Eau Du Saturn Return

Filed in Perfume

“…our vote  goes to Rad Hourani’s highly inventive concoction. Putting the top in top notes, the first of four aromas is that most unmistakable of seedy fumes, semen, which symbolizes conception. The softer second note, baby powder, represents infancy. The third note, leather, evokes middle age, while the fourth note, incense, is a final, funereal waft of mortality. Imagine that, life and death reduced to a spritz of perfume. For a staunch minimalist like Rad, it doesn’t get any more minimal than that….”

Hint Mag

Rad Hourani may be a staunch minimalist and all but as a June 1982 baby, he is also having his Saturn Return (for a year, it’s one of those epic ones) and well, this is what he concocts.

I ain’t wearing it. His Saturn is on my Moon in Libra. Hence I say floriental-absolut jasmine-bulgarian rose-gardenia etc and HE says…what, embalming fluid?


38 thoughts on “Eau Du Saturn Return

  1. I always figured the smell of saturn returns would be akin to the smell of every piece of dog poo you ever stood in and thought you could pretend wasn’t there?

    • No, semen doesn’t smell like dog poo (I would guess that you are a man, no?). I would say that is smells like slightly off bean sprouts. I say this as a mature-aged woman, with a wide array of olfactory experiences.

      I hope I haven’t put you off bean sprouts, but I’m sure that you would not make it a habit to eat slightly off bean sprouts.

      • interesting. i concur re the bean sprouts and you’re not the first person I’ve met who’s tuned into that note. alfalfa. It was more a comment on how I see saturn than on Rad Hourani’s signature blend. And isn’t semen a controlled substance or something? You can wear this only if you’re sheathed entirely in latex? No but, I’m a grrrl – we have the same haircut.

  2. I’m also returning…1981…and altho it’s been hard, it’s also been incredibly liberating. The perfume bottle reminds me of my teenage fave, Angel, and the lifecycle concept is intriguing. Strangely enough I think it could work. Bodily fluids, including sweat, when FRESH and exuded out of a healthy body, can smell quite nice. It’s the action of bacteria that mucks it all up.

    I personally adore my own B.O, as long as I’m not wearing synthetics. I also love how BO changes throughout the month. My sense of smell is acute and I can read my ‘health’ by smelling my body.

  3. If i wanted to smell like semen i’d…oh never mind.

    Dark Moon doing my head in.

    Aquabomb i love my own scent too AND a little bit of Dior layered over the top mais oui

  4. I’m sorry. Jizz, leather, baby powder and stale incense??
    Isn’t this just Eau De Brothel?

  5. ~nose wrinkle~

    I cannot abide the smell of baby powder. It has turned my stomach since I was a child.

    • Oh me too! Can’t stand it- that’s why I hate Chanel no 5- as soon as they say a scent smells powdery I walk away! And umm mixed with chlorine and leather – sounds like a gay bath house!

  6. I would think that eau du saturn return would smell like money, the dentist’s office, dusty leather bound library books, and probably cemetery dirt.

    • LOL! I was a research librarian for years and those dusty leather tomes were my day to day friends. (Some of them weigh a tonne!) If you want a wiff of that kind of thing walk through Sydney Uni and stand at the door of Fisher library mmmmmmmmm!!

      I also lovvvve the smell of cemetries. And wandering through them for a nice walk on a lazy afternoon. AndI like the smell of baby powder, now I come to think of it ( I reckon Hypnotic Poison smells like baby powder).

      But I think semen smells like bleach – my boyfriend thinks I’m nuts but it really does!!!

      • Having done some ‘research’ in this ahem area I’ve found semen has many smells – it depends on the depositer. And many other differing qulaities too like quanity, stickability,fluidity, and of course the process of deposit is extremley different too.
        Do I need to get laid or what!

        • YES most semen I’ve encountered does smell like bleach. And PLEASE stop talking about it as I have extremely vibrant scent memory and it is making me SWEAT.

          Oh, hot, sticky, steamy sweat mingling, puncturing the air with perfume and scent, the coolness of hair and warmth of skin…drool. Oh, why did I kick the Double L to the curb? Oh yeah, he pulled “constructive dismissal” on me, the symmetrical bastard.

