124 comments

Shit Pseudo-Intellectual Astro-Bitches Say

Filed in Astro Gaga

“Eminem is every bit as much the quintessential Libran as F Scott Fitzgerald.”

“JG Ballard and Helmut Newtown were both SO Scorpio and they were friends – it is such a pity that they never got to do a collaboration.”

“Uranus in Aries is the global disrupt – Pluto in Capricorn is the global reset.”

“I really wanted to get an eye-lift but then i remembered Naomi Wolf saying that my urge had more to do with a dominant socio-cultural paradigm that demeans females even while it pretends to revere them AND that Venus is still Retrograde.”

“I decided that it was best to keep the relationship 8th House for the time being.”

“Richard Brautigan’s beat poetry is actually all about Pluto – just like all of Bjork’s music.”

“It’s not just Jean-Paul Sartre – Geminis are the most existential sign of all. Camus was a Scorpio – NOT a Gemini and he never claimed to be an existentialist.”

“Alexander the Great was a Cancerian – yes – but he was also a multiple-conjunct Virgo and seriously look to his Chiron-Uranus in Capricorn conjunction.”

I’m making Pseudo-Intellectual Astro-Bitch my Twitter description and putting these up there lol.

BTW if you don’t get the sudden manifestation of the Pseudo-Intellectual Astro-Bitch vibe, check the comments in the post below lol.  Outed!

Thoughts and Contributions from other Pseudo-Intellectual Astro Bitches welcome.

 

 

Image: Miles Aldridge – Vogue Italia – June 2012

 

 

124 thoughts on “Shit Pseudo-Intellectual Astro-Bitches Say”

  1. I didnt think what you said was disrespectful. But I just had kind of this same conversation with a guy on the App that you find alien like because it tells you gays in the vicinity- well this guy he took a pic with himself in it, and sent it to me, Next to the dead victims names very close of the WTC, and was even smiling in the photo, I just thought it so disrepectful.

    I told him how tacky bro, its not a beach and he came up with like that he was here for it and has been 11 years since he was able to come back, not because of the construction or anything, Then i said even more tacky then I could expect it from a tourist, but someone who was close to it.

    This guy look like strickly a Dominican Visitor. To me thas disrepectful

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    • I dunno I have venus in the 8th and that just really hurt it, Dont send me a first photo next to names on a gay link site of the worst thing Ive ever seen in my life. Not gonna make me think you are cultural or hip or anything like that. This was my PIAB rant for the night. :)

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      • ALSM, darl, i just don’t understand what you’re referring to. Did i miss some news about some gay hate crime? What’s the alien thing, and the app? I get the WTC photo. I find photos at memorials a bit off, myself.

        If it’s too difficult to explain, no drama. Sorry someone upset you.

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        • Mystic wrote a story about her and a lesbian friend having a kind of app from alien 2 that would beep or have other “aliens” in the vicinity.. Yea i use the same App, thers an app for that. :)

          I just thought it disrespectful, is there a asteroid disrespect?

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  2. Did you lift these from the blog over time? I mean fuq we really do talk like that. This is priceless!

    Have to admit i say sh* here i just wouldn’t anywhere else.

    …Can i have “I’m Gonna Re-Align Your Chakras, Motherf*er” on the back of my t-shirt, please? That title with pic of crystal ring was one of my ultimate favs.

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  4. LOL, Mystic, in the spirit of pseudo-intellectual takes, mine (on Sartre and gemini) is that t’was his aqua moon/saturn – and more importantly – his scorp mars (aided and abetted by Sag asc that only just made him a philosopher) that came up with existentialism. The gem just adds a need to communicate, and be admired for dexterity with words.
    There’s no god therefore I will be captain, judge and jury of my own soul, and find my own meaning, come hell or highwater ? So very Mars (or Sun) in Scorp. So Camus and Satre had more in common than their sun signs would indicate – including an Aqua moon. Hell is being locked in a room with other people one does not love? (a la Satre’s Huis clos)? So Aqua/Scorp – certainly not Gemini.

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    • Much enjoyed that, Fi. Was de Beauvoir a Capricorn? Was given many of her books to read (never really did except one) but found Sartre appealed to my sense of humour immensely. La Nausee, in particular. It’s just so candidly emotionlessly disgusted and the character is repulsed by the same things as i. I found it a great comfort when i had to start catching the bus again. Yeh yeh PIAB and unashamed.

