Which Sign Would Wear The Scary Bone Shoes?

DSquared

Oh my aching pre-eclipse nerves.  Which sign WOULD wear these shoes???

A shoe-fetishist Pisces whacked out on Saturn opposing for two and a half damned years?

A devil-may-care Saggo making a ‘fuq u’ gesture to her control freaky osteopath?

A Pluto-transitting novelist wanting to make some “Writing Down The Bones” statement at the publisher’s meeting only they won’t get it?

Scorpio on the way to see the shrink?

Actually I had a dream years ago that I was walking over piles of bones in really cool high heels – quite macabre – but when i told it to this Virgoan therapist, she said it was really positive. Something to do with knowledge that one has “in one’s bones”…

I would actually send these pics to my Virgo Osteopath but it would flip him over the edge. He is already marking off the days Saturn has in his sign on a calendar in bright crimson ink – big crosses. I think it’s on his iPhone as well. An alarm will go off, of joyous bells, the nano-second Saturn peeps into Libra.

90 thoughts on “Which Sign Would Wear The Scary Bone Shoes?

  1. Oooh, these are really horrible. Would anyone wear them? They made me thnk of serial killers and nasty slasher films where the protagonist fetishises parts of his victims bodies. Nasty nasty nasty.

  2. well, i know the gaga sign would, but that’s not quite astrological. i say a smarmy scorpio who finally got off her arse and actually made good on her threats to kill her cheating boyfriend. those are his and the other woman’s remains. she now wears them when cruising single bars– just to make a point.

    ‘fuq with me and you’re next season’s belt and and earrings.’

    • Definitive Scorpio footwear. I would totally wear these (double Scorp), except for the prevalence of Saggitarius in my chart causing me to fall over every time I run in high heels. Which is every time I wear them. I prefer the stylish boots or trainers thing.
      I do have a lot of (carefully selected) skeletal paraphenalia though. Macabre is delightful.

  3. OMG!! Did I ever tell you about the high heels (same shape as above) I saw on a woman at a Leonard Cohen Concert many years ago in Canada? The heels were clear perspex. and swimming around inside the heels? little fishies, goldfish! I kid you not. It was cutting edge for way back then. 30 yrs ago!!! little fish. (don’t fence us in!!!)

  4. Def a Cap. So grown up and wise (like dinosaurs) ….hmm if that makes sense??

    Funny story about your osteo. My poppa was a physio and he was always ranting about women wearing those bloody high heels, it wreaks havoc on posture, pose and the damage it does to those poor feet..My Nanna always wore flats (maybe she was scared to otherwise) him being a Scorp and all

  5. A politically correct anthropologist whose job it is to return stolen sacred human remains from musea to Indigenous communities.

  6. Yes, Mystic, don’t torture your poor Virgo osteopath with that image. He’ll have a conniption. At least wait until Saturn hits Libra.

    Maybe they’re being worn by a Scorp post divorce settlement from a philandering celebrity Chiropractor.

  7. how many days until Saturn gets off my arse?

    *taps fingernails, glances at to-do list, grimaces, taps fingers some more*

    as for the shoes Scorp gfnd has Lib gran – wears Chanel, heels & full hair & make up at home. Guest ready any time. in her day she’d were those….

  8. This could go on any post whatsoever but i just want to say that i am so proud of the wit, brains, style and insights of all my commenters. Thank you. I am sure I am the envy of the net for having you guys. xxxxx

    • If and when one day i become a multi millionaire philanthropist living in one of many of my secret global hideaways surrounded by beauty , art, music, nature etc etc. I dream of having several astrologers in my employ such as Mystic Medusa, Kim Falconer and a few hand chosen equally gifted and beautiful protege’s of theirs (if they chose to of course!) transported by private jet or yacht, brunch in Paris one day Bora Bora the next , Byron another day secluded rainforest treehouse another , who knows??? Id love to be friends and employ these wonderful women as astrological consultants on my business and private affairs etc . Id have the most powerful psychics and witches as well , healers , teachers all doing good things in the world caring for the less fortunate and especially children in need. This is the dream. Or is it a fantasy ? Sounds like a movie script? Yeah ! or a book… no a movie and Mystic can play herself in the part…. Keen?

  9. forget sun signs … anyone who wears these is either taking the piss or has a serious personality disorder!

  10. Um. What does it say about me that I find these shoes weirdly fascinating?

    I’m hoping it’s a combination of having had Saturn stirring shit up since 2007 and my Mars in Scorpio – which seems to find dark and frankly macabre stuff like this compelling in a kinda repellent way – and not because I’ve just uncovered some dark, depraved corner of my subconscious.

