Saturn Has An Alarm Clock Now

Filed in Saturn

Clock that shreds money

The Shredder Clock

If time is money, why waste it by continually smacking the snooze on your bedside alarm clock? This contraption will ensure you understand the literal cost of your morning laziness.

The Shredder Clock is just a concept, but it’s a pretty good idea, and a new spin on the notion that money is a great morning motivator. Other alarm clock inventions force you to feed them money before they’ll shut up, or automatically donate to charities that you hate until you get out of bed, but this one lets you see your money going to waste.

You could conceivably shred anything you find precious, from letters to pictures, so you wouldn’t have to stock it with Benjamins.

My Snooze Button is set to 11 minutes, to be sort of numerologically amazing and i LOVE my Snooze Button.

I rely on it to stimulate dream recall and for the nigh fetishistic appreciation of slumber that it induces.

The Shredder Clock is insane. Like a nightmare. But i get the concept and super-heated consciousness of the Time-Money Continuum is super-Saturn.

Just ask any Capricorn. Or Librans this week.

Does anyone actually get out of bed just like WHAM when the alarm goes off?

And which sign is that refuses to use an alarm but just awakens, reliably, every morning at the appropriate time?

I have known Aries and Sagg peeps who wake up at The Crack Of Dawn or to some alarm of thrash-metal and just fling themselves across the room and into their clothes/kayak/day/whatevs.

But maybe it’s upbringing.

Regardless of astrology, there are families who raise kids to think early morning torpor is sinful and families that don’t.

The ability to be up at dawn, whistling cheerily whilst polishing one’s boots and gazing out at the morning typhoon outside is a military mindset, don’t you think? So early morning happy riser peeps could actually just all have strong Mars placements?


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59 thoughts on “Saturn Has An Alarm Clock Now

  1. So you put a bill in it the night before and you have to get up before it shreds it. That’s is sick. I love dozing its a Leo de riguer and most enjoyable.

  2. Sag moon and rising with mars in cap, I am soo happy in the early morning, its my magical time of day, but I’ve always, until recently, not been able to discipline myself to go to bed early, and I need my sleep, so I’ve missed out on lots of mornings. I am young (23) so that explains much of it, teenagers sleeping til noon and all…

    By the way that clock is effing horrible!! What a messed up way to start each day… Yuck. Just mean!!!!! Hate it.

    • Oh I’m exactly the same! I thought I was a real morning person until I signed up for 6am yoga 4 days a week. I’ve been living on 5-6 hours sleep a night for the past month – not fun for someone who doesn’t really function on less than 8.

      In fact, I should be going to bed right now, but there’s washing sitting in the machine waiting to be hung out and eBaying to get on with :)

  3. pre kids – wham, crack of dawn just before the birds begin to stir, awake and into the morning… post kids, I kinda lay in situ as # 2 boy child would get up with me from about 2 years on NOT what I desired.
    Libra sun, multiple virgo – my mars is smack in mid Capricorn.

  4. Btw my alarm clock is amazing, it’s a progressive alarm clock app on my ipad using tibetan bells. YOu can choose from different bells, different time increment progressions, volumes, snooze length etc. Beautiful and soothing and amazing!! It’s called “progressive alarm clock” by spotlight six software if you want it! Highly recommended!!

  5. Ok I am sooo fuqing tired at the moment, read that as

    “If time is money, why waste it by continually smacking the snooze on your bedside alarm clock? This CONTRACEPTION will ensure you understand the literal cost of your morning laziness. ”

    I stopped there trying to process it in my fried mind.

    Now I know what it said, I can say that this multiple Libran loves the early rises with no alarm, but is now squeezing a week into every day whilst trying to pheonix into a new goddess of perfection at the moment and solve all past and present life karma drama and current life time and money suckage issues!Plus a couple of side projects.

    Dreaming of the time when I can return to owning my time once again. Waking with a smile as the current life loads into consioucness as I awaken, as opposed to waking now with the download of backlog and a succesion of ‘must get to that’, followed by omg fuq is that really the time and barrelling into yet another shitstorm!!

    Loving that this may all change for the better very soon. Yes doing Saturn girl with everylast bit of energy and always a smile. After all no one alse needs to know what really lurkes behind this tired looking but happy Libra lady :)

  6. I’ve always been a late riser… now partnered with another libran who is also a late riser… needless to say, we are always late in the mornings.

  7. me! don’t know if it’s mars in virgo or the rest of the virgo line up but I can almost train my body to wake when it needs to. this is not something I could do growing up however so I presume the motivation is money

  8. What a stupid clock! Economic rationalism gone mad. Anyway, who needs an alarm clock when one has cats!!! I’m sun-sign Sagg, the cats (litter mates) are sun-sign Kataka.

