almost like doing an aquarian south node type deal..

    There great as friends but i learned i do not want to be ina urber close relationship with peeps of my own sign…

    • From the pathways to ascension website.

                                   An intimate relationship with another CANCER means inability to recharge each other’s energy field.  There is a tendency to blend and “act as one element.”  Unless there are other strong energizing elements present, there can be a slow starvation of the nervous system.  Conflict need not be present.

      I have found this true being close to aqua peeps that i had a relationship with.

      • You could always consult Mystic to see if you have strong energies, but a general rule of thumb would be to wait for another sign rather than one of your own, unless this thing just goes sweepingly well.. Even more suspect if it does, i would find out if you guys wont follow the pattern above.

        • This is interesting…thanks for sharing. I CANNOT date other Geminis….it’s like it’s impossible to make an emotional connection. Have had amazing sex with a few though….:)

          • I would never in a bazillion years date another Pisces! I can only imagine the chaos. Not to mention the wine bill.

            • Am a Leo and have spent a year and 5 years with two different Leo’s. We are still friends. While I prefer a different sign for the learning, I really enjoyed all the Sun. It was very homey. Sun sign path is only one thing, nodes and venus/mars plus houses are totally important imo.

  20. Ok so this EXACT, exact same scenario just happened to me only with a Capricorn. Been ‘dating’ since the end of April, long distance for extra complications. I spent the whole weekend freaking out and wailing to my friends, turns out he was having a work/money/life freak out and perhaps just couldn’t accommodate me at the same time this early on. He was busy, I wasn’t so had more time to fixate on in it (in true Scorpionic style), things are back to normal (which is actually totally abnormal for me, I’m still adjusting to so much attention).

    I also find it REALLY hard to just let it go and flow at this stage, I’ve been giving this situation as much space as possible knowing it’s Venus RX but it’s easy to get carried along when something feels good. Hopefully it’s just a blip, for whatever reason and he’ll be back. I dated a Crab for 7 years and he was very consistently loyal BUT prone to pulling back into his shell quite literally and not very good at talking about how he felt.

  21. Someone earlier said that Crabs are all over that if they think they’ve lost what they [at least thought they] had. Agreed – available but visibly going on about your life. Now, I don’t know if you do social networking or anything, but things like facebook are a great place to do this: Contrary to popular belief, updating LESS is best, as if you’re updating it left and right all the time about how awesome your life is and how happy you are, you’re clearly at the opposite end of that. Change your profile pic to something non-descript, update maybe once a week if you must, but have your FRIENDS post things instead of you. But this is, of course, only if you go the route of things like facebook.

    If we’re just talking in general, then still – the less you talk to/update him on anything, the better. But still, the friend route still applies if you can – but only after another week of not hearing much from him. Like, say, this weekend, when you’re out with the girls? (Look cute/sexy but definitely NOT easy.) This is a gamble on his feelings for you, as if he genuinely attached himself to you he’ll start prodding – though depending on his Mars, his maturity, or any possible bad blood between you, expect it to be behind-the-scenes at worst, asking your friends at best – or, miraculously, asking YOU. (Don’t know if y’all got to the “meet my friends” stage or anything, but you get it.)

    Oh, and plan on it probably taking a while until he feels safe that bad blood’s been given time to pass between you two before he feels safe enough to contact you. Cancers tend to not like admitting fault, or having to own up to it, and in my experience will avoid facing having to deal with emotions/emotional responses they’ve worked insanely hard at quelling down and trying to forget. They do NOT like tying up loose ends, preferring to just wistfully sigh afterwards and going, “What if.” But if it’s real, sometimes they wish they were brave enough to ask you directly.

    Experience: Cancer Sun/Moon/Jup, V in Toro, Mars in Aries.
    Me: Total Ramzilla! (S/M/V/Merc, Mars in Twins)

  22. From experience, crab on crab action is best avoided. Sure, he talks all sweet and “the future” at the beginning, but those walls go up as soon as he feels like it’s getting too serious or you are too “in” to them too soon. The whole, “I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me” issue is a male crab thing. If you want him, step back and make him chase you. But you are probably best finding a well-adjusted (hah!) Scorpio or some one with the compatible mars/venus thing going on in his stardust.

