Astro-Gaga: Another Competition
Craig McDean – Interview Magazine
Rightio.
Three Months Of Alpha Mystic (Daily Mystic to your in-box, Daily, Weekly + Monthly Scopes and the Saturn Girl Scheduler) is the prize for the person with the best astro-analysis of this scenario.
I am just absolutely mystified. To me it vaguely vibes of Piscean teenagers rendered completely nuts by the blast of invective and lecture-rant of the Capricorn parents who have just arrived home to find that nothing on the to-do list has been done. But I am sure you guys can do better than that.
serves me right for looking at my twitter feed.. now I’m not going to get ANY work done (can also blame mars retro right?)…
well, the chick in the front is a Cancer with Aquarius rising, and is all dressed up for a performance art piece – the hair covering face will stand in until she dons her mask (which references both cow-goddesses and native american shamans)..she is practicing standing very, very still so that no one notices her.
her gbf (gay best friend) behind her is a Pisces, Leo rising (hence the shaved head -protest- and shirtlessness – exhibitionism).. and is rehearsing his poetry-performance-art routine in front of the mirror (not in frame) while discreetly checking if his track-marks are healed up (he HAs been to rehab where he learned to express his soul’s needs via art and poetry).
the chick at the back is a Capricorn and definitely doesn’t give a fuq about what’s going on as she is cramming for an exam and is stuck with her loser younger sister and her equally loserish gbf until her parents get home to make sure they don’t do any more damage to the living room (which they redecorated in protest to bourgois values and animal rights – too much leather and laura ashley – don’t ask, the parents are both
Geminis)
Oh, I should have said ‘deconstructed’ in protest… and also gbf’s head is shaved as it is IRONIC and is shirtless so that all can admire what he considers to be perfect physique but which the Capricorn Big Sister thinks is pasty and inferior to her Aries boyfriend.
Beautiful. Hysterical.
The woman is obviously a Gemini, the Evil Twin is in front, glaring at the camera, while the Good Twin sits sedately in the background, reading a magazine, waiting for her turn in the foreground.
The man is obviously a Libra. He is facing away, lost inside his head thinking, literally tying himself in a knot, trying to form a mental image of whether he can deal with either of the twins.
They are three WA Academy of Perming Art (WAAPA) students. All are completely spoiled and from well to do families. All way too convinced of their own ‘incredible talent that is going to change the arts scene forever.’
Halfway through their first year, their parents have kicked them out and bought them an apartment (Subiaco of course) so they don’t have to put up with their drama.
They’ve been trying to unpack etc. for about a week now, and so far the only opened has been several bottle of wine and champagne. Aries w/ Virgo Moon in the background has collapsed in a sulking heap. Nobody will listen to he instructions and follow the list of who needs to do what.
The Leo boy is far too absorbed in creating an interpretive dance piece that tells the story of the struggle of his moving out from riverside Dalkieth mansion to a place with just 2 bathrooms and no maid. Most of his moves far more resemble flexing and stretching than dancing, and it’s so hard to get them right…. How long until they get the wall-length mirror installed?
Libra-girl up front, dressed as feels is appropriate for unpacking is moving towards the door. That cute guy from the country she met on the train and his equally cute just-moved-to-the-city best mate have just turned up to, “help her move a few things.” She’s practicing her best dishevelled and desparate (but still oh so chic) look. Aries girl has just caught on and already eyeing off the cutest.
I love this Nate.
As a graduate of a not dissimilar institution, I applaud your sharp perception there Nate. Plus, it’s damn funny.
i love this one..
Ballet class at the insane asylum.
Meth addicts during Mars Retrograde!
Oh Oh, teen Ouija night went horribly wrong.
This threesome have been experimenting in sexual ambiguity for the last couple of weeks and last night went looking for answers in consulting The Board.
After a series of Yes/No questions about hair products and clothing labels most advised for perfecting androgyny, they dug deeper and summoned the spirit of Pete Burns’ lips.