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      • She was indeed. With a venus conjunct chiron in aqua opposed by leo jupiter, and a scorp ascendant, no less – so there’s the aqua and scorp again. Yet she was arguably by far the greater intellect and personality, even if the terms of their relationship were such that he always came first, the shit-head.

        Nausea sure expresses the gem dilemma of a duelling mind out of control/plus the mythologising of the self through detail-bending talk. But I have to admit that as a Scorpy asc/Aries moon/Saggo sun/merc/Leo Mars – with a massive mutable Tsquare not involving gem – Nausea irritated the crap out of me. Having dug out my copy to escape exam marking for a mo, now I remember why!!::

        “My thought is me: that’s why I can’t stop. I exist because I think … and I can’t stop myself from thinking. At this very moment—it’s frightful—if I exist, it is because I am horrified at existing. I am the one who pulls myself from the nothingness to which I aspire: the hatred, the disgust of existing, there are as many ways to make myself exist, to thrust myself into existence. Thoughts are born at the back of me, like sudden giddiness, I feel them being born behind my head … if I yield, they’re going to come round in front of me, between my eyes— and I always yield, the thought grows and grows and there it is, immense, filling me completely and renewing my existence.”

        “This is what I thought: for the most banal even to become an adventure, you must (and this is enough) begin to recount it. This is what fools people: a man is always a teller of tales, he sees everything that happens to him through them; and he tries to live his own life as if he were telling a story. But you have to choose: live or tell.”

        Crikey, JP: I have had many adventures which are no less so for the fact that I haven’t told…but there’s my venus in scorp talking!

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        • Yes, she was by far the greater intellect. I must have read more than one book because i discussed them in detail with the lady who lent them to me, but i don’t own them and can’t read them again now. Perhaps i should.

          But i recall Sartre precisely because i find him funny. Even this quote you recount, it’s simply hilarious and aching, to me anyhow. But i guess i have an odd sense of humour – is humour to be found in a House placement or planet, do you think?

          Besides, Gem is my Descendant… shadow. Of all the writers with shithead personality he at least makes me laugh. Besides, i thought Things of the Spirit came first (oh crap sorry i’m definitely laughing alone i know. I’m kind of putting him down, but i really feel for him as well.) I just love his descriptions of place and people, even the touch of a doorknob sickens him. I have felt like that and when you know you’re not being normal it’s a relief to see it on a page and to laugh.

          Thank you for the wonderful astro to go with, Anon/Fi.

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          • hey millie, that was all moi, but when i am rushed i forget to sign in..and you’re right, he is funny, although his writing style in THIS book pisses me off at times. totally related to his themes – deep depression, anxiety, isolation, dumped by lover, what’s the point, blah blah – then, when I first read it as an undergrad.
            then for a decade or two i felt I had a reason for being, and depression wasn’t so severe, but now – for a whole lotta reasons, I feel it all over again. maybe that was why i was being so vitriolic about the book above. With saturn in the 3rd, opposite mars in 9th, I have great difficulty controlling the pessimism of my own thoughts sometimes and philosophical optimistic courageous sunny leo mars 9th just hates it, particularly as Saturn the downer is winning the war for my mind at the mo !!!

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  5. i adore these and find this post & find these quips hilarious. they should be on a tumblr, too! … done with snooty hip backgrounds & all scripted out in le font du jour. so starbitchy that it hurts.

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    • mmm well i have a tumblr but don’t have the time to stuff around there as much as i would like lol – how do you actually do that scripty turning them into gifs or whatever thing?

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      • it’s done with software such as Photoshop where you can layer text and images – extra high resolution if its going to be printed on a T-shirt. there are lots of T-shirt printing companies, needless to say! I’m gonna write one by hand and wear it to the biennale opening party this coming week – with saturn stationing I have had a extra burst of it in my 8th – feeling totes ‘fuq off’ :)

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      • i can’t promise that i’ll find a sizable pocket of time to make some for the fun of it, mystic, but maybe you can ask your readers to turn in some! that should be fun for some to participate in? :D then you’d pick the ones you like to post onto tumblr or wherever you like.

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  6. * When Mick Jagger said, “It’s alright letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back,” he was either grokking his 8th house or tapping into the existential crisis that is Neptune transiting Mars in 12th

    *Qi Vamps hook you by letting you trust them, and then they eat you by off-loading so much of their shit they eventually turn themselves into a turd – it all passes by the time Neptune gets off your house of love, so just do your Saturn and white light yourself as best you can!