  9. My Cap g/f wakes me up if I don’t throw back the bedsheets and leap up like Snow White on a cleaning frenzy into the shower ASAP once the alarm goes off. I leave it in the other room so I have to physically get out of bed to turn it off, (and not hit snooze) but it’s been too COLD recently.
    Libra moon\mars.

  10. Aqua sun, Libra Mars.

    I have this theory, based on no scientific evidence at all and who knows where it was gleaned from but morning people (you know those happy, motivated folks) were born in the morning. And people born in evenings tend to think the whole world can get fuqt the 1st hour of being awake. Midday? Midnight? Who knows!

    Never used a snooze button, never gone back to sleep either. Being an early morning worker I’m trained to wake early doesn’t mean I’m nice though.

    • My theory is one should naturally want to get up at the time they were born.
      10.45 seems about right to me!

      • hehe… I like your theory Shell. My birth time fits – 10.40am. Not a morning person at all! :)

        • I was born 6.30pm & love sunset time. The day’s work is done, quiet time for contemplation & planning next day. Especially like it when out bush, watching birds going to roost, rich colours of landscape. A nice relaxing drink, thoughts turn to other things…

      • Interesting theory, born at 8am and that’s my perfect rise time but in
        winter only, summer is much earlier.
        Mars in Virgo will only rise earlier than 8 if work booked in, but usually
        wake with the light, then snooze.
        De riguer though is i must read for 30/40 minutes before abolutions to get
        the brain functioning.
        Dislike alarm clocks with intensity, the Tibetan bells sounds ok.
        In summer, the blackbirds wake me with their call to the sunrise.
        Nowadays it’s Jack & Henry sticking their little noses in my ear :-)

  11. Always have been an early riser… 😯 I definitely have the military mindset!

    I can get home from a night out at 4am and be up by 6am, can never sleep in.

    I try and take some time now to remember my dream to write in my journal while I am leaping out of bed… 😀

    Mars in Virgo conjunct Saturn

  12. I confess to being one of those people who just wakes up when i need to. Except of course if I actually set the alarm for some reason (early flight/meeting/whatever), then i don’t sleep a wink for fear i’m going to miss the alarm. But for normal everyday stuff, I usually wake about 10 minutes before i need to be up. It seems to be pretty reliable, as long as i note the time when i get into bed.
    This clock doesn’t do anything for me. I recently bought a lovely vintage clock for my bedside, with one of those horror alarms. But i kept forgetting to wind it up, so back to the old travel clock.

    Lib Asc & Mars, Sagg Moon

    • This would be me as well

      But I’m Virgo sun, mars and mercury libra

  13. I agree that clock is horrible and I think would create a sad sad world for one who used it.
    If it’s not some ridiculous time I can wake naturally when required.
    But then again it’s been um, maybe 3 or 4 years since I’ve been obliged to get up and go to work on a regular basis, so now I just sleep till I wake.
    I’ll leave the mornings for the morning people thanks.
    And Mars in Leo rising, + saturn rising, which perhaps implies I disprove your theory.

  14. I’ve always thought that a noxious but silent “fart” emitting alarm clock would be the ticket to get one out off bed and out of the room and quite possibly out of the house.
    If I slept in my gym clothes i could just flee to the gym at 5:30 instead of sluggishly turning over and pretending that I dont need to exercise.

    • I have been known to go to yoga in the top I slept in… Gross, but sheer laziness wins out at 5am.

  15. Oh my. I am not a morning person. Aqua born at 3am, sag rising, leo (virgo) moon.

    There is not an alarm that could possibly wake me. I would happily pay for the extra snooze button time. Or spend it on coffees, either way.

    Now days, my early morning dreams are full of whatever song or sound is coming out of my alarm. My children come and go all night and I’m not even aware. Time travelling. Love sleep. arrrgghhhhhh……

  16. Used to be a natural early riser, no longer. My snooze function (wankerphone) is set at 9 minutes and I have been known to hit snooze mulitple times and then off, to stay in dreamland, but only when my daily agenda is only responsible to me – so at some level im aware of my day. When i have my kids i have my own reliable “snooze alarm” in my Virgo rising son who will, without fail, time my waking to within minutes on the right side of a morning schedule failure. Gotta love those Virgo risers. What will i do when he’s a teen and his sleep patterns go awol?! or does that not happen to Virgo risers?