Virgo up the back was vacuuming when the others dropped by, hence the housefrau-meets-cancan hairdo. When the board exploded it literally shocked her shoes off. She was zapped with all the souls of mistyped words, they are still coming at her and she has fallen into a waking coma of despair for the future.
Young sensitive Aries boy has had all his questions answered. He’s now possessed by the living ghost of Twyla Tharp, allowing the movement of his body through time and space to teach him that all concepts of sexuality are meaningless as in the end we are never capable of becoming one with another body. He’ll excuse himself soon to have a wank.
Aquarian up the front lost half her blouse in the bang. She’s become a human antenna, receiving endless 80′s retro tunes from hair-metal to glam-rock to synthetic-new-romance, they could tune her like a jukebox of knowledge if they just knew where to find the dial and could wake from their own little worlds.
LOVE this! I may never stop laughing ahahahahahaha
Hilarious!
Love all the above interps but Lexicorn that is so funny! Exploding ouija board, the souls of mistyped words, Aries boy possessed by Twyla Tharp & excusing himself… I cannot stop laughing! Thank you, oh clever Lexicorn.
xx
Poor lad is Mars retro gone awol; a Leo who shaved his head during the Plutoshitzone dark Cap moon in attempts at re-invigorating zen Saturnine silhouette, but then discovers hideous creases in elbows & is desperately trying to yoga/meditate them out…Pisces rising & immersed in a sulk cos Scorp geniuschic is not vibing him AT all…
Thats a mannequin at front, wearing a fully recyclable, made from ceiling paint Uranus in Aries get-up that Scorp geniuschic chilling on floor has innovated in marathon prep for her Project Runway audition…Aqua rising & just having a wee moment of automatic writing come on her re:zingy Chiron Neptune transit.
I think it’s a home for unwanted models. lol Actually scratch that, it’s a reality show SET in a home for unwanted models. Girl in the background is a Cancer w Libra rising facebooking mum about her depression at having no work “what else can I do with this beauty?” Foreground gal – Sag trying to amp it up for the camera’s – but they’re not working – the cameras OR the outfit. And the shaved head chick – Aries. With that look she has to be a fiery, aggressive, poser Ramzilla.
No offense to any of the above signs.
The Aquarian chick had been staring open-mouthed in the mirror for half an hour with the fan blowing in her face. The copious amounts of LSD and absinthe she had enjoyed last night, now seemed to be enjoying her.
Her host was a young Taurean who sat flicking through design mags and was hoping her guests would come down and leave her new pad soon. She had lots to do before the LSD wore off and she wasn’t going to be sharing her uppers with those losers.
Virgo Boy was sure he had never seen those moles on his arm before. Did he have skin cancer? Was it his imagination or was there a constellation on his arm? “OMG”, he thought, “it’s full of stars…”.
But of course. He’s Virgo and his moles are talking to him!! LOVE IT.
It’s heroin chic. Trainspotting goes designer.
Yes, this is after they each sold 3 pints of blood to the bank for extra cash. The silence is now tense, and they are poised for an argument as someone forgot to set some money aside for food. Libran Boy is pensive as he sold his shirt only to remember there’s barely any of him left or that he would come off looking like a delicate Nazi.
The Piscean/Aqua Rising/Gem Moon Girl in front doesn’t give a crap, she’s standing still as a performance art – considering she’s so hopped up on heroin, it truly is an effort. The Cap chick in the back looks up at them disdainfully and thinks, effing addicts, she’s the only one who knows what’s up..and busily goes back to calculating how she can dilute the rest of the stash and re-sell it for profit. Sod Art when there’s money to be made. Someone has to buy the damn furniture.
Well, someone hurled in the parking lot outside the back door where I work and her outfit and it’s colors look rather similar.
Dude is meditating on his track marks.
She, in the front, is a Scorpio by those boots alone. Her hair has gone bats due to Mars Retrograde, but she’s diggin’ the fresh-out-of-bed look, as it gives her ammunition to use on the intellectual types at the bookshop down the block from her apartment-slash-studio-slash-venue-slash-site-specific-art installation (she’s got Gemini Rising and loves to wax bullshitic).