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  7. This is way off-topic, but I trawl the online TV options when I’m sitting in my studio sewing or ironing or photographing stuff, and I found this and then of course I had to watch it and it made me laugh so hard I couldn’t sew and then it made me think of Bad Guru which is a topic that comes up here from time to time and a nice counterpoint to the current topic.

    So, apologies in advance for not being hitech enought to get the link to work, but if you really want to see Bad Guru (or maybe, deeply deeply confused and not highly intelligent Guru) in action, look no further. It’s so Byron it hurts. Except of course its the Byron of the USA – California…

    http://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/2247455899/Sex-Magic,-Manifesting-Maya

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    • Yah – I saw that one too :D :D His woman left due to jealousy about him having sex with other women….. so he’s having sex with other women to try to get her back….. *sigh* I think this one belongs in the previous thread as the only example of a man doing being a Love Zombie :D

      PS: Are you watching the one about the History of Wales ? I’m finding it riveting and have knitted half a chakra bootie watching it – in fact I’ve *finally* learnt to knit without looking ! Only garter stitch… but still !

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    • OMG i was asked to have him stay with me on his OZ tour.
      Looked at his website and said a definite NO WAY HOSE.
      I got such a creepy feeling from his site and what he said.
      THis is Black Tantra not White. He gives love a bad name.
      And they wanted me to set up workshops for him in Adelaide. Yikes.

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      • Woooo – seriously happy for you Pegs that you refused. The guy comes across as not-all-there, and Tantric healing is borderline for really deeply hurt women in the best of cases – needs a really genuine practitioner, so much can go wrong, and guys who go all the way like this one here are just….should be banned. That poor chick that he’s been schlonging to get his beloved back, it’s perverted. He himself reminds me of an ecstasy dealer i used to live with, one of those that has used up all his quota of sentient emotions on drug bnges and now just…doesn’t…quite…connect. Glad he wasn’t in your spare bedroom. You’d have to smudge the whole house with a sage logpile.

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  8. “I decided that it was best to keep the relationship 8th House for the time being.”

    What IS keeping a relationship in the 8th house? Its not really about a secret.. it is the 2nd to the 7th. *shrugs*

    On the other hand.. I’ve heard some pretty bizarre things.. I don’t know if I’ve ever said them myself being that the ruler of my own 12th house and 5th house (Venus) are one in the same.. I harbour secret star quality ;) (in the first conjunct the Sun).

    Secret starfish quality.. very very intellectual obviously ;)

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    • Lol Secret starfish quality :) :)

      PIAB on Venus says:
      *The ruler of my 3rd is also my MC and in my 1st – when it’s rx I would never get a tattoo or lipo and also I have trouble with writers block and bitches at work!

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    • secret starfish quality!! hahaha ROFL like the hot guy / girl who you bring home, and …. giant let-down in the sack. ??

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  9. The one I REALLY overuse is a Futurama joke, which I have put to good use in the current astro-phase.

    I say its “Uranus square Pluto”, wait for the sniggering to start (I have an English family, so sniggering all round) and then correct myself “Sorry, Urrectrum square Pluto, which means that arseholes are going to the Underworld” :D

    hmmm… but its not very intellectual….

    *Wondering how I can work Wittgenstein into this*

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    • LOLZ re: dropping Wittgenstein into anything = instant ticket to uber intellect image! ;-)

      I have Pluto in the 1st which prompts me to wax about identity transformation to such a degree that every 3 months I look at my clothes and say: “Who’s clothes are these? That’s so NOT me anymore!”

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  10. AHAHAHA AGAIN! omg mystic. I LOVE this, it’s genius. Please keep a sidebar with scrolling lines from Shit P-I-A-B’s say… you could update from time to time.

    I think some astro-merchandise (not just T shirts) would be awesome.