    • My Virgo rising teenage son’s sleeping patterns are teenage-hormone regulated, not planetary. That is, late-night gaming sessions find him sleeping in LATE the next day. The only planetary influence seems to be that he cannot stay up past 3 am, whereas his gaming buddies can stay up ’round the clock.

  17. If I am getting up my normal time, I do not need an alarm clock. I can tell what time it is by the amount of sunlight in my room. And when I have to use one, generally, I never use snooze. It’s better to just get up. If it that’s bloody early then I skip going to sleep. Mo point in sleeping 4-5 hrs.

    I’m Libra Sun, Saggo Rising, and Scorp Moon.

    So funny story: I had no freaking idea what a snooze button was even for until I reached age 25. I’d never seen anyone use it before then.

  18. I wake up at the same time every morning no matter what time I went to bed because I am sensitive to daylight and my curtains are too thin!
    If it’s a weekend, I do a bit of ecstatic flinging as soon as I wake up. If it’s a work day, I use my alarm and snooze button to micro-sleep-dream until the very last minute where I HAVE to get up.

    (pisces sun, sagg mars)

  19. I haven’t used an alarm in years… but… lately I’m seeming to enjoy my morning lounging than normal so I might have to break down and get one. Mars in Scorpio 12th house.

  20. I never use an alarm clock, as I hate being woken by anything external other than perhaps the light. Somehow I am able to tell myself when to wake up, if I need to be up at a certain hour. If not, I still wake up early anyway, naturally. Once awake, I feel kind of sick and groggy if I go back to sleep, so I either do meditations and get up or get out of bed right away and have some tea. I prefer to get up just before dawn, light some candles and have that perfect quiet magical part of the day.

    I don’t know that it is martial. I’m not cheerful in the morning, but I am very happy and alert. It’s my time to be alone with myself, even if I’m actually going to be alone all day long. But I’m thinking of a million things all day long, whereas the early morning is time for being innocent. No whistling or boot polishing, though. In my 20s I used to wake up at the crack of dawn naturally and then read for an hour or two in bed before rising for the day. In my 30s it was meditation and an early morning walk along the ocean.

    I have a Cancer sun, Aqua rising. My Mars is at 1 degree Leo. I can’t read how any of those would make me such a happy quiet morning person who feels physically heavy and disoriented from sleeping late. But I love the dawn, love being present for it. It feels like a great mystical secret.

  21. Hmm now I’m going to come over all Sag ascendant and Aries rising but I just get up when I need to sans whining. I love sleeping in when I can but most of the time getting up is just like ripping off a bandage painful at first yes but moaning about it for 20 minutes is just a very negative way to start the day.

  22. woooh I have sleep?ng problems – hopefully on the wane r?ght now – but one th?ng I don,t have ?s the need to be woken by an alarm.

    I always set alarms when I need to – at the moment am cross?ng t?me zones, catch?ng fl?ghts and buses etc, so ?t ?s k?nd of necessary to be str?ctly on t?me for th?ngs.

    However, I never ever need to be actually WOKEN by the alarm. My body usually f?nds a way to wake me up 15 m?ns before, so that by the t?me ?t actually ?s due to go off, I have e?ther sw?tched ?t off or am prepar?ng for the fact ?ts go?ng to go off ?n a moment.

    Th?s has been for Years – I put ?t down to the Aquar?us ascendant. It ?s a really useful l?ttle talent to have — really do not l?ke be?ng woken ?n the m?ddle of a sleep cycle (you have natural sleep cycles of about 1.5 hours long, go?ng shallow to deep sleep, ?n case you d?dn,t know)

  23. Crack of dawn… no wait.. way BEFORE crack of dawn.. and BEFORE my alarm.
    Despite working and studying like a dog this year I am strangely energised and relish the dark hour before the sun decides to elbow the Moon out of its way.
    Never owned an alarm clock either, just use my mobile.
    And I love the darkness before the dawn. And the quiet. Although I am not a fan of pounding the pavement in running gear at that time: bones too creaky and need the Sun to thaw out.
    Scorpio Sun and Asc, Mars in Aqua and some other aspect ensuring that my sleep-in time is around 6am..

  24. sorry about the punctuation, am ?n ?stanbul on a Turkish keyboard and it wasn’t like that when I wrote it…

    Hope never to be ?n a relat?onsh?p w?th a jump-out-of-bed morn?ng person. Slow morn?ngs are the best.

    I used to make an occas?on of gett?ng up for the dawn now and then, but usually sunsets are far more beaut?ful (?n my opi?ni?on)

  25. That alarm clock assumes to define my best use of time – I’d regift that ridiculous waste of resources to an aggravating bossy SOB in my life. I am the master of my own Aries Sun Pisces ASC Virgo Moon time.