He is her Piscean lover, fresh on a mega-martyrdom-bender, weeping and Oh Woe Is Me, for he has to deal with her fits of sooooo not transcendent lust and jealousy. He is really only with her because she’s been around the block a little and he, in the goodness of his fishy soul, wants to save her as best he can through Spiritually Significant Sex.
Their poor friend is a nice Aries-girl tomboy, tired of all this watery bullshit. She just wants both of them to quit feeeeeeeellllllinnnngggg and start doing, preferably in bare feet, not bondage boots.
They’re all (repressed signs) on a conference call that just cut their budget for the get-rich-quick sushi train restaurant they wanted to launch in a tourist strip mall in Cairns. The girl upfront is an aquarius signaling that things will all get better as soon as her jacket picks up a radio wave from the Woolongong college radio that signals frequency from the natives on Mars….while the Cancer boy is channeling the ‘I knew this would happen because I second guessed myself, and this is proof that when I think about it too much it’s destined to happen’ by strengthening his forearms… in case he has to flex his right hook prowess on the virgo over the phone in the near future. The sagittarius in the background is like, ‘well at least this is a serendipitous story I can pen in my memoirs about how bolting is always the answer to a crisis…I might as well stretch my legs now, so that by the time that aquarius has turned around she’ll see my trail of fire and one day come to appreciate the greater perspective in all of this….she’ll respect my utopian philosophy when she chokes on all those empty carbs! “
This is a safe house for survivors of Virgo flatmates, doubling as headquarters for the ‘grot militia’, an anti-Virgo terrorist organization. They congregate to throw crap around, pass wind and wear unironed clothes, as well as to plan their attacks.
Their next attack involves unleashing a mouse into Karl Lagerfeld’s parquetted boudoir at his Rive Gauche townhouse, but without the organizational skills of an actual Virgo, the plans are quickly turning to shite. The Aqua seated on the floor is playing the Sims and tweeting about her ingrown toenail, and Monsieur Pisces is searching for his navel. Delia Antwerp Aaars, in the foreground resembling a totem pole, was on her way to the fridge for a shot of Stoli when she spied the Virgoan landlady peeking through the kitchen window. The look of disapproval on the Virgo’s face turned poor Delia to stone.
safe house… to pass wind?!!! Love your work Uber.
Delia does look frozen with blank astonishment. Maybe she has just let one rip and it surprised even her by its force. Well, she is an air sign. Who would’ve known that the cauliflower soup she supped on so delicately at lunch with the Count would later blow her fringe sideways, fog up the windows and frizz the hair on the Aqua (the blast would have blown it right off had she not been wearing the head band).
Such a barbaric scenario offends even the least civilized Virgo. Pass the nervatona.
Hahahha,
delia Antwerp Aars is to mystic medusa as ‘thanksgiving skants dude’ is to the REGRETSY website. http://www.regretsy.com…i hope you’re wearing an incontinence pad when you see this site, cos’ youll probably piss yourself laughing.
I can’t stop laughing.
I meant at Uber Virgo’s scenario.
may i have a go?
ok
the girl at the front is a Saggo who has Saturn transisting directly over her Ascendant which btw is a Virgo noting the use oF seriously blacky eye makeup!
She is the TRUE FAN of Saturn Girl! Ripping back her hippy hear to reveal a black dignified untangling hair device – A COMB!
Saturn is leading her through an entire stage of self analysis (which are soooo present throughout all teen years) By letting ‘Katrina’ (her name) divy between the hippy and the stationary junkie. Shes is asking the big questions like:
“Do i want to travel across europe via Gypsie backpack?”
or
“Do i want to sniff, name and annotate all of the colours of the Derwent pencil collection library?”