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  11. And here is my PIAB contribution (emphasis on the *pseudo*), but this Piscean is more like ‘pseudo intellectual astro Bimbo’ hahaha

    “Do you think that Pluto was transiting Foucault’s 8th-house Venus when he wrote that ‘power is capillary’? I mean, I wish my capillaries had power, my investment in Botox Futures really went down the toilet with the GFC”

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    • PIAB on post-structural metamorphosis transits:
      *’I think the point that Butler was making about materiality of the body to indicate a world beyond ourselves is much like Pluto Squaring your Sun from the 6th while Uranus Opposing it from the 8th’

      PIAB on progressed philosophical sophistication and sustained argumentation:
      *’Psychoanalysis, poststructuralism and feminism are all reconceptualised and you come to grips with presumptions about sexuality and subversion when you have your 2nd Uranus return – trust me, just you wait and see!

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  14. I have always heard that we can’t really be sure of Alexander’s birthdate, and we can’t even tell for sure whether he was a Cancer or a Leo.

    In the Middle Ages, there were legends about Alexander very different than what we get from the actual historic sources. One of them is that his real father was the last Pharoah of Egypt, and that he was with Olympias when she gave birth to Alexander and got her to give birth at exactly the right moment for Alexander to have exactly the right epic astrological profile that he wanted. Of course, A0 this story is not literally true and b) no one now knows what that astrological profile was supposed to have been.

    I always think of Alexander as a Cancer, but he obviously has some Leo energy happening!

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    • I know, I always thought his actual date was lost in history but Astrotheme had a chart up for him yesterday and in my frenzy to formulate suitable Pseudo Intellectual Astro-Bitch quotes i went with it.

      All that Virgo trine Chiron-Uranus conjunct in Capricorn would actually be an epic astrological profile to shoot for if you were an empress trying to breed a conqueror lol

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      • The story doesn’t seem to mention any specific astrological events, but in the story everyone seems to think that astrology is extremely important. I just found a summary online that says things like “Olympias is impressed by Nectanebo’s knowledge of astrology.” and “He (Alexander) invites Nectanebo to come with him, as he wants the Pharaoh to teach him more about astrology.”

        Apparently Nectanebo was more than just a Pharoah who could transform himself inot a dragon; he was King of the PIABs!

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  15. My contribution :)

    many civilizations disappeared leaving no traces of their accumulated knowledge… whenever Uranus clashed with Pluto. Just think Mayans.

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  17. I love this so much. Totally awesome :)

    I AM a scorpio zombie getting zapped from her saturn transit. Hell I could use myself for all jokes on this. or people I know. Hmmm let me think..

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  18. - so I like had to move country because I was doing saturn pluto in the 4th house and my sagittarius moon was like just move into a suitcase and see what happens, you can’t be more homeless than that anyway

    - we met during venus retrograde so I am like going to wait till mercury retro so we can talk about our future

    - I have to quit my job because I am self actualising on the zap zone and uranus is on my MC squaring pluto and that means I have to be self employed or I am going to go to war with all these middle management harpies on bath salts messing with my solar plexus exercises making me do white light exercises and glass wall protections, I mean, when was the last time I had to do that? hello? toxic much??

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    • Omg….I live this!!

      But I think it’s mostly due to my Saturn in the tenth with my sun all in Leo—did I mention on my midheaven? And just to belabor the point -a packed 8th house full of Gemini and a scorp sac….can u say…..I’m not exactly the best follower? Or boot licker maybe ?

      :) love

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    • Ms, you have just described my life right now (except for Uranus MC – lol ‘MC Uranus rocks the mic’ – give that another year or so)

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      • I’m not exactly conjunct I fudged for humour sake, twisting there over the next few years. Probably take up a post in Romania getting shot out of a cannon somewhere, that’s pretty aries in the 10th with uranus ruling MC non?

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    • Well now, not only are many of us here PIA-Bitches – but comedians as well!
      I’m more in the Neophyte-Astro-Looney-Bitch camp at this stage…
      I’m so grateful for THE Love Zombies big hissy-fit (hilarious – talk about case in point) because look how much fun we’re all having with it now!
      Later, Bitches!
      xo

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      • you know how if you blow off a zombie’s head they die? I think saturn is the antidote, saturn pills for love zombies. It puts a ban on any tracking of venus or mars, pluto and highlights your wrong ass neptune with the only response to any oracle or tarot reading- saturn is the gateway, own it and move on, focus on the self, your love life is not as important as your whole life. Don’t get how adults can be love zombies.