  23. I have a moonie and mars crab guy, they retreat and then full on, retreat, full on, can drive you nuts. Also they process things SLOWLY, more I found than most men which is SLOW.
    He’s done the exact same recently lol but I’ve seen this before in him and we did have a shock external event.
    Think crab with shell (I’m a crab) we peek out, all looks great we scuttle over and HOLD on, one little thing (you may never know with the guy crabs) can make the shell snap SHUT.

    Good luck, we are moody as hell but we’ll worth it

      • FA you’ve just described my love life for the past 20 years with work-obsessed Caps!! … Come on universe, bring me a man who isn’t born in the first fortnight of January, lol

      • haha.. glad to know it’s not just me..Cappos have amazing bed work, humor and are fantastically giving but you’d have to find a way to break them out of the Fortress of Solitude..seriously.

        Or get on the Board of Directors of Capp Corp so you can get a bit more attention.

          • Double Cappy Kung Fu Master from yonks ago saw me at the laundry mat doing my knickers (circa 200/1)…He said “I remember those”.

            He then (four years after I broke up with him) went on to apologize for being an idiot.

            He was dropping his laundry at the mat to have them do it by the way…

            I was doing my laundry at the mat as I did not have a washer and dryer for four years…

            Not sure how much that makes sense but his apology did mean something…I noticed a pattern with the men in my life…They always somehow came back around and said “sorry”..

            Cept my Kataka ex…I divorced HIM and still he said that I had a heart of gold..

            I will always care and respect him deeply for the good man he is…Virgo Moon a little out there sometimes but a good man..

            • Know why they came back around and said “sorry”..

              Because I have Venus opposite Neptune…

              I love unconditionally and put up with alot of shit.

              As an Aries that might be nearly unheard of but there comes a time…

              When the Saturn in me must set boundries.

              That is when there is hell to pay for both them and me. x

        • FA, don’t know about you but in my experience I’ve found Caps love structure, generally, so a decent follow-me-home-stiletto-plus-1940s-former-fascist-regime-underwear combo will persuade them to reprioritise their to-do list :)

          • Totes taking notes Chrysalis.. the one I had got way freaked by the vibe, disappeared then came back a YEAR later to apologize.

            I’d have gone with the 40′s former fascist regime look a la Greta but he already hyperventilated when I just had a basic black set on..which is not a testament to my hotness, but more the fact that I’m not “normal fare” for him.. tee hee

            • lolol
              The apology would be so like a Cap. They do like to finish what they start, and they’re so honourable :)

  24. PS mars in crabby guys have very strong female archetypes that you must be, nurturing but not motherly, sexy but not slutty, whorish but virginal, smart and independant but adoring, etc it goes on

    • omg they DO. though all crabs do this, ESPECIALLY if they have a lot of water – specifically kataka – in their chart. taurus venus+aries mars = aggressive to get in bed but then aggressively passive once they’re in it. cancer with leo venus = they want a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets; wear something conservative with hidden lingerie… when they realize your panties are leopard print with red lace trim, congrats because you’re in forever. add to that aries mars, and you get a chivalrous knight who will rip you apart as soon as the door closes – prepare for that. (actually, all men w/aries mars do this, regardless of sun sign.)

      kataka mars will WANT all of these things, but they’ll never really ask for it outright. (do you know, as a ramzilla, how freaking annoying it is to have a cancer mars brag to you how he’s snagged a girl (you) who likes it crazy, but he is INCAPABLE of doing that himself, even though he likes to think you-on-top is kinky? omg kill me, never again. as soon as i quietly suggested something different, it was all “ugh, well i don’t know about THAT.” again, NEVER AGAIN.)

      now add a cancer sun with aqua moon and his NN in your loaded 7th house (Saturn/Uranus/Neptune), his chiron on your sun, and your chiron on HIS sun, his saturn on your mars, & his neptune on your desc… ugh. it’s so karmic, but we live in different countries. (we met while he was here on business.) then have your ex begin to passively peak into your life on occassion, which you aren’t supposed to know about, and i am REALLY feeling the zap zone building.

      must… dance…

      • OMG leopard skin with lace? RED lace with leopard
        skin? Double OMG!
        signed the lingerie fashion police.

