Astro-Baby: Stork Theory 101

Filed in Horoscopes

Baby in Shell Art

So given that children tend to enquire from whence they came way before one has an explanation prepped, what do you tell them?

I got my son to watch the DVD of Where Did I Come From? when he was four and then asked if he had any questions. I think i was chanelling my Mars in Virgo. “Only one,” he said. “Did you have to do that to get me?” He’s Cancerian and they tend to be a bit funny about their mothers.

And when I airily explained the biology of it to my daughter, she sighed with total Gemini cynicism and rolled her big blue eyes. “I know all that boring stuff. I’m more interested in where i was before that.”

Of course, it’s way later when you get the tricky questions: “So, have you ever had a threesome?”  “Why did you leave X?” “Would you consider yourself hot?” “What is a fetish?” “Why do people dress up as the opposite sex?”  “What is an X rated movie?” “Is it true that the Dad of Jesus is a Ghost?” “How long were you a virgin for?”

SO what is the answer? Virgoan precision? Absolute Saggo candour?  Leo-Libra Social Engineering? Gemini-Piscean fibbing-procrastination?

Image: Herbert Draper

See Also: Your Moon Sign – Your Mothering Style

18 thoughts on “Astro-Baby: Stork Theory 101

  1. I don’t have time to properly answer this question as need to get to bed, but this past weekend, when I sat in the back seat of the car with my granddaughter (seven and a half) and shown her that she could put things in her bra for later (like lip gloss etc., as had told my daughter to stick her cell in her bra during graduation ceremony so we could communicate ), her eyes got so big like “wow!” Think she might remember that later on when she does wear one…

  2. Son number 1. Libran. Never asked, didn’t want to know when subject was broached late primary school years. Many of his questions (at a surprisingly early age) though I suspect were to really test me were – “Where does car oil come from? Can you eat it?” He always makes me think my answers through.

    Son number 2. Aries. Asked early about 4 where he come from. Gave him an abridged version which grew with more elaboration every time he asked and matured. I don’t like lying to kids.

    Though when they ask something I’ve already imparted to them numerous times I will say, “well a spaceship came down, a panda got out ate my brain and that’s why I didn’t ……”

  3. An ex work colleague of mine (Scorp) was asked by her Scorp son when he was 13 what a blow job was and did mum and dad partake in such things? hehe

    She was driving at the time and said she nearly crashed the car.

    Double fish 13 year old daughter hasn’t asked, but knows about it from someplace and considers it and boys gross. Which is fine by me.

    • Ha,ha,

      Reminds me of the time my ex found out about my oldest’s bladder infection @ 15 yrs old. She had confessed to me about the sex as I guessed from the symptoms but the Cancer ex was just to psychic for us to hide it from him. Following us to the emergency room he was so upset he drove off the road and then the cops came up behind him and stopped. Was like from out of a movie….lol…

      Daveyl, guess those Gemini’s just can’t help the curiosity, eh?

      Funny Taurean Love Expert as guess seven year old hones the ‘ol “expert” skills, eh? lol

      Frightening that your daughter had to see that Seabird but too much info. is usually better than less…

  4. My (leo/virgo) 12 year old girl thinks the whole thing is gross, she caught us once in a very compromising situation , no, we were not under the sheets, anyway she reckons that it has turned her off the idea completely. Like eeewwww…
    My (kataka/scorp) 9 year old boy couldn’t care less and was happy with the daddy planted a seed in mummy’s tummy story, and smiled when told how that was achieved.
    Now, my (gem/pisces) 6 year old is already a sex maniac, since he was 3 or 4 he discovered the intense pleasure of the ‘dry root’. Constantly asking about our most intimate details and talks about sexing girls at school. Once in front of a very conservative group of school parents when he was 4 ish he asked what it might feel like if so and so put his pippy in his botty. Well, you can imagine.
    We are very open about sexuality and relationships with our children, besides the 6 year old its all going fine.

  5. Toro nephew (then age 7) observing graffiti in playground: “Pussy Power… what’s does that mean?”

    Toro auntie (mindful of grandpa & grandpa in the car we’re about to get back into: “Ummm, maybe cats who are superheroes?”

    What I *wanted* to say was…ummm some people use the word pussy to mean vagina, so I guess they think vaginas are cool?

    He (and his parents) would have been quite ok with that answer…it was the potential for ongoing discussion in the car I couldn’t handle!

