The Headtime Serenity Helmet: Which Sign?

Filed in Astro Gadgets


Come on, which sign would be most likely to purchase (price not yet available) the new Kinatech, Headtime Serenity Helmet?

This lady looks like a Libran and she is glancing down at the Saturn in Libra schedule for the next three years, noting with what-would-be-alarm-if-she-had-not-switched-the-Serenity-Helmet-to-high that Saturn squares Pluto again AND opposes Uranus.  Lucky Librans don’t swear, non?

Anyway, it has internal power and heating, 29 silicone balls for acupressure and ceramic thingies that knead one’s scalp + it emits soothing sounds such as waves, birdsong and creeks.  I think it should also come with hypno tracks but this is definitely a start.

Which sign?  Here are my theories…

Aries – No way, Aries have their own automatic inbuilt cranial genius settings and don’t need gadgets to invoke genius, thank you very much and did they tell you about the time they…?

Taurus – Probably not. Haven’t these Headtime lunatics ever heard of sex, gardening and/or eating?

Gemini – Their helmet is being couriered over as you read this.

Kataka – No fuqing way. What if it imploded and nuked their limbic system or something. They will stick to lavender oil.

Leo – Only if their hairdressers get one installed and then it will be fine. Otherwise, nothing goes NEAR their brain that might affect hair lustre, colour or texture.

Virgo -If it is likely to enhance performance and they can wear it whilst spreadsheeting, cleaning and writing obsessive compulsive lists, YES! How does one clean it and does it come with a guarantee?

Libra -No because Librans consider themselves responsible for the ongoing employment of half the world’s massage therapists & they would rather have a devoted practitioner/quasi-maid managing their tension and restoring balance than an impersonal machine.

Scorpio – Yes, when the Kundalini and Tantric Orgasm enhancing version comes out.

Sagittarius – totally, for use during parties, in the bath (to do; check is okay) and on long plane trips and Saggo would also investigate whether it would double as a mountain biking and cross-country ski helmet as well. I mean, why not?

Capricorn – Have these idiots at Headtime never heard of discipline-induced tranquility from the satisfaction of a job well done and superior functioning in all areas of life? A proper exercise and nutrition regime with a reasonable work ethic will suffice. Yet another rip-off.

Aquarius – Only if those ceramic things can help to open the Third Eye, zap Aquarians into the 10th Dimension and it also runs on Dark Matter should the batteries fail.

Pisces – It would be awesome to have a small party with everyone wearing them and a few drinks, see what sort of dialogue the altered consciousness would induce.

28 thoughts on “The Headtime Serenity Helmet: Which Sign?

  1. Kataka – No fuqing way. What if it imploded and nuked their limbic system or something. They will stick to lavender oil. AGREED!

    lol at your scorp and saggo comment, even cappy – I imagined my son thinking that

  2. Mystic, your genius interpretations are impeccable. i agree with all of them (esp pisces, cap and gemini my 3 main influences ) :)

  3. ‘Pisces – It would be awesome to have a small party with everyone wearing them and a few drinks, see what sort of dialogue the altered consciousness would induce.’

    Nah…pisces not interested…pisces would rip off the wedding ring, the corporate jacket (see above pic) and the (obligatory, see pic above) heels and frolick through the green, grassy hills behind with the chamomile tea (as per above) in a portable container.

    Get the thing off my head and let me get these shoes off – let me breathe for godssake

    • Yeah! Take off everything but the helmet. The helmet promises something not easily seen with the mind’s eye. Spike my tea! Must have friends to experience it with. No schedules or demands. Just fun!

  4. Are you kidding me. No fuqing way would i wear that!!! It’s so unbelievably hideous! Even if there was a Kundalini and Tantric Orgasm enhanced version.

    I agree with the Cap interpretation though, being a Cap rising.

  5. The shape, the padding seems to suggest it comes with an inbuilt guarantee as a giver of helmet hair…actually even if I had a hairdresser standing by to fix it, it just looks suss. Sort of like a more tech version of tinfoil that people create to stop aliens from reading their thoughts.

    I’d rather self generate my own serenity.

  6. You had me at “29 silicone balls for acupressure and ceramic thingies that knead one’s scalp” – I think my breathing rate actually changed when I read that. (Naturally I would prefer a live massage therapist, but who can afford that these days?)

  7. Aqua to the max on this one. Jsut to tell all their friends they’ve got one- even if they are afraid it might actually work and make them feel “normal” for a while. But it wouldn;’t be long before it goes in the garoage with all th other gadgets they’ve bought over the years.
    My leo secretly wants one for those times when the red wine is not touching the sides – but yes with a hairdresser on standby of course.

  8. The comments are cute – I like it, but feel like it would get used once for fun or brought out at parties so I feel a bit Cappy about the whole concept really. I feel impatient at the thought of it really, the batteries or whatever would run out, can you imagine the tweeting in slo mo? I do like the idea of it at a hair salon! Leo sun speaking.

  9. Looks like something out of ‘Brave New World “. Soma-inducing theta waves…..altered states of consciousness with a turn of the dial.

  10. Being a massage therapist of course I’d have to give it a go to scope out the fuss and then of course being Aries and liking my head massaged would be curious how close to the real deal it comes.

    PIx cracks me up though as she looks like she’s at the beauty parlor.

    My little tip of the day is that when one cannot sleep, lay in bed and massage your scalp nice and deep. Guaranteed to get you yawning and off to nighty-nite. If someone can do it for you that’s fine too of course, but I like to get all the little nooks and crannies. Yes, Aries with Cappy Moon. I do everything better myself :)

  11. my saggo sun and pisces rising is more interested and curious than wierded out!
    it seems pretty cool – how heavy is it??

  12. The was an “Orgasmatron’, a wire thingie you put on your head to seduce endorhin flow.
    I prefer the Mind Machines with synchronised music. They were called ‘David’ with led lights.
    Incred experience they are. Used with subliminal tapes.

    Just had the best scalp massage 2 hours ago at the hairdresseres today with peppermint oils in the product to tingle the scalp…divine…with real hands doin’ it.

    The helmut is a bit bulky & constricting looking, maybe a tiny mini versio? Generally i do not like my head being touched, prefer foot massage & reflexology.
    Like Sweetpea, i massage me!

    • I used to have an orgasmatron…wonder what happened to it? worn out, i suppose…

      give me the foot massage any day – the head massage with real hands is always SO NOISY!!!!!!! yuck!

      Having a massage tomorrow – first for months. *sigh* can’t wait.

  13. As a scorpio rising who LOVES deals/anything farting the possibility I could try it out for free, I’d say yes if I can “try” it out like if it was something they were advertising at the mall. Get my kicks and either love it or hate it, and then move right along like I’d never seen it.

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