No. 2
The guy doing the arm excersises is an arien with a tauren rising finding Katrina’s topic of conversation boring he decideds to take off his top and take another look at his “work of art”, noting all the aspects while telling his friend on the floor of the amount of reps he did the night before and how he “so totally picked up this hot chick in his fully sick nison skyliner yuleh!”
But having the Tuarean ascendant he takes pride in what he wears and boast about his pure Armani shoes and the entire collection he has residing in his wardrobe at home before moving onto how many pushups his done in that room alone!
No3. A clear Piscean by the name of Ernesta Nowbutt, a kindergarden teacher, she has taken refuge on the floor as both her companions are boring the hell outa her with there talk of material things and situations. Muscles and Careers are of no importance to her, instead she thinks about her garden and the large pond she is having built. She took her shoes off in protest about the rooms plain and bland colour scheme, she is planning on getting her group of 3-4yr olds to go absolutely nuts with several buckets of neon coloured paint and brushes and give the room a new authenticity -
an authenticity of LIFE!
oh and why are they all together in this room? Saturn returning saggo has purchased the property in a hysterical frantic hope that this will help her make a final decision with her life. She however forgot to mention that to her roommates – NO2 – NO3
well there’s my bit! M-M
THIS IS ME BTW – some reason it didnt show up
Go Matty! And the competition is FIERCE for this one.
I think they are a gang of piscean teenagers rendered nuts by a blast of injective! Or he is an ariean with a hurt shoulder from hula hooping too strenuously and she is a sagittarian about to do an emo interpretation of river dance.
emo interpretation of river dance
Tangent, THAT is funny.
i say they are a bunch of depressed leos and librans standing in a room trying to look trendy after being lured in with a full length mirror and free hair cuts!, not to mention auditions to the new upcoming hit TV show.
What we see here are new age specialists in ‘spiritually cleansing’ nouveau retail floor spaces before boutique owners open them. At least thats what the gullable upper middle class shop owners think. Its really just an elaborate scam by three business minded Triple-Threat Thespians to wreak some havoc and get some dosh for their next drug/haute fashion hit that has carried them (so far) through their early twenties.
The Two in full focus are actually the performers of the rituals physicalities. The girl, an aquarian with Leo rising has rubbed some soot around her eyes as well as a wrapping herself in a stripped off piece of wallpaper. With her ‘psychic abilities’ she is picking up on frequencies and plying them with cleansing energies. In real life, she is a bit of a narcissist. She’s the girl at the party that gets drunk way too early, demands attention, ends up kissing a boy and then bursting into tears in his lap before they reach third base.
The guy, a gay libran with a capricorn rising is about to perform the motion of cleansing through the interpretive language of dance. he has venus in saggitarius and as such hates to be tied down in relationships. A perpetual bottom, he will drift through life, from hook up to hook up high on the scent of his own success.
The curly haired girl in the corner is on her apple laptop handling the transaction deets before the other two let loose. shrewd, calculating and one step ahead, she prefers to plan and scheme than be one of the queens on centre stage. With a Capricorn sun, a mercury in aries and a taurus ascendant she can come across cold, but more often than not ends up feeling her fair share of guilt later….
it’s all a bit ‘shooting fish’ really
another fabulous & highly plausible interp. This thread is the best laugh I’ve had all week. Thanks everyone.
I completely love this and think you are hysterical, but I’m going to exercise a Virgoan Point-Of-Order… Capricorn Sun can’t have an Aries Mercury – unless they are born in some mystical 5th dimension parallel to our own, or perhaps on another planet, which I think might make this story even better. They are, quite possibly, aliens, trying to make a living now that they’re stuck on earth.
Apologies, I am having SUCH a Virgo day. x
Congrats Nico, nice work, very thoughtful!!
I thought establishing this commune was going to be easy.
i am completely niave, but they seem like leos with virgo rising, or they just watched some arty minimalist b&w docko and the picture was taken from a mirror.
it annoys me. (says the libra sun, virgo rising, leo moon homosexual.)
These are all great but i am giving the prize of three months Alpha Mystic subscription to Nico…pls e-mail me…