        Besides Kataka men would prefer crepe de chine, silk or satin of a pale shade with lace preferably
        in a 30′s style camisole & french knickers or short slips with suspender belt and cream lace tops stockings peeking out.

        • supercrab did not give a shit about lingerie, he was happy with a good bra and nude- much to my disappointment. I have a wonderful stocking and suspender collection and it did not matter. Just loved skin and to be close- gutted

          I have finally found an appreciative audience in the Aqua for my fetishes.

          • TO BE FAIR, the leopard/red lace was worn while with the kataka w/leo venus & aries mars. So, nice fabric for cancer sensibilities, leopard fo his leo, and red for his mars. it turned out to be one of my better happenstances. (trust me, he approved of the cut and the contrast of it against my skin ;) ) he also preferred neutral day look, but wanted sexy underneath. class and all that.

            kataka with toro venus and aries mars = I had to DRAG him away from lingerie stores every time we went out, all he wanted to do was pick out something tight and lacey, have me wear it, then proceed to go all sex goddess on him. this almost never worked the way he wanted, as for some reason when i’m pressured to conform, i rebel – something he never understood.

            kataka with venus in twins and mars in cancer = cotton. only cotton. no granny panties, but if the fabric was anything other than cotton it was all “ugh, i don’t like how that feels.” and NO variety in bed.

            … i really need to start sleeping with different signs…

        • So annoying when they don’t care much about the wrapping non? But hello, every man has a thing.

          Ex husband the Nebulous Cancerian liked tight gym outfits, anything that basically made you look like a sausage he was on board with – I didn’t much care for that. The Adulterous Toro had a school uniform mandate vis a vis Sexy Librarian.

          The WHU is into beach wear but is a bit odd to be prancing about the house in a rash guard & bikini bottoms. The Double Libran Ex basically enjoyed anything that was Very Lady – but Hades forbid should anything be ever so slightly translucent and he’d be in a fit for the rest of the day.

          Unfortunately, all my costuming opportunities were only ever explored during the Dark Arts of the Sewer i.e. Cat Woman, Officer Friendly, Nurse Feel Good, Doctor Do Everything, etc.

          • I’m glad there are men out there who don’t go for the wrapping because I couldn’t be bothered with it myself.
            As long as the sex is great who cares about the wrapping. And it’s freakin expensive as well.
            When a guy’s really into you, he’ll think you look sexy washing the dishes or doing something mundane. It shouldn’t be restricted to the bedroom

            • Of course. It’s important to have what you value in common.

              I know this is not the place to discuss the actual meaning of fetish, nor are mine restricted to just this, but its hardly me dressing up for them for approval.

              Natural expression of self is the key x

          • For sure. We had other great things to share, and bonding around that is the point yes, but a fetish is not an interest so of course I was miffed. It was just that thing of click and then clack. Amusingly though his basic astro layout did defy all sterotyping.

  25. And check out your basic compatibility Mars Venus moon etc it will totally break your heart if there’s not a platform there, they really get you these guys…very romantic, carIng, attentive

  26. Keep Busy Baby,
    Can you get out for runs/walks/exercise to tire your body out ? a local indoor pool to swim it out….i would be doing anything to keep myself distracted…invent a new mantra, be kind to yourself..x

  27. Hi everyone… I would love to reply to each of you individually, but so many of you have sent kind words and advice that it would take forever! I am indeed the Anxious Crab. Thank you all so much for contributing to my quest to understand a beautiful Crab man.
    Lots of you have recommended getting more a life in this new city; you’re undoubtedly correct and it is something I need to work on. Being a Crab, I’m finding being away from my family especially difficult right now.
    Also, for those who wondered about our Mars/Venus compatibility: his Mars conjuncts my Venus within 1 degree, my Mars in Scorp trines his Venus.
    Also, his Moon is Scorp and mine is Aqua. In case anyone was interested ;) xoxo

    • Hello Lovely,
      I was just thinking, as this is a new town/city for you, maybe try googling ‘interesting things to do in…..’, or search ”trip advisor” or even atlas obscura, that way you can keep yourself busy, and find cool new places to visit once senor katakan comes back from under his shell.