  6. Completely honest with 5 year old daughter, she is with me every step of the way, knows about my partners, gets correct though abridged answer to every question. Last question a bit hairy – having learnt about where she came from ie seed in mummy’s tummy coz dad n mum loved each other – she then went on to ask why i didn’t have a baby with current lover. had to get into discussion therefore about contraception and also about love and sex, and the fact that you can love people in different ways, which was quite funny, but also apt. Had a bad experience a couple of months ago on a remote beach where we were looking for shells – she wanted to know why a complete stranger tried to grab me (in front of her, it was really a very freaky experience), which led to having to explain that some men want things off women in a bad way, and then onto a discussion about how to yell and where to kick, which i happily demonstrated on the beach that day.
    I am determined that my daughter will know everything, and i will teach her self-respect and martial arts and buy her a double bed when she gets older.

    • Lord, that beach scene sounded a bit intense. Glad you got out of that okay.

      Having grown up Catholic, I appreciate the no nonsense, factual approach, and would have as a child. I reckon it makes for less neurosis later on, and less likelihood of mishaps with issues of consent, STDs or unwanted pregnancies. My parents held off telling me stuff, so I first heard about it in blown out terms from other eight year olds at school. Better for parents to get in ahead of that I think.

      It’s amazing what kids can handle. When his grandfather was dragged out of the closet, my eight year old nephew disagreed that he was gay. His reasoning? Granddad had fathered seven children, so he must be bi.

      Can’t argue with that.

  7. ah ha ha Mystic, love your kid anecdotes! :)

    cos I’ve been prego so many times the question has been covered as to how I got that way, so the girls seem ok with the whole deal. We also have a book called ‘Mummy Laid an Egg’ which humorously explains it all.

    come to think of it though – when I was preg with the dung bug my oldest two were slightly freaked on account of it all being too real (omg Mama had SEX!?) not to mention that they’ve learned about contraception at school so I lost a bit of cred (and rightly so).

  8. I keep it brief with my 6 y.o. but truthful. Call body parts by there proper name with no big deal attached to it , only answerthe specific question like, “where exactly did I come out of you?” without having to tell him how he got in there. Seems to satisfy so far. My mother is sag but had no way to speak of sex or anything so she just said it was all a big mystery to unfold at the right time and it kinda did for me. Asked her about her virginity once and she just said, “Well now, that would take away all my mystery wouldn’t it if I answered your questions.” And later, “I have a right to my own privacy.” I can’t argue with that. When I think about it, I think she respected my boundaries as a child and how I perceive my parents, who they are in my life. I do it differently to her but I like her style.

  9. My Mother told me i came out of a Clam Shell just like the beautiful pix.
    She must have loved ‘birth of venus’, the painting.
    ‘Venus in the half shell’ always amused me as a titled book because of
    of her saying that.
    Scorpio’s way i guess, then sent me to a Pyschologist to have him explain the details,
    whilst she sat outside the room with the door open so she could hear my response!
    Which was ‘HE DID THAT’! Then became rapidly interested in BEFORE ‘THAT':)

  10. really — wow they all sound amazing!
    my parents just told me the truth.. no stories no animals — but i was raised by a male and female aries! so their is absolutely no lies lol
    Matt

  11. I kept it very succinct. We saw a couple of hippos going at it during a zoo trip. They said what’s that and so i said they’re having it off. They saiid wot’s that and i said nearly everyone does it because it’s loads of fun and you can also have babies by doing it.
    What COMPLETELY creeps me out is that my son’s father has said he intends to have a little father to son chat about sexual technique with him. We are still negotiating a settlement so i could not really say what i wanted to say but is this normal to even have that chat with your son???

  12. My two girlies aged 9 and 12 ask some rather hairy questions always at very inopportune times. A fave time for the eldest is before 7.00am when we are having a morning cuddle. “Mum, what’s an erection?” “Mum what’s blow job?” I tell her. Sometimes she looks at me with absolute disgust. So I have started to say “You may not like the answer much, do you still want to know?” She does.

    Raised a Catholic with a mum who couldn’t even discuss menstruation, I have made a concerted effort to be honest and matter-of-fact. It’s really important. I’m like Seabird in that I am determined that they will not only be knowledgeable, but also empowered. I talk a lot about self-respect and that if a boy is really into you, he’ll understand if you say you don’t want to do “this” or “that”

    Eldest is at the same stage as Davidl’s 12ys old. Sex is gross “Eeewwww!” and boys are just dumb. Hope that lasts til she’s 16. If she’s anything like her mum, it won’t. I was rabidly curious. Most of my sex educarion came from schlock 70’s novels written by the likes of Jacqueline Susaan. A la “Once a Night is not Enough”. Oh, and “Go Ask Alice” was an eye-opener too. Cos my mum couldn’t/wouldn’t talk about it, I read avidly and was in far too much of a hurry to experiment. If I had had more knowledge and someone to confide in, perhaps I would have been a bit smarter.

    So my motivation is to avoid that limbo state of little knowledge but avid curiousity that I grew up with.