    And I’m totally taking a leaf out of Virgo Osteopath’s iPhone and putting a ‘Saturn Fuq’s Off’ note in my calendar, alarms and all.

  11. My chiropracter’s wife would wear them for sure – Kataka. She’s the ‘media relations’ talent at their office. I keep thinking she’s a chiropracter, but no, it’s just another ‘award’ from the chiropractic association for ..being there. *Sigh and a big yawn*…

  12. I induced great fits of laughter from myself and from all the shop assistants last week, when I found myself trying on a pair of Sarah-Jessica Parker style 10 inch platform gladiator heels – not that dissimilar to the above.

    I’m 45. I was proud of being able to get them on, stand up, and walk across the store. I was more proud of realising I was about to have a mega mutton dressed as lamb moment. The fact they were only $10 did not make them must haves. As I laughed uproariously and said to the shop assistant “well…except for a few 45 year old movie stars who might have the legs…they do look ridiculous on an average 45 year old like me”.

    Mid 20 something shop assistant arched an eyebrow: “You know…I don’t think it’s the being 45 that’s the problem. I think you just have to be a movie star for them not to be ridiculous” and nodded at teens, 20’s and 30 year olds also tottering around like I had in other versions.

    The ONLY one who looked good in them was one late teen with stunning legs. The rest of us looked like we were playing in the dress up box.

  13. I might end up with these when Saturn fuqs off to libra next month. I had my Saturn return (saturn in Leo) then it moved into Virgo, opposing my sun. Enough already. I officially got a career, property, a gym routine, a nourishing diet, kicked booze smokes and drugs. WTF is left to do? I am spending the next 6 weeks exercising like mad to burn off the anticipatory energy, and saving like nobodys business so I can celebrate the end of a very fuqing long visit from saturn girl.

    Thank god you’ve been there to keep me sane mystic.

    • God i LOVE high heels!!! ( on women of course ) even if they hurt .. is this wrong? bent? i admit i have a high heel fetish . Heels drive me crazy! the higher the better! Jessica has 160 pairs ! btw. she called 9am its on for tomorrow ill never bleed on this site again i promise!

  14. Maybe this Jessica chick is just doing The Rules or similar on you? Any woman with that many shoes no doubt has a strategy in place for reeling in men. Do you have a cat Damon? Or have you ever observed how they play with their catnip mice?

    • Or worse: have you observed how cats lick whiskers and paws after playing with their mice?

      • I would be afraid …. very, VERY afraid. 160 pairs of shoes you say?? And a cancerian you say?? This screams “narcissist!!!” or even worse “Imelda Marcos’ love child” ….

        • I used to have a thing for Imelda when i was growing up and yes maybe secretley id like to be a corrupt dictator of my own country but id be good and rip off the superpower countries and look after my people ! Thats where these dictators go wrong! SHOES SHOES SHOES and more SHOES i say!!!

    • So…is it like…actually wrong to have 160 pairs ?? (sheepishly tracing figure 8’s with a well shod toe with innocent whistling).

      NOT that I have a 160. But I am a ahem..serious collector. In my defense I do use my heels quite frequently, but am diverse enough to own lower heeled shoes. My sky high limit are 5″ platform pumps. And Prowlin I assure you I’m not Imelda’s love child either..incidentally she had big feet so perhaps the shoe obsession helped to compensate, one can’t exactly shrink feet non?

      I wear a 6, so everything usually looks good, but I’ve learned over the years to have some sense about it. Still, if I had so much disposable cash, after my good works I would definitely DEFINITELY have Msr. Loboutin on call.

  15. No look seriously shes not like that… (hopefully) Oh shiv what have i got myself in for??? you will never guess where i met her… Also with the shoes a HUGE lingerie (spelling?) collection and wardrobe, ex underwear model , property, share portfolio, $130 000 BMW hardtop convertible (black) are these warning signs ? who freakin cares she can have her way with me do what she freakin well likes , I admit i may be shallow but she is my DREAM woman its not just her looks i assure you . Multi faceted and paradoxial ? ( is that a word ?) caring kind and natural ( no make up etc ) she has only had two relationships in her life and hopefully im the third and last ! im keen to grow old disgracefully with this one!

          • like Mystic said … yer catnip.

            But hey if that’s what you want to be then go right ahead. However since you’ve apparently got your head firmly wedged up your own ass at the moment and have lost all perspective I would suggest you honestly ask yourself “what have I got to offer this woman?”. Anyway didn’t she cancel your first date?? Oh sorry I forgot that unavailability and disinterest are an aphrodiesiac to Aqua blokes.