      The Katakan/Cancerian women I know are also the bravest i know – once they make that first step out there into the wilderness, then they seem to find their feet and off they go tracking down best bars/museums/art galleries/cafes/soup kitchens/libraries/restaurants/markets/walks/hidden tracks/ the works … xx treat yourself to an adventure ! xxx

  28. Mystic recommended the great book Why Men Marry Bitches in a consult. The book echoes a lot of what’s being said here. Not chasing, knowing thy self, keeping your dignity etc. as a crab moon & rising it was a great attitude adjuster. Good for dealing with all males & their horseshit lol

    • My problem with ‘no chasing’ is that sometimes it’s allowed situations to peter out with no real conclusion. Not that chasing would have resulted in a healthy, mutually giving relationship, but it would have given me closure.

      Also, I think it’s a little unfair to lump all men together, but by and large I get what people mean.

      • I can relate to that CC. But it’s mostly about my own need to control.

        I find that thinking about what is respectful to the guy helps to dissipate these urges. If he wants to talk to you and develop things he will do so; to force someone into that if they don’t want to is not honouring their freedom to choose. Let him reveal himself to you and find pleasure in that mystery.

  29. I would LOVE to give another sweet Crab-Man a try! (ok, make that a non totally mental one anyway…)
    I used to explain them so – one step towards you – one step back. Make a bold play, freak, then scuttle back in retreat to think about it…etc etc.
    Sigh
    Scorpio slayers….

  30. A man chases a woman until she catches him?
    The hunter gets captured by the game?

    The man has realised he came on to quick too fast and is now
    assimilating it all….grokking it if you will.
    Purchase Margot Anand’s The Art of Sexual Magic or The Art of Sexual
    Ecstasy and put it on the coffee table. You will then have the full set of
    Derwents, 72 colours instead of 12.

    You WILL see him again, sweat the Big-stuff not the Small. Read nothing mainstream about relationships dating & men.
    Angel mentioned his Scorp Moon = his emotions, serious but secretive.
    Don’t question him and when you see him don’t mention his absence.
    He understands emotions more than many men don’t let yours trip you up.

  31. Seems this situation is the classic male/female push/pull dynamic. A situation I have no idea how to negotiate. Can only empathise because still in the dark. If anyone ever figures this out let me know. Am sure alot of us would be eternally grateful. Good luck CC.

  32. As a crab dealing with direct pluto/uranus zapping on my sun at the moment, is it possible the distance can be explained by the crab trying to deal with these energies??
    I know I’ve had to have WAY more alone time and down time than usual at the moment to deal with pluto opp my sun – to the detriment of some close relationships

  33. Ok I’m a Pisces and I once fell disgustingly hard for a Cancer male and he did the SAME THING. I was in college and we were perfect for about a couple of months and then spring break happened and “poof” he was gone. It was horrible especially because I couldn’t understand why! Well, anyway turns out he had Venus in Gemini and- yeah-a wandering eye. So be careful! Im not sure if the Venus placement is what caused this, but I’ve never met a more cruel person and I have dated my fair share of Saggittarius and Aquarius men before that. Not that there is anything wrong wih Saggs and aqua men I mean they’re wonderful to look at and talk to heh heh

  34. Oh, boy. Painful. Been there, done that, and got so desperate I purchased a copy of Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. My experience? If you want to feel like this regularly, make excuses for him – based on his astro, or that dick John Gray, or blind hope – and yeah, maybe he will come back, for a bit. Ugh.

    • Vuldaen, am sure we all read your short but sweet note, I’m no personally a proponent – by the time I get mean I’m literally harsh, but can I ask if this is from a gay or straight perspective?

      I’m curious to know what a man thinks.

  35. have been thinking/studying this lately, attachment styles – the three types:

    A) insecure avoidant (the baby, the adult, the human, who doesn’t want to cling the parent/lover, indifferent and lack of delight at point of reunion)

    B) secure (protests vigorously at parent/lover, actively searches for them during their absence, intense delight at reunion) (altho, at adult version of this, i think we would hope less ‘protesting and searching’ and more trusting)

    C) anxious-ambivalent (distress at departures of parent/lover, but reunions bring no joy ..)

  36. I am surprised at all the ‘don’t chase’ advice. When it feels right it can be okay to chase! My advice would be to chase as you wish but don’t dump your emotions on him as that is a little rude.

