AM sorting out the archives and this is SO FUN I think I am going to bung it right here, right now – Because not all of us have shared…YET.
YOUR WEIRDEST FLATMATE WAS WHAT SIGN?! Or housemate/roomate, whatever?
I have three contenders for this…And, to be fair, I am sure that i was someone’s weirdest flatmate myself. I think it is always worth acknowledging that point.But these flatmates were all joyously raving astro-cliches…By which i mean SO true to the most trite traits of their Sun Sign that it was – at best – archetypal.
* Flatmate One: Female – Sagg.
Alarmingly athletic, leggy, toothy, tanned and super-candid to a point that stunned people. She spent all her spare money on sports equipment that she was totally thrilled about. So my friends and I blew $ we didn’t have on booze, shoes, poetry and perfume – hers went on kayaks, mountain bikes, new running shoes, skis – fresh sports socks if she really broke. Had a banker boyfriend whom, she candidly admitted, was to “facilitate” international snowboarding excursions. Also prone to fleeting but very-intense-whilst-they-lasted-lust-crush-fixations on men whom she would blatantly stalk. Slept nude. Opened door in the nude. Studied in the nude. Rarely drank due to usually having to be up at 4.30 am for some kind of run or kayaking event but when she did get On It, Sagg-Flatmate would quickly go from ‘one glass of wine after tutorial’ to debating law with bouncers trying to eject her for dancing topless on the table.
* Flatmate Two: Male – Aquarius.
Much older bearded Gestalt therapist and frequenter of workshops. Recently divorced and the part-time parent of two daughters, he populated his house with teenage student flatmates a la the incentive: ‘live here, close to uni, I am so cool with you bringing all your fabulous friends around and partying day and night…Truly relaxed living, no hassles etc.’ It did not occur to me until years later that this may have been the source of his frequent day-long domestics with his ex-wife on the verandah. Fave Saying: ‘that’s your shit…’ Morphed between being quite fascinating a la discussing mythology et al to pompous and ostentatious meditating in the middle of the living room with Nag Champa burning and his horrid white belly freaking out his cute-teenage-flatmates + their lovers and then again to cannabis-inspired creepy investigative candour and flaccid passes.
* Flatmate Three – THE WINNER OF MY PERSONAL WEIRD FLATMATE COMP: Male – Aries...
V.short and muscular. Had huge pile of smut in the living room, not really looked at and just magazines but there to make the point that he could. He constantly denounced feminism, in really bonkers ways. And would get visibly thrilled if you argued with him about it. Like visibly. Beads of sweat on brow, unbuttoning his shirt a bit and let’s open another bottle of wine. Read endless tracts of stuff such as Shere Hite and Germaine Greer to get his “ammo.” Slept between sheep and goat skins as did not approve of sheets. Had v.expensive stereo etc but always kept doors/windows unlocked because – he said – his karma was so fantastic. Could not go three sentences in any conversation without doing pull-ups on the nearest door frame. Opinionated to the point that he was constantly getting into fights with people, which he enjoyed. Aries Flatmate had no formal martial arts training but genuinely loved fighting, especially if he could keep mouthing off whilst doing it. Blamed his frequent turnover of woman friends on Feminism.