        • ok, this in response to ms. prowln there– YOU ARE SO RIGHT about aqua blokes and unavailability & disinterest!!!!!!!!

          i would probably still be with the aquaman if i had ignored, been less available, been more aloof or said “no” more often.

          well, that and if that thai waiter had actually even LOOKED at him during dinner. *laugh* that’s not MY fault right? *wink*

          • Actually I have little experience on the subject of Aqua men personally. I’ve just taken notes from this blog and it seems to be somewhat of a theme from various writers – that they’re all gungho when you don’t give a shit and mysteriously disappear when you do?

            *shrugs* dunno, although I do have a few Aqua women friends and they are incredibly loyal – if not a bit mad. But that suits me fine! :)

            sorry for your loss.

    • Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing to hit a little speed bump there Damon. Pretend you’re Saturn and go into this relationship nice and slow and with eyes and ears wide open. Engage your critical faculties somewhat (pretend you’re a Virgo or Capricorn, lol!) if only to protect your feelings/sanity. You may have idealized her a little too much, and this could be offputting to her. She might have baulked that things escalated a little too fast.

      Best of luck. You’re a sensitive dude, take care of yourself.

  16. Think I might with prowlncat on this one … 160 pairs of shoes sounds slightly batso-intriguing.

    Here’s hoping she doesn’t have any scary-as-shit bone heels in her collection.

    Think I’ve changed my mind and decided that a triple-Scorp (Sun, Asc AND Moon) would wear these shoes during a Dark Moon as a warning to, well, pretty much anyone, a la Andrew: ‘fuq with me, bitches, and you’ll become the matching handbag and cigarette case I’ve always wanted’.

  17. Jeez that hurt prowlin… i have got alot to offer her . Compainship, loyalty, love , partnership, mentor to her 10 yr old son, she may be wealthy and i may be poor but i still have things to offer , i couldnt care if she rented a caravan and rode a bicycle to work. I admit it worries me and when i met her i said id never go for someone like you cause you look like a high roller and im basically a surfer bum. I said you way out of my league and she looked at me and said “why?” i said cause im ten years older , surfer bum, own nothing and basically have no commitments in my life , and have you looked in the mirror lately your a freakin babe. I think that seriously prowlin i can offer her a laid back , cruisy, no nonsense un pretensive no bullshit guy that is a breath of fresh air in the world of real estate, computers, stock brokers, salesmen, big business men with egos the size of a small european country! im just me ,plain and simple and i wont change my identity for a fuqin movie star , a princess, or a spoilt rich daddys little girl! From what i can gather and believe me i was suspicious she has done extremely well from good property investments and VERY lucky with some stock/share investments. Also inherited her dads estate as he passed last year. She bought the BMW because she had her thyroid removed last year also and was hospitalised for 3 months recovering from thyroid cancer so she bought herself a nice car because it has a habit of coming back and she didnt know how long she may have here. Ive met royalty , some of the richest peeps in Australia , movie stars, pro sportsmen etc and i couldnt give a shiv how much money you have or what kind of car you own . People are people and we are all the same!

        • I was just literally lol-ing! In a positive way y’know? I enjoyed your little rant and the upbeat ending is all. Good luck with Kataka Woman, sound like you are having an interesting time, it’s wot life’s about isn’t it?!

    • the 160 pairs of shoes i cant really explain……… wouldnt ALL women have a pair for every day of the year if they could afford it??? admit it !!! you all would!!!!

      • nope, not all women – not even remotely. i have boots, havianas, cons and a pair of heels. and im set.

        – *heads up: not all women are the same damons ;)

        • Me three, Wear my cons pretty much all year around, boots when it’s raining and thongs in summer. I have a pair of wedges for special occasions.
          I hate fashion and shopping and live in jeans and t-shirt. Clothes are such a waste of money.

      • nope not me either …..how could I possibly justify that with so many homeless children and abused animals and unsustainable life practices and my business and hungry people in the world! My conscience would kill me if my ego dared to spend that much money on shoes – or clothes for that matter.

      • Stress not Dams listen to a Leo gal. it is no shame f if she had a lot of shoes. Its a sign of intelligence if she is a Leo or a Libra if not then you are in BIG trouble

        Anyhoo if she is a model she was probably given most of them for free so what. I’d have 160 pairs if I had the money. I have about 30 and would have alot more if i had the room and handbags don’t start me. Tthey take up sooo much room but are sooo gorg

        • How can shoes be a sign of intelligence. That’s such a dumb thing to say!