  26. I agree dawn and the hour before dawn can be mystical, or spooky if your having a bad Pluto transit…. doing it this morning, cup of tea while the earth is still quiet and dark…. I will use an alarm if I have something important I don’t want to miss or be late for, but my body usually wakes 10min before this anyway…. times like now where I’m nnot working I like both depending on the time of the month, the astro, the weather and whether my cat has woken me all through the night. I’m a Saturn girl these days but time is not money, time is this very important relationship with self consciousness and existence. Choose wisely I reckon.

  27. Cap Sun, Virgo Moon, and I would shrivel up & die without my snooze button. I need those precious moments to ease myself into the conscious world. I resent the harsh reality of an alarm clock, but since I have sleeping “challenges” (insomnia), I would never be on time for work or anything else without one.

    The only person I knew who had a perfect internal clock was a Scorpio, but my Scorpio husband can “snooze” one a hundred times & still not get up.

    • Sounds like my Scorp – he has the most awful loud alarm (so he’ll wake up – says that others are too soft) and yet somehow can hit snooze till noon……

  28. Sagg sun, scorp mars -I’m a morning person big time! The earlier I get up the more productive my day. It’s rarely a struggle to wake up either :)

  29. And which sign is that refuses to use an alarm but just awakens, reliably, every morning at the appropriate time? Answer : every Tauro in my family.

  30. My alarm is the Train in Vain by The Clash ringtone on an old cell phone I use just as an alarm clock. I have vowed to always use it until I can find a man who doesn’t every day make me say, “Did you stand by me? No, not at all.”

  31. I HATE people who think you should be out of bed every morning when they are. I naturally wake up at whatever time I need to wake up, sometimes that’s 5 am, sometimes it’s 11. But some of my friends (ok, hate was a bit strong) have this nasty protestant streak which really irks me – if you go to stay with them or if they come to stay with you and you are not up by the time they’re making breakfast, they’ll walk into your bedroom and harass you. Having suffered for years with an undiagnosed heart problem which led to deep depression because I did not have enough oxygen in my blood on consequently was always tired, this behaviour makes me irrationally angry. I will sleep for as long as i need to sleep. I don’t always need to eat breakfast, certainly I never eat breakfast right after getting up. My body does what it wants, when it wants. And I make a point, if you come to visit me, of never coming into your room or being noisy enough to wake you up, – before you wake up. That 40 minutes before we naturally surface from sleep is for me the strongest lucid dreaming time. Lucid dreaming is very very important for health. Let me sleep!

  32. I am a night person, always have been, have tried to train myself out of it and failed, repeatedly. So I need an alarm if I have to get up at a certain time (and even then I allow for the snooze a few times).

    What surprises me is how judgmental people are about it all – not necessarily here, just in general. I understand that there are morning people, even envy them, but I don’t judge them. Seems like the owls get judged by the larks a lot. I had a mega-Virgo partner for a while who was a morning person. I will never date one again. Snarky comments as soon as I get up? Worse than starting the day with an alarm clock.

    • We are a discriminated-against minority. They hate us. This from the Atlantic:

      How You Sleep Is Who You Are

      Being a morning person or a night owl doesn’t just determine when you start or end your workday; your internal clock may help define your psychology as well. A Spanish researcher found that our preference for engaging in activities earlier or later in the day shapes both our perceptions and our interactions. The author gave personality tests to 360 university students, whom he describes as a “proper sample,” noting that the circadian rhythms of students “are not much under the influence of time schedules and social patterns.” (Despite the occasional all-nighter, students presumably can follow their preferred sleep schedules more easily than working adults can.) His results offer new evidence that morning and evening types think differently. Early risers prefer to gather knowledge from concrete information. They reach conclusions through logic and analysis. Night owls are more imaginative and open to unconventional ideas, preferring the unknown and favoring intuitive leaps on their way to reaching conclusions. Social behavior diverges as well: Morning people are more likely to be self-controlled and exhibit “upstanding” conduct; they respect authority, are more formal, and take greater pains to make a good impression. (Earlier research also suggests that they are less likely to hold radical political opinions.) Evening people, by contrast, are “independent” and “nonconforming,” and more reluctant to listen to authority—which suggests that teachers may have several reasons to prefer those students who wake up in time for class.