    Have Merc, Venus & Saturn in Cancer and I have chased a Cancerian Man to positive effect in the past.

    • Also I find there is a lot of generalising about ‘men’ in this post. Really I understand that many have been hurt, but that is no other man’s problem but your own to transmute. And I get that one shouldn’t chase if it is going to set the wrong tone long term etc. but some guys need a bit of encouragement and are very vulnerable.
      Only you can judge in the moment. Rules are crap.

        • Duh. My point exactly. It is NOT a rule. Why not try being an INDIVIDUAL? What are these generalisations? It’s disrespectful to the self and others all this fitting people into boxes. Treat ‘em mean etc. so passé. Be a courageous, loving person, not a gender specific unable to think or act without checking a Rule Book sheep.

  37. Mystic gave solid advice, definitely do not chase. I don’t care if th e guy is Cancer, Aquarius, or Alien. There is a great book by Natalie Lue called Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. She writes about a type of Mr. Unavailable called the Future Faker. He sells you on an amazing future together, makes promises he can’t keep (and makes these promises WAY too early in the relationship, bordering on inappropriate). Then, once he reels you in he disappears. Actually, the Cancer guy sounds like the Aqua guy who disappeared. Yes, the astro is weird right now and things are super flakey, but that does not excuse this type of behavior. There are a million warning signs in your email Anxious Crab. I think you’re better off cutting ties. Venus retro is great time to analyze your own “relationship behavior” and make some changes. Good luck and be strong!

  38. The awful experiences I’ve had this year involved cancerians???? Are they alright? They say how you treat others is a reflection of how you feel about yourself….

  39. My crab-man experiences have been some of the worst in the zodiac so I can’t offer comfort, only harsh realism. The moodiest sign of the zodiac can be amazing when you’re what they believe they famcy but when their fancy shifts they are equally passionate about making an escape… and don’t expect any explanation as they’re too caught up in the drama of their own hearts to stop & analyze things! Analytical types like u deserve a nice earth or air sign who can talk u thru their actions.
    This ain’t a diss but I laughed knowingly when I read the quote above: “The crab won’t reject you for being different than they are, but they
    will reject you if you are not true to
    yourself.” What better way to sum up the manipulative way that a playboy crab can turn facts around & make himself look like prince charmin while acting the cad! ‘I haven’t been fickle m’dear, but I can see that by staying with me, you’d be untrue to yourself’. Gag. that kinda talk is why I stay far away from crab dudes.
    Disclaimer: all crabs are NOT all alike & playboys are cads no matter what their sign. I hate to say it but this cancer sounds like he falls into that category. Shame!
    Oh & pleeeze take the advice above: never never chase a man! bad for your sanity!

    • I had an experience with a Crab man recently. If I wasn’t already turned off by his Venus in cancer I definitely would have when I saw his comments on Facebook. He’s an artist/photographer/writer and dedicated an article to his mum – “this one’s for my mum… Love you mumma”. Mumma!! :shock: ewww *puke* Nothing wrong with appreciate your mother but “mumma” !!. Isn’t that what you call your mum when your 5?!

  40. Never chase after anyone but especially during a Venus transit. Cultivate your own garden and stay rooted. Come August scurry on toward what grabs you about the truthfulness of the situation. Time to break old ways of being. Apple pie and cleavage don’t bake it anymore. Time for the whole person to show up.

  41. I’d say let him go; in my experience, crabs always come back (eventually).

    And is it just me, or are cancer/cancer rising peeps always gorgeous?!

      • Haha well I don’t know what it is, but the past 4 or 5 most recent guys I’ve been with were all cancer/cancer rising (or cancer moon) and they’re really just beautiful people. Emo with weird, ambivalent relationships to home, but beautiful. :p

  42. JEEZ LOUISE I READ THIS TOO LATE!!!!!! i just had the same situation with my aries rising mars cancer/4th house who is out of town, i freaked…turned out he was in a mood. hiding and eating cereal.

    also sometimes when someone is out of town, they’re just busy and out of town. its a whole new groove, and the more laid back types are like “what’s the big deal? i have to talk to you EVERY DAY?”

    and if someone is in a weird mood they probably will doubly NOT want to speak on the phone. they SHOULD at least give you some head’s up…