    • dude, from what you wrote before, i thought she was some shy wounded girl… now you say shes a spoilt rich daddy’s little girl princess?? sure, those things arent mutually exclusive…but maybe theres an example of that little thing called projection i was talking about earlier? maybe just she is what you see her to be?

    • Damons … sweetie … if my comment was hurtful to you, I can honestly say it was intended in the same way I would deliver a short, sharp verbal alert to a child about to stick their paw into a flaming fire coz something in there looked “preeeeetttyyyy”.

      If you recall – my question was “what have I got to offer THIS woman?” not “what do you have to offer?” in general. Of course you have plenty to offer.

      Have you questioned whether your best attributes and qualities are useful in this situation? Or have you just projected ideas of your own suitability on to the object in question i.e “Jessica” without having consulted with her first regarding what it is she values and wants in a relationship because it conveniently justifies your own lust factor?

      • Shes not perfect and there is things i dont like about her and i bet there are things she doesnt like about me. Tomorrow we will have the day together to talk and get to know eachother alot better . Im just going with my heart prowlin , shiv i like her , alot. My whole life ive had dealings with crossed paths with some really ” wealthy, successful , wise, intelligent peeps, even so called spiritual masters , people at the top of their field,and im a no body with a crap education, no money or possesions and seriously ive turned the tables on these folks and they have walked away friends , ive left my mark on them for life, its just who i am or maybe i dont know who i am yet? all i know is i like her heaps and im going for it, and maybe its my naievety ( spelling) my simpleness or as the fair minded and highly educated ones say its my aspergers brain. Well fuq that im just me! P.S i still like you prowlin….

      • in all honesty prowlin i have nothing to offer her, nada, zip, fuq all. This woman has it all , money, a son , property, security, brains, could have any man she wanted its beyond me what she wants from me ? Im clueless as to what she sees in me , why she hasnt told me to fuq off and i gave her the chance a few weeks ago…. i dont know.

          • Just maybe Mystic. Wouldnt be nice if it were that simple! Girl meets boy , boy likes girl, girl flirts with boy (for 4 months) boy thinks too much shes too good for boy, girl throws herself at boy, clueless boy thinks girl may like him, boy asks girl out, girl says yes then bails on boy, boy stresses out thinking he has lost chance with girl, girl rings boy , boy takes girl out for the day, boy just wants to kiss girl!

        • dude! calm down

          You remind me of that movie (yessss I watched it no stick please) Sweet Home Alabama. You know where Reece buggers off to be a famous fashion designer engaged to a Senator’s son and has to come home to ex-boy?? Right so he’s been busy creating awesome glasswork created by lightening!!! So Aqua .. dunno why that seemed relevant.

          • I remember that movie and do you know i actually tried to make those glass thingies down the beach once . Yeah shivad to the eyeballs driving steel pickets into the sand with a sledge hammer during an electrical storm….. i survived obviously and no it didnt work and all the crew thought id finally lost it once and for all… and ive calmed down , Mystic calmed me down with four words. “Maybe she fancies you?” i just read the whole rant and i realise ive been a touch edgy and somewhat defensive of my Jessica. Forgive me please , enough for one night ive got a big day tomorrow and ill be lucky if i get any sleep tonight as it is. Thanks though and i love you all. u espesh prowlin ;)

          • Oh damons, I know I’ve been on your case but one last little thing… Calling her ‘my’ when you aren’t even together yet- bit too
            much dude. As in- stalker too much. Obsession-y. I know that would freak me out if a guy, no matter how sweet, was calling me that when we haven’t started dating. Just my opinion but seriously, you might want to dial it down a notch. For all you know, she has a sagg rising and is running for the hills purely because its no longer ‘flirting’ and instead has possibility of becoming real.

            Good luck tomorrow mate- have some bach flower remedies and chill out… :)

          • Hey prowln. I’m about to move to Perth and am trying to find a good GP over there – you wouldn’t happen to know of one would you? It’s a bit out of context I know – nothing to do with shoes or obsessive love…hope you don’t mind. xx

          • hey Moonflower … sorry I’m not your woman for doctorly advice since I avoid them like plagues, inedible fungi and other noxious substances. I shall ask my Virgo bestie since she is typically a hypochondriac – however it will depend on where you’re planning to live? North shore, south of the river … makes all the diff. Is there anything specific you’re looking for? You can email me off blog if you like prowlncat@hotmail.com

  18. Noooooooo saturn needs to stay away from the cardinal signs, that’s all i am! cardinal cardinal cardinal ….. noooooooooo!!!!!