      —“Morning and Evening Types: Exploring Their Personality Styles,” Juan Francisco Díaz-Morales, Personality and Individual Differences

      • I love this!!! It perfectly explains the differences between me and my uber Cappy morning person BFF who used to chip me ad-nausem about my non-morning person status. In the end I had to say, no more, not another word about it, there is not an assured place in heaven for you just because you get up at 5am – and must be in bed by nine each night. At least I can go out in the evening without making a song and dance about it.

      • Well, I’m not sure about this at all. I can only use myself as an example, but for half of my life I was a night owl. I was often having dinner at midnight and arranged my life so that I could go to bed at 3 or 4 am and sleep until I naturally woke, around midday. I had blackout curtains and knew where to get a steak at 2am. Then suddenly my whole body shifted to an early predawn waking schedule.

        This was not done intentionally. I’ve really no idea how it happened. But I wake before dawn and love it now, and I’m no less creative and no more conformist in my thinking than when I stayed up late. In fact, my friends often describe me as being a very unconventional and anti-authoritarian person.

        I’m not saying that this labeling doesn’t fit some people. But it’s a bit cute to use some simple metric to define people, put them into this camp or that camp. I love the dark early morning like I used to love the dark late night: it was dark, it was the ‘off’ time, thoughts are different and the city feels like it belongs to me. It’s a middle ground, a time in between.

  33. Thank you so much for the morning and evening personality types, I am most definitely an evening type as is most of my family except one over achieving jog-10kms-before-breakfast sister.

    I do think that this is one aspect of societal constraints ? would like to see busted. Why on God,s green earth do we have this idea that everyone has to work 9-5 and other things fit in around that? I work much more productively at the end of the day. It is a major form of discrimination in our society, and many,s the time I have been late for a breakfast meeting (but have not missed anything important at all — they build in a half hour of ‘networking social time’ at the most unsociable time of the day) and the self righteousness of the Early Risers is just stupid. For God,s sake, I put in the same number of hours but there is still this idea you all have to start at the same time for ? don,t know what reason.

    I am from Perth, where anti-late riser people is almost an art form. Listen to the whinging whenever we have tried to introduce very sensible daylight saving (ie. daylight at the end of the work day rather than wasted useless hours before work)… and the fact we have only JUST changed to being able to buy groceries on a weeknight (but nothing else). Worst of all is the assumption that to loosen up trading hours or working hours will ‘hurt families’ or some such bullshit. I used to LIKE working evenings and having daylight hours not being trapped inside an office or shop. I don,t necessarily want a 24 hour society where things are open 24-7, but flexibility between about 8 and 8 would be good.

    anyone who starts the political movement to end late-riser discrimination totally has my vote. This wouldn,t have existed in Aboriginal times, ?,m sure.

    • There is one. It’s started in Sweden then went global. I tried to find the link before but couldn’t. Fish around on the net. Basically the movement argues there is no problem with being a night person except the attitude of morning people.

      • Oh gosh, I’ll join that one! I wake up early now, but my natural inclination pre-kid was 4 am sleep, 11 am rise. Still, if I know that the following day is my own (never, these days) I can do some of my most interesting stuff in the hours around 2 or 3 am. My dad was the same, and 4 kids have knocked it out of him. What’s wrong with the night – I love the feeling of working deep into the night, especially when all around you sleep, it’s a velvet time, when nobody and nothing will interrupt you.

        Then you come out the other end and the self-righteous are standing there, demanding you join the ranks of the deserving early birds that get worms.

  34. God i was an early riser until floored by neurological illness.

    And I mean, as a child at 2am every morning; how i gloried in the peace in my own world! As an adult 5 or 6am, writing lists, leaping up and planning the number of things i could get done in the day, and still relishing the time alone. Now like 8 or 8:30am. Can even sleep in these days until maybe upto 10:30am!

    I never shit on people for rising late! But I’ve been in major trouble for fidgeting or turning book (or, worse, magazine) pages in bed while “quietly” waiting for my partner to wake up. I have all late risers in my family. Believe me, there’s no trouble like being an early riser in a late rising family. God how can a person with many planets and Asc in Sag not make a noise, especially when nervously trying not to?

    Hurt families by changing hours? My family thinks it’s proletarian to rise early and downright bolshie to wake everyone who doesn’t!

    I think it’s best to check whether people are night owls or larks when i work with them, as i try to plan around their styles, if there is any leeway.

    Mars in Capricorn 1st house.

  35. I’m a Virgo and I have learnt this trick where you just visualise the time that you want to wake up. For example I need to wake up at seven o clock every morning and before I go to bed I visualise the time seven o clock on an analog clock and repeat the time a few times in my head and I wake up at that time without fail. Works like a charm every time.