          But back to the science, yes, semen properties affected by diet..eating pineapple and drinking rose water with honey sweetens it. I read. Somewhere.

          • Sheesh!! My boyfriened must be hitting the White King when I’m not looking!! :D (By the way I did a Google search and a lot of people have the semen /bleach issue, so at least I know I’m not nuts) I like the rosewater idea though……… I might start trying to lace his meals with it

          • LJ tell yr bf to start drinking pineapple juice- it.. ahem.. sweetens the smell and taste (sorry guys but we are talking about semen after all!). Apparently old middle eastern remedy for gals is rosewater with squeeze orange and mint..maybe honey added too can’t remember..

  7. I’m just about to start selling a perfume I call Eau de Whore. But it certainly doesn’t have top-notes of semen. More like being tied up with stockings and raped by a slightly overweight dominatrix in a night garden full of overblown scented flowers. Takers?

  8. Virgo sun here, whose semen ? Unless I know you in every sense- ick.
    With notes of baby powder…? ew. lol Mystic embalming fluid indeed
    I’ll be sticking with my essential oil thanks.

  9. Lovely astro-fiends, if I was born Nov. 1981 – my birthday is next week – then how do I know when my Saturn return takes place and for how long?

    • they’re every 27ish years – so maybe think back a few years and check out the themes that were at work in your world then – check out mystics archives and look at saturn posts for an overall view of the kinds of things saturn would have brought up for you. Do you have your chart? go to astro.com and get your free chart and see where your saturn is and then come back and check out mystics posts re the houses in the diy astro category and go from there, if you get stuck ask and someone will help shell explained the houses really well somewhere today as well so read the posts they can be really helpful too – have fun : o)

  10. My brother in law invented (?) a game we play at family get together meals out which he calls “Celebrity smell match” where you have to outdo each other by describing the smell (in detail) of famous people…I think most of you would be fantastic at it judging by the olfactory descriptions above!!!!!

    It’s pretty gross but very amusing, esp after a few cocktails.

    • ‘… at family get together meals …’ reminded me how my birth family has been observed by outsiders (aka in-laws/friends/guests) to discuss the disgusting at dinner. (Disgust = de gusto = about taste = in the mouth?!) Natch, I consider critical observations about this to be totally ill-mannered! ;)

      • Yes it always tends towards the “not at the dinner table” talk while we r at the dinner table in our house lol…either that or other “taboo” subjects, don’t know why but that’s our bag. (outsiders need to bring their own)

  11. “life and death reduced to a spritz of perfume” hilarious mystic

    at least his saturn returns is conceptually interesting. what would a saturn return smell like? mine was spent in London during the height of the GFC and I attracted an array of older men trying to guise ‘work’ for some kind of sexual something a rather. Inspired change of hairdye out of platinum. My bf whom I was in a loving relationship suddenly fell apart and was virtually deported. Our company closed down. I became a housesitter for rock royality cats, people kept giving me their house keys so I would not leave. Insane cats and cat owner was backupsinger gone mad. Would not give return date and demanded to talk to the cats on the phone in their ‘special language’. Me? Rubber tights and stilettos stomping through mayfair to get special diet catfood cause she used to feed it brie and was the size of a tissuebox.

    so mine would smell like old man, oxford circus and catpiss with notes of latex and brie

  12. I’m coming to the end of my Return (thank goodness!) and based on my experiences in the last 12 months eau de Return would have to be a combination of the smells of hot bitumen, old cologne lingering on a sweatshirt, hairspray, hospitals, cardboard, durian, and airport carpet.

    Except my Return has also had lots of beautiful moments too (borne of the tragedies, no doubt) – so perhaps I would need two scents. The above could be Eau de Return Cranky. Then there would be Eau de Return Joy – its scents would be roast potatoes, red wine, cinnamon, he bush, clean linen, old books, chlorine, incense, my mother’s moisturiser and rain.

  13. oops- that should be ‘the bush’ as in eucalypts and dust, not ‘he bush’ as a coded reference to male pubic hairs!!!

  14. Hahaaa(!)
    I’d wear it.
    And when someone asks what scent, I get to reply:
    “M’dear, that’s dead semen wafting from the back of my neck, isn’t it obvious?”