The Headtime Serenity Helmet: Which Sign?

Come on, which sign would be most likely to purchase (price not yet available) the new Kinatech, Headtime Serenity Helmet?

This lady looks like a Libran and she is glancing down at the Saturn in Libra schedule for the next three years, noting with what-would-be-alarm-if-she-had-not-switched-the-Serenity-Helmet-to-high that Saturn squares Pluto again AND opposes Uranus.  Lucky Librans don’t swear, non?

Anyway, it has internal power and heating, 29 silicone balls for acupressure and ceramic thingies that knead one’s scalp + it emits soothing sounds such as waves, birdsong and creeks.  I think it should also come with hypno tracks but this is definitely a start.

Which sign?  Here are my theories…

Aries – No way, Aries have their own automatic inbuilt cranial genius settings and don’t need gadgets to invoke genius, thank you very much and did they tell you about the time they…?

Taurus – Probably not. Haven’t these Headtime lunatics ever heard of sex, gardening and/or eating?

Gemini – Their helmet is being couriered over as you read this.

Kataka – No fuqing way. What if it imploded and nuked their limbic system or something. They will stick to lavender oil.

Leo – Only if their hairdressers get one installed and then it will be fine. Otherwise, nothing goes NEAR their brain that might affect hair lustre, colour or texture.

Virgo -If it is likely to enhance performance and they can wear it whilst spreadsheeting, cleaning and writing obsessive compulsive lists, YES! How does one clean it and does it come with a guarantee?

Libra -No because Librans consider themselves responsible for the ongoing employment of half the world’s massage therapists & they would rather have a devoted practitioner/quasi-maid managing their tension and restoring balance than an impersonal machine.

Scorpio – Yes, when the Kundalini and Tantric Orgasm enhancing version comes out.

Sagittarius – totally, for use during parties, in the bath (to do; check is okay) and on long plane trips and Saggo would also investigate whether it would double as a mountain biking and cross-country ski helmet as well. I mean, why not?

Capricorn – Have these idiots at Headtime never heard of discipline-induced tranquility from the satisfaction of a job well done and superior functioning in all areas of life? A proper exercise and nutrition regime with a reasonable work ethic will suffice. Yet another rip-off.

Aquarius – Only if those ceramic things can help to open the Third Eye, zap Aquarians into the 10th Dimension and it also runs on Dark Matter should the batteries fail.

Pisces – It would be awesome to have a small party with everyone wearing them and a few drinks, see what sort of dialogue the altered consciousness would induce.