  19. These shoes are kind of an F U aren’t they? I can think of all kinds of places and situations where these shoes will make a F U statement. Church, wedding, in-laws for Christmas….

  20. I find them intriguing and yes, I would step out in those. Perhaps with a pair of flowing jersey flares over the top so every now and then folks would catch a glimpse of those mad heels and have a what the? moment. Oh yeah.

    Isn’t there something above Virgos being ruled by the feet, or vice versa? Or is that troubles with feet for Va Va Virgo?

  21. How did I miss this thread ? Juicy, no . It was the shoes, put me off. Damo, mate, take it while it’s there, don’t worry if it goes. It all sounds complicated but it’s what happens when you touch that’s going to count, if it’s mutual magic then all the rest is just detail. Keep it real, all the money and objects in the world mean nothing, nothing, be proud of who you are and last thing, take no shit from this one, none. At the first sign of it walk. Hehe have a good day.

    • **Applause** LOVE wot you said davidl.. yep, take it while it’s there damons. Listen you’re a big boy, ok.. that doesn’t sound quite right coming from moi, but davidl’s right, irrespective of the argument about shoes/money/etc.

      This is not a job application, it’s a potential something. Just worry about your bit and keep it real, if it doesn’t go anywhere you’ll see it soon enough I hope. Peeps have a good point about calming down, out of concern for you…I just think you go and get to know her, and see how it feels. “Take no shit” is definitely good advice.

  22. Oh and lastly, damons..I just want to say really, thanks for sharing. It’s nice and refreshing to see a bloke so gung ho once in a while. I’ve definitely weighed in with my comments but I’m also thinking that..perhaps you ought not say much about this for a moment.

    What I’m saying is this. There’s a lot going on in your head and heart right now, Jessica seems to have a lot of impact. And much as I’d love to hear more about how this story unfolds, and I am deathly curious as to how you met, I also feel its important to give it some privacy and let it have some silence. Most peeps including myself have worried about you, weighed in, helped. It’s all well intended.

    But I do think it creates layers and layers of thought which may obscure things for you. What is that analogy? When something buds, you don’t fret at it and let it have what it needs to either take root or not. You don’t keep digging round the soil. There’s always some drama when we feel ourselves falling for someone, life is much much brighter or terribly darker depending on what’s occurring at the time.

    It’s important you hear your own voice on this. After all, we’ll all still be here to listen. I’m not saying go away, I’m saying give it some peace, spend the day with her, listen to yourself and go from there.

    I admire davidl for saying “be proud of who you are”, excellent advice. If you over-think that aspect of it, you know something will always be less or more..and strictly from a theoretical perspective, it may cause you to freeze or question yourself. What’s ironic is that those differences/inequalities can often be what brings us or keeps us in relationship, balanced of course with other shared commonalities you may find out or later develop.

    I’m confident you have something of value for her, otherwise she wouldn’t have come to you. What I don’t know is what she has of value to offer you, beyond the surface things we know. I don’t need to answer that question but YOU do. So get to know her, give yourselves some space to evolve and most of all, try to enjoy it. She may really just fancy you, how long it lasts well.. who has guarantees?

    Ride the wave, damons. And have the time of it.

  23. ok all points and advice taken on board. Thankyou. As i learnt from last time when i was bleeding about Kara which i realise may have been painful and dreary to some of you guys i kinda thought dont go blabbing all the personal details over the internet again with this this girl. Her name is not Jessica, its just a name that i fancy. Her real name shal remain nameless and no more details . I appreciate all of your concern and im very touched . Today was one of the best days of my life in a way that forget my days with Nicole Kidman being with her today was surreal i had to pinch myself , she had to navigate because i was off on another planet. Without disclosing any more details i feel very special at this point in time and i seriously” love youse all “

  24. love DSquared

    Makes me happy when humour is injected into style. I hope they are balanced heels though, one actress I was dressing bought the lightning bolt backed ones a few seasons ago and they were great to look at but not stable to walk in on tiled floor. she nearly did a knee skid

    I had venus-saggi culled and 20 kilo limit favs are the only survivors of shoe-drobe.

    they are scorp friendly for this one :)

  25. What is with all these designers and their torture shoes ?..

    …I mean r-e-a-l-l-y.

  26. i have NO idea why but these things to me just say Cap… Maybe its the bone? the history to the practical?
    thats my vote anyway..

  27. Shoes (black bandages) and spine heels scream “aching back” to me.

    I find most of these types of shoes and like the Gladiator for example, hideously unflattering to the female frame. I like my ankles…