  43. very interesting reading all these insightful comments…

    i haven’t dated for 25 years, lol ! *omg, am i still human?* Venus in Aqua, a flower on a very distant planet indeed :)

    had a long term rel and nearly, finally, sorted out all that complicated saga out. i won’t talk about that now except to say i stay in a lot to keep myself out of trouble.

    so i was thinking, like Min and Fallen, and so many said above, have your own life, be responsible for your own happiness, put the excitement in your own life by finding what you love to do, that comforts you, and makes you feel good and alive. have awesome friendships. get appliances, lol. i have venus square neptune, and after what i’ve been through, i just want to stay sane, i believe, that i can do that now, if i remain consciously aware and appreciate my own life, and hard won independence and sanity. oh the lessons we learn :)

    • final thought, love and romance is not a rational process, so at least i can aim to keep ‘my’ life that way, even tho i do so look forward to my future, know there’s a few interested in me already and feel good about myself and my looks etc :)

      i do like Creatrix’s ideas too :)

  44. Hello everybody, I really need your advice on this. I am a cancer female myself and dating a cancer guy. He is the most strange and moody person I have ever met. He says he loves me, but then out of sudden he can get really quiet and dont say anything. Sometimes I just really dont get him, he likes the attention of all the girls around him and cant stand when someone rejects him. Why is this so important to him if he has me as his gf and says he loves me. He chased me for a lot of time before I became his gf and in the beginning our relationship was like a fairytale… everything was just so perfect… he said he had never felt that way and that i mean a lot to him. But as the time passes he sometimes gets very strange and distant… he still likes the girls attention and when something is wrong he wont tell me, he is a very closed person. One day he opened up to me and told about his past and a lot of stuff about himself.. than the next day he was acting very strange and distant.
    Yesterday he told me how much he loved me again after a perioud of fights and being distant… (I was angry with him cause he was flirting with other girls so I was pretty cold with him).. than after that I asked him do you know how much time weve been together now, its a test i said lol he was like hmm.. maybe 2 months? so he was not sure.. I got angry again like you dont even remember that.. he than out of the sudden acted strange and got distant again… Ugh.. I wish I could know what he is thinking sometimes… Now he doesnt call me neither texts me after that… he got quiet again.
    Having a relationship with him is like a rollercoaster… it gets sometimes depressing… but I still love him and as a cancer myself I have difficulties letting him go… Does he simply NOT value our relationship? shall I let him go?

  45. I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr ATILA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is atilahealinghome@yahoo.com

  46. I have been casually dating a Cancer man off and on for going on three years. He is self absorbed and does not care about how I am when he pulls his disappearing acts. I think i triggered the behavor shortly after we met. He couldnt get enough of me and I worked late so he would come by late at night and we would hang. On this occasion he was really drunk and wanted me to get him some food at Waffle House. But he kept saying ” Baby dont you love me” ” Get it for me baby” ” You know you love me” I stared at him in silence. I left and came back with the food he was sleeping. I woke him up he ate and went back to sleep. But things were never the same after that. He gradually started to disappear at first short periods more recently long after I argued with him. Really I went off on him over something stupid but at that point I had had enough. He comes and goes as he wishes. He expects me to baby him and do things for him like we are together but we are not. I really dont think he cares if I am intimate with others because he is. I told him I love him last year at the end of December. He wanted to come by that night after I hadnt seen him in a month. When I told him I was tired he gave a whinny but you said you love me. I could hear the emotion and gave in . We made love for hours. I believe from 4 am till 9 am. The sad part is he slept till noon then got up and left. He always does the next day courtesy text. But keep in mind this is before the blow out. I have more tell you guys the rest later.

  47. I am a single Cancer girl..I like this Cancer guy we are friends we work together but I think he likes me too, but it is weird because he said he has a girlfriend, then yesterday I overheard him say that he going through a divorce….anyway he is very secretive about everything i just want to know does that mean he doesn’t want to tell me alot we just really became friends in the last couple of months…what do you think is happening here? He is going through alot right now I don’t want to turn my back on him and he is very nice.

  48. i was married for five years with out any child,because of this my husband
    start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time
    with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor
    told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so
    hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about DR SERAPHIN from the
    Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going
    through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a
    miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has
    done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few
    month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we now a happy family

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