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        • Hey I think Uranus would be the antidote, freedom- just look at commitment as a kryptonite… Instant set free,

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          • Dear god
            you would give a zombie uranus???
            a love zombie? have you seen the last post? what trip would uranus make better there (acid only enhances the tripper) that a sobering reality of acceptance and solid day to day grind awareness/maturity would not? Uranian freedom is not going to liberate a zombie- reality is. Show me a zombie on a saturn transit.

            Saturn is the gateway. Think whatevs told me first or was it Kim Falconer? I was on about it to someone else. Made me understand Saturn and the outer planets much more. Can’t do good neptune until we master saturn

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            • Going over these comments for a laugh “Show me a zombie on a saturn transit.” So true and such a PIAB thing to say! xoxo

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    • so i get it that you’re working up ideas for the t-shirt/tote bag stall at the local farmers market but may I digress from mercantile concerns for a moment?

      Interesting your saturn pluto in the 4th comment – you know saturn pluto on the 4th is read by some as having the ability to render you possessionless and homeless right? when I had the saturn conjunct pluto uranus on the IC transit we made one of our random manouvres and within 3 weeks were living thousands of miles away – i like this ‘do it to the transit before it does it to you’ approach.

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      • no Im not spinning t shirts that is exactly what I was referring too. I was actually homeless for a part of my childhood and it’s kind of a fear I have so I timed my move on the dawn of the transit to invoke the anarchy that would mess my foundations anyway. Saturn only went forward yesterday and it’s been toward exact conjunct on retrograde. Very hard to put roots down when the foundations are crumbling. Interesting you did the same. I really hate the life’s victim approach to anything, I am all for doing transits before they do you. Well put xx

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  19. “Uranus in Aries is the global disrupt – Pluto in Capricorn is the global reset.” LOVE this one!

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  22. Here’s some T shirt / mug idea(s)

    _________ is currently experiencing a Neptune transit and expects to be back on the planet in approximately three years.

    WARNING: Pluto Transit In Progress.
    Please keep at a safe distance.

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  23. “Pseudo-intellectual astro-bitches” is one (brilliant) category!

    P.S. ~ Sometimes they are best friends with the “pseudo-spiritual society-bitch.”

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    • I still love “Bad Guru” (See link above) and I didn’t check but could this also be a category?? Ha ha, loving it, and cn’t wait for the t-shirt to come out.

      What about us Geminis. Words fail me this morning – t-shirts for PIAB gems? Barista, where art though?

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  25. I live on a co-operative community & was recently tagged along with a couple of my fellow Board members as “Germaine Greer bitches” primarily because we stopped someone(who didn’t live on our community) from hijacking our monthly (Tribal) community meeting with her own unlisted (& contentious!) agenda item by asking her to bring it to the next meeting after she had actually put it onto our meeting agenda. We did give her a chance to speak out of turn in the first place & only stopped her after her item turned into something else entirely. Must be something in the air…..
    Actually Mystics posts have been most helpful when it comes to living with these kind of attacks..I can put on the Pseudo Astro Bitch persona & gleefully blame it all on the current Astroenergy.
    I hold the view that we always have a choice as to how we “could” feel & can either laugh or cry at any given situation. My choice is to have a laugh at myself…..& carry on with my life.
    PS: I have indeed been a Love Zombie in the past…new lover had same birthdate as fallen idol dead lover….what a mistake that was!!! Took me years to laugh it off but it was after a comment from someone along the lines of “you should be thanking him for being such a bustard” because the truth was, painful & oh so ugly as it all was for me, that I had found inner reserves of strength I never knew I had.
    Thanks Mystic & all youse bloggers….you have helped me choose to laugh time & time again!

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  27. I’m pretty sure I said this on a post here once but now thank goodness I realise how dumb it was. So:
    ” *Sighs* oh my GOD our charts were like a beautiful dance… his rising on my north node… his sun/Venus on my moon-Lilith-Eros-Juno..*fans self*… his Mars/north node slap-bang on my Sun/Merc/Saturn/Chiron…. I know he’s not, actually, you know, IN my life right now, but we met when Neptune was on the cusp of my house of love, so, he’ll be back! Any day now… *sighs again* any day!”
    LOL!

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      • The fab thing is that now I can laugh at myself about all my angst re him.
        I reckon this post in all its brilliance and humour has completely got rid of any residual yearning I had for that guy. It’s so liberating!

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  28. Flannery O`Connor was a multiple Aries.
    Sun, Moon and Mercury. She was a firey one.
    Would of loved to have a